Roseblueclouds - Nidhi - Tumblr Blog

(suffering the clear and obvious ramifications of my voluntary actions) once again god torments me for no purpose but sick amusement

“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn fast.”

— William Nicholson

Sea of Strangers

In a sea of strangers, you’ve longed to know me. Your life spent sailing to my shores.

The arms that yearn to someday hold me, will ache beneath the heavy oars.

Please take your time and take it slowly; as all you do will run its course.

And nothing else can take what only— was always meant as solely yours.

- Lang Leav, Sea of Strangers

Time

I’ve never trusted time.

It creeps past me

Like shadows on a summer’s

Afternoon, it laughs at me

From clock faces, teases me

From calendars, lies to me

In memories. It always seems so

Plentiful but it hides when needed,

Laughing behind its hand.

And then with a casual flickering cruelty

It changes everything I love into

Sepia memories, faded photographs

In crackling albums, lonely moments

In crowded places. I don’t trust time.

It seems like we all have plenty of it

But it’s never enough.

Doug

This dreary morning January rain Falling onto icy snow Makes my eyes feel Heavy and tired

Roads caked with slush Cars splash through Brownish gray waves And I fall Down into the sludge

I sink like this month This month of melancholy I am crumbling Into these dirty waters Let me sleep in them

Let me sleep until This downpour lets up Until then I am fatigued These rains Beat me into submission

Masterlist

All of my poems in one place :)

wishes

ghost of you

buzz

what's it like?

do i love him?

let go

autumn

answers

hate your love

toxic

how much you meant to me

out of love

too much

time

curious fear

sciamachy

trying

idc

did i know you?

colours

“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.”

— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

we're all stupid little human beings

talking to gravestones

and

claiming the sky's tears as our own

I will say it again : nothing is permanent

Coming to terms with loss is one of the most gut wrenching experiences. You are completely helpless, you begin to realize nothing ever belonged to you or was yours to begin with.

:')

Things I should be doing

• so many

Things I am doing

• None of the so many things

Art is art <3

“I just think you should sing no matter what you sound like and draw or paint no matter what it looks like.”

—

idc

I don't care

I draw hard lines in the sand

Only to watch them swept up by waves

I don't care

I say to myself as I watch you

And her do the same things we did

I don't care

I tell myself as I see

your name on my screen

I don't care

I think as the songs fill my ears

And your face fills my mind

I don't care

I tell my friends

when you come up in a conversation

Because to admit

the opposite is weakness

It's giving in to you

It's disappointing myself

It's all the times

I went running back to you

when I knew exactly how it would end.

In a twisted knot

begging to be untangled

In nothing more than grey,

nothing more than ashes and dust.

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I repeat

Until the words lose their meaning

Until you're nothing

but a faded photograph

Until I can't remember

the exact sound of your voice

Until I can't recall

the things we used to talk about

Until you're nothing

but an afterthought.

i've gotten so used to it,

living with that buzz in my brain.

the background noise

telling me to move,

do something

it whispers of incomplete tasks and

people lost along the way

i've gotten so used to it though,

that it merely adds

a touch of weight to my shoulders,

disappearing when my mother pulls them back, correcting my posture.

the sound is all but gone

when i'm with my friends,

shouting out the lyrics

of the songs that shaped our childhood,

looking out of the car window

as the glowing lights flash past.

red, white, warm yellow.

the sound is gone

until i'm alone again.

but, still, it's nothing more than a buzz

one i ignore,

telling myself i'm fine.

the new year's given me that:

the ability to believe I'm fine, truly.

i've been walking at the edge of the waves

positivity, optimism, gratitude.

i repeat these, louder than the buzz,

but the waves gently lick at my feet,

threatening to wreck all I've built

the sandcastle standing precariously

on foundations of a new year and hopeful words.

i'm scared of my poetry now.

words i pulled out of my chest

by piercing my heart with thorns and needles

until they spilled out,

red and raw.

but i've decided to do it anyway.

pick up the pen

and momentarily

invite the buzz into the foreground.

dig holes that welcome the sea in streams

into the moat around my sandcastle.

it's a new year

so i've decided to trust myself.

trust that i can control the stream.

trust that my words won't drown me

and if they do—

trust that i can get back up to the surface.

hobbies: being asleep, getting ready to go to sleep, going to sleep, getting into my bed, waking up and realizing i can go back to sleep, sleeping, being in my bed (asleep), falling asleep,

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Happy new year!! I hope everyone is happier and healthy this year.

Thank you for giving my poems—which were just words scribbled in my diary— so much love💜

I really need to get back to writing too🤞

“Stop asking me to trust you while I’m still coughing water up from the last time you let me drown.”

— Unknown

I read somewhere the other day “how would you describe your current season in life?” here’s my answer:

I think I would say winter. But not the cold peak winter. It’s like, you’ve been through the harsh, painful winter storms, but you aren’t completely out of it. Spring is coming soon, but you still aren’t sure when. I’ve walked through the ice and rain; I endured it. I lost my warm coat on the way. I could’ve made it out in a better condition, but I made it out. It’s the last stretch of winter. A few light drizzles and heavy rains come at me, but I know spring is near. I've almost made it, and that’s all that matters.

I saw a meteor shower last night and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Shooting stars!!!

If you made a list of people you trusted, would you put your name down?

- NF, Only

did i know you?

i still think of you

a passing thought in my mind's traffic.

i pay no attention,

"ignore it and it'll go away"

most days, it works.

but some days, in the dead of the night

when the darkness engulfs

both me and my musings,

it does not work.

it does not work and I reach out,

clutching that thought,

clinging to it

the idea of you.

the you I've built in my head.

the you who's soft as the petals of a rose,

comforting like a cup of warm chocolate.

but it isn't real,

it never was.

the real you pricks me

like the thorns of that very rose;

the real you is cold, indifferent.

or maybe,

i don't know you.

my mind deceives me,

there is no black and white,

only a grey haze.

as my fingers hover over your name on my phone,

i pull them back.

maybe I know you, maybe I don't.

maybe I miss you, but it's not enough.

your thorns have pricked me more than once.

so I still think of you,

but I'll never let you know.

Pat Parker // Nikos Kazantzakis

i wish i could care more

maybe i should've cared less

or i just didn't know the correct things to care about

“The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.”

— Yasmin Mogahed