Me Reading The End Of The Odyssey:And There Lived Happily Ever AfterPerson:Actually-Me: THERE LIVED HAPPILY

Me reading the end of the Odyssey:And there lived Happily ever after Person:Actually- Me: THERE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Stanning Odysseus is embracing misery. I cannot keep going through these raw levels of pain.

The effort it takes to live in denial. I'm spent. Nothing outside Homer is real. No, Odysseus never visited Thesprotia. No he didn't marry anyone but Penelope. No he didn't father epigonoi. No he wasn't killed neither by Telegonus nor a stingray. No he wasn't exiled to Italy by Neoptolemus. NO HE'S NOT ON THE F* MOON WDYM

Athena: look making a legal system, is a lot even for a goddess

How it went:

Athena: hey hello I'm a regular guy

Odysseus: I'm a different guy just not that regular

Athena: no you're not you're Odysseus and I'm Athena. We lie too much lol.

Odysseus: how the f* was I supposed to know that? Also you abandoned me.

Athena: sorry, my uncle is wild and you're not worth that fight. But you're finally in Ithaca yay!

Odysseus: I don't believe you

Athena: I swear

Odysseus: my trust in you is 0

Athena: well how about this, fog out and that's an olive tree

Odysseus: ok I believe you. I'll hide this treasure

Athena: I'll boss you around

Odysseus: I kinda like it. How's my home?

Athena: well there's the 108 suitors in your house but don't worry I'll make you ugly

Odysseus: how will that help?

Athena: it'll make your slay in weird ways

Odysseus: it's set, then. If you're with me I'll fight 300 men

Athena: overzealous much, ugly

Odysseus: how's my family?

Athena: your wife is fine, your kid is fine except they're plotting to kill him

Odysseus: what why?

Athena: it's totally cool, I sent him over to Menelaus'

Odysseus: why would you do that

Athena: ... I honestly can't remember, I started this and then left midway? I kinda forgot about him for a minute.

Odysseus: that's wildly out of canon

Athena: but it's true. I'll be right back

Odysseus really got me cackling and kicking my feet as he killed these suitors.

Stupid fic ideas

Iphigenia and Polyxena are lesbians in Elysium. 

Achilles turns up once to pick up the afterlife wife that he demanded from the grave. Just once. 

This is how he lives

odysseus to his men: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that's easy. Just don't die. That's it. Refuse to die. There you go.

his men: But how-

odysseus ignoring them: "But how", you may ask. Well, easy. Just don't do it. Refuse to. Say "no thanks".

*when they found Odysseus on the shore* Pleiad: I think he looks like someone's husband, maybe we should put out a missing persons Calypso: Yeah it should have a big picture of him and the words is this your husband? Not anymore