Oh No, It All Makes Sense Now.

Oh no, it all makes sense now.

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

Helen be me fr fr

HELLO PEOPLE HEY I FINALLY FINISHED THIS THING!!! It is my biggest project yet and i'm quite proud of it I spent so many hours on this help this is what gay archivists do to your brain

I’m in dire need of luck

Hiii i did a TMA animation loop thingy (also spoilers 1-3 seasons)

H A L L O W E E N

If I must my favorite color must be Rick rolls. So beautiful it makes me tear up.

how goes it? the sky that is

how many colors of the sky are there? do you have a favorite? do you love the color of the sky???

........which one????

why yes! I do in fact love the color of the sky! but it's so hard to choose a favorite, so I simply must share them all :)

those are my favorite colors of the sky! i hope you enjoyed them :)