You, Yourself (diluc)

you, yourself (diluc)

pairing - diluc ragnvindr x gender neutral reader

word count - 2552

genre - angst with comfort

format - fic

warnings - changing yourself for the sake of others, crying, one sided discourse

summary - after a long day of work and fueled by exhaustion, diluc impulsively says some things he doesn't mean to you, his lover, and is confused when the next day you aren't acting like yourself and more like him.

a/n - yeah this is heavy. changing yourself to please others really sucks. additional note, the reader is a bit stylized for plot purposes meaning they have a bit of a personality to them but i still hope it makes for a good angsty experience. there'll be more of this topic with the other characters i write for which is why diluc's name is in brackets :)

content under the cut!

if master diluc were to embody wispy shadows and the darkness of night, you were a basket of sunshine and embodied warm, fuzzy bumble bees.

diluc himself wasn't exactly sure how he'd managed to fall at your feet, heart on his sleeve instead of locked away behind his chest. for someone who lives in the dark, you were the end of the tunnel, his bright light. he'd managed to stumble his way into love and yet you welcomed him with open arms, took his hands and said "we'll do it together."

you were no different, always the bubbly and cheerful one you'd found yourself at a loss for words when one day you realized the elusive and mysterious master diluc had captured your heart. in a way his liking to the shadows and quiet demeanor drew you in not unlike a moth to a flame.

you weren't total opposites though, after all a relationship needs to have some middle ground. you both loved chess, private time, and a good book in the early moments of evening when the crickets in the bushes that surrounded dawn winery had yet to come out.

a bit of an "oddball couple" (as kaeya affectionately referred to the pair of you), it wasn't uncommon for many locals to see your hand intertwined with the wine tycoon's as you walked towards angel's share—you rambling on about a pretty butterfly or the like you'd seen during your commissions today, while diluc simply nodded and listened along with a loving smile on his face.

diluc at first was hesitant to reach out to someone so luminous like yourself. where you thrived in light he lurked in shadows and he wasn't all that sure that his affections would manifest into anything meaningful. he can still fondly recall your comment on his perception: "to hell with opposites! i like you, you like me, that's all that matters!" you had said with the biggest grin you had to offer.

and you were right, despite your differences the only fact that mattered was that you loved each other. you both believed so at least.

but as of late, diluc's patience had been running thin. the lack of sleep combined with hours upon hours of work both for his business and for the protection of mondstat left him weary and lethargic. by the end of the week he felt little more than a shell of a man.

today, he'd woken up with a glorious three hours of sleep to his name, left in a hurry without the breakfast you carefully prepared (to which he deeply apologized with a kiss on your cheek), sat through countless boring meetings, and sifted through mountains of transportation and quality check documents.

by the time he was to bartend at angel's share for the night, the exhaustion was visible on his sullen face. the shot glasses in his palms felt as heavy as lead, and though drink orders came in through one end of his ear, they always exited out the other side like the faintest of winds. and something else brewed quietly within the confinements of his mind: anger fueled by exhaustion and frustration. he'd almost snapped at a nearby drunkard but managed to reign himself in, though he didn't know how long he could keep it up.

"maybe you should take a break boss..." diluc was brought back from his thoughts into reality when charles placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"...i'm fine," he meant to mumble, but it emerged from his lips more like a sour grumble.

he turned to resume mixing drinks when your hand came to rest upon his knuckles, stilling his movements.

"actually charles, he'll take you up on that suggestion. come on diluc." you gently pried the glass away from him.

"(y/n)." from his stern eyes and warning tone alone you could tell he wasn't happy with your interjection.

"i'm sorry, but you need some rest, even for just a few minutes." you smiled apologetically and took him by the arm, pushing the back entrance door open in the process.

the cool night air did little to calm the simmering anger and frustration that had been swimming in the deepest pits of his stomach for the past few days. in an attempt to get a grip on himself, he leaned his forearms on the wooden beams and massaged his burning temples with the tips of his fingers.

"feeling better?" with a gentle smile you placed your palm on his shoulder.

"...quite." he grunted, though his grainy voice betrayed his response.

"you don't really think i'd believe that right?" your teasing smile fell when he made no move to reciprocate or validate your comment. "you've been working so hard lately," you paused to collect your thoughts, and tried to pick up the mood with your signature brightness, "but on the bright side at least you've accomplished so much! i'm very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too." still, no answer from your lover.

heaving a heavy sigh, you spoke up once again. "you're doing your best no matter what, i hope you realize tha-"

"must you always be like this?" the atmosphere suddenly grew cold and bitter, as did his voice.

"be...be like what?" your smile grew confused and began to feel out of place on your face.

"you drag me out here in the middle of a shift and for what- for me to listen to your rambles again?" he sucked in a sharp breath through gritted teeth and met your puzzled eyes, the ends of his fingers dug into the polished wooden banister in front of him.

"di-"

"there's no end to it is there? you simply ramble on and on and expect me to listen but there's only so much i can take. archons forbid you ever shut your mouth for once." the eyes that had looked at you so fondly this morning now burned with quiet passion, as if the gentle flips of a fan over cooling embers had begun to rapidly move up and down. you stood in utter bewilderment and hurt, each syllable of his words slapping you across the face like a whip.

diluc however, seemed not to notice the utter look of pain on your face. the rims of your eyes began to pool with tears as you desperately looked at him for any sense of rationality.

"diluc could we talk-"

i simply do not have time for this, please excuse me." he scoffed and brushed past you back in through the doors of the tavern.

and all you could do was stand there, watching as his figure retreated past the wooden door, and let his words ferment in your mind as tears cascaded down your face.

the words you so badly wanted to speak got caught in your throat and coagulated in place.

***

diluc doesn't remember how he managed to fumble through his last shift at angel's share, nor does he remember exactly how he somehow stumbled home and flopped into bed still wearing his day clothes. what he does remember is the feel of your hand on his knuckles, and nothing else. everything was a blur mixed in with exhaustion and frustration.

the morning greeted him with an aching spine that sent shoots of pain down towards his legs. unconsciously, his hands stretched out seeking the warmth of your body...

...only to find your side of the bed cold. his eyes snapped open and, though blearily, he scanned the room in search of your figure. perhaps you'd simply gotten up to use the restroom or change clothes. but much to his bewilderment, you were nowhere in sight. your side of the bed had been neatly made. the satchel you usually carried everywhere hung from a nearby rack in the entrance to the bedroom.

confused, he managed to clamber off of his awkward sleeping position from the bed and went about his morning routine. the feeling of going through the motions of his morning felt off without you by his side, reminding him to brush in circles instead of straight lines, or adjusting the broach on his chest while he fumbled with the buttons of your shirt.

he finished up and pulled open his bedroom door, only to jump in surprise when you stood there, fist raised as if you were about to knock.

"good morning." you politely smiled, looking at him with loving eyes.

the minute you opened your mouth, diluc felt a sick feeling crawl up his spine. your voice, it was odd, something he couldn't place his finger on.

"good morning, my love." he pressed a swift kiss to your forehead.

"i've made breakfast." there it was again, your voice. something was wrong, despite the fact that you looked perfectly normal, even your signature smile was on full display.

as if to silently ask you if something had happened, he placed one of his large, warm hands on your shoulder, the other finding solace on your cheek.

"you could have woken me up. i thought you loved my pancakes?" he spared a teasing smile, just for you, but it fell flat quickly. usually you'd make a witty remark or tease him just the same. but instead you simply stood there, that same smile on your face, and took his hand.

"the food will get cold." you spoke quietly, tugging him towards the stairs.

he obliged and followed but the nauseating feeling eating away at diluc's skin hadn't ceased. something was wrong, he could feel it. and yet as you sat down in front of him at the dining table and cut into your waffles, you appeared perfectly normal.

diluc mimicked your actions and stuck his fork into a strawberry. he looked at you expectantly, knowing that during the morning at breakfast, this was where you'd eagerly talk about the activities you had planned for the day. and yet you sat, munching on your waffles surrounded by a thick fog of silence.

he cleared his throat and met your eyes. "darling, what do you have planned for the day?" instead of going on an animated rollercoaster of dialogue like you usually did, you merely shrugged your shoulders and stuck another bite of waffles into your mouth. diluc frowned, now he knew something was up.

when breakfast had finished, he tried to pull you aside from the hustle and bustle around the winery but you took off with the excuse of needing to get to the guild early.

while he went through the motions of his day, he couldn't get his interactions with you out of his head. diluc hadn't feel the presence of that spark you held that he loved so much. what remained felt cold, and empty. it was quite unlike you to hold your tongue and keep your voice down, it bothered him to no end.

while he sat through meetings, the only face he saw was your eerily calm one. while signing documents, he could only remember the unusual quietness of your voice. these thoughts taunted him all throughout the day, he ended up abandoning what little work he had done in order to catch you before you scurried off towards another commission.

luckily for him, he caught you just as you were cashing in your last commission as dusk began to fall.

"(y/n) i'd really like to have a word with you." he panted, having run all the way from the winery to mondstat. one of his hands perched itself his knee and the other softly gripped your elbow. you nodded and let him lead you to the lake behind mondstat's walls.

"is something the matter my love? you've barely spoken a word." with both hands he took your face into his palms and thumbed your cheeks. his brows furrowed, creasing in the middle, the worry no longer held closed behind the cages of his mind.

you heaved a deep sigh and cast your gaze towards the grassy floor coated in the last remaining rays of sunlight, in favor of staring into his searing red eyes.

"i'm just a bit scared." you mumbled, reaching up to grip his charcoal coat. "scared? of what? have you been threatened?" you couldn't help but silently laugh to yourself and shook your head rapidly.

"no, none of that. i just...wish not to upset you." dumbfounded, diluc could only look at you with confused eyes.

and suddenly he felt his heart drop to the deepest pits of his stomach. the words he'd spouted towards you out of pure frustration and exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks as he looked through the fog that clouded his memory. concern and worry replaced themselves with an enormous wave of guilt as his horrified face looked towards you.

"(y/n) i- i can't believe i said that i-..." his grip from your shoulder slackened as he stepped back, raising a hand to his mouth as the guilt in his stomach swished and swayed like a torrential stormy sea. you fumbled with your hands, a bit at a loss for words.

"i just wanted to make sure you were okay...i didn't mean to make it worse...i'm sor-"

"no, no. do not apologize, i'm the one who should be groveling at your feet for forgiveness." he interrupted you, running his gloved hand through his frazzled locks.

"diluc..." you took his hand that had been gripping his mouth and held it in both of yours. "i won't lie, what you said hurt me deeply. but i know you were just exhausted and-"

"no, please. don't make excuses for me. i've made a mistake (y/n), but i promise you," his burning hands found their way into yours, gripping them with a passion you'd never seen in him before, "i meant none of those words. i love listening to you, i love your voice- archons you have the most lovely voice. please, even if you are to leave me i ask that you never hold your tongue-" he opened his mouth to speak more but you cut him off by slinging your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you in a comforting hug.

"i won't leave you diluc." you mumbled into his shirt.

diluc's hands hovered in the air before holding you to his body in a desperate grip. "i deeply apologize, no words could ever describe how sorry i am that you heard those vile words from me, my love." you felt his trembling lips fall upon your temple, then your cheek. you pulled your face back to look him in the eye only to find tears running down his burning face. with a smile—a genuine smile—you rose your hands up and wiped away the streaks from his face.

"thank you, i really appreciate the apology." you pressed your forehead against his and brushed your noses.

he buried his face in the crook of you neck and breathed words you only rarely ever heard from him: "i love you." of course, you never needed to hear him say it to know how he felt, but whenever he did say it, he made sure to save it for just the right moment.

"i love you too diluc, thank you." you planted a kiss in his hair and buried yourself deeper into his embrace.

date published: june 25th, 2021

green thumb

request from anon - "requests for dendro!reader and scara? aaaa maybe a small scenario/set of hcs or something, where the reader teaches scara how to be patient with plants n stuff? gardening? maybe they guide his hands with theirs when he’s being a little… aggressive? something to do with the nurture of plants, maybe?"

a/n - gugughgh this is the cutest thing ever oh my godhggbfk i'm MELTING /pos !!! you got it nonnie, one gardening post coming right up! :D

S/O IS THE DENDRO ARCHON VOL 2 (KAEYA, SCARAMOUCHE, AND DAINSLEIF) (would help for context if you’ve read scaramouche's part in this before reading this drabble!)

pairing - scaramouche x DENDRO ARCHON!gender neutral reader

word count - 2014

genre - fluff

format - headcanons + drabble

warnings - skinship, established relationships, spoilers for scaramouche's identity (found in the 2.1 archon quest), not beta read! (might be some editing errors)

summary - in an attempt to further his bond with you, scaramouche takes it upon himself to learn the art of caring for flowers

"gentle" isn't exactly a word that scaramouche would describe himself with

he didn't concern himself with keeping up appearances that didn't paint him as a terrifying force to be reckoned with

after all: he's the sixth harbinger, and a harbinger who appears weak loses their authority and power

but there's a slight exception: you

all he really had to do was let his lithe fingers brush against the cool crystal of the gem that clung to his earlobe and he'd be red in the face and soft in the eyes

not even factoring in that your touch drove him to the brink of insanity and back

and though you've shown him nothing but beautiful blue skies and lingering morning touches bathed in sweet honey, he can't help but feel like he hasn't done very much for you

it's always him who stumbles in at precarious hours, all bloodied and bruised and asks you to heal him with you vision

and it's you who takes initiative to touch and hold him; to form beautiful flowers from your hands and weave them through his locks

compared to him you were softer than the delicate petals of a rose and somehow seemed to read him like an open book

though he'd never admit to the insecurities that ate him up alive at night when he's tangled up in your arms, he still resolves himself to try and do something for you

because though he struggles to show it: he really does love you more than anything else in this wretched world

continued utc!

you adored your flowers; adored the sweet smell of roses in their brightest bloom and little daffodils that begun to sprout from the green grass of the estate's land. on days that he was able to return home to your arms, he'd usually watch from afar as you tended to your ever-growing field of flowers and timbering trees that you had sprouted from the ground with careful hands and attentive eyes shrouded in a mossy hue.

scaramouche had never truly known what beauty and mysticality were until he laid eyes upon you in your craft; threads and spools of vines crawling up from the ground to weave around your arms and nestle at your shoulders where fluffy, snow-white birds sat chirping cheerfully away at your ears. divinity was scorned and scorched in his eyes; the picture of malice yet you were no gentler than the roll of ocean waves at the crack of dawn.

and it was that picture—your stunning visage bathed in the glow of nature that made his heart pound and throb against his chest.

if only being close to nature made him feel the same way that you do.

"these cursed," he scowled as he threw the cloth satchel of seeds to the ground, "wretched-" this time, the gardening trowel was flung to the earth, "ridiculous plants!"

the small bed of dirt he had dug up in the backyard was perfect in every sense except for the practical sense—practical being that the grown tulips he'd bought were accidentally ripped by the stem from their roots and now useless (since no one had informed him that yes, the roots are crucial). the soil he'd bought from a wandering merchant seemed rancid and unusable, the ferns delivered from natlan had wilted by the time they reached inazuma, and the rose seeds he bought had troublesome caring instructions that would put even a fontanian engineer to shame.

despite wanting to produce something of note for you, who could grow an entire field of flowers with a wave of your hand, it seems he failed in his task and that fact alone made his blood boil.

"darling? what are you doing?"

he whipped his head around to find you standing with a curious look on your face, arms crossed over the span of your chest as you tried to peer at the work he had done in the yard with a smile on your face.

"nothing, i am doing absolutely nothing." he grumbled and rose from the ground to face you with a scowl, "shouldn't you be out right now? or did you finally get tired of that puny, little town?"

"now, now," your hand rose to tenderly smooth back the frazzled strands of hair that fell in his face, "don't talk so rudely about the people, my love. i simply got what i needed in town and returned home early. though, this is quite the surprise. haven't you said before that gardening is a task far below a harbinger?"

"i've said many things before." he mumbled as he drew you close and pressed a kiss to the gem that hung from your ear, letting his fingers skim just over the shell of your ear.

"that you have. well, are you going to explain to me what you're doing, or will you continue glaring at my poor trowel?" you giggled and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek.

he chewed the inside of his cheek and cast his eyes to the side, unable to meet your gaze. how low he's sunken—one of the most feared harbingers now a bumbling fool in love who couldn't admit to his defeated feat before you.

"love? what's happened?" your thumb brushed airily beneath his eye and quelled the nervous jumping of his stomach.

he muttered lowly, "i wanted to plant flowers for you," before planting his head into the juncture where your shoulder and neck met.

"oh my, is that all?" he felt you heave a sigh breathily—most likely out of relief—and sank further into his arms, "why didn't you ask me? you know that's an area i'm proficient in."

"i...i wanted...i-," he sucked in a harsh breath through gritted teeth before pulling his face from your neck and gripping your shoulders within his hands. there was no doubt that his face was burning bright red but he'd always push aside his pride for you.

"i wanted to show you that i love you!"

a beat passed, then two, and suddenly he was regretting his honesty and the silence was far too loud for his ears. the noon sun beat down on his skin and made him want to crawl underground and burrow.

"scaramouche, my love, look at me. let me see your eyes." you called for him just under your breath, hands moving to cup his cheeks and tilt his head towards you.

a tender expression blanketed your face, eyes swimming with an unshed gloss of tears and a warbled smile on your face,

"you always, always show me you love me," he nearly hummed beneath your touch; your hands felt so warm and smooth as they caressed his face and brushed aside the sweaty bangs that stuck to his forehead.

"and if i've ever given you reason to doubt that you do then i'm truly so sorry-"

"no! nothing like that." scaramouche scowled, tongue desperately trying to find the words to convey to you what he meant.

"you're so unlike me—so kind and warm, and i am...i..."

"you worry that i don't receive the same affection from you just because of our different displays of it?"

curse you for reading his mind—he'd have to hound you later on whether or not all the archons (or former archons, in this case) held the divine power to read minds.

"don't forget—wisdom is not only academic, it's also personal." you giggled and placed the palm of your hand onto his chest. he scowled but he hoped you knew that he wasn't mad or irritated, not with the way the tips of his ears glowed.

"you little minx," he jeered and pinched the soft of your cheek with a malicious grin on his face, "you could've spared me the formalities if you knew what i was saying and i would've made you squirm instead."

he bit back a laugh when you squealed and gently hit his knuckles to yield his pinches of doom.

"well i am your minx after all." you mumbled with a smile as you rubbed your cheek to soothe the dull ache.

"that you are, never forget it."

he took your hand within his despite the dirt that dusted them and ran his thumbs along your knuckles.

"scaramouche, do you know how loved i feel when i'm with you?" you hummed and squeezed his hands.

before he could reply, you urged him to stoop down to his poor, sorry excuse of a flower bed and picked up a rose seed from the discarded cloth bag with your free hand.

"you may not tell me you love me verbally, but i can feel it in how you hold me and all that you do for me—like that time you demanded that poor fontanian painter redo my painting because apparently she got my eyes wrong." you giggled at the snarl that spread across his face.

"what, you think i would let her depict you in any other way than you are? ridiculous, the nerve of that painter. i should've had her blacklisted from the industry." he grumbled and squeezed your hand.

"see?" you bumped your shoulder with his and smiled, "that is how you show me love. and that is how i feel your love. you may consider yourself no more than a puppet but i know that your heart is tender and kind and so full of love. i only wish that you have more faith in yourself as well, my love."

the rose seed in your hand began to glow a gentle green—it suddenly shot up, a spark of green from the seed, and blossomed so quickly into a beautiful, healthy, purple rose.

"this," you peered at him with hearts engraved in your eyes as you gestured to the rose, "is how you make me feel. forever and always."

it was uncharacteristic of him to get shy, and surely if he had his hat he'd use it to cover the blush that spread across his face as you tucked the thornless rose behind his ear. a "thank you" was on the tip of his tongue and yet he couldn't muster enough strength to say two little words that most likely would've meant so much to you.

but somehow you seemed to know either way, and he'd take a guess that you'd managed to study all his body and the language it speaks well enough to know what his mind speaks.

you tossed the bag of seeds to him and squeezed his hand, "would you like to help me plant the rest of these, darling?"

"if you insist i must." grumbled as his response might be, his heart was overjoyed and there was no denying the small smile that embedded itself onto his lips.

any time he felt the doubt of his worth crawl back up to bite and tingle at the nape of his neck, he remembered this moment: the moment where, as he flung the tulip with no roots to the ground in the heat of frustration, you stood beside him, moved behind him, placed your hands over his to guide him to plant the tulip with much more gentle hands than he would've ever done so as you breathed life back into the tulip and regrew its roots.

similarly, you breathed life back into him and allowed him to grow new roots within your arms.

from that moment on, scaramouche often accompanies you when you delve into your craft and return outside to garden

sure, he's not the handiest of men with flowers and your poor, poor cecilias are sometimes squashed unknowingly between his hands (because what harbinger can really control their strength?)

but he learns and he's quick to learn when your hands take his and guide him to be gentle with fresh daisies and soft ferns

and just like the spring that comes and brings new winds on the horizon, he finds himself falling more and more in love with the god who smiles among their flowers and sings songs to both him and the turtle doves that sit just outside his window

date published: april 7th, 2022

sub!Diluc x gn! reader

Warnings: very much not safe for w, edging, overstimulation, praise kink, minors get out of here. But also, some unabashed fluff. Yes, it contains multitudes.

words: 3,2k.

A\n: This somehow turned into Diluc character study, but I promise I will get to the filth after the psychological profiling. also, I know I tend to write in an authoritative voice like I’m stating facts, but these are just my personal opinions and if you interpret characters differently, more power to you.

Listen, i know everyone hcs Diluc as a dom. And he can be a very nice service dom, but I’m here to convince you that sub!Diluc is actually not OOC.

First of all, he’s more repressed than a catholic nun. Diluc is like on six levels of dissociation at any given moment. He sees his body as a flesh suit he’s piloting that requires an inconvenient maintenance like sleep, food and occasional sexual release. He’ll jerk off by himself like it’s a chore. 

Diluc is so touch starved it’s ridiculous, and *he doesn’t even know it*, that’s how much he’s disconnected from his needs.

And like. Helping ppl like that discover what they actually want and watching them come undone in pleasure they didn’t know they desired is so delicious. If you know, you know, there’s nothing quite like it.

But you have to go slow with him

I mean first of all, you shouldn’t mess with Diluc at all if you’re not in for a long haul, this man doesn’t do casual.

Oh, he’ll agree to try if he’s already into you, he’s incredibly indulging to the people he values. But also because at first he’ll be incredibly defensive.

Not because he’s not into it. Just as a defense mechanism, as he thinks he’ll disappoint you and he’s preparing for a failure from the start.

Diluc can see any activity with his important people as a trial where his performance will be evaluated. He is one of these “I need to get a good grade in X which is both normal to want and possible to achieve” people.

Remember the coffeeshop event where he was like “When I was a small child, my father told me to mix my first drink using all of the ingredients in the tavern. In hindsight, it was probably to see how creative I am and I must’ve failed because I just made a fruit punch and my father didn’t say if I did well”?

Like, Diluc. Baby. Honey. Sweetie. Your dad probably just wanted you to have fun in an improvised “take your kid to work” event. He didn’t judge your punch because it was about spending quality time together and letting you play with colorful syrups. Who the fuck would evaluate a small child’s creativity on the first time they mix drinks. You think he expected you to invent Pina Colada?

Keep reading

☁️ talk of the town | with diluc ragnvindr (wc: 730)

cw: soft!diluc, gn!reader, nonsexual intimacy, cuddling n snuggling, brief mentions of insecurities, fluff

a tired diluc is a soft and clingy diluc, you’ve found, but even in his sleepy state, he knows just how to make you feel safe and loved.

this blog contains 18+ content. minors please dni.

Keep reading

< ‘Not Just a Friend’ >

—situations where they realize you are, in fact, not just a friend

pairings: Diluc, Kaeya x reader

themes: fluff & fluff

note: oh wow the brothers?? yes pls

Diluc

he realizes this is in the tavern

it was both his shift and yours, with you talking to him and occasionally helping with the drinks while to waiter babysit the patrons

its a normal routine for both of you, where you would take a break and sit in front of Diluc

small talk, silence, or long conversations, is something Diluc finds himself looking forward to every time its his shift

and every time he stops and thinks on why he gets excited about these small things, he brushes it off to friendship.

Boy was he wrong.

Keep reading

if you’re a filo and are currently scared of what’s currently happening rn, i’m sending hugs to you.