Stop Asking Me To Trust You While Im Still Coughing Water Up From The Last Time You Let Me Drown.

“Stop asking me to trust you while I’m still coughing water up from the last time you let me drown.”

— Unknown

Masterlist

All of my poems in one place :)

wishes

ghost of you

buzz

what's it like?

do i love him?

let go

autumn

answers

hate your love

toxic

how much you meant to me

out of love

too much

time

curious fear

sciamachy

trying

idc

did i know you?

colours

i've gotten so used to it,

living with that buzz in my brain.

the background noise

telling me to move,

do something

it whispers of incomplete tasks and

people lost along the way

i've gotten so used to it though,

that it merely adds

a touch of weight to my shoulders,

disappearing when my mother pulls them back, correcting my posture.

the sound is all but gone

when i'm with my friends,

shouting out the lyrics

of the songs that shaped our childhood,

looking out of the car window

as the glowing lights flash past.

red, white, warm yellow.

the sound is gone

until i'm alone again.

but, still, it's nothing more than a buzz

one i ignore,

telling myself i'm fine.

the new year's given me that:

the ability to believe I'm fine, truly.

i've been walking at the edge of the waves

positivity, optimism, gratitude.

i repeat these, louder than the buzz,

but the waves gently lick at my feet,

threatening to wreck all I've built

the sandcastle standing precariously

on foundations of a new year and hopeful words.

i'm scared of my poetry now.

words i pulled out of my chest

by piercing my heart with thorns and needles

until they spilled out,

red and raw.

but i've decided to do it anyway.

pick up the pen

and momentarily

invite the buzz into the foreground.

dig holes that welcome the sea in streams

into the moat around my sandcastle.

it's a new year

so i've decided to trust myself.

trust that i can control the stream.

trust that my words won't drown me

and if they do—

trust that i can get back up to the surface.

If you made a list of people you trusted, would you put your name down?

- NF, Only

“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn fast.”

— William Nicholson

Sea of Strangers

In a sea of strangers, you’ve longed to know me. Your life spent sailing to my shores.

The arms that yearn to someday hold me, will ache beneath the heavy oars.

Please take your time and take it slowly; as all you do will run its course.

And nothing else can take what only— was always meant as solely yours.

- Lang Leav, Sea of Strangers