September 14. 2024

☾˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 14. 2024

"You have no right to be depressed, you haven't tried hard enough to like it.

Haven't seen enough of this world,

but it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts."

Done ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

♥︎ AP 3 notes (2/6)

I haven't finished much tonight but I'm calmer. I'm trying to be kinder to myself all the time. It's very hard. I will keep doing it.

𖤓 day entry

I'm in desperate need of time management skills cause what the fuck is this!!!!! What is this!!

I don't know what the fucking problem is!!!!!!! I tried so fucking hard and I still couldn't complete everything!!! What is worng with me!!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 14. 2024 [I'll get through today. There's no other choice!!!]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ AP 1 quiz

♡ AP 3 notes (6 pages)

♡ AP 3 quiz

♡ Filipino 1 quiz

♡ Filipino 3 quiz

Following a set of orders and routine always helps me. This public journal is one of those things that holds me accountable just a little more, while also giving me a frame of reference and reminder to trust myself. I got this far already. I can do it.

Lmaoo I'm dealing with this right now. There's a few things I do tbh:

1. Check for basic health needs. Sometimes you feel like shit because you haven't showered, eaten, slept, etc. Check on those first. Even if you still feel like shit taking care of yourself, it's better to hate yourself after a shower and in a clean bed than it is otherwise.

2. Let it out. You can cry about it, rant, create, etc. When I really can't stand things I just unload everything onto a journal. Note that this doesn't have to have any structure at all, I have journal entries that are pretty much just walls of "I fucking hate myself!!!! I HATE MYSELF I HATE" and so on and so forth.

Whenever I journal like that, I fully get that I'm just expressing what I feel rather than what I accept as the truth. <- Basically, I acknowledge that my feeling of failure is a feeling, not an unchangeable 'set in stone' truth. You need to express those feelings somewhere without thinking of them as who you are as a person.

3. Forgive yourself. This is still something that I'm actively learning and also the hardest thing on the list by far, easier said than done. For me personally, forgiving yourself is less about loving yourself or even having any positive feelings towards yourself at all, it's more about being able to accept that you failed something and adjusting accordingly.

I always thought self forgiveness was a flowers blooming in spring type of deal, but its more like working with a shitty roommate who doesn't put their clothes in the laundry or has their dishes piled up in the sink. You can't do anything about your living arrangements, but you can be like "Hey, what the fuck?" and communicate on boundaries, compromise, etc.

Self forgiveness is an act of tolerance than love. The way that I do this is by looking at things I didn't complete for the day and asking "How can I lessen the damage?" or "What can I do for tomorrow?"

I've been in episodes where the weight of my own failure crashed down and paralyzed me for months due to the shame. If you let yourself dwell on it too much, you won't be able to do anything at all, so if you genuinely cannot do the thing, then let go of the shame and let yourself rest.

Sometimes the issue stems from the fact that you are focusing on yourself too much, and what I mean by that is that you are overanalyzing or scrutinizing every single thing you do— from every molecule, thought, and action. The best thing you can do then is to chill the fuck out and look at things outside of yourself. The moon will still be there even if you failed an exam, the trees won't care if you haven't been outside in weeks. The point is that the world doesn't fall on you alone.

4. Seek support. Talk to your friends and whatever support network you have. Personally, it helps me to have a reminder that I am still a person outside of my mistakes. I am not a missed quota, I can also be a supportive friend. I am not an awkward interaction, I can also make silly jokes and bring joy to other people.

^ There's a few more I think but those are the ones off the top of my head. :]

do any of y'all know how to feel better about yourselves when you feel like a failure

Detail from Annunciation, Jan van Eyck, ca. 1434-1436.