Secrets Out. Bellamy Blake X Reader

secrets out. bellamy blake x reader

summary 🛁: alie gets under the skin of everyone, even the ones who seem the most shut off

warning/s 🚽: swearing, depression, talks of miscarriage, and gif not mine, angst

slater’s note 🪞: season three truly was the best season. this is... dramatic? it has potential but i gave up.

it was your turn.

alie crossed all of them off like a list. one by one, mind fucking them until they couldn’t handle it.

mind manipulation, you knew all about it and you were certain that it wasn’t something you could be so easily affected by. you had met a lot of people, had a lot of boyfriends, and friends, and even your own parents who enjoyed getting into your head with simple words that made you feel guilty or sick to your stomach. 

you were sure she couldn’t get into yours. 

“hello, sweetheart,” raven quirked her head, already analyzing you and your current mood. “see they finally brought in the big guns.”

you humph in amusement with lips slightly twitching upward as you made your way to one of the boxes that sat close to raven. you were hoping to rest, put your mind to ease as you sat before her, not expecting much to come from her mouth since you were a closed book. 

clarke and jasper were practically left open and begging to be read as they sized up to raven with their emotions still filling their eyes to the brim. they were easy targets, easy to tear down, and easy to extract a fit from. 

and although bellamy seemed just as shut off as you, he really wasn’t. bellamy had so many problems shoved in the back of his mind that they begun to pile and overflow. and with anger issues compiled from unsettled issues in his past; he was just as much as an easy target as they were.

everyone hits rock bottom, but not all get to face the humiliation of others also realizing and coming to spit in your face.. a plan alie was hoping to put in motion, she just had to bait you first.

“you’ve always been the smart one,” she slightly twisted her head, raven’s eyes dark and filled with a conscious that wasn’t her own. “always thought for the better of others.. never yourself,” she shook her head and you could tell by the way her eyes slightly squinted she had something up her sleeve.

you were intrigued.

“so.. selfless and yet you’re always blamed for every problem that comes up. why do you let that happen, y/n?”

you tilted your head to the side, not exactly finding truth in the last of her words, you had never felt blamed, and if anyone was a scape goat, it’d be murphy. but you still found yourself listening, eating up the lie like a story.

“which is why i’m confused as to.. why you took the chip..” her face screwed up and at the sudden words you inhaled sharply knowing very well everyone heard her words just as you did. “i mean, y/n, as much as a smart decision that was, it was a rather selfish thing of you to do, don’t you think?”

you kept your mouth shut, knowing this wasn’t the last of her words. she had a plan of some kind, she was still trying to get into your head and she felt so close by the way she had just watched you adjust yourself in the slightest way possible.

“like i said before,” you mumbled, “your chip didn’t work.”

“that’s too bad, isn’t it?” she whispered, almost taunting you, “whatever’s hurting you must be something real bad with how brave and strong you are, or—excuse me, seem to be.”

“someone should go in there,” jasper suddenly stood from his spot at the door, listening in, his mouth beginning to grow dry as he stood up anxiously, looking between bellamy and the rest of your friends listening with just as slack and uncomfortable expressions; taken aback.

he made a move to go in but bellamy quickly stopped him, “just wait.”

“bellamy-”

“but then again, the strongest of us always seem to carry the most. you would know wouldn’t you?”

your mouth twitched from frowning deeper as you thought of all the past torment, from the moment you were born to the moment you landed on the ground.

“shall we talk about why you took the chip?”

“we can talk about whatever you want,” you leaned forward with your elbows on your knees.

this couldn’t get any worse than it already was.

“i want you to choose. bellamy or mount weather?”

you swallowed harshly, but your voice was still stern as you stared at her with narrowed eyes, “neither,” you leaned forward, thinking of the many flaws to weaknesses that centered in your heart just with the those topics. “i want to talk about you, raven, only you.”

“deflecting the question won’t work, y/n,” she almost glared at you, “you said we could talk about what i wanted and now i made a decision; i want to talk about what happened in mount weather after you got shot.”

your face dropped and you didn’t even try to hide it, remembering exactly what she was talking about and the room suddenly felt hot and you wanted to leave but you felt completely sucked in like she was a vacuum, giving you no choice but to get swallowed.

“you were pregnant, right?” raven’s head dipped to the side, already knowing she had gotten to you despite your face no longer showing a sign of distress. “with a little girl?”

jasper’s gaze, as well as everyone else’s, landed on the side of bellamy’s jaw, eyes wide, holding their breath, waiting for him to step in, to stop it, do anything but freeze up like a stick, struck dumb with shock.. and hurt and a pain he couldn’t distinguish, something he had never felt before to the point he didn’t even know if it was all real.

raven tsk’d, eyes landing on her lap, “such a shame really.” you could see the sick smile that began to climb up her cheeks, making you want to scream, shout, anything to get rid of the pain clawing at your chest. “does bellamy know?” she looks up, as if wanting to really know, as if she didn’t already. “i mean he is the father after all, you think he’d deserve to know.”

he knew now.

“bellamy, do something,” clarke gaped at him, her hand tugging at his arm, begging him to snap out of the trance he was in. “bellamy, you need to go in there. you need to get her out of there."

“he held you... thinking you'd die, completely unaware of the baby inside that really took the bullet," raven inhaled, sighing, her head shaking. "that really is sad, i don't know how you didn't end it-"

you got up and she smiled, anticipating this moment. but you don't do what she wished you'd do. you stood calmly, staring deep into her hazel pupils, amusement snowing around, almost encouraging you to inflict pain on her.

"you're not real," your voice is low and quiet, "you can't effect me. you promote a false devotion and promise a final happiness and safety from pain, but you're flawed and can't even bring the weak of us down."

your eyes dart back and forth in search of some emotion in her eyes, but it seems she goes blank and shuts down like a computer until her jaw tips up, pulling closer to your face, whispering back, "you think that you're so brave, y/n. you think that you're some courageous soldier just because of the luck you had of showing up in the right place at the right time," you feel a hand grip your bicep while the other wrapped around your mid section, slowly pulling you away from the words that ran out of her mouth fast, “but you're wrong, deep down you're coward just like all your friends and my point is only further proven when you took the chip, because admit it y/n, you're scared, you're scared-"

you felt like you had been ripped from a different world once bellamy had spun you around to face him. your body shook internally as realization overcame you of what had all been revealed within that room. bellamy looked scattered as he stared into your eyes with his own wide ones. he didn't look himself; he looked worried and maybe even sad.

very sad.

"y/n, sit down for me, please," he grasped your arms lightly, pulling you down on one of the chair slowly and gently, afraid you'd break under his touch. he was completely disoriented and he wasn't even sure if what was all happening was real.

you stayed blank in the mind, feeling completely drained and distraught to the thought of what was running around in his head right now. it hurt that he now knew everything.

"talk to me," he slowly kneeled before you, "what—baby, what happened to you?"

you inhaled sharply, the feeling of tears beginning to form in the crest of your eyes as you begun to feel overwhelmed—your chest tightened and it seemed like such a strain on your lungs when you tried to breathe, "bellamy, a lot happened in... mount weather that i can't even begin to explain. i'm not even sure what was real and what wasn't."

"i was in a dark spot," it was hard to force out and you could barely look him in the eye with the intensity he kept within his eyes. his heart hurt for you and he couldn't even begin to think straight with all that was revealed with raven. "i can't think straight half the time, bellamy and after everyone was killed at mount weather.. and i was shot... i didn't feel like the same person anymore.. nothing felt right..."

you choked. your voice caught in the back of your throat as you attempted to explain yourself but he stopped you, shushing your voice as your tears begun to slowly fall and paint your cheeks. he pulled you close by the back of your neck, stroking his thumb against your scarred skin while the other wrapped around your waist, pulling you to him and his warmth. he held you tightly and so hard, that his ribs hurt but he didn't care because he was afraid that you'd slip from his grip, like you had before.

but you stayed and you held him just as tight, allowing yourself to sink, because this was the only thing that truly felt right.

navigation.

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athena, my lover. theodore nott x named!gryffindor!reader

athena; the goddess of wisdom, warfare, handicrafts, mathematics, and courage, among others. jealousy; in a way that shows an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

theodore nott had never seen someone like athena. with your pretty face and aggressive yet calm nature, and emotionless features, he could never dream up such a pretty painting of a girl. piercing eyes full of nothing, not even a single hint as to what you were thinking about or who you were. there was something so perplexing about you that he just couldn't get you out of your head.

that’s what made him desperate. starting with the fact that he felt he could always read a person perfectly straight through a glimpse of their eyes and body language, but never you.

the eyes were the window to the soul.

just not yours.

another thing was, he felt girls were easy. 

he never met for that to sound so unkind, but it was true. with the millions of girls he seemed to have been with, their emotions practically poured from their eyes, begging for a stranger to come in and seek their true self and feelings. they were all the same, they all wanted the same thing no matter the shell they were wrapped up in.

they ate it up, anything he did and theo himself ate it up when girls seemed to simply rely on him after one single moment of sharing relation. they fell in love so easily, became attached, infatuated, adored, and even seemed to be fooled with any single moment of touch. 

this wasn't the case for you. 

you never cared for boys but rather studies and competitions that proved you to be superior and advance over all your other classmates. you did it shamelessly, never looking for the approval of anyone but your own parents despite their attendance lacking at every move you made at hogwarts. 

you never cared for anyones opinion, it was very obvious and sometimes hurt others such as friends and even eager boys that were really rather interested in you. 

this included theo. 

blaise always and continued to scold theo for being a fool for falling for someone like you. despite the two of you being in two completely different housing, houses that were made to hate each other, blaise and yourself got along rather well. quidditch being the main reason for the bond. 

the two of you strived to compete and be better than the other due to it just being apart of each of your natures. that being said, the quidditch game set for that day was in a whirlwind of aggressiveness.

the day rained grey with clouded skies. the weather was sickening and swallowed around hogwarts whole but still, the quidditch game had to go on leading to many injured, like one would expect, and drenched clothing that smelled of sweat and earthy gross. 

your hair was soaked and you swore you had pulled out your shoulder from it’s socket but ignored the pain as you flew from the field. the pain made you clench your jaw but you couldn't help but smile. you had won the game, earning you bragging rights against blaise. he wouldn't be exactly excited from that fact, but a deal was a deal, one you had both made toward the beginning of the season. 

“y/n!”

you saw blaise wave you down to the ground hopefully and rather excitedly for just losing a game with a person standing next to him, theo, another slytherin you had heard much about but never really interacted with due to there being no reason to. 

you stood before him, shaking his hand lightly as wind surrounded you, blowing your hair back and forth wildly to your dismay. you squinted, attempting to look at theodore nott a little better than you ever had before, but found it difficult with pain clouding your vision.

his cheeks were red and you guessed it was from the wind and cold the three of you stood in. you tried your best to wrangle your hair into a ponytail as you stared at the boys before you, awkwardly.

“shall we have a change of scenery?”

you hummed in agreement, soon ending up in the common room of gryffindor after a change of clothing and quick hot shower that finally put you to ease. you now sat across from the two boys who both looked uneasy from the way they sat, almost as if awaiting something bad to happen—that really wasn’t going to come.

“so, theodore,” you tipped your head slightly, examining him better with a clearer sight now that the pain of your shoulder had settled and the air wasn’t filled with mist. “blaise tells me you were cut from the slug club, why?”

blaise grins immediately, a pairing laugh coming along in the tone of surprisal, almost bracing himself as he adjusted his position on the seat of the couch. he clutches his jaw as he looks over to theo who looks to him abruptly before back to you, his face blank, but his eyes filled with a glaze of annoyance.

“yes, theo, please, fill us in on why slughorn cut you from slug club,” blaise faked his interest, knowing very well why.

he half glared at blaise from the corner of his eye and you could sense the sudden unease that had unfolded before your eyes with the question, but you kept your mouth shut as you watched theo seeming to prepare himself.

he rubbed his mouth, “my father is a… death eater and slughorn doesn’t want anything to do with that.”

your eyebrows pinched together as he said this. an awkward silence took over fast and he anticipated what you would say. he cursed blaise and he cursed himself that he said it aloud, and he knew he fucked it all up-

“that’s a shame,” you mumble finally, your hands clasped together as you thought deeply into his words—not exactly sure on how to take it, but you don’t allow it to cloud your judgement on him just yet. “i mean i suppose you don’t miss much besides the fine food and… cormac’s ogling.”

blaise stifles a laugh as the image of cormac mclaggen staring at hermione last meeting visibly and shamelessly came to mind. it so obviously made everyone uncomfortable and was many of the reasons blaise hated slug club. but he always found entertainment in making fun of the participants, especially with you as an audience.

“that is too bad,” theo’s arms extended across the arm and back of the couch as it seemed the tone of his voice was rather uninterested. “it seems you two get along quiet well.”

you scoffed, looking to blaise with a rather confused bearing on your face at the sudden change in topic, “uh, sure,” your head tipped, shrugging, “we have our moments.”

“we could be closer if she weren’t a traitor to her own blood.”

“okay,” you scoffed instantly, with a roll your eyes. you’re not surprised he said it, it made sense that he did, it was almost his way of asserting dominance in front of theo by pulling that sentence out. “don’t start, zabini.”

“what,” he laughed drunkly, “i’m just saying.”

“what’re you saying?” theo raised a brow, picking on the sudden discomfort with confusion.

“oh, you didn’t know?” blaise raised a brow as he glanced to theo who winced at the tone of his voice—taunting and jeering. he didn’t understand why he was being such an asshole, but it was blaise. “athena comes from a long line of slytherins, but somehow was sorted gryffindor.”

that’s why you couldn’t judge theo. you were not naïve to your parents and their position within the wizarding world. they weren’t good people and they mirrored what theo’s father was, but you weren’t them and something about that frustrated blaise. you knew it and it was obvious, no matter how hard he tried to hide it with his teasing.

“don’t let him get in your head,” theo rubbed his mouth as he eyed blaise, “he’s only mad it took seven fathers to make him rich and memorable and not just one like your own.”

the gathering ended fast after that with blaise scolding theo quietly as they exited the common room, calling him a 'fool' while theo didn't seem to care as he lit a cigarette.

you couldn't help but smile to yourself.

**

“theo."

the afternoon slowly drew to an end as theo made his way back to the slytherin common room from his charms class when you called out his name from further back in the hall. he caught himself waiting until you were by his side with a rather eager energy flowing through your body. it struck him as strange, knowing you never had anxious tendencies, and if you did, he had never seen it before on you.

"athena," he gave you a good look up and down before the two of you began to walk again, heading toward the courtyard where many other students lingered. "didn't think i'd be seeing you for awhile."

"why is that?"

he glanced down to you, "last night, i would have thought you wouldn't want to... exactly associate with me after finding out about my-"

"that's what i wanted to talk to you about," you cut him off fast, figuring it would be awkward for him to continue to ramble. he looks down to see your eyes already waiting for his, a look of surprisal staining his face. "i wanted to thank you for uh, shutting blaise up."

"oh, no, it's not that-"

"yes but you don't have to do that," you shake your head slightly. "i don't need you to defend me, theo. like me, i'm sure you're already used to his bantering. i find it best to just let him talk it all out-"

"he shouldn't have said it," he cuts you off this time, his face turned serious as he still looked down at you. "i know his intentions and i know what he meant when he started talking about your... genealogy."

theo hates how defensive you are. how you don't want even the slightest of help even if it was as simple as telling blaise to nod off. he can tell that could be a large obstacle to over come in order to get close with you, and it makes him wince.

it's silent and you think about how blaise somehow—intentional or not—connected you and theodore, "i suppose blaise put us both into exposed positions."

"no kidding."

the two of you continued to walk but only in silence. it allows theo to think deeply about the short words blaise had said about you last night and further wonders how they could have been so exposing in the first place. he sort of understood—theo had no idea your parents—and the rest of your ancestors really, were heirs of slytherin. he found that strange, like he almost should have known due to your family being well known purebloods apart of the ministry. what could be so bad about them unless...

"i'll see you later, nott," you gave him a smile as you came to a stop in front of the wooden bridge that would lead you to quidditch practice. you stood there for a moment, examining his facial structure for a bit as he nodded, returning the stare. neither of you moved until you laughed, shaking your head before turning around and trekking for the field.

he stood there, watching you for a moment as a feeling of giddiness consumed his chest before the tension built up and exploded as realization came upon him in the thought of the past few seconds and how there was a look of longing in your eyes. a look you tried to laugh off before walking away.

your eyes were no longer empty.

**

"you asshole."

theo didn't process your voice until you had him pressed against the stone wall in an empty hallway. he stared at you with slightly wide eyes as your were filled with anger and almost hurt.

"it really fucking sucks, i kinda liked you," your eyes pinched as you surveyed his face, attempting to spot any fumble in his face; you saw none. "you got me kicked from slugclub, didn't you?"

"what, athena, no," a large frown formed on his face and his vision clouded with concern as he had never seen so much emotion on your face, it caught him off guard. "what happened?"

"slughorn found out my parents are deatheaters," your voice was dull but filled with so much irritation. "who else would have told him?"

"not me," he said it fast, "why the fuck would i have said anything?"

"i don't know," your voice came out as a strain and the weight you had pushed against him became lighter, "maybe you're mad that everyone knows who your father is and they didn't know about mine."

he should have been mad and shoved you off. if you were any other girl he would have been quick to put you in your place. but you weren't, you were in a moment of vulnerability and he could tell that this was rare. something about your parents was a tough spot for you, so it didn't even cross his mind to shove you off and curse you out.

"athena, just calm down," he slightly shifted, pushing you off slowly as if not wanting to startle you, "i wouldn't fuck you over like that, okay? i didn't tell slughorn anything about your parents, i barely even knew myself."

you looked at him with skeptic eyes, unsure of his words but you still allowed him to grasp you hands while slowly pushing you upright and away so there was some room between the two of you. you doubted it was him the more you thought about it, but you could barely even think straight when anything that dealt with your parents came up.

"how would he know?"

"who else knows," he gave you a pointed look, almost telling you that you should have known better and it hit fast the moment his eyes struck hard with yours.

blaise.

"fucking asshole-"

"slow down, sweetheart," he gripped your hands tighter, preventing you from marching off, "deal with him later. i want to talk to you anyway."

"let me go, and i'll see."

he rolled his eyes, "you don’t slow down, do you?” his sighs and his hand runs up your arm, now lightly gripping your bicep while the other still held your hand. “you going to talk to me properly?”

you looked up at him, your face looking puzzled until it slowly faltered into its blank charm. you waited for him to speak with the tip of your head causing him to slightly smile, almost scoffing, “i like you, athena, but you are one frustrating girl and i can’t figure you out.”

a snide smile struck your face and you slowly pulled away from his grasp as your chest tightened in satisfaction, “you’re smart enough, theo. and according to slughorn it seems by blood and nature we’re the same person.”

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made for display, part one. thomas shelby x reader

summary: a widely known performer seems to catch the attention of a gang leader who can't seem to get her out of his head

warning/s: swearing, drinking, really bad writing because i don't want to revise my old writing, smoking, harassment, and slight violence

slater’s note: this was originally a wattpad book of mine (just slightly edited) with an original character (kiera knightly as a faceclaim) but y’know, let me post it here 😁😁😐

you love the way people stare at you even when they have no reason to. their eyes could simply be wandering the room and then land on you for no reason and just stick there.

you loved it because it gave you some form of power that no one could seem to place. the attention they fed you reflected off of you and gave you a glowing effect, attracting more eyes. it was a mentality really; no one could be you, no one could beat you, there was no like you.

however, the attention came to be a bit much when it came to certain men, especially men like harvey lucas. a man who made constant passes at you and when rejected; he made other equally indecent men make passes at you.

there was a constant growing of discomfort that would just form in the pit of your stomach each time he came into your vision. you just couldn't avoid him no matter how hard you tried, he always found his way to you.

you made money by playing piano at the hudson; a large ballroom that was open every night, and had you play every saturday. you made good money but you also made good impressions on some of the men that would watch you, making it easy for harvey lucas to find someone to force on you.

you leaned against the copper bar rail with a glass of wine in hand as you observed the men and women that swung along to the music together.

a small smile of amusement formed on your face as you continued to watch until it was suddenly dropped when you saw the eager face of harvey from the corner of your eye; he was looking for someone.

he was looking for you.

you quickly adjusted yourself off the bar railing, setting down the glass half full of thick red wine before pushing yourself into the crowd of dancing people in hopes his eyes wouldn't catch you.

you looked around frantically, looking for someone to hide behind or to just to talk to so you could drown out harvey who was soon to find you. it was always better with the company of another person, it always made it hard for the man to push on his abrasive words.

your eyes land on a man who, conveniently, was looking right at you. you almost smirk but he slowly diverts his eyes to somewhere else with a blank expression, almost thinking you wouldn't notice him if he was subtle, but it was too late, he was already quick pray.

you glided across the slick polished wooden floors to the man who stood to the side with a glass of whiskey.

you smile when his eyes find their way back to you when you’re only five feet away. he seems unaffected, as if he expected you to come around eventually, like this was his plan the whole time, even as he had no idea who you were.

and you smiled to yourself knowing he was very well unaware that you had no intention in sleeping with him, but only to escape from the drooling men that chased after you.

"do you dance?"

maybe you liked him, chose him because he wasn't drooling all over you, and of course that's the way things go? you desire the ones who don't desire you.

he nods slowly and always hesitantly, taking a sip of the drink in his hand, not offering you any verbal response. but you take that as an opening to drag him onto the dance floor as he wasn't speaking; wasn't protesting.

eyes seemed to land on the two of you, including the ones of harvey who was after you. you smiles to yourself as you can see the disappointment clouding his features from the corner of your eye.

thank god.

thomas shelby reluctantly places his hand on your hip as well as lacing his fingers with yours. he purses his lips while studying your features as your eyes dart around the room, as if your anxiety was turned to a high and he found that strange.

"these people, mr. shelby, they take great interest in you," you mumble while studying other people and the way they look at you, no, the way they look at him.

"who are you?"

you finally look to him, finding his icy eyes that seem to stare into your soul. they make you lightly shiver, but you keep your composure, slightly smiling to hide the fear that started to creep into the back of your mind.

you were a fool to consider him as a dance partner so lightly.

his eyebrows were raised high, "how do you know who i am?"

"i don't."

he leaves your eyes, looking at the crowds of people who you were referring to, and he frowns at your incorrect observation.

"they're all staring at you."

thomas has never seen you a day of his life until now. it took him on edge on how well you seemed to know him for no reason, but it's as if he forgets how notorious him and his brothers are.

"they're staring at the both of you."

you closed your eyes tightly at the voice, leaving tommy all the more confused. he formed his lips in a tight line glancing at the man who stood uncomfortably close to the two of you who continued to dance to the music.

"fuck off, eh? harvey," you mumbled, your eyes wandering around the cream colored room.

"wouldn't you like that, huh, y/n?"

thomas looks between the two of you, loosening his grip on you and you notices right away, your head flipping to him. you give him a desperate look that he sees a lot from woman.

you didn't want him to leave you to another conversation with the man that continued to stand next to you in an awkward stance.

but thomas fully lets go of you, nodding to the man named "harvey".

you bite the inside of your cheek as you watch the man smooth down the front of his nice three-piece suit while walking away, back to his scotch.

"you look nice."

you scoff, marching back to the bar where your alcoholic drink also awaited.

maybe, you thought, maybe if i act like he's not here, he'll go away.

but he didn't. he continued to talk about the hotel room he had up in the hudson and how he was ready to go up at anytime.

"harvey, you really have no idea how much i'd like to strangle you right now," you mumbled, connecting the tip of your wine glass to your lips.

you glanced his way while you take in the thick liquid down your throat. he thinks while looking at his shoes before looking back up to you.

he comes in really close to where his lips are connected to your ear, "i'd prefer to be the one who strangles while fucking you senseless."

you could feel your blood boiling to the point you couldn't even think, so you smashed your wine glass over the top of his head.

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SEASON 4 OF COBRA KAI‼️‼️‼️ WHO’S READY FOR THE PERSON IM ABOUT TO BECOME ??????

everything and nothing.

pairings. mattheo riddle x slythetin!fem!reader

part one of n/a.

about. mattheo brings along a girl none of your group is fond of, especially you and the timing of it all is horrible.

warnings. swearing, nasty language, underage drinking and smoking, wonky timeline/plot, angst? it sucks i apologize

ricky rocks. i hate this so much tbh and it took so fucking long to fill in the gaps, but happy new year :D

it was planned and laid out so it was perfect and didn’t come off strange; didn't seem abrupt and uncalled for, but you could tell the whole month leading up to the end that something was off.

you were crazy. he called you crazy and you almost believed it till you saw his hand in hers and his lips on her cheek and the only thing you could hear was your heart beat, which eventually faded into mattheo’s voice saying he would never get with a bitch who had to spread her legs in order to get a boys attention.

especially if that bitch was in gryffindor.

to get it straight, from the moment you met mattheo, you knew it’d be something that’d last because he wasn’t like any of the other boys in your group. sure they were all picky, but they were all so different. such as enzo with sex on his mind so much, he only thought with his dick and was practically under the influence half the time you saw him. or theodore who almost never thought about a female and when one looked his way with a pretty smile, his cheeks would go red. or even blaise who seemed to be stuck in the middle and his list was short and easy and in this order; quidditch, girls, booze, and studies. and draco, well draco seemed to be in a completely different world since year six started that even tits didn’t matter to him.

no, mattheo was different. he was silent and kept his thoughts to himself. he never smiled, he never frowned, and he never laughed. his blank expression never faltered and it would have been the most intimidating thing if he hadn’t intrigued you.

everything seemed so permanent. so perfect. no worries, just him and you. you knew him more than anyone; you got to see him smile, laugh, frown, everything that was a secret to other hogwarts students.

until it wasn’t.

after he broke it off with you, you almost never saw his face until your eyes had landed on him, sticking out like a sore thumb in the middle of the great hall where all the gryffindor students sat, holding a small jet-black haired girl by the waist, speaking to her calmly as she smiled at him.

what the fuck.

“that is absolutely not okay, pansy. do you understand how much of a dumbass i looked like, just staring.. fucking staring at him practically fucking a gryffindork and not even the fucking good kind, do you understand?”

pansy watched you pace back and forth in the wash room with her arms crossed, waiting for you to stop rambling and just let it all finally sink in. it never really did and for the life of you, you couldn’t make sense of any of it. it never eased in.

at first, you thought it was a joke, a really bad one that wasn’t exactly sinking in quite right, something that almost amused you, but when it finally did sink in, you felt anything but amused.

“you keep staring at them, nothings going to help," she watched you, her voice in a strain as she examined you with an expression of exasperation. "it's embarrassing that you're so invested in a relationship that you aren't even a part of."

“you’re a cunt, pansy,” you spat, “a real fucking cunt.”

pansy didn’t care, not for awhile anyways. she found your sorrowful stares annoying and she wanted you to snap out of it. you were no more fun and she dreaded your presence more than anything. but that was all until she saw that brat laying on the slytherin couch with her butt just barely covered with her slutty black thong and a large green sweater that was so obviously not hers.

she felt anger bubble up in the base of her stomach as she watched the girl. who did think she was, a stray dog?

“get up, you slag,” she almost ripped a chunk of her hair out from her scalp with how hard she yanked at her hair. “get your lazy sod ass off my couch."

she went skippering out of the room like a wounded puppy and pansy almost pulled out her wand on her if it weren’t for theo and his long lanky arms grabbing her by the back of her night shirt. he had great timing and was quick to wrangle her down with his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

theodore didn't hate anything more than the tension that was created once the snows of december had swooped in and taken over. like you, he wasn't dumb and he picked up on mattheo's strange behavior the moment you all had came back from the break in november. it fucked everything up; whatever it was that mattheo was going through. you didn't have your head screwed on, nor did pansy and it just seemed she was more unhinged than you were just because of the vendetta she seemed to have against all females that didn’t automatically put themselves below her.

blaise was no help, never was, never would be. he only laughed and kept his insults low. and draco didn't even seem like a person anymore—it was like ever since school started back up, his mouth was sewn shut. even if draco had anything to say about whatever it was going on in the friendgroup, he wouldn't, and most likely, if he was going through what theo thought, he most definitely couldn't.

so, yes, theo was the one holding down the fort and he wasn't exactly the happiest about it due to being pushed out of his comfort zone the moment he had to hold down a small and ridiculously muscular girl from strangling another.

"knock it off," he lightly smacked her upside the head, jerking her out of his arms as she wouldn't stop wiggling. "get back to bed, pansy, it's too goddamn early for this."

but theo should've known; loathing didn't stop, not even at the earliest of mornings or the latest of nights.

°•

you were bundled up in your mittens and scarf as you made your way through hogsmeade with your face almost half frozen off from the harsh wind and snowflakes. tears pricked your eyes and you sniffed at the cold. you truly despised winter at hogwarts and you couldn't have been happier to of made it inside of three broomsticks where heat immediately soaked your skin.

you sighed in relief, wringing your scarf off your neck as you made your way to the group of boys who sat in a booth in the way back of the cozy pub, arguing- to your surprisal.

"you can't do that."

"what," enzo raised a brow, "you’re saying i can't do this?"

you sat down just as you saw lorenzo raise a blunt before lighting it despite blaise and thedore's annoyed gazes, "you're going to get us kicked out, berkshire."

"where's your sense of fun boys," he tipped his head, smirking as smoke bubbled through the air. "y/n will give it a try, won't you dear?"

you watched the attention turn to you as enzo's arm extended out in your direction, smiling like a sick dog, inducing you to take it and of course you did, returning the twisted smile. you inhaled sharply, a squint overcoming you eyes before handing it back to him to which he giggled, leaning into his seat as he glanced around at all of you; clearly delusional.

"see, you fuckers just need to relax."

blaise rolled his eyes before fixating his attention on you, or more so, trying to ignore the hotboxing enzo was trying to attempt in the corner, "what is it you're planning to do in three weeks?"

theo coughed, putting out his cigarette, "you mean the yule ball?" he quirked a brow before he became more comfortable in a slouch.

"yeah," blaise nodded and your heart was put to a strain, "i was thinking we could just skip out on it and go for a swim or whatever our desires please." he had a silly smirk on his face that made you raise a brow.

"you want to go for a swim in the middle of december?" you dumbfounded, a haze beginning to creep up on you as you once again held the blunt. "i'd rather go dance."

and you really didn't want to dance.

"well i haven't got a date, so i might as well drown myself."

"enzo, without a date? i believe no such thing."

he fake laughs before a look of annoyance overcoming his face, "believe it or not, dances are reserved for the boyfriends and not just the guy you hookup with when your boyfriend can't provide."

"you're life must be so hard."

"well, seeming i don't have a boyfriend, i'll go with you, enzo," your posture straightened and multiple looks of anguish crossed your friends faces but you were already too dazed to notice. "just don't expect a kiss at the end of the night."

he winked at you, "no promises, love."

blaise smiled to himself before it quickly faltered, once his eyes went beyond you to where the entrance had opened, revealing mattheo... and of course, his small new girlfriend. blaise coughed, diverting his eyes back and forth with quick motion that was hard not to notice. something he only intended for theo to catch, but you weren't dumb and your head turned fast in confusion to see the same sight.

you frowned hard at the sight. of course, with your luck, you weren't surprised they hadn't shown up sooner-

“hey,” blaise grabbed the side of your face, making sure you were looking at him instead of mattheo. "don't look at that prick. here, take a sip," he slid his butter beer across the table before taking out his silver flask and lowly pouring the contents inside causing the drink to fizz even more.

"oi, you can't get her crossed in the afternoon," theo frowned hard before pulling the drink across the wooden table his way, taking a sip before you could. "be more sensible, won't you?"

"i'm only trying to help."

you frowned in annoyance as their bickering begun to take off and you took back the large mug without any of their notice. you gulped down a large amount of liquid fast causing it sting the back of your throat and the foam to layer over the top of your lip, making you look like a child. even more so as you sunk deeper into the booth, watching them with a gloom glazed over your eyes.

"well, your idea of help isn't exactly helpful," theodore rolled his eyes before looking back down to you where you were taking your second gulp of spiked butter beer, he quickly snatched it from your grip, causing the substance to splash and leak from your mouth.

"you ass-"

someone cleared their throat, causing you to stop yourself and look up quickly to where mattheo stood looking down at the four of you with pursed lips. he looked annoyed, but the harder you studied his face, he also almost looked disgusted with how disoriented you all looked. it was hard to tell.

"riddle," blaise tipped his head, examining him, "to what do we owe the pleasure?"

he coughed, glancing down to you as you awkwardly wiped your mouth, before he looked back to no one in particular, "i suspect i'll be seeing all of you tonight, is that right?"

you frowned, glancing around the table quickly for answers from your friends but they all stared up at mattheo with blank faces. your chest thundered as feelings of anxiousness took over with how close you were to mattheo. it was the worst feeling ever and he didn't seem to care as his eyes were everywhere but yours now.

"i wasn't sure you were friends with us," enzo hiccuped, "seeming your new girlfriend is the only person you hang around now."

theo had to kick enzo in the shin before he could say anything more. blaise suppressed a smile by pressing his tongue in the side of his cheek at foul play before focusing better on mattheo, waiting for a reply.

you felt dizzy now with the frown on your face. not fair. it wasn't fair.

"very funny, berkshire," he rubbed his knuckles against the top of his lip with the ghost of a smirk on his face. "maybe i would find more joy in your presence if you weren't trying to get high every moment of the day..." he paused, now looking back down to you slowly, "or peer pressuring others."

you frowned harder.

"i'll see you all in astronomy tower after dark," he nodded and walked away, before stopping again. "but tell pansy that if she pounces on nyla again, i won't hesitate to throw her off."

nyla. so, that's her name.

it had suddenly hit you that it was saturday and on all saturdays, before mattheo begun taking out his new friend, your whole group of friends would climb to the astronomy tower where you would all get stupid drunk till one of you were hanging off the edge for a ride of your lives, a ride that would ultimately end with your death. so, most likely, if pansy were to "pounce" on nyla, mattheo wouldn't have to be the one to throw her off the tower, seeming she was always the one hanging off the rail in pure entertainment of herself.

"such a shame," enzo kissed his teeth, "that man used to be fun before he started caring about what his father wished."

blaise was swift as he swung his elbow toward lorenzo in the ribs before glaring at him from the side, "you'd keep your mouth shut if you knew what was good for you."

"what?"

"nothing, enzo just has his mind in a mix," blaise crossed his arms, quickly attempting the cover the words that slipped out unintentionally. he then tilted his head toward the exit, angling his body to move off his seat, "we should get going if we're going to teach pansy how to stay tame within the presence of nyla. god knows how long that will take."

°•

it was the worst idea to show up at the astronomy tower. everything in your right mind was telling you to just stay in for the night, but your petty heart had a louder voice and was just more convincing, telling you to show up.

mattheo knew you were petty and he was almost surprised that it took you this long to show your true colors, but with abruptly winding you with the news of breaking up, he understood and he knew it'd take time for you to bounce back. it was hard for him too. you just didn't find peace in it like he did.

you typically weren't one to drink, so stumbling up the tower stairs with glistening eyes was very unlike you and was the very first thing mattheo noticed the minute he saw you all pressed against theo who seemed completely exhausted as he tried to keep conversation with you; nodding slowly and mumbling few words in return. it made mattheo resist the urge to shake his head as he directed his eyes down to nyla, who seemed to be completely tucked away in his arm as he held her by the waist.

she wasn't as fond of the idea of meeting you all, seeming you were all the type to harass her on the daily if it weren't for how quiet of a person she was in the first place. none of you had ever seen her before until mattheo was magically tied to her hip. she wasn't dumb, she knew the stares of hatred when she saw it, but for mattheo, she'd do anything for him.

if only that went both ways.

"you don't have to shake any of their hands, just say hi," he whispered lowly into the crest of her ear, making his chest flow with heat as she looked up to his with wistful eyes, nodding. "they're not all as scary as they like to think they are."

the astronomy tower was awfully cold and you cursed mattheo for choosing this of all places to introduce his girlfriend. he probably did so because you'd all be too cold to move incase she said something stupid that would make one of you want to strangle her. that thought made you roll your eyes as you snuggled deeper into theo with your knees pulled to your chest.

the only reason you chose to get drunk was for some liquid courage in order to confront mattheo, but all you felt was tiredness with all your anger weighting down in the core of your chest. you didn't have enough energy to say a word at the moment and you cursed yourself for taking those shots when pregaming with enzo. you knew it'd backfire, but you thought that’d be a bad hangover, not a bad mood that was appraised to sulking.

"i'm not going to lie, this nyla girl looks awfully familiar," the warmth of enzo's body consumed the right side of your body as he leaned in closer to you and theo, mumbling lowly as he watched the jet black haired girl from across the tower, smile up at mattheo as he fixed the hat she had on top of her head. his brows furrowed as he seemed to think harder with his lips pressed into a thin line. "i can't think of where."

it's silent and the only thing you can really hear is the wind and pansy and blaise's small chatter from the back. they were examining the dark grounds below, trying their best to make out landmarks of hogwarts, but failing due to it being ten at night and their was no light in sight.

the both of you glance at enzo as he stroked his chin and you couldn’t tell if it were for dramatic effect or just a tick of him actually thinking hard. you doubted the last option.

"ah," lorenzo exhaled sharply with the snap of his fingers, coming to a conclusion that made you frown up at him with how close he was still. "i know where I've seen her before."

"do you really?" theo raised a brow, annoyed.

"yes," he still looked at her, then bluntly spoke, "I've hooked up with her."

both your eyebrows raised quickly in surprisal, "really?" you shouldn't have been surprised, there wasn't anyone in your year that enzo hadn't hooked up with, and it was notorious that the girl mattheo had chosen was a whore, but it still caught you off guard due to the alcohol burning away all your sensibleness. "when?"

"ah, not too long ago," he waved his hand, "possibly after a quidditch match."

theo rolled his eyes, "change the conversation before they hear you."

"well, see i actually don't think it was after a quidditch match," he brushed off theo, frowning as he thought hard. "maybe it was at a ravenclaw party. oh dear this will be on my mind all night."

"well, do let me know when you figure it out."

"quiet you two."

all three of your heads snapped to the right of you where draco stood, looking over the railing, also examining the dark with hard eyes, almost as if looking for something specifically. you frowned at draco, almost immediately becoming annoyed for no specific reason other than him interrupting and just… standing there.

"have some fun, malfoy," enzo extended out his arm where he held out a bottle of fire whiskey, "there's no reason to be such a prick."

"who's being a prick now?" blaise cut in, coming back from the conversation he was having with pansy. he was smiling lazily before leaning his elbows against the railing where draco was.

"daddy issues over here won't allow me to figure out where i shagged nyla."

"well why don't you ask her?"

and boom, it was that easy.

you were drunk, but not enough for blaise's subtle insinuation to go over your head. he, like enzo, in any event strived to cause chaotic situations that more or so ended with someone getting mad. but blaise always made sure to stay in the background, practically puppeteering enzo by planting bad ideas in his head. and lorenzo, of course, always went with it, purposefully or not. and right now, his next question was intentional.

"where'd we meet again, nyla?" enzo piped up, trying to play off his taunt as general curiosity and innocences as he adjusted himself to sit up taller, brushing against you. you could all see right through it, the dimple in his left cheek from a suppressing smirk being a dead give away. "i forget. do you know?"

her cheeks seemed to have gotten red and mattheo was frowning hard as he stared at the boy right next to you, wanting to know where he was going with this. was this revenge for you, or just another superiority contest lorenzo was trying to pull over mattheo once again? he couldn't tell, but either way, he wasn't amused.

blaise was. his cheeks almost hurt from how hard he was already smiling. it was always the best when he had alcohol in his system. everything he ever tried to hide was out in the open and he became more loose. he no longer found care in his stone cold image that he was so protective of.

"i don't recall," she coughed awkwardly. "i think this is the first time-"

"no," his voice drew out like he was beginning to sing before he tipped his head to the side. "see, i am familiar with you."

your eyes connected to mattheo’s for a second and a feeing of shame crosses your mind for a split second.

“very familiar, if you understand.”

theo reaches over you to shove enzo roughly who begins to laugh hysterically, blowing out your eardrum, “knock it off.”

“what? it’s just a harmless joke.”

he continues to laugh despite both theo and draco’s glare and mattheo, who gets to his feet and marches his way toward all of you. your eyes followed him as he walks fast, expecting him to grab lorenzo by the collar and throw him off the tower, but instead he grabs yours, raising you to your feet with a very harsh tug that makes you yelp in surprisal. enzo’s laughing stops as he watches, puzzled, while theo calls out to mattheo to relax, “she had nothing to do with it.”

“fuck off, nott,” he barked, still dragging you by your collar to the part of the tower where a wall would block the both of you from all of your friends vision.

“what is your problem?”

“what?” you gaped up at him with wide eyes that drive him insane. “that wasn’t me. you know lorenzo-”

“i don’t want to here a word about enzo,” both his hands now gripped the inside of you coat and he had you pressed against the cold black railing that was keeping you from your death. “i can see right through you, sweetheart,” he says snidely and almost smiles, “jealously is not a good look for you.”

he lies.

he couldn’t have been more obsessed with the look that would cross your eyes every time you saw him even having a pinky on nyla.

“what?”

“you have a problem with nyla, tell her,” her cocks his head putting on a mocking smile. “i know you want to.”

“i’d rather keep it to myself,” you shove his hands off, trying to pull away but his hands end right back inside your coat, holding the fabric of your sweater tightly. “i wouldn’t want to make you mad.”

“never stopped you before,” he almost pulls you closer, but stops himself. “c’mon, y/n. i wanna hear what you have to say. i know you’ve been dying to say it, so say it.”

you bite your tongue hard knowing there was no way out of this. his eyes were eating away at you, almost begging you to say something because he truly wanted to know what was racing through your mind. he wanted you to yell at him, but you couldn’t.

"you're no fun when you don't drink," you fake pouted, trying to change the conversation, but you instantly regretted it the moment he pressed you further against the railing to the point your back was leaned over it and you were just on your tiptoes, gripping his bicep in desperation. “mattheo.”

“what?” he drops his smile, “you usually like it when we play. not anymore?”

“not when you’re fucking another girl,” you struggle against his grip and his eyes darken. “let me go.”

“why?”

“because it’s hard being anywhere near you without wanting to punch you in the face,” you’re still balanced on the tips of your shoes, trying to push him back, but he was persistent and held you right where he wanted you. “let me fucking go, mattheo.”

“no,” he dares you to continue.

“what, you really want to know what i think about your new girlfriend?” you raised a brow and he didn’t have to say anything for you to be able to tell what he wanted. “i think she’s a cunt and i think you’re a traitor for going out with a slag like her. it really shows what low of standards you have, to go out with a girl who has also been underneath the body of lorenzo.”

he lets you go.

°•

going to the yule ball was the absolute worst decision your group made. everything was a complete mess, starting strongly with walking in on mattheo showering, then coming to the conclusion that pansy was in a bad mood more than usual to the point she was screaming at theo- which never happens, then realizing lorenzo was your date go the yule ball, which there was nothing wrong with that, other than the fact that that meant you had to go.

“you should be glad, y/n,” pansy mumbled while pinning her hair up, “at least you’re going with someone who will actually speak to you.”

“maybe if you weren’t such an ass, pansy, theodore would find more pleasure in your presence,” blaise called over to her from your bed where he laid watching the two of you get ready. “be glad he chose you and not one of the feening ravenclaws who would pay to even touch him.”

she scoffed, “why don’t you shut it, zabini. i don’t see you with a date.”

“that’s because i’m going to be there for moral support,” he smiled sweetly as he placed his hands behind his head. “make sure my girl, y/n, has a fun time and doesn’t end up crying in one of the washrooms.”

you rolled your eyes but still smiled, “‘preciate it.”

“you better,” he gets to his feet before walking your way, raising his index finger, “i denied my best shaggin’ partner for you.”

of course.

you left soon after that with a pit in your stomach on the whole way to the ball room. you felt something would go wrong, especially after the other night at the astronomy tower. it seemed clear now that mattheo must have seen you as an obstacle, almost an enemy, more than anything with the way he was so close to dropping you. you were very aware of his unkind and vulgar nature that you wouldn't be surprised if he just...

"well don't you look lovely," you jumped as a random head, that you quickly process as fred, dipped down next to yours, a playful smile on his face as he analyzed you in the dark green dress you wore. "you sure don't disappoint, y/n."

"well, fred, she is the slytherin princess, ain't she?"

"fair point, george," he straightened back up, still smirking.

"careful 'ere, weasley," enzo was quick to place his hand on your lower back, making you shiver with how cold his hand was against the warmth of your bare back. "she's my date for tonight."

"lucky man," he smirked before exchanging a glance with george who snickered. "takes a lot to tie her down."

"no doubt."

you could always tell the weasley twins made lorenzo nervous more than anything else, whether that was their height or just their such laxed and carefree nature. you always found humor in it, even more when he practically rushed you to your table where the rest of your friends were already settling down.

he took a breath of relief as he stripped himself from his dress coat, already getting overheated for no reason. you shook your head with a slight smile as you sat down in one of the cushioned chairs. you watched enzo then pull his flask from his pocket, taking a strong swig before exhaling again like alcohol was air.

“what’s got you all nervous?”

“oh, nothing,” he looked down to you as if he hadn’t realized you were right next to him despite him walking you to your chair. “just forgot how to dance, is all.”

you couldn’t tell if he was joking, but you could tell it was an excuse.

“man, sit down,” blaise yanked him down by the belt, “you’re making us all nervous.”

but you had a feeling enzo had nothing to do with that. you looked around at the three boys that sat at your table and they were all squirming in their seats, looking as if they were anticipating something, like they were going to be hexed at any moment. it made you frown hard especially as you seemed to have been the only who noticed it.

“i think i want to dance,” blaise’s feet moved faster than the rest of his body, his eyes locked on nothing particular before looking to you quickly. “y/n, dance?”

a look of confusion struck your face but you got up just as quick, almost tripping over the leg of the chair, “sure.”

“lovely.”

“ay, don’t-don’t wear her out too much,” enzo hiccuped a call after the two of you as you made your way to the main floor, “she’s still my date.” but you had a feeling he wouldn’t have trouble forgetting you with the way he was already half way down with his flask.

“fool,” blaise shook his head, placing a hand on your lower back. he seemed to have been in his own world with the way his mouth was snapped shut after one word, something strange for him when near someone he was close with, but you wouldn’t consider it out of the ordinary with the very large amount of people that surrounded you. yet something still seemed off. “you having a good time?”

“i don’t know,” you shrugged, placing your hand in his and the other on his shoulder, “i’ve only just got here.”

“fair point.”

his eyes wandered again and so did your mind.

“funny thing,” his lip twitched upward, “i could have sworn pansy was in love with theo.”

your eyes traveled behind you to where blaise’s eyes accidentally snagged pansy who was dancing with a random boy, talking his ear off. you stifled a laugh before looking back to blaise who’s expression was blank, all amusement gone causing your own to falter. you couldn't understand how he dropped an emotion so fast.

"what's wrong?"

you think he doesn't hear you by the way his eyes still skim around the room; anywhere but you. but you realize he was ignoring you by the way an awkward silence settles on the two of you relentlessly and he almost stiffens.

“blaise,” your tone hardens, “what’s up with you?”

“nothing,” he mumbles, his eyes still distant, “just relax.”

relax.

“you two done yet?” enzo appears out of nowhere, his hands settling on both your shoulders, “i’m ready to dance.”

you both awkwardly looked over to lorenzo who seemed even more disoriented than before with his hair pulled out of its previous neat state and his white dress shirt unbuttoned two down, flashing his gold chain.

you glanced to blaise who looked at the boy with revolt. you could tell whatever was going through his head wasn’t good and whatever plan he had for tonight, wasn’t working out.

“no.”

“what do you mean 'no'?” enzo looked like he had been just struck across the face for no reason, “she’s my date, not yours, mate.”

“relax, mate, and go dance with pansy.”

“or maybe-”

“no maybe, just fuck off.”

you both watched him saunter off with his back hunched up like a child. you both rolled your eyes as blaise continued to lead you back into a dance- something you weren’t so sure why he was so committed into doing.

“why wouldn’t you just-”

“he can wait his turn,” he mumbled, his eyes meeting yours for a split second, “i have to tell you something anyways.”

“me?” you raise a brow. “you’re actually going to speak to me now?”

“don’t be like that,” he rolled his eyes with a look of annoyance crossing his face for a split second, “it’s difficult enough without you being snide.”

“what is?”

he seems hesitant and he looks at you again but this time they stay there and he studies your face but doesn’t look directly into your eyes, “when you go home for the rest of break, you need to stay there… for a long time, y/n.”

“what-”

“there are-” he shuts his mouth fast, rethinking of how he’d say whatever he had to say without getting himself in trouble. “you need to trust me, just this once-”

“you two having fun?” pansy gives you no time to answer as she intrudes on your conversation. “probably not as fun as our favorite slytherin prince and gryffindor princess-” she cuts herself off as she looks between the two of you, her eyes glimmering with something you couldn’t pin point other than something close to mischief. “god, some hypocrite. you remember when theo liked that ravenclaw girl and-”

she was rambling at this point and you could no longer hear her as your eyes met the couple she was referring to. you watched mattheo and nyla with a coat of envy over your eyes as he looked at her before leaning in close to her with quiet words dripping from his lips.

“i don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“you don’t think shit, blaise,” she hustled away faster than you could process with her mind set on one thing-

“what is- what is she doing?”

“something stupid.”

pansy was swift and when she had her mind set on something, she was good at it. she knew what she was doing and she was set on completing it. unfortunately for you, you had no idea what that was, but you knew it wasn’t good when she squished her body between mattheo and nyla.

“silly mattheo, you thought you could get away without a dance with me?”

he grunted in response as she easily took nyla’s place- who now stood a foot away awkwardly. but they both ignored her as their eyes met with challenging stares and stayed that way until pansy once again broke the silence with her wrenching tone.

“you really fucked us all over with your new girlfriend,” she shook her head, eyes pulling away from his as she tried to seem calm in her taunt. “tell me, mattheo, is it worth it?”

“you’re being childish, pansy.”

“am i?”

“yes.”

she smiles, “cmon you always like it when we play.”

he smiles back at her, “not when you’re sticking your nose in places it shouldn’t be. you and y/n both seem to have the same problem.”

“you’re a fucking bitch, mattheo,” she rolled her eyes and pushed away from their dance. “you and your bitch ass girlfriend can go eat shit, i don’t care. do whatever the fuck you want.” pansy then turned to the girl, “i hope you choke on his-”

“okay,” theo grabs her bicep, fast to escort her from the situation before she could say anything more. “you two,” he points at you and blaise as he walks by, “come here.”

you both look at each other before following slowly behind him where he stops at the table you all previously sat at, "you all need to get your shit together," theo had his hands stuffed in his pockets as he looked between all of you. you had never seen his expression so hard and full of solemnity; it fit his face well, like this was something usual for him but it almost worried you as he looked angered and that was never something that touched his skin. "you all need to keep your feelings for this girl to yourself. every single one of you is a fucking mess and we all have a reputation to up hold. save it for another day."

"like you're doing any better, nott," pansy scoffed, crossing her arms, "you're as nervous as a stray cat. why?"

he clenched his jaw allowing the silence to marinate before turning to enzo's direction, "stop drinking," and then to blaise, "find draco," and then pansy, "stop being such an ass and find some other guy to dance with," and then you, "go outside, you need some air."

the four of you all looked to each other before blaise moved first and the rest of you followed like a chain reaction into different directions. you hated that. you felt so helpless and you wished it all would stop. you didn't even have a word with mattheo and you seemed to be this large burden on his mind—even if you didn't do a thing.

the cold air sucked you whole as you stood outside on the patio, gazing out to the sky where a full moon was place in the center of your vision. goosebumps pinched your skin with a shiver and you no longer thought straight with the cold causing your mind to bounce off the walls. you were already so disoriented it didn't help that draco ran in on your mood.

"it's cold out here," he stood far with his chin tipped up like yours, "how long have you been out here?"

"not long."

"you should go inside soon," his gaze hit the side of your face, "maybe lorenzo will dance with you if he snaps out of his bender."

"i'm not in the mood for dancing."

you could hear him sigh and you weren't exactly sure why. he seemed overall hesitant; rocking back and forth on his feet, determining whether or not if he should take a step closer, but he still kept afar. it seemed as if he was almost forced to come out here.

"i'm only going to say this because no one else will," draco stood at a very far distance looking down at his nice black dress shoes with concentration that screamed he was uncomfortable. it made you feel more alone for some strange reason dealing with the fact that he wouldn't come closer and he wouldn't even look at you. "i don't want you to get hurt, y/n. none of us do, but you have to move on because the next few days are not going to be any easier on your heart, nor the next few weeks, or however long he stays with her."

"how can i move on if he doesn't even look at me," you whisper into the air.

"you don't look at him."

“that’s fucking stupid, draco.”

he’s quiet, until, “you don’t have a choice.”

you frown harder and you look up to his hunched figure pushing the small pile of snow around with his shoe, “what is going on?” he glances up to you to realize you were actually looking at him, “every single one of you have been so fucking weird. i’m so tired of putting off feelings just because i have to for the greater good- or whatever the fuck you’re talking about.”

he looked stunned with his mouth slightly opened. he looked like he wanted to say something else but knew he couldn’t. he was lucky too because theo walked out with his hands shoved in his pockets, intruding in on the conversation. he took note of the tension looming through the cold air as he looked between the two of you. he the watched you carefully as you still held a gaze with draco, practically glaring; and he looked away, staring at the stars, praying the night would end soon.

“y/n, come dance with me,” he extended a warm hand out, finding it better to direct the situation than ask questions. you took this gesture as mockery; the alignment of the sentence sounding as if he was babying you, like he has an obligation to take care of you.

“no.”

“no?” he seemed shocked, “you’re breaking my heart, princess.”

you glanced at him for a moment, before fully looking at him, “i think i should leave. this isn’t fun and you all are being fucking weird.”

it’s silent, he thinks about it. you’re not supposed to leave but it’s so hard deny you with the situation that you are in.

“just stay-”

the sound of progressive footsteps causes him to pause mid sentence, his eyes looking to the side until he shifts away from the door. mattheo walks through, his demeanor tense and it immediately soaks all of you. he looked as if he didn’t know where he was as he looked between the three of you—or as if he forgot what he was going to say. it killed you that he let the silence linger, as if he had lectured you all and now wanted you to think about it.

“i need to talk to, y/n,” he looks between the two boys, “alone.”

fuck.

you wished you accepted theo’s invitation now. and he must have too by the look he gave you before walking back into the building with draco. something was wrong.

he didn’t say a word. he couldn’t think straight and nor could you with how unsure his movements were. you felt like you could throw up with the amount of nerves building up fast on anticipation.

say something. say something. mattheo, please, say something. so i don’t-

“do you love her?”

“do i love her?” he almost sounded hurt as he slowly still paced, his hands stuffed in his black dress pants. he couldn’t think straight, and asking that question right off the bat did not help at all. he scoffed, repeating the question in his mind.

“yes,” you nodded, crossing your arms to assume a more stern stance, one he could see right through, one he knew all about and had seen many times before. you were trying to hold your composure. “you know, like you loved me before just breaking it off?”

his pacing almost fully stopped as he cranked his head to the side, clenching his jaw as your words hit. he couldn’t say a word. he couldn’t and he wasn’t going to no matter how much your words stung.

“you know, i almost socked her when you chose her to dance with you,” you clicked your tongue, tipping your head to the side as the image of mattheo lightly taking her hand and guiding her to the main floor where many other couples were slow dancing—it replayed over and over in your head. you scoffed, “i mean we all knew you’d choose her but.. that was the real cherry on top. that or when you whispered in her ear.”

you shook your head, shaming him, wanting him to understand the hurt you felt, “tell me, what did you tell her that was so heartwarming that she just had to kiss you on the mouth?”

“why don’t you shut up,” he’s swift with his movements as he pressed his body completely up against yours, practically hiding you as both his hands clasp your jaw, his thumb pressing against your bottom lip. “just shut up, y/n. i do not need you fucking this up for me.”

you were getting into his head.

your eyes were wide and you feel trapped with your arms pressed against your chest, still crossed and held tightly with annoyance and pain. the tip of his nose touched yours and you could smell the vodka he must have downed moments before coming out here.

how does she feel about that?

his drinking?

you never liked it but you were just sure she adored that because everything mattheo did was just-

“can you not let your feelings get in the way for just one second?” he whispers, “can not stay out of the way, y/n? what is not clicking in your head that i do not need you? you are not the one and you are goddamn lucky you’re not.”

“don’t you fucking-” you pause, pressing your lips together as you stopped yourself and thought with tears beginning to layer over your eyes. “you do not get to fucking say that. i’m not the one? oh yes, mattheo i am so fucking lucky to be ditched for a whore.”

he exhaled sharply, turning and pacing further away from you and into the snow where it swirled and decorated the trees and stone pavement. you followed after him, not finished, hoping that all your hurt would flood out by the time you stopped talking.

“i’m not the one? after all that happened, after how long we’ve been together?”

shush.

“i’m not worth you’re time? i’m not worth being in your presence? i’m just another fucking girl that you don’t think about?”

“of course you fucking aren’t,” he turns around and he grasps your face, his eyes wild and mirroring the storm around you. “you’re worth a million more things than me. i’m going to get you killed, i am no good for you.”

silent. just wind and snowflakes dotting both your faces like freckles.

“if i don’t do what i’m doing now, you’re going to be killed or i am. maybe worse,” his fingers laced into your hair, pulling the cold strands from your face so he could see your big doe eyes more clearly now, but it only made him feel worse. “i’m only doing what i’m told.”

it clicked.

"mattheo, no," you dread it, you hate that he gave in. "why-"

he pulled you quickly before you could further your sentence, taking notice to some of the students who begun to walk outside for a breath of fresh air. he pushes toward one of the carriages before opening the small door and pulling the two of you into it.

“why are you with her?” you don't waste time, "why her, what does that have anything to do with your father."

"she's only one step to a plan, y/n," he mumbles, hesitant on what to say, "she knows things i need to know. she has things i need."

"who else knows?"

he pauses, almost stumped on whether or not he should answer. he could be risking a lot, not that you'd snitch on him, but rather you stick your head in places that it didn't need to be in, "all the boys."

"why didn't you tell me?"

"i couldn't do that to you-"

"mattheo that is bullshit," you whisper.

"they're all under the vow, y/n. do you understand what that does to a person?" he pauses, looking hard into your eyes, wanting to know what you were thinking, wanting to know if you understood the point he was getting at. "i tell you, i tell you everything, you go under too-"

"then i go under too," you say it fast without thinking, "mattheo, i want to do it. whoever did it to you and theo and blaise and whoever else, do it to me."

"y/n, no," he frowns hard, not understanding how you could be even asking, "i will not allow you."

"why not?"

he looked frustrated and almost angered, struggling with the ability to convince you. he leans forward now, his hand holding your hip, "you would hear everything i thought, you would hear him. it is a curse. you don't sleep, you don't eat. he is always in your head, it never ends."

"what do i have to lose?"

"everything."

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Do you write for Finnick Odair still?

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