I Love My Life - Tumblr Posts
The past week or so has been one of routine; one of cleaning inside my self and outside amidst new changes! My brother recently moved out, so Mel and I are taking over his old room, which was my old room. We’ve been redoing it, and are currently still in the process. All we’ve really done is paint it, pull up all of the staples, rip up the carpet and well now that I say this, I guess we’ve done a lot!!
But we still have a long way to go, and I really am enjoying the process of being in a process if that makes sense. Since it’s bigger than just one project (but still part of ONE larger one) it allows for a lot of internal growth honestly. A lot of time spent doing monotonous tasks with a lot of room to think. I really like the routine of thinking I like sitting down and going through stuff, writing stuff down… brain dumping if you will!
I really enjoy having intentional conversations with myself. I think it allows for a lot of thoughts and ideas that are less likely to occur organically (now[there is no telling of a future]).
That being said, I am no stranger to overthinking, and its larger clouded web from having too much time in my head.
Not because I’m necessarily fixated with anxiety on one thing, but because it’s just so easy to sort of have thinking be a vessel for spiraling into unneeded anxieties.
So yes, just overthinking- overstimulating your brain.
So then those monotonous tasks, like pulling up staples, and like painting a room, they can cause so much room for that overthought. I’ve really been trying to use those moments as an opportunity to exercise some mental skills of being present. And I think that being present is a constant struggle or area of work for any person. That it is the largest struggle for purpose. So I try to take the overthought, the lapses, with grace and consideration for my Self. And ironically, a lot of being present is just turning that off completely. But it’s a 2 3 4 5 6 7 step process. (So then come in the grace and consideration)
It was nice because I was able to come back to myself and say OK. I am pulling up staples right now. This is how much pressure I am using. This is where I am putting the staple. This is what the staple looks like. It is kind of like those grounding methods of five things you can see, naming all the red objects in the room, that sort of thing.
And since I’ve just been, you know, holed up working on moving stuff, folding clothes, re-organizing things, and what not, it’s been allowing me to be so much more grateful for the time I spend outside. That coupled with the fatigue that comes with manual labor. I’ve just enjoyed being more calm, I guess.
I’m going to continue to try to apply this until it hopefully becomes more innate again, but I’m trying to enjoy the entire journey; and I am.
As I’ve been typing this, I’ve actually been doing speech to text (coming back in to edit out all the technological errors) while on a walk with my dog. I’m gonna go and enjoy the air with her, enjoy the sun with her. Enjoy the birds, enjoy the grass. I hope everyone takes care.
Ooooh I’m so excited for summer yall
Spring of 2023
I TOLD YALL U WERENT READY (more to come)
📸: theholyvenusx on insta!
Meowwwwwwwwwww
Shot by @ theholyvenusx on insta!
Forgot to pack lunch (truly the biggest fumble) and ate so so so much trail mix and peanuts. My tummy hurts.. :(
Okay want to say too that I want to care for more femme friends too!!!!!! Ideally would just have a large home full of spots to sit, kettles always warmed with herbal remedies, a fire in a hearth, warm bread in baskets on tables. Chatter chatter chatter.
I want to be a “butch ‘mom’” so bad.. I just love butches as people so much. Want to gather them all at a large table and bring around plates piled with piping hot food, made fresh in the kitchen. Serve everyone their drink of choice with nice music playing. Make sure everyone knows they’re loved and appreciated !!!
My best friend and I(and his dogs)
My partner and I’s name tags for dyke nite
Arm wrestling at SATX DYKE NITE 2024
Day at the river
Yesterday was so beautiful.
The past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling a depressive slump in my subconscious. MUCH easier to manage than previous bouts of mental health challenges (and I am unbelievably grateful to have found that light I craved, the outside of the tunnel), but still jarring and demanding to sit in the forefront of my mind (I won’t let it!!!).
I am trying to remind myself that it is okay for me to sit in it. That I am no longer facing “the end of my world” and that I am in a place, now, where I can spread my wet wings. That there is lessened fear in the vulnerability. That I do not need to be prepared to take flight.
I have a very beautiful, lucky, and full life. That is such an intense privilege to wield.
Spending the day with my best friends, wading in the river, collecting shells from the floor, making not one but four cups of tea, suspending our bodies in the deep end of the pool (what a lovely thing to be submitted to a body of water), hugs where you rest your heads on each others shoulders; all the while, knowing that these are the people who helped me grow. Who’ve shared the experience of our universe expanding. Who have loved me each day I have known them, and who I have loved back.
It feels so safe to be wrapped in this, thank you thank you thank you. Today I will return to working, I have a few commissions that I’m chipping away at (and am really excited for the outcome!!), and an exciting project come late summer ;)
I hope everyone has had a lovely day, or has at least found contentment. And I hope the universe bends down to hug you, soon.
Having a lot of fun playing with digital styles :3
Goodnight tumblr i had such a beautiful day. I can’t wait to post pics. Lesbian summer is in full swing
Everytime I am preparing her summer cool down enrichment treat she gets so curious.
She knows the second I grab the container that her late afternoon dessert is on the way!
Shes the swetest lady.
One of her favorite things to do is sunbathing, she would be out there all day if she could. Even in her old years, her gray white face is tilted towards the gleaming sky- her grin is brilliantly spread across her face. It splits it into a wide open pant of bliss. I wonder if Summer is her favorite season. I wonder if she even has favorites at all. In fact, Shera quite likes to hop in the winter snow. However, our years twilight months may be far too lazy for her. Who loves only to explore and to play, with the conclusion of a nap near the ones she love; paws twitching during dreams with the enrichment of the day.
So i do my best to keep her cool <3
ST AUGUSTINE
FLORIDA
Haii I love my mel :3
Our bodies are touching, both sets of skin warm with the other. You tapped me three times just now; do you know I love you more than anything? (You do, I know you do. You love me more than anything, too. It is known to us, mind body and soul.) thank you for being my partner @minkdom222
Me reading to my gf so they can sleep
The Book of Goodnight Stories, Vratislav Štovíček, illustrated by Karel Franta, 1986
A persimmon branch that fell beneath one of my favorite trees (can you guess what that is? Haha)