Stare And Stay There.

Stare and stay there.

Sometimes you admire a person so much you don't wanna go near it cos you might ruin it. But, you're not really waiting, it's just far away but it's okay. It's okay that way.

Good bye's probably the hardest thing you could ever say to any person, living or dead. Especially if their presence meant so much to you and somehow changed your whole being in such a way no one can entirely do the same. I have lost a good friend. It's painful at first but as days go by, you only cry because it's all about living without. I realized that it's harder being left out without any parting words. Chances are the ones who are will find ways to love still and not forget which serves as something you should continue doing. Life happens to be uncontrollable. You gotta take every worth of a simple moment now. I will miss you my rockstar.

Muse: Porshe Caina

I love you so, Manila.

Honestly, every time I go back to places like Manila or the roads I always pass by before, it gives me these countless flashbacks and I compare what's then and what's now. This time it doesn't feel bad anymore, everything is new and it opens another door that leads to endless possibilities.

We're headed to Manila to find art materials, I'm inside my boss' car when I shot this, it's cool that this little yellow vehicle reminded me about the time I was working at Starbucks while studying. Rode that little cutie every single time I had night shifts.

My favorite person and I used to go to stores at dry markets cos we always canvass for affordable stuff that we could share, all the streets reminded me of those moments we struggle to find something unique. Student days are always tipid days, you know that.

Joli's

The art material shop beside UST that has it all. Well, not all kasi wala sila nung big-ass canvass na kelangan ko ngayon. It's where I bought most of my artsy fartsies, etc.

The good parts always stays with you, it can never be undone. Bad things are the ones we need to overcome and despite all the bull I am just so happy cos in that moment, when I came back to old places? I knew that I have a story, a good story to tell.

Sober thoughts

It gets to a point we all gotta fake happiness in order to convince ourselves that we are. Hi. I'm fine, don't worry about me. I think I'm absolutely feeling neutral now but trying to tell myself hard enough that I'm not being sentimental. But I guess I am. Let me just thank the booze I drank tonight for giving me enough courage to blog about my caged feelings again. I've been holding back my human emotions (arte lang) for quite some time. I was not aware that it's making me lose myself. (What now, P?) Ignore the close and open parenthesis. My subconscious is talking and telling me things that I should stop this but I won't. Anyway, I won't say I'm sad cos I'm not. But I won't say that I'm happy as well cos clearly... I'm not. Life can turn you into a person you don't want to be. I mean yes I get that you can be whoever you want, that's what everybody else is telling us but getting there requires you losing half of your heart. How? I can't tell but it felt like I lost mine somewhere in the process. All I know is I've been selfish and that I did not see the things I kept doing wrong. Strange that we're so blind of our own flaws & funny how quiet times can give me certain realizations like this. We all need some serious self-fixing. I love where I am but let's just say that I don't really like who I am right now. Does that even make sense? I hope you get it.

To do list:

1. Read a book. 2. Paint. 3. Redesign & tidy up bedroom. 4. Fix blog. 5. Write. 6. Play guitar. 7. Eat. 8. Disregard everything and fall asleep. Just kidding.