Detmer: You've All Heard Of Elf On The Shelf, Now Get Ready For-

Detmer: You've all heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for-

Detmer: *placing a pot on Pauls's head* A thot in a pot

Paul:

Paul: *getting up from his seat* Get ready for a bitch in a ditch because that's where you're gonna find your body, you little fu-

Star Trek Discovery characters as shit my teachers have said to me during exam prep

(If you can correctly guess the subjects of the teachers you win...something)

Georgiou: "I think for excellence you need more slurs"

Micheal: "I want to see the light leave your eyes"

Saru: "Listen, if you're going to invade rome, do it next period."

Pike: "You'd better start writing with that pen or I'll stick it where the sun don't shine-"

Paul: "Yeah, children are STDs. But do you know what else are? Werewolves."

Paul: When have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?

Hugh: I have a list. It’s alphabetized.

Spock: Yum, thanks

Giorgio, trying to duct tape his mouth: What the fuck stop eating it

Adira: Okay, so.

Adira: [points at Georgiou] Gaslight

Adira: [points at Jett] Gatekeep

Adira: [points at Micheal] Girlboss

Hugh: I think I got it

Hugh: [points at paul] Medical Malpractice Malewife!

Next SNW episode when Kirk comes on board the crew should bust into another status report song and dance. Kirk asks “Did we hit another one of those subspace anomalies?” and Pike completely deadpan informs him “No, we rehearsed this.”