The Second Sex, Simone De Beauvoir // Brokeback Mountain (2005) // Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers // The

The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // Brokeback Mountain (2005) // Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers // The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // A Lover's Discourse, Roland Barthes // A Ghost Story (2017) // The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // Candy (2006) // Letters to Vera, Vladimir Nabokov.

my poll ended in a three way tie. idk what to do. i’m probably just going to do a plotting sheet for all three of them.

There’s not a lot of things that come out of Kaz’s mouth that can be interpreted as good news. He doesn’t particularly care about that, except for when he’s talking about a job. He watches Johanna fix her hair and gather her shawl. He needs to find a Fabrikator to make her a better one that hides her from unwanted eyes. He’s had Inej out looking for the Fabrikator that made his cane for a few days now with no luck, but he knows she’ll find him. If anyone can find people, it’s Inej.

“I’m not going to kill you.” She’s the only Healer the Dregs have. It would be completely idiotic to kill her. Kaz doesn’t kill his employees. He wounds them, sometimes, but he doesn’t kill them. Most of the time it would be a waste of time and resources to kill them, and so Kaz refrains. “It would be a waste of my time, and yours.”

“Your indenture is almost up. I want to buy it. You’ll work for me and Per Haskell. I can’t promise you won’t want for anything, but it’s better than where you are now.” He told Inej that he wouldn’t promise her happiness. He’ll tell Johanna the same thing, if she agrees.

@notefinal's k.az b.rekker says, " when you get back, we'll have us a talk. "

❝ well, that hardly sounds good. ❞

it isn't difficult to perceive the words as a threat. look at the mouth from which sentence was spoken. look at the curve of his person and how it always looks as if he is readying for a fight. and yet, she doesn't find herself caring if it is another way of saying that he plans to kill her. the dreggs don't have a healer, but she is replaceable. hardly anyone has ever cared if johanna breaths or chokes, or when they do, it is for their own gain. ( but does she really want to die like this? indenture to a man whose gaze never lifts above her breasts? she would at least like to die free. )

when she was younger, she would be shrugging a crimson kefta over her shoulders. now, she settles for a shawl. it may be summer, but until she finds someone with ornate tailor abilities, she'd rather not everyone see her figure. especially in ketterdam. as she wraps it around herself, she dares to glance back at kaz. despite the frail trust she's allowed herself to put into inej, johanna doesn't think she'll ever escape the nauseating unease she feels around someone who is one, younger than her and two, not a grisha. nor a merch. he's something both better and worse.

fingers grasp around a curl. ❝ i think i can spare a few more minutes before anyone notices. ❞ the other indentures or the hired help. or their master. johanna lifts the shawl from her head, allowing the rest of her hair to spill out against her shoulders. she'll have to hide it again before leaving. ❝ i'd like to know now. or, if you're going to kill me, ❞ i'd rather you didn't until i'm a free woman, ❝ get it over with. ❞ she can't think of a reason why he would want to kill her now. it won't stop him from finding one. ❝ if you actually want to talk... then, i would like to talk now. ❞

MIKE FAIST as DODGE MASON

in PANIC S01E02 ― "Heights"

The scrape on Inej’s knee is courtesy of a rogue Dime Lion. She still doesn’t know how he found her, but he’d managed to get in a good gash on her knee before she got away. She could’ve stitched it up herself, but she let Johanna take care of it. She likes having Johanna around. Nina’s a good healer, but she’s not the best at it. It’s not where her expertise lies. She still doesn’t know where or how Kaz found out about Johanna, but knowing what Inej knows about her now makes her sick. She doesn’t like that what happened to her is happening to Johanna. She doesn’t like that it’s happening behind closed doors, either. The stadwatch isn’t entirely oblivious to the less than ideal conditions of the pleasure houses, but more often than not, they choose to look the other way. With Johanna, no one knows they should be looking the other way.

She blinks at the question. Johanna’s right. Inej does owe a debt. She nods. “Kaz bought my indenture from the Menagerie.” She’s almost certain Johanna knows this already. She works for the Dregs because Kaz works for the Dregs, and because she can’t fathom herself working for anyone else. She doesn’t know anyone else who would’ve given her the opportunities that Kaz has. She doesn’t know who else would’ve made her into something to fear like he has. Inej has had her own hand in crafting her reputation, but most of it is Kaz’s doing. She watches Johanna stand, fixing her pants as best she can. “Indentures are…they’re tricky.” Her indenture to Kaz is something she attributes to the Saints. She would have wasted away in the Menagerie. She’s not wasting away now. “It’s better to be free. But if you have someone that lets you be free, it’s…it’s not as bad.”

@notefinal's i.nej g.hafa says, " sometimes i feel like somebody chose my choice. "

people rip agency away from each other. right out of each other's hands. the first choice johanna feels like she actually took for herself was her escape from the white palace. look at where that led her. she can't be trusted to make her own choices. and yet, she chose this. a few spare kruge in exchange for closed lips and her fingers pressed against wounds---like the scrap on inej's knee. no questions are asked about how she got it. johanna doesn't need to know. stitching the skin back together, cleaning away the blood: this is her own choice. and she'll sink her teeth deep into her limited agency anytime she can.

❝ you, um, you owe a debt, don't you? ❞ it comes out in a small voice. behind barred windows in a room with no one but them, she isn't afraid of anyone seeing her, yet she's somewhat ashamed of the question. digging into someone's past like this. her dangerous hunger for knowledge; consuming her more than she hungers for waffles with apple syrup or a pile of oysters. a little taste of human connection. ❝ that's why you work for the dreggs? ❞ why else would a pretty, smart girl like her stay in ketterdam? she stretches her fingers as she finishes. ❝ i can't judge you at all. i practically gave myself up to be indentured. ❞ words are bitter. johanna rises to her feet, bracing herself against the table so she wouldn't fall. ❝ in my experience, indentures make every choice for you. ❞

some dodge mason headcanons that no one asked for + a bonus riff one

dodge was the one to suggest they move back to carp. he knew that if he wanted to play panic, he needed to re-enroll in high school as a senior in carp, so he convinced his mom to move them back to carp so that he could re-enroll. he claimed it was because he wanted a fresh start, and they moved back to carp a year before the events of panic take place.

the watch that dodge has was an eleventh birthday present from his dad. it’s one of the only gifts that dodge ever got from his dad. he wears it upside down because that’s how his dad used to wear it. he hasn’t taken it off since he got it.

he hooked up with a fair amount of people in the year following his dad’s death and dayna’s accident to cope with his grief and his guilt.

he thinks he could’ve fallen for nat if she hadn’t used dayna for his personal challenge, but the crush that he’d developed on her immediately died off when he learned that she’d used dayna. (he’s not even sure if he did have a crush on her or if he was just physically attracted to her, but he doesn’t care to figure it out since there’s no point in it anymore.)

dodge wasn’t really mentally present for his hookup with nat. the grief of talking about his dad blindsided him to nat’s intentions and it was easier to just go through the motions than try to be present. he made sure nat enjoyed herself but other than that, he wasn’t really putting much effort into being there.

dodge uses some of his panic money to buy a used pickup truck and the rest of it goes towards treatment for dayna.

he doesn’t really know what to do once panic ends. he’d spent three years formulating his plan for revenge and he’s left unsure once it doesn’t get enacted, but he tries his best to move on.

dodge listens pretty exclusively to country music. he knows other artists, but his favorite genre is country and that’s what he’ll be listening to 99.9% of the time.

he’s an incredibly good line dancer. his favorites dances are ones with fast footwork.

he’s extremely good with animals, and horses are his strong suit. he’s never met a horse he couldn’t get to cooperate.

he’s beaten countless rodeo records before and he’ll continue to do it so long as he keeps performing. his strongest events are saddle bronc, and mounted shooting, but he also does roping and barrel racing from time to time.

he isn’t the type to call a girl “hot.” he thinks it’s rude.

dodge has known anne since he was a kid, and she is the only person that can call dodge “andy.” dayna doesn’t even have the privilege, but dayna calls him dodge most of the time and andrew when he’s in trouble, so it works out.

dodge is a little pretentious when it comes to panic. he doesn’t like it when people play just to play, or when people treat it like a joke. he has a reason for playing, and he tends to only respect other players that are playing for a reason, not just because they could or because it would make a cool story one day or they were bored.

and bonus riff headcanon

riff will talk to kids if it’s 100% clear that he will have no part in raising them. once he becomes part of their life, he gets scared he’ll mess them up and he retreats and becomes distant. he likes older kids (twelve and up) better than younger kids because he never really knows what to do around younger kids. however, he’s more than likely to tell a kid to scram rather than talk to them, no matter how old they are.