That Part.

That part.

if a black woman is being vocal about her experiences with and thoughts on combatting racism and your immediate response is to criticize her tone and request that she deliver it in a way that is “less agreessive” and makes you more comfortable, then you were never really listening. otherwise you’d understand why we’re so passionate in the first place. periodt.

Black and Blue

Pairings: Kevin Atwater x Black Reader 

Summary: With all that’s going on in the world, I wanted to explore things from Kevin’s perspective. What’s it like for him and his family, existing on both sides of the spectrum? 

*Title inspired by one of my favorite Chicago PD eps

Attempting to soothe your 4 month pregnant and agitated stomach, you got in your cousin's face, finger pointed, rage on high.

“As much as you want to refute my choice of a life partner, Detective Kevin Atwater is the reason your dumbass isn’t in a jail cell right now...or worse.”

“So now I’m a dumbass?!”

“YES!”

“You don’t think what we’re doing out there is important?! Did you sell out when he put that ring on your finger or was it the day he wrote the down payment check for this bougie ass loft you’re livin’ in?!”

Without hesitation, you smacked Brian across the face, just as Kevin walks in to the front door. Already changed out of his riot gear, he dons his usual black hoodie, dark jeans and combat boots. He holds a beat on locking away his gun, as he’s not quite sure what he’s walking into.

“Baby, you good?”

You and Brian are still staring each other down. You finally break the silence, with gritted teeth.

“Get out of my house.”

Brian slowly backs away from you, being sure to glare disapprovingly at Kevin on his way out. Locking the door behind him, Kevin continues his routine of securing his gun as you walk over to him crying.

You weren’t quite sure if it was the adrenaline from the fight you just had with family, the worry for your husbands safety out on the currently extra dangerous streets or the pregnancy hormones, but all you wanted was Kevin’s hands on your body.

As you reached up to place your arms around his neck, he obliged and pulled you into a passionate kiss. Within seconds, your legs were wrapped around his waist as he carried you up the stairs into the bedroom, slowly lowering you on to the bed. He hovered over you, gently reaching down to kiss the remaining tears away. You removed his hoodie and proceeded to let him know just how glad you were to have him safely home in one piece.

_________

Hours later, the two of you were absently wrapped in sheets. Kevin sat up, his back against the headboard, while you laid across his lap. With one hand intertwined with his, you used the other to trace the solid ridges of his stomach.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?” The deep sound of his voice breaking you out of a trance.

“I don’t want you to be mad at Brian.”

You sit up to turn and fully face him. The look of curiosity and annoyance growing across your brow.

“Kev...the things that he said...what he’s doing out there? You saved him tonight from the possibility of not making it back home and he couldn’t even say ‘thank you’? He’s a disrespectful little...”

“But Y/N, I get it. The way Brian grew up, hell the way we grew up, he was trained to hate people like me. Do you remember how reluctant you were to date me when you found out what I did for a living?”

“Of course. I was pissed cuz you didn’t tell me right away.”

“Exactly, but I didn’t because I wanted to make sure I had you before your opinion of me was tainted by what you thought a Chicago cop was like. Y/N, Brian never had that chance. Sure I’m married to you and by default he’s family, but that deep seeded hatred takes years to undo.”

“True, but you guys in Intelligence…”

Cutting you off with a touch to your cheek.

“We’re a rare breed baby. You know that. Just think of all that nonsense I had to fight off two years ago with Doyle’s people. They’re the majority. They’re the ones who don’t care about Brian’s life and they’re the reason why he was out there looting with that group after others protested peacefully downtown for hours. And you know good and well that if circumstances were different…”

Kevin slightly repositioned himself over you, placing light kisses on your pregnant belly.

“...if you weren’t cooking my beautiful baby girl in this sexy ass oven…”

Smirking as you playfully swatted his hand “Boy! I told you I want a boy…”

He rolled his eyes at you while further pinning you down under him. Unable to move, you gazed upon your husband as he proceeded to have a full on conversation with the child growing in your stomach. Although annoyed at the topic of his current Ted Talk, you truly loved these moments. Being black in this country was hard enough. Adding to that, your choice as a couple to stand with a foot on both sides of the spectrum of black and blue, it was a rare occasion when the love of your life was allowed to put his guard down and just be a man. You came back to reality when he purposely grazed your sensitive skin with his beard.

“Listen baby GIRL...mamas gonna try to act tough when you get out here, but I got your back, ok?

Laughing reluctantly and whining in protest and for him to move… “Stop it! That tickles!”

Kevin relented and moved up, gazing deep into your eyes. The look on his face as if he was ready to put another baby in the oven. You bit your bottom lip. As you each moved in closer for a kiss…there was a sudden urge...

“Great, now I have to pee!”

He burst into laughter as you untangled yourself from his limbs and the sheets and scurried to the bathroom.

“Shut up!”

_________

The next morning, you awoke to a text from Brian.

My bad cuz...I ain’t mean that shit.

Brian was never verbose and you knew him sending just that simple message took a lot. You were about to respond when you heard voices downstairs. You had expected Kevin to be at the District by now. He previously had a routine of waking you up before he left, no matter the hour, but that became less frequent once you got pregnant, deciding to text you his whereabouts instead. His voice ringing in your head now...

“You need to be well rested, Y/N.”

You got up, put some comfortable clothes on and went downstairs. To your surprise Kevin was sitting at the dining room table with his partner Adam and your cousin Brian. It looked like they had been planted in their seats having a heated discussion for hours. You stood in shock and then walked over to the kitchen to make some tea.

Adam was the first to break from the tense meeting, walking over to greet you with a hug and a peck on the cheek after you placed the kettle on the stove.  

“Morning, Y/N, you’re lookin’ beautiful as always.

With a chuckle, “Hey sweetie...you’ve always been such a good liar...I appreciate that.”

“I'm serious girl, you look great. I told Atwater if he acts up…”

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Kevin yelled from the dining room as he approached. He and Ruzek were like brothers. He’d stood by Kevin’s side through it ALL, unwavering in his loyalty, so it was only natural that, as a brother, he also knew which buttons to push to irk him the most.  

Kevin punched him in the arm and Adam reciprocated with a swat to the back of Kevin’s neck. You shook your head and laughed, proceeding with the business of putting the kettle on the stove….this boyish nonsense was routine.

Both deciding there could be no winner in this moment, they finally calmed down. “Man chill out, you’re gonna upset my goddaughter.”

You immediately rolled your eyes and sighed as you grabbed your favorite mug from the cabinet. “Daughter...I see he’s gotten to you too huh?”

You darted a look at Kevin, which he avoided, clearing his throat with a  smirk.

“Adam, are you hungry?”

Walking past the guys into the dining room, you offered an olive branch to your cousin as well, who still sat at the table in deep thought, “Brian, you want anything to eat? I can make some breakfast.” He looked up at you and rose from the table. You were startled by the look of both sorrow and determination in his eyes.

“I’m good cuz.”

He gave you a quick hug and exited the apartment.

You turned to Kevin and Adam for an explanation. “What just happened?”

Kevin spoke up first.

“I called him. He was pissed when he saw Adam here at first but I needed him to get it. I wanted him to understand why I still do this job everyday. That we haven’t sold out. We haven’t abandoned our people, I’m doing this for my people. It’s hard as hell but people like Adam, Intelligence...it’s a family, and we’re doing what we can at least to make this shit a little better.”

“How did he take that?”

Adam retorted, attempting to break the awkwardness, “Well, Brian didn’t try to hit me in the face, so I guess you can say it went alright?”

You snorted. With Adam’s sarcasm and Brian’s temper, you knew that was no small feat.

“Ok man, I’m gonna head out. I’ll catch up with you at the district.” Adam pounded Kevin’s fist and made his way to the door, but not before one last jab. With a wink to you, “Bye baby…”

“Bro! Get the hell out!”

With a mischievous laugh. “What?! I was talking to my goddaughter!”

You couldn’t help but laugh too. “BYE Adam!”

Kevin walked towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your hands rested lightly on his strong arms.

“How many people have you told that we’re having a little girl?”

“Not many...I mean, the people down at the 21st of course…”

Hitting his chest… “Kevin Atwater! We haven’t even officially checked yet! Such a man.”

He tilted your face up to look directly at him. “What’s wrong with me wanting a girl, Y/N? If she’s anything like her beautiful mama, she’ll be strong, graceful…” His words slowing down as he was sure to kiss your face after proclaiming each of the attributes he adored.

“...independent….smart.....beautiful.”

Per usual, you were becoming puddy in his arms. “You said that one already.”

He squeezed you tighter, hoping to stay in this moment a little while longer. Your face buried in his chest, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For trying to make it right with Brian. For reminding me why I chose to stay with you. For reminding me how easy it was to fall in love with you even after I found out you were a cop. I’m proud of you babe.”

No sooner than the two of you became lost in eachother again, the kettle whistled loudly on the stove. Kevin moaned against your lips in protest as you wiggled away from him to take it off the stove.

Trailing right behind you, he smacked your butt and then reached for you. Longing for the comfort of your body to hold flush against his chest. You turned the stove off and allowed him to engulf you in his arms from behind. Your fingers interlocked with his as they rested comfortably on your stomach. You each looked down for a moment at your growing belly.

Neither of you discussed it often, but there was an innate fear of what it meant to birth a black child into this world. Things had changed, yes, but the cases Kevin was exposed to and the systemic racism that still existed, as obvious in more recent events, was enough to make any future parent uneasy.

One day, when Kevin found you deep in your thoughts, he reminded you that he would never let you shoulder that burden alone. You and his unborn daughter were his world. Everyday that he chose to put that badge on, he was doing so with the intention of making the world around you and for generations to come, a little bit better.

“I have to get to work.”

You turned to face him. “I know...just make sure you come back to us.”

With a kiss to your forehead and another placed softly on your lips. 

“Always. I love you.”

Happy Birthday

(Kevin Atwater x Reader)

Pairings: Kevin Atwater x Reader, Adam Ruzek x Kim Burgess

“Come on girl, we’re gonna be late.” Kevin scolded as he unlocked and walked through the front door.

“Five more minutes!”

Having just finished applying lipstick, you stood in front of the mirror in your bedroom agonizing over which pair of earrings to wear.

“You don’t even have your shoes on.” Kevin entered the room, with your heels in hand, hoping to speed things along, but he was instantly staggered by the sight of his gorgeous fiance. “Well damn…” Dropping the shoes and walking towards you, forgetting all about his previous rushed state. You playfully dodge him, stooping to adjust and step into the heels he so carelessly discarded on the floor. Unrelenting, Kevin comes up behind you, arms wrapped around your waist and kissing your neck as you walk into the living room.

Finally turning around to face him, you permit him to one passionate kiss before snapping back to reality. With both hands on his chest to keep him at bay, “Kevin Atwater...stop it. Adam is going to kill you if you’re late to this dinner.

Stepping back for a moment to take you in, “I think he’ll understand.”

You burst out laughing and pushed him away, grabbing your clutch and jacket off the couch. It was never easy for you to resist Kevin, especially when he looked and smelled this good, hell, it was almost impossible. But, tonight was special for your friends and you had to be there for them.

Adam and Kim had been through a LOT over the last year and a half. It took plenty of late night gab sessions between you and Kim and tons of games of pool between Kev and Adam for the two of them to realize they were simply made for each other. Tonight, Adam just wanted to do something special for his girl with the people closest to them there to celebrate.

____

You and Kevin walked into the private room of the restaurant arm in arm to find Adam pacing back and forth.

“Ruz, you good? Cuz you don’t look too good man.”

Lightly hitting his arm as you walk over to greet Adam, “Kev leave him alone.”

Standing in front of Adam, you place your hands on his shoulders in an effort to calm him down. “Tonight will be great. Everything looks amazing.”

Kissing you on the cheek, “Thank you (Y/N). You look beautiful by the way.”

“Thanks sweetie.”

Kevin mumbles from across the room, “Yeah, we almost didn’t make it here dawg.”

You dart a glaring look at him.

“What was that man?”

“Ignore him.” You remove your jacket and assess the room to see if there’s anything you can prep before your best friend arrives.

______

The room is now filled with laughter and all of the people Kim loves. Members of Intelligence, a select few from 51, Adam’s dad, even Kim’s sister flew in.

After dinner, a waitress enters the room with a glowing birthday cake.

Adam clinks his beer bottle and stands to get everyone’s attention. Kim looks up at him adoringly, yet embarrassed, as she never knows what will fly out of his mouth.

“Hey! Everyone…”

Kevin whistles to get the room quiet for his brother as Kim removes the beer bottle from his hand, replacing it with a wine glass. The room erupts in laughter.

“Thank you darling. Ok, seriously. I just want to thank all of you for being here tonight to celebrate this beautiful woman’s birthday. All of you know that she’s been through a hell of a lot, but she’s kept going. She’s strong, she’s kind, she’s a badass...and I love her. So, everyone please raise a glass to my girl, Kimberly Burgess.”

Everyone in the room chimes in, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!”

Adam leans down to plant a kiss on Kim’s lips, as you and Kevin look on like proud parents, finally seeing your children happy.

______

The room cleared out a bit as everyone said their final goodbyes. After you joyfully see Kim off with Adam, her knight in shining armor, you walk back into the room and notice Kevin, Hank and Jay in the corner. Having been with Kevin for a few years now, you knew what those faces meant. Your man was amazing at his job, it’s one of the many reasons why you fell in love, but the knot in your stomach always returned when you knew it was time for him to switch into that mode.

Further proving your theory, you overheard Voight say, “If we don’t grab this prick tonight he’s gonna blow town. We gotta move on this.”

You gathered your things and stood next to Trudy and Mouch. Hank and Jay exited the room as Kevin turned to you and walked over with an apologetic look on his face. Before he could get out one word, Platt interjected, “Don’t worry Kevin, we can take her home.”

Mouch chimed in to reassure him, “Yeah, I wanted to pass along my secret pasta recipe to (Y/N) anyway, since Trudy refuses to cook with me.” You both chuckled, knowing that that statement landed Mouch in hot water. Yanking Mouch’s ear, Trudy walked out the door, “He's gonna get the car and we’ll meet you outside (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)...I know I’m always working. I really wanted to be the one to take that dress off of you tonight. I’m sorry baby.”

“It’s ok, really. Go do what you have to do.”

Hailey reentered the room, “Hey Kev, can I roll with you back to the district? Voight and Jay went ahead.”

“I gotchu.”

Kevin held your hand as the three of you walked towards the door. The valet drove up in Kevin’s car...Hailey hopped in.

You smiled and released Kevin’s hand. “Go. By the time you get home I’ll have mastered a new recipe.”

You always did your best to put Kevin’s mind at ease before any assignment. His job was grueling, and being the woman by his side, you knew that fear for his safety came with the territory. You also knew that he couldn’t have any distractions when he was out there with his team, so hearing Randall run his mouth for 30 minutes about how he was a Master Chef was a small price to pay to ensure their safety.

Kevin planted a kiss on your forehead and walked towards the driver's side door, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

_________

The light of the dawn was about to make its appearance as Kevin unlocked the front door to the loft. He closes it lightly behind him entering the living room to find you asleep on the couch, still in your dress. He locks his gun in the closet safe, puts his keys down on the coffee table and stands there for a moment taking you in. After adjusting the blanket over you, he joins you on the couch. Still half asleep, you turn your body to face him, now nestled comfortably in his arms.

“Hi..”

“I see you still have on the dress.”

“Uh huh...just for you.” Still groggy, you look up at him, gently touching his face, willing the stress of his night to melt away. “You ok?”

He moves in closer, holding you just a little bit tighter...kissing you slowly.

“Now, I’m perfect. Go back to sleep.”

🥰

Gentle Giant

Requested by: Anonymous

Prompts: “did i ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are?” “why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.”

Kevin Atwater x Reader

“Tell me again whats happening between you and Atwater?” Antonio asked as he sat down on your sofa. “Don’t ask me because I have no clue” You laughed “just having a bit of fun really” “Well it looks pretty serious to me” he smirked. “Why you interrogating me Ton” you smirked. “Because sometimes you need to be pushed” he laughed “you are forgetting how long we have known each other, so tell me the truth because I know you know whats going on” “Fine you win” You huffed “Things are kinda getting serious but we haven’t put a label on things”

— “There’s my girl” Kevin grinned as you walked into his house with a crate of beer. “Couldn’t turn up to a party with out a crate, that would just be rude” you laughed placing the crate on the side with the other bottles of alcohol. 

Tonight was just a small celebration for Adam’s birthday, a low key evening with your friends. These were the nights you all loved, even though you wasn’t part of intelligence or the police you was still family and loved every single person in the room. As soon as your hand were free Kevin pulled you into his arms, your head rested against his chest. 

“I’m glad you made it tonight” He whispered kissing your head “You know I wouldn’t miss this for the world” You smiled looking up at him. You felt his fingers under your chin tilting your head up. “Did i ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are?” You whispered placing your hand on his cheek, gently stroking his skin. “About a million and one times now” He chuckled. “Good because it is true” You smiled as he lent down kissing you softly. 

Hearing Antonio and Adam “awww” in the back ground you pulled away looking at them but keeping your forehead still against Kevin’s.

  “why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.” You teased. 

Neither of them replied but you felt your phone buzz in your back pocket, pulling it out to see Adam sent a picture to the group chat. 

“Just did” He smirked “not very often Kevin show his gentle giant side around us so gotta get proof of that and plus its a cute picture.”

JAM 😂🙏🏾

Lights Out

Pairings: Erik Stevens X Black Reader 

Warnings: ANGST, Fluff, implied smut

Word Count: 2200

“Shit!!!” Erik yelled accompanied by a loud thud so jarring it woke you out of the first sleep you were getting in days.

You replied in a pleading, groggy whisper. “E please! You’re gonna wake the baby. What the hell are you doing anyway?”

“The power went out…and he’s already up.”

You heard your sons faint cry on the monitor and rose from your favorite armchair in the living room like a zombie to go feed, burp, change, cuddle…whichever of the nine things, if not all, that he required at this ungodly hour. You chose to nap here because Erik was PMS’ing…again. You knew raising a child with this stubborn ass man wouldn’t be easy, but lately Erik was on another level of pissing you off. His latest complaint was the fact that you babied Bakari too much.

“But he’s 4 months old E!” ...you exclaimed. He thought he should already be sleeping on his own.

You argued that you’re still breastfeeding and it’s a trek to get to him in the middle of the night. “Are you gonna start producing something more than keloids and muscles out of that chest for him instead?!”

You knew there was a root cause to Erik’s frustration, but you also knew that he needed time to express his feelings. Extra time that you didn’t have to give right now. So, for the third night in a row, he went to bed angry, while you took care of Bakari in his nursery and attempted to find peace in your comfy chair in between.

Brushing passed your husband without so much as a glance, you walk towards the hallway.

“I did that already.”

“You fed him?”

“Yeah..”

“And changed his…”

“Yes Y/N…that’s what I’m sayin, damn.

Bakari’s cries got louder by the minute.

“E…I’m exhausted. Don’t come at me with this attitude tonight ok?! I’m not beat for your shit right now.”

You make your way into your sons’ nursery and gently lift him from his crib. He’s beyond fussy but won’t latch on…not hungry. His diaper is dry…wow, Erik actually did that too. Bouncing Bakari lightly as you pace the room, you start to hum a melody hoping this will work.

“He’s hot…” Erik appeared at the door. “He’s pissed cuz there’s no air circulating. I opened the window, thought the rain would calm him down but clearly. Come on, let’s go…”

You look down to see three bags at Erik’s feet, one being an expertly packed diaper bag.

“Go where E? It’s a whole storm outside. And it’s 3AM.”

“The rain let up and it’s not windy anymore. Don’t you trust me?” You scoffed…

“Just come on girl.”

The three of you piled into Erik’s huge truck. He held the door as you secured Bakari in, choosing to sit next to him in the backseat just in case he started screaming again. Movement always helped when he was this antsy, but you were way too tired to do your usual laps around the loft to get him to sleep this time.

Erik slammed the driver’s side door, which of course scared the baby, making him scream yet again. You shot him a cold look in the rearview mirror.

“My bad.”

Addressing your son in baby talk…

“It’s okay my love…don’t cry. Daddy’s trying to take your place this week. Did he steal some of your diaper’s tonight Bakari? Is that the real reason why he was in your room?? You can tell mama…”

Erik just shook his head. Your teasing, the AC blasting and the sound of the open road actually did the trick. Bakari went from sobbing to giggling to REM sleep in no time. You didn’t bother asking Erik where you were going because, let’s be honest, you knew he wasn’t going to tell you anyway, so you decided to knock out also.

2 hours later

Erik hopped out of the truck and took the bags in to the house. He then gently took his son out of his seat before waking you up.

“Y/N…babe we’re here.”

“Are we back home?”

“Well, home for a few days yeah.”

You reluctantly took Erik’s hand as he helped you out of the car. One quick but GOOD nap wasn’t going to make you suddenly forget that you were mad at him.

“Did you remember to bring…”

“Your pump? I got everything Y/N. And whatever I didn’t pack is available here.”

Erik led you into a BEAUTIFUL beach house. Still holding Bakari, he smirked at your reaction to this surprise. Kissing you on your temple, thoroughly amused at your shocked expression…

“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go put him down.”

You couldn’t even answer. Mesmerized by the sound of the waves crashing, you walked towards the back of the open concept house in awe. The infinity pool overlooked a beautiful pre-dawn sky and the smell of fresh air hitting your nostrils was intoxicating. Truth be told, you wanted Erik to rip your clothes off and take you right here on this patio, but you needed to suppress that urge for the time being.

He walked up behind you, slowly placing his arms around your waist. It had been days since he touched you, his unexplained mood keeping you both in your individual corners of the boxing ring that had become your home. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to lean into him. He traced a line from your ear lobe to your shoulder with his lips. You were a goner.

“Baby…who’s house is this?”

“It’s ours.”

You turned to face him. Erik had a sly grin on his face, a sight you also hadn’t seen in a very long time. Playfully hitting his chest… “Erik stop playin’. Did you steal this house? Are the owners on vacation and coming back in the morning? What’s the deal? Should I go grab Bakari now or…?” Erik caught your hand as you pretended to walk away. He had to admit that he missed this side of you too.  

“It’s kind of an inheritance thing. T’s dumbass was gonna get rid of it. Talkin’ bout some…’N’Jadaka, I live in Wakanda, why on earth do I need a house by this polluted Californian ocean?’”

You were laughing hysterically at this point. You loved when Erik impersonated T’Challa’s accent…he was SO BAD at it. You were softening up again, dammit this man was good at getting you to let your guard down. You moved closer to him, hands on his shoulders as he bit his bottom lip….he knew that made you weak too. His hands were now roaming your hips and cheeks.

“Oh really…that’s what he said huh?”

“Yep, just like that. So, I told him, T, don’t you dare get rid of this house. It’s a family keepsake, you know. My badass wife and beautiful son deserve this house T. So here we are.”

“Here we are….”

His lips finally overtook yours. All concern for previous arguments melted away as Erik lifted your legs around his waist and carried you to a lounge chair. He then ripped your clothes off and had his way with you. Filling you almost immediately, the sound of the crashing waves was no match for the moans you released finally feeling his touch again.

A little later…

You walked back out towards the pool wrapped in a blanket to rejoin Erik who was still sprawled, bare chest and as sexy as ever on the chaise lounge. The sun had just started to rise, and you couldn’t be more grateful for this moment with your man.

Nestling back into his side, Erik’s hands found their way back to some of his favorite spots on your body.

“Is he ok?”

“Yeah, I fed him, and he went right back to sleep. I think he loves it here too.”

“Y/N, I owe you an apology.” You stayed silent, this was rare, and you didn’t want any sudden movements to make him change his mind. Erik wasn’t big on words or explanations. He covered you and Bakari like no one else could. You felt protected and loved beyond measure, but there was something about having a child that opened up a new well in Erik’s heart. You fell more and more in love with him in these last few months, which was why the difference in his recent behavior had caught you so off guard.

You sat up slightly to face him, encouraging him to continue.

“I started having dreams about my pops. At first, they were nice, we’d be chillin at the playground when I was a kid or on the courts playin’ ball. He’d be laughing with me, pushing me on a swing. I’d smile cuz I’d think about those times that I’d have with B…then the dreams got dark. My mother would appear, her eyes real dark, black…and she’d end up killing me or my father in one of the dreams. Every time she’d laugh about it and I couldn’t do anything but watch. I was stuck in the corner of the room, in that same blue hoodie I was wearing when I found my dad. She’d walk over and whisper shit like, ‘you’ll never have what we had’, ‘you can never be free’. And then I’d pop up.”

By the time he finished there were tears streaming down both of your faces. You kissed his away and held him close.

“Erik, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I wanted to; I just didn’t want to scare you. The first time it happened it was really late, and you were in the other room singing to Bakari. The two of you were so peaceful…so I just listened to your voice with him and that calmed me down. I had another one a few days ago. She was in our room, standing over B’s rocker, just staring at him with those dark eyes. Then she looked over at you sleeping with your hand on him. I was stuck to the damn bed, couldn’t move. That shit was so real Y/N”

“That’s why you didn’t want him in the room.”

“Yeah…I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to do. That seemed like the most immediate solve at the time.”

You readjusted to straddle Erik’s lap. Your love language was touch and luckily you knew Erik found peace the closer you were to him. You felt his heart beating as you retraced the scars on his chest. You steadied your hand there for a minute as he continued.

“T noticed something was off with me…”, finishing the sentence in unison…

“…because he’s T.” You both laughed. You were so grateful for his family and the second chance he had been given with them, in these very moments especially.

“Anyway, his nosy ass told my auntie about the dreams, but she really helped. She reminded me that my parents really did love me, even my mother. And that the dreams were just traces of my old life of violence refusing to die. I guess because…”

“Because you don’t think you deserve this joy…a chance at real peace?”

“Yeah…” He tried to break his gaze from your loving eyes, but you wouldn’t allow it. You held his face and kissed him softly. You moved slowly, hoping that the connection of your lips to his would somehow reassure him of who he was…recharging him in some way.

“Erik Stevens. N’Jadaka. You are my king. I loved you before I knew about your past, I loved you after I found out all of the secrets you tried to hide and since you’ve made me a mother to our gift, I’ve managed to love you even more. I feel safe, adored and beautiful when I’m with you, baby. And you know what, that little boy back there already loves and adores you too. You can calm him down in minutes…you already make him laugh. I know this hasn’t been easy, but you’ve earned this happiness. Life isn’t perfect, babe. But all of that darkness is behind us now. Let me be here for you too. We have a very bright future ahead, but I need you present and here with us to enjoy it…all of you.”

“I gotchu princess. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Erik suddenly had a mischievous look in his eyes. You jumped up because you knew him all too well, but not fast enough. He started tickling you and laughing like a lunatic.

“Erik, stop! Your behind goes from 0 to a thousand in seconds!”

He pauses for a minute, getting close to your ear.

“Let’s make another baby.”

You laugh even louder now at this ridiculous notion and try to escape his arms.

“Uh huh! This birth control stays IN Mr. Stevens! Too soon…WAY too soon. I don’t love you that much.”

He chased you inside and into the bedroom. Hovering over you on this perfect king-sized bed, ready to pounce. There was no way you’d be willing to have another baby this soon, but there was absolutely no harm in practicing the latest techniques with this gorgeous man you cherished while Bakari finally slept peacefully in the other room.