I Post Smut On My Tumblr Because I Don't Have Sex In Real Life

✨ I post smut on my tumblr because I don't have sex in real life ✨

So… it’s a new year. And I would like to say a new me, but that would be lying.

I have been stuck in the repetitive cycle of hating everyone around me and then hating myself. I hate everyone around me for living their life so normally, not a hint of anything wrong. For smiling so brightly. For laughing so loudly without a care in the world. I hate people for being happy.

And then I hate myself for hating these people. Because what have they done to me? Nothing. Are they looking at me for wearing these clothes? Who the fuck knows.

Are they laughing at me because my hair is so frizzy? I don’t even know! But a voice in the back of my head keeps getting louder as each second passes, screaming at me to hide away. To stay safe in my own self and to not let anyone in.

My vision is slowly changing back to monochrome after all my effort to try and see new colours. And I hate it. I hate how people are so open about their colourful lives. The yellows, and pinks and the greens and blues.

And yet… I just don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to ask for help, because when I do - I slap myself in the face and joke about being depressed. How do I ask for help when I don’t even know what I need help for?

Is it the trauma for being abused by my classmates for being black? Or is it the unhealthy relationship I have with my body. Is it how I can’t seem to find peace within myself or is it the fact that I have pushed everything away for so long that they just don’t seem to be coming back?

I ask myself a lot of what ifs. But no ‘what now?’

So this year, I think - no hope, that I will be able to heal my inner child. And that child will be able to call out for help and in doing so I, ME will be able to heal.

And I know it won’t be fast, it will be slow and extremely painful to myself and those closest to me. But I am okay with that. Because I need it to hurt, that’s how I know it’s going to get better.

-619 xox

the suffering never ends

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

really liked your Homelander x innocent reader fic, i'd love to see a continuation!!

Sanctuary is the final post to this universe, and I’m proud of the way I was able to finish it. There is definitely more to come, probably over the Christmas break. But we will see.

619 x