Angry Spider

Angry spider

Will the battle ever end for you? or will you be forever stuck thinking you had finally gained my trust only for me to rip it away again and again until youre wondering if its even worth it, if its worth waiting by your phone, waiting for a message from me, telling you that i need help only for you to be ghosted over and over. Finally you give up, you start moving on, you start to think its better this way, youre more happy this way. You notice the sunset again, you notice how much happier you are now that youre not waiting anymore. And than it happens... I message you, i CALL you even... and youre back to before, youre stuck in the loop all over again, youre stuck waiting by the phone for a call or text that never seems to come. It was never your fault, it was always mine. I always got attached to quickly and in that i felt fear for the first time again, i pull away, only to hurt you the first time, and than on and on, we're forever stuck in this loop.

You're always going to wonder what you did wrong when it was never your fault, it was mine, i wasnt built to love, i was built to be broken, built to do what i was told but i was always bad at it, bad at doing what i was told. I never learned to trust as the one i should have trusted most only hurt me. So in turn i turn around and hurt you back, i cause you pain to make myself feel better, i pull away as you try to keep me near, until finally... finally you move on and i realize i couldnt live without you and its to late, youre already gone...

What am i even doing with my life anymore???

Looks like I have a lot of work ahead of me it seems, a complete uphill battle. Don't tell me that I'm going to be like Sisyphus, always pushin the boulder up the mountain only for it to roll back down the other side and I have to try try again for all eternity? However I am curious to know why you didnt contact me first.

Perhaps I never will, I'll be drowning in my misery for years and years, wondering "What could I have done differently?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Am I the problem?" and refuse to get therapy until I wake up not knowing where I am, having driven to a random location and look groggily look upon the horizon and see the sunrise on an autumn morning, the vibrant colors making me realize I need to get my shit together and work through my issues. But until then, I shall endlessly wallow.

So i was right! ha, thats really funny to me

…….. shut your nonexistent gash.

Oh interesting, now i get to see the fun from two of them

On another note. Its kind of funny watching Vriska get bullied by someone other than nep and i

Im going to go play with R's hair and than braid it. Also charge, i'll be back in a while