The Past Week Or So Has Been One Of Routine; One Of Cleaning Inside My Self And Outside Amidst New Changes!

The past week or so has been one of routine; one of cleaning inside my self and outside amidst new changes! My brother recently moved out, so Mel and I are taking over his old room, which was my old room. We’ve been redoing it, and are currently still in the process. All we’ve really done is paint it, pull up all of the staples, rip up the carpet and well now that I say this, I guess we’ve done a lot!!

But we still have a long way to go, and I really am enjoying the process of being in a process if that makes sense. Since it’s bigger than just one project (but still part of ONE larger one) it allows for a lot of internal growth honestly. A lot of time spent doing monotonous tasks with a lot of room to think. I really like the routine of thinking I like sitting down and going through stuff, writing stuff down… brain dumping if you will!

I really enjoy having intentional conversations with myself. I think it allows for a lot of thoughts and ideas that are less likely to occur organically (now[there is no telling of a future]).

That being said, I am no stranger to overthinking, and its larger clouded web from having too much time in my head.

Not because I’m necessarily fixated with anxiety on one thing, but because it’s just so easy to sort of have thinking be a vessel for spiraling into unneeded anxieties.

So yes, just overthinking- overstimulating your brain.

So then those monotonous tasks, like pulling up staples, and like painting a room, they can cause so much room for that overthought. I’ve really been trying to use those moments as an opportunity to exercise some mental skills of being present. And I think that being present is a constant struggle or area of work for any person. That it is the largest struggle for purpose. So I try to take the overthought, the lapses, with grace and consideration for my Self. And ironically, a lot of being present is just turning that off completely. But it’s a 2 3 4 5 6 7 step process. (So then come in the grace and consideration)

It was nice because I was able to come back to myself and say OK. I am pulling up staples right now. This is how much pressure I am using. This is where I am putting the staple. This is what the staple looks like. It is kind of like those grounding methods of five things you can see, naming all the red objects in the room, that sort of thing.

And since I’ve just been, you know, holed up working on moving stuff, folding clothes, re-organizing things, and what not, it’s been allowing me to be so much more grateful for the time I spend outside. That coupled with the fatigue that comes with manual labor. I’ve just enjoyed being more calm, I guess.

I’m going to continue to try to apply this until it hopefully becomes more innate again, but I’m trying to enjoy the entire journey; and I am.

As I’ve been typing this, I’ve actually been doing speech to text (coming back in to edit out all the technological errors) while on a walk with my dog. I’m gonna go and enjoy the air with her, enjoy the sun with her. Enjoy the birds, enjoy the grass. I hope everyone takes care.

I am beyond excited for the approaching summer, which feels so distant with the dreary San Antonio weather we’ve been having. Each day cloudy, yet each day persistent to move the seasonal train forward into warmth and sunshine. And the excitement is the conductor!

This entire last year, Mel has had a running joke that each season they experience becomes their new favorite season. And I agree entirely with the continued optimism! Since moving back to Texas this past August, there has been a renewed sense of wonder and want for experience. It feels like experiencing life with a new lens. But I have to say, I have discovered my least favorite season!

Late spring! (Dun dun dunnnnnn!)

[…]

Perhaps the reasoning is that the period of time, between spring and summer, is brimming too much with anticipation. So much excitement for a future not yet tangible. Of trips to bodies of water, and days spent with my mama, who is free from the Spring semester in Academia. These cloudy days cannot help but feel stagnant and paled in comparison. But maybe, I can find excitement in that too. In the period of waiting, the period of wanting. Maybe it is more to do with how I process the yearning, and how I interpret this feeling of lack.

My hope is that this time next year (or maybe this time tomorrow! If I am able to fully actualize this optimism), I will feel more acceptance with the boredom of this “side” season. I won’t take the cloud cover for granted, perhaps I’ll learn to love solo dates into nature; when the sun does not beat down onto soft human skin.

I am always aching to find more light, acceptance, and hope in my time on earth in a human body. To not look at stormy days, both internally and externally, as a threat to my wellbeing. To find a continuous momentum, not wary of stopping and starting again, and not scared of falling because of itself.

[…](full post on my website!)

Do yall like the lil matchbox I made :3 it’s supposed to be the kitty looking out of the window, and then the other side is the scene she is looking at!

Me and my pardner’ at the zoo today :3

Is it giving sweet southern belle

Car seat headrest doodle I did a while ago ^_^