40 M BI Cali Fitness/Hedonist/Voyuer
13 posts
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Ethical Non Monogamy is the way. Fellas find a good dick for your wife/ gf. Let her enjoy. Pretty simple.
The psychology of the erotic is such a fascinating thing. To use or be used. To own or be owned. To edge or be edged. Letting the mind wander in those elements can really stir something carnal from within.
A person who throats you with fingernail digging death grip on your ass cheeks is providing a subtle message. You aren't fucking me tonight. I'm fucking you and you're just along for the ride.
The Ravenous
My time in the industry taught me a lot about people. Their motivations and drives. The cornucopia of things that turns one on and off. Traumas past and present. Chemistry, rapport, and humility within those.
Yet there are small percentage of outliers that are hypersexual, and ravenous. I found that in most cases. It was almost always women in their mid 30's and up. While back in the 2000's the industry deemed them as "too old". Which always found ridiculous and antiquated. Their endurance was far greater of men the same age. The orgasms stronger and more electric to film. When their kink demands were met, they became almost animalistic and carnal in a way.
Still the age range was typically reserved for gonzo style shoots. The studios didn't care about making her a star. They just wanted content to keep them in business. Feeding into stereotypes about the adult world. I voiced my opinion on the matter on a few occasions. Which led to me ultimately being fired.
Back then I never understood why certain women were able to tap into this versus others. I thought, surely there are other women who feel this way that are not in the industry. Perhaps they even felt ashamed to admit it due to familial or societal pressures.
Now fast forward to this modern age. And after years having my nose buried in various university studies. We find the answers are in a persons blood. To be specific hormonal imbalances, leading at times to depression. Imbalances so bad, where in certain cases locking a persons true self away. I encourage women not to hinder themselves. Seek out an endocrinologist and have your levels checked. Perhaps it will unlock a side of yourself. Even your own ravenous side. What you choose to do with it is your own. Embrace it.
The Summer Job
It was the Summer 2002 in Southern California and I was film student eager for experience. Landing an intern position at a major studio was becoming a difficult task. It definitely was a case of not knowing anything, but also not knowing anyone to get in. I became increasingly frustrated seeing peers land spots at studios I applied to. I realized I needed to change my strategy.
Back then craigslist was the defacto to turn to, so I applied to anything I could find. Within 2 days I started receiving calls back. The majority of call backs were from adult studios, to which I declined. Though after a few weeks of getting no where. I began to wonder, could I handle working in the industry. Knowing how my mind would latches on to the perverse. To the point I have to snap myself out of it.
The side of myself that I had been repressing for the majority of my life to this point. Was the animalistic need to fuck, watch others fuck, and hear hear others fuck. I felt I wouldn't be able to control that in the industry atmosphere, so I shied away from it. Then I landed a spot at a major studio and was super excited. The excitement lasted all of about 3 days. Doing basic bitch work of grab me some coffee, make me some copies, and go pick up some food for the team. I was over it. After 3 weeks of that, I called one of the adult studios back.
One studio in particular had me come over to their office the next day. Asked me of my experience, which wasn't much and how I was with nudity. After a few minutes of banter they asked if I was available that night for shoot. Being that a boom operator called out and they asked if I could fill the spot. In my head saying "ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!" Yet calmly replying, "I'd love to join and help out this team." They said "Great here is the location and be there at 8PM for prep." We exchanged hand shakes and off I went back to my apartment.
Sitting on my the couch thinking how fast I landed that position, I started to worry. They didn't background check me, W-2, I signed nothing. What if it was some kind of set up? I started having second thoughts. Then through my wall I could hear the faint sounds of my next door neighbor having sex. I chuckled, thinking this is the universe's was of telling me to fallow the path.
I made it to the location in the hills 10 minutes early and no one was there. Here I was thinking, damn man I got played. While looking out over the city and "enjoying" the smog filled evening view. I figured screw it I'll smoke my last doob. With the jay sitting between my lips and about to light it. I get a call saying that traffic was crazy and they were not far. Another 10 minutes later they showed up with the equipment.
Once the set was prepped I had a brief introduction with the talent. A run down of the takes and positions for the evening. There was no table read or scenario to be played out. While this was going on the talent were doing their own prep. Off to the side I could see the male performer stroking his cock with some lube. Getting as hard as possible. The female performer was receiving the final touches of hair and make up details. A small zip lock bag containing ice was applied to her nipples to perk them up.
The in home lights were dimmed, set lighting received its final adjustments, the talent stepped into frame, and I was in awe. So much so the director said, "Hey mic guy get your fucking boom up!" I still had it rested on my shoulder with my headphones half on my head. Soon after, pouring into my earphones were the sounds of sucking, throating, and moaning. Then feeling the heat of the moment, the humidity, the smell of cum in the air. Bodies writhing in various positions. Eyes rolling back in orgasmic pleasure. It was a surreal moment and it felt right.
All the repressing years leading up to that, I suddenly felt stupid and annoyed. Stupid for holding myself back from wanting to seeing those things unfold. Annoyed that I put myself through unfulfilling job experiences, even relationships that meant nothing to my soul. I stayed with the studio for almost 3 years. With a front row seat to all various forms of vanilla to taboo sex. It was an amazing chapter in my life that I'm glad I lived.
Pull of The Perverse
Since the dawn of my adolescence and throughout each day. My mind slowly gravitates towards the perverse. To the point where I catch myself. Feeling the need to shake it off and come back to reality. Small flashes of debauchery when a day becomes mundane.
Group sex. A woman enjoying two men. A well oiled body glistening in low warm light. That is just small window of images playing out in my head on a daily basis.
In order to stave off that pull. I subjugate my body to exhaustive workouts. In order to only focus on rest, recovery, and less physical hobbies. It is in this downtime I feel the pull again. I remind myself not fall into that rabbit hole. As I did so long ago, perhaps that is for another time though.