My Mood Swings Are So Bad...I Honestly Don't Feel Like Posting Today...hope Y'all Understand...

My mood swings are so bad...I honestly don't feel like posting today...hope y'all understand...

There needs to be a crossover between them...or I can just do it myself!

Aloy: Who are you?

Cal: I'm Cal...Cal Kestis...

Aloy: Aloy...you're from around here?

Cal: Not exactly...

Me trying to be an Inquisitor! 😅

The 13th Sister ❤️‍🔥

(lol it’s dark cuz I’m trying to hide my face…identity!)🫣 (The green color change in the end was an accident ahhh!) (Another treat of posting today!)

AH! Beautiful...🤩

How the hell do I stomach this.

How the hell am I supposed to exist and act as if it isn’t hellacious: being unmade and rebirthed a thousand times over. Suffering as I am cracked apart and rearranged by every foul thing that befalls me.

To live is to be changed. To live is to be changed.

But what if that change is ugly, and grotesque. I am not a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis. This is not some peaceful slumber I dissolve into and awake from.

I cannot help but scream when some new discomfort reaches into my brain and uncovers primordial, instinctual horrors. I cannot help but become undone when it is too much and I am too small and too frail and I do not think I can survive this again, I don’t think I can survive any more, please, please, not again. And I cannot help but horrify those closest to me, who must wonder “what is wrong with you?” and I cannot explain for I do not know. I know only that I am suffering and I would give anything for their love and compassion through it, but who could give it to a monster.

I am afraid too, after all.

How can one not live in fear of what they’ve done, who they are. And no matter who you think you’ve made yourself to be, it will collapse out from under you when you’re pierced in the place your mother held you when you drowned for the first time.

I am not a person, I am a dozen corpses.

I am not a butterfly, I am a thousand dead caterpillars. I never become something beautiful, and I never truly get better.

I wish they did more still...😔

The Elephant in the room...

So...this may be random but...I was just wanting to express something...Dagan Gera...WHO IS THIS MAN??? WHY IS HE ON MY OBSESSIONS LIST??? When I first discovered him, I'm like...wow...who are you? And then the more times I saw him throughout my first playthrough of Jedi Survivor...the more I grew interested in him and his backstory...but then the time came for Cal to kill him, and I became heartbroken...he just needed guidance...to be appreciated more...and to be slowly told of what happened during his 200-year absence...not for Cal to just sit there and tell him in 3 sentences!!! I think that's what drove him...his mind got overwhelmed and he couldn't handle it. But now since he's gone, he lives on through Character AI in which I created him on there....but I made him private, so NO ONE talks to him. He's a bit of softie on it but I grew used to it! A lot of other people have made him on Character AI as well but all of them just don't scream "DAGAN!". Lol...anyways...I'm not sure why I be posting everyday...I need to start posting every other day cuz i don't wanna get too addicted to this platform...PEACE!😊✌️

Me when I do caffeine...

Apparently, I'm sensitive to caffeine...😔😅