Non Breath Oblige

non breath oblige

FOREVER BEING ANGRY AT PEOPLE CALLING RICHARLYSON EGG

[TRANSLATION]

[Forever]: *reading the chat* "that egg right there"? just so you know that he has a family that loves him very much okay?

pet the cubitos!!

some little monster au pepito doodles :] puppito!

im so unwell about q!pac no its not even funny anymore i need to put him in a terrarium up on a shelf and keep him safe up there. he doesn't deserve any bad thing, ever. i don't even care about "having a good story" or "giving your character a conflict" anymore, nah, no, if ONE (1) MORE BAD THING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA LOSE IT!! IM GONNA START BREAKING THINGS!!!

he's so. sad. hes such a sad character. his insecurities about being useless to everyone are so real and so painful because he's not, all of us know that he's not, but we also completely understand why he feels that way because he's had everyone he loves ripped away from him and he hasn't been able to lift a finger to stop any of it. he's just left to sit in the ruins without any help. he's collateral to all the tragedy surrounding him and the favela 5 in general and he's. tired. not in the way that cellbit is tired (though that works, too). he's exhausted of feeling sad all the time. of crying all the time. of feeling that loneliness that gnaws holes into his bones and settles in the marrow and never leaves, not when richas' bed is empty, not when mike's bedroom has started to collect dust, not when he can't see a real, tangible presence in forever's dilated eyes. the only person he has is cellbit, and he could never ask cellbit to give up what he still has when pac has nothing to lose (and god, how selfless, how kind is that?), so when he figures the only way to get an antidote to the drug is to have the drug itself, why wouldn't he offer himself up? and if that wasn't the only reason he tried to get his hands on it, who could blame him?

maybe he took it first to just feel the effects and understand the angle it took in affecting his mind. maybe he just took it for research. do you think he had slipped by the second time? do you think he took it once and, for a short thirty minutes, found that he could forget about all the sorrow lining his lungs and breathe? do you think reality crashed back onto him after that first try? do you think he was scrambling to take it again, to go back to that...maybe it wasn't blissful ignorance, per se, but willful disregard? do you think he couldn't wait to be submerged so deep that he couldn't think one more time? do you think he was hesitant? do you think he kept promising himself, one more, one more, one more...

god he is so. so sad. i was watching phil's pov, so everything was like a neat little movie for me, and just. cellbit and forever arguing while pac was just sobbing in the background was AWFUL. just. awful. it hurt. (cc!pac was damn good at acting, too, and that DID NOT HELP.) the moment he stepped on the trap i felt like i was hit with a brick. like no, of COURSE we should NOT be putting PAC in a CONFINED JAIL CELL. ALONE. and i know it was for his own good but i still felt so so so sick. the way he immediately curled up in the corner. the way he was crying to himself. the way he instantly answered richas' birthday the moment bad asked for it. the way he got visibly more upset and terrified when cellbit started shouting at forever. what the hell. no seriously what the HELL.

and, like, oh my god, making him the one to solve the antidote? proving that even though he may have fallen to the drug (the drug which was basically created by GODS, by the way, lets be real, the federation is nawt normal), he's still so useful. he's still such an asset. he's smart and he's kind and he's charismatic and he's trusting and he's so so selfless and so so brave and so strong. tubbo put it perfectly. the fact that he's gone through all the horrible awful stuff he's gone through and he's still standing just proves how capable he is. how tough he is. cellbit calling him "my dear." pointing out the fact that he sacrificed himself without knowing he was going to come back. "i'm only afraid of being sad again." "you will be sad again. but you won't be alone." he's so. he's just. he's. im frothing at the mouth. he gave himself up to save the rest of the island from this plague that took one of his best friends and might've taken the entire island if he didn't do anything. under that stress. experiencing that level of loss.

pac is one of the toughest goddamn people on the island and if anyone on that server even dares try to imply otherwise i will do heinous heinous things, mark my WORDS.

"The posters won't help and will make everything worse, what Pac is doing will make Cellbit feel more isolated and go deeper in this path" Pac is fucking traumatized and he is spiraling just as fast as Cellbit. Cellbit's spiral caused Pac to enter his

Pac has literally not slept ever since Friday when he found out. He felt unsafe in his own home. His whole family crumbled in front of his eyes, and now one of the only family members he had left turned back into the monster Cellbit swore that was dead and would never hurt Pac again. He was alone the entire day today, always watching over his shoulder, jumping whenever he thought someone was watching from afar. He kept going into scenarios where Cell was after him and trying to kill him

Pac is not well either. This was his last straw too. His mind is all over the place and he can't even grasp the fact that Cell and Cellbit are one in the same. It has always been this way for Pac, the way his brain deals with his trauma. It blocked away the memory of his leg being eaten and scrambled it to the point Pac thought Felps did it. He can't see Cell and Cellbit as the same individual because his mind literally keeps him from it for his own sanity. Cell is the monster and it died in Alcatraz. Cellbit is his family and one of his son's father and someone he loves and cares for. Cell is back, which means Cellbit is gone

Pac will help Bagi get Cellbit back, but he will run and hide from Cell. In his spiral, a lot of his erratic behavior is magic thinking as he swears the post will do anything and it will keep the monster away. He puts it in his house, he puts it in Bagi's home, he put it in Richas room, he put it in Richas atelier. The monster can't get there now. His family is safe now

Being alone is leaving him with his own tortured and freaked out mind as he flip flops between masterminding ways to get Cell and trap him and making him fear and stay away, and erratically building up walls and hiding in a corner sobbing because he already feels the knife sinking into his neck. He's willing to get himself locked up just to get away from Cell and feel safe even if it means walking into his second worst nightmare that is being in a prison again

Pac can't bring himself to talk to Cell. Definitely not alone. He is too afraid Cell is still angry about the betrayal enough to kill him. Cellbit never meant to hurt his loved ones, okay, but his mere spiral already hurt Pac in so many ways he doesn't even know about yet. Pac was, and always will be, a constant and painful memory of Cellbit's sins, hurting his family