Just Found Out They Made A Movie Version Of Matilda The Musical. As Someone Who Was So Obsessed At Age

Just found out they made a movie version of Matilda the Musical. As someone who was so obsessed at age 12 that I can still remember most of the lyrics to the songs at age 19, I've decided to chronicle my thoughts as I watch. (NOTE: anytime I mention "the OG" I am referring to the broadway musical, not the book)

I thought the "I can be a solider and shoot you in the face" line was very fun and original. Can't believe they sanitized it and we're not even 3 minutes in.

I am enjoying the "Miracle" segment so far. It's giving music video vibes. (but also, Disney just straight up added the Hamilton stage performance to their streaming service, and I'm already wishing they did that. The show was really fun!)

I thought part of Mrs. Wormwood's denial could've been more convincing if she wasn't obviously pregnant (admittedly they didn't do that in the original either--it's too bad; she should've been in really good shape to still almost make her dancing competition)

They cut Ruuuuuuudolpho the dancer how could they

Library bus is fun but real actual libraries are also great. Mrs. Phelps seems nice so far.

Mr. Wormwood being worried about debt actually makes more sense for him to be doing all his shady stuff.

Miss. Honey seems like she's doing her best.

I take it back the dad's even more of an ass in this--I don't remember him setting her up and then GLOATING ABOUT IT

I liked "Naughty" except for the roof bit; Matila's supposed to be smart, not climbing all over the exterior of her house like an idiot. (note: Movie Matilda is also a bit of a dumbass)

Since Mr. Wormwood is going on about the escapologist, does that mean we're getting less of Mrs. Phelps?--never mind

So is the Trunchbull not the acrobat's sister in this one?

They changed some of the story--she doesn't try to do the *circus announcer voice* "it is the greatest feat EVER known to man"

Kiddo knows that turnabout is fair play

Isaac the lizard might be the best addition to the story (we will see)

"School Song" is simultaneously most similar and most different from the musical and I didn't like it at first (I thought the school gate with the letter blocks was the coolest thing) the way they managed to incorporate a lot of stuff from the original

Nigel panicking about advanced math (relative to himself) is very relatable

They're all so tinyyyyyyyy when you're 12 you don't notice as much

Thinking she meant finish instead of erase, omg kiddo

That booklist, holy crap. I was a reading addict in HS and now the most I read is sections of my textbooks (I love STEM but it's so much workkkkk)

They cut all of "Pathetic" except the last line (don't be pathetic, netflix)

OMG it's the Hammer song (can't remember the official name right now D: oh no) The actress doesn't make the song hit the same way as the OG actress. The recording part is funny though

Honestly the bits of Miss. Honey's voice from the hammer song makes me even more disappointed they didn't include "Pathetic" she sounds good

The dad had a fun song making fun of authors and also the audience; it doesn't lend itself well to movie adaptation but it was funny as hell.

Pretty sure the book that was ripped up in all the previous adaptations was Moby Dick

The dad is even crazier business-wise in this and in the OG he cheated the Russian mafia

"Telekinipsis" you precious child

Wait omfg they brought back Hortensia

I liked "Chokey"

Narcolepsy was kept yay

Poor Amanda

OOOOOOOO evil stepsister (wait was that the original plot anyway?)

It was indeed not the OG plot I now remember "Forgotten by everyone except... the acrobat's sister" was the line

Mrs. Phelps I love you omg

The kid constantly trying telekinesis is so cute

The hug was interrupted how could she

Bruce I hope you get your song

"a pact with Satan and stolen my cake" she's so extra

Yay he got his song!

Where did she even get a teaching certification

"When I Grow Up" had no lyrics changed and yet the vibes were entirely different. I liked the adult ensemble coming in and all the swings and stuff in the OG. Again, Miss. Honey has a great voice and I'm disappointed they cut "Pathetic"

The story sequence was good, but it would've been better if they kept the fire extinguisher foam bit.

Mrs. Phelps ready to call CPS on Matilda's nonexistent aunt

The dad was a comedy figure in the OG why is he like this

The story is back yay and I like that she's putting herself in the daughter's place (we know it's Miss. Honey but she doesn't)

"Don't Cry" was excellent

It's fun that everyone thinks Matilda is a hero

"Smell of Rebellion" is more solid than "Throw the Hammer"

Gym is apparently the hell class

Zeke was a dwarf I think why is he a parrot now???

OMG the telekinesis boy was Eric Ink

I liked this version of "Quiet" but thinking about it now, 90% sure it's called dissociation, kiddo

"My House" was really nice but I feel like the actress was a bit breathy at first; she did better when the song let her push more. (again, she'd be really good with the song "Pathetic" (open the door))

Chokey is supposed to be a tiny closet, not an outhouse

Oh good, they kept the mafia that was a good subplot

*rebels* [insert 50 chokeys here]

THEY CUT REVOLTING CHILDREN THE RATING IS GOING DOWN

WAIT NO NEVERMIND

I like that Hortensia got to be the deuteragonist in the song initially written for her. However, the song wasn't quite as good as the OG version.

The song Miss. Honey sings after the parents drive away I'm 90% sure is movie-musical-only

Isaac deserves the best life I'm glad that Lavender got her bestie back

THE CREDITS VERSION IS THE OFFICIAL BROADWAY CAST RECORDING OF WHEN I GROW UP I KNOW THIS SONG (sidenote, I am dancing in my dorm room at 12:25 am and having the time of my life)

Final rating 6.5 to 7 out of 10. Solid, would recommend, but the stage musical is still better. Would listen to my CD of the show rather than watch again.

((I would like to specify that my family IS NOT RICH. There's this option on Broadway that you put your name in a raffle for a show that day (I think? again, I was 12) and if you win the tickets (which are like the last few seats in the theater) are much cheaper. If you are in NYC and you have this option, 10/10 would recommend))

As soon as I find time and inspiration

I would like there to be a fic where the "three solobrats" and early love interests (YJK, JJK era, so A/T, J/TK, J/Z) end up time-travelling to the prequel era (probably shortly after Geonosis), and the Organa-Solo kids are excited to meet their not-evil-yet granddad.

This goes off the rails when Tahiri freaks out as soon as Anakin 1.0 enters because that is the monster of folklore who slaughtered a whole tribe of Tuskens, down to the youngest baby.

Because you can't convince me that in this AU a) Anakin doesn't go down as some sort of ghost/horror story in Tusken culture, and b) curious baby force-sensitive Tahiri didn't wander off at some point and end up seeing the echo of the slaughter.

The prequel-era council obviously freaks out about 1. the time travel, 2. some of the time travelers are Anakin 1.0's descendants, 3. Anakin 1.0 apparently committed genocide (note: the fandom doesn't view this with the right amount of horror, even in light of his second genocide--the Jedi), and decides to temporarily suspend his duties until they can perform an investigation of sorts into his decision-making capabilities.

Anakin 1.0 is initially thrilled because OMG GRANDKIDS and one of them is named after him (wahoo!!), but quickly becomes pissy because the friend of his mini-me (EW, she was raised by Tusken Raiders [careful Ani1, your racism is showing] even though she's human) gets him in trouble with the council.

Anakin 2.0 now has even more issues/worries about his namesake, and turning out like him [note: this was a big plot point in his early appearances].

Jaina & Jacen are kinda worried about this because now their granddad was bad from an earlier point??? and they don't know what to do with that. (Jacen is jumping from joy because a bunch of animals that went extinct during the Empire's rule are still alive; Jaina finds out there were apparently seven lightsaber forms before Knightfall, and decides to crash all the basic training classes. This is hilarious because she's older than the enrolled students for the more basic forms like Shii-cho.)

Tenel Ka and Zekk are along for the ride:

("Wait, she's the heir to the Hapes Consortium?" "yes" "and they're letting her be a Jedi too?" "yep" "politically is that allowed?!?" "I mean her mom's from Dathomir?" **jedi padawan noises of imploded worldview**)

("so Zekk what about you" "oh, I'm a Coruscanti street rat :)" "ah ok, so the order found you easily!" "I guess your version would, but the Jedi got massacred, so I didn't start training until I was a teenager :)" **choking noises** "oh yeah, Emperor Palpatine was a total hardass, I'm so glad my friend's parents got rid of him, I'd probably be dead or totally evil if he was still in power" --at this point the padawan(s?) they're chatting to [maybe Barriss; she seems politically aware enough to worry about the heir of a major political power also being a Jedi--she's probably also read about Xanatos] decides to bring them to the council)

It goes something like "Didn't they mention, Darth Vader & the clones slaughtered pretty much the entire Order. Some of the younger padawans escaped (their masters died for them (and oh, doesn't that hit hard)) and ran until dark siders who served the Emperor hunted them down (this can be vaguely compliant with some Rebels content; assume the Rebellion-era is more fusion with new canon, except Thrawn doesn't engage as much with the Lothal cell, and thus is around for the Thrawn trilogy on to proceed (thus inquisitors exist and so too do the Hands--maybe Mara is Palpy's spy in the inquisorius's ranks; Starkiller can be Vader's; Death Star plan theft follows TFU more than R1) it hits hard that some of their own (their children, their future) work to destroy the vestiges of what they were).

Then they find out that Darth Vader, the Sith Apprentice--the emperor's attack dog, his right hand--is Anakin (1.0), the boy they took in, the one they protected, the one some viewed as their savior, the boy winning battle after battle, the one shining bright, the Hero With No Fear, the boy whose fear of losing everything, everyone he cares about is slowly tearing him to shreds, the foolish, foolish boy who will doom the galaxy to save one person and fail at that, the buy who burned and burned, scorching those around him until he was alone, and still burning, until he burned himself to save another foolish boy, the younger burning like a candle, steadily, warmly, rather than like the sun, and Anakin (they can't bring themselves to hate him, even knowing what he will do--they see the sweet child who loved his mother, who wanted to free all the slaves in the galaxy), seeing the warm, kind candlelight of the other boy, the brave, foolish child, his child, his son, and knowing he will burn him, sees the vacuum of space (the cold, cold man who made him burn everyone, who made him lose everyone, until only the vacuum was left behind, the only one he could not burn away), sure to take the air around the lone, kind candle, and the sun (Anakin) burns itself (himself) out, becomes a supernova to push the vacuum (empty, cold, always hungry) away from the candle (the son), and saves the brave, foolish boy who came to help him, but he feared burning most of all (the burning sun of Tatooine burns himself out, after burning with hatred for the better part of two decades, for another desert child, one who burns with warmth, like a hearthfire, and asks for the girl who burns (with the passion of justice, with compassion, the girl who is like him but not for instead of burning the world for those she loves, she who would burn herself out, the girl who would burn her enemies (those who seek the harm the world) for any who deserve kindness, who burns internally, but is willing to burn others as well) to forgive him, and she does, eventually, she names her steady hearthfire of a son after him, and hopes against hope that he (her son, one of her three suns) will have a happy ending, that he will not burn himself out like his grandfather, his namesake [Anakin, her son, he burns too: for his siblings (they will burn as well, his brother like his grandfather--maybe he should have been Anakin instead--and his sister, burning, the one to put out her twin's light, twin suns of Tatooine, one snuffed out the other), his friends (they break apart, the group splintering, fragmented after the war is won; even before), his love (she breaks, in a way not even being shaped by the black holes, put under pressure in the hope of her becoming one, can do; for a while she fades away to almost nothing, invisible, until the brother, seeing the broken, invisible girl takes her, and tries to make the broken puppet of a girl dance for him; it works for a time, building more cracks in her skin until she shatters, and the people who loved him, Anakin the second, the bright boy who burned himself away too soon, see the girl again, no longer invisible, and try to help her [pray they are not too late to put her (shattered, porcelain, crushed spirit, a shell of her former bright self) together again]), for the galaxy; but at this part of the story we don't know his fate, to burn and burn until there is nothing left, until the force takes him away, to burn so hot, so bright, so light, that his enemies (true voids in the force--black holes--not like the cold, hungry vacuum that desired, took the sun of his grandfather) burned away as well; he burns away, but as a hero. This does not stop his mother from her agony; it is all his father can do to hold himself together to stop her shattering like the girl everyone forgot, the invisible girl who loved his son, who would (and does) do anything for the memory of a boy who left the galaxy too soon].

This is the story they tell: of the angry sun who burns everyone (especially even those who offer him kindness), the boy-candle, the girl who burns with the heat of a thousand suns but never harms those undeserving of that fury, the scoundrel with the hard exterior who inside is kind, the brave wookie warrior who lives [and dies, though they will not know it for a time] to protect them, the saviors of the galaxy;

and others as well: the girl who was almost snuffed out by the vacuum, who burned as a quiet ember, whose flame was reawakened by the boy-candle; the boy who parallels her, who was trained by the angry sun to burn like him but refused, who burned out over and over again trying to prove himself, and, in the end, burned out to save the galaxy, who sent the message to the rebels that worked to end the war [the message, that, too late for some, still saved billions, perhaps trillions of lives, had it not been sent (how many worlds could have shared Alderaan's fate?)].

Just watched the Deadpool 3 trailer (the one with more Wolverine)

There's a comment about tragic flashbacks--the person I want to see appear is Laura (X-23)

If they can bring back Jennifer Garner's Elektra (if I remember right, the 2003 Daredevil movie was a flop?), they can cameo Dafne Keen's Laura (a fan favorite)

They're all those VCR/DVD combo players; one of them is annoying and sometimes switches between them on us, but they're still good quality--we had more difficulty with a broken cassette (OG Superman, you will be missed) than with the players themselves.

REBLOG if you are old enough to remember what a VCR is.

@evilkitten3, I meant Kurenai's small child and ninken specifically, lol--you're right that naruto morality is very different from the modern-day perspective

it would've been really funny is team 8 had stayed as murder-happy for the rest of the manga as they were in the forest of death. not even as a major plot point just as a running gag. anything happens and team 8's default solution is homicide.

Also, Byakugan headcanons:

-Has levels like the Sharingan

-Before lvl 1 is unlocked (typically somewhere between ages 1 and 3), they're actually blind--I think it's slightly hilarious that this would then imply 4-year old Hyuuga are consistently ahead of genin-aged Uchica in unlocking their fancy eyeballs

-Since Sharingan evolves based on seeing someone you love die, Byakugan evolves when the user gets incredibly close to death given the fact that it's technically the counter

-Further evolution after the standard canon level strength gives users abilities like (passive) mind reading, seeing the future, or seeing the dead--solely visually, so thoughts are essentially text boxes over people's heads, visions are muted, and you can't actually hear the ghosts talk. The latter two issues are remedied by the entire clan being taught lip reading if they're planning on becoming shinobi. When standard Byakugan is activated the bonus stuff disappears

-The Caged Bird Seal, in addition to all the canon stuff, prevents further evolution after it's applied; this was decided by the elders when implementation was discussed because of the high suicide rates among members of the clan who unlocked new levels of their dojutsu.

-There has to be some sort of conditional worked into the CBS since no non-clan members are able to activate it--maybe a seal on adult Main House members that also has the secondary purpose of preventing further dojutsu evolution

-Thus, at the time of canon, the only people we see onscreen who have the potential to unlock what is essentially the Byakugan equivalent of 3-tomoe Sharingan are the Hyuuga sisters

(Hinata wakes up after the Chunin exams and thinks she's super high because her mom is in the room with her--when she's discharged and sees all the ghosts in Konoha she thinks she's going insane but is too scared to bring it up)

…I've got a whole au baked in my brain where a solid 80% of the civilian population thinks Hinata is:

1. not the heir (too shy, can't consistently string a coherent sentence together outside of political meetings and sisterly interactions)

2. a boy (based on younger character designs if I showed pictures of Hinata and Neji to someone with no context and asked which was the boy, they'd probably say her (sorry Neji guys in your family tend to be fairly ambiguous), and she's too shy to correct anyone who makes this mistake)

This leads to several very awkward conversations for the adults in her life and other clan kids that are "in the know."

(Someone says something to Kurenai about an all-boys squad; a number of the early D-ranked missions helping civilians have grannies talking about "such fine young men" and "how polite..." (accompanied with head pats for all the kiddos) and the full-face blush manifests outside of the context of Naruto)

((In this au, Hinata initially had a small fanclub of civilian-born girls. Another quiet, dark-haired "mysterious" kid who does not give off rage vibes all the time seems like a more realistic prospect. There are a number of their peers who are aware of this but aren't assertive enough to bring it up (Shino--too quiet; Shikamaru--thinks it's "troublesome"; Hinata--too shy), others who think it's hilarious (Kiba), and others who didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings (Choji), or are just glad that potential competition is elsewhere (Ino, who is still very invested in wooing Sasuke). They find out that they have been accidentally reverse-catfished when Hanabi gets to come with to pick up her sister after school--several years into the academy curriculum))

(((Neji is internally laughing at his cousin's pain. He most definitely does not talk under his breath about how she is destined to be mistaken as a boy whenever she's the only person within earshot; that would be *ahem* petty and below him, whatever are you talking about)))