Sobbing Hysterically

sobbing hysterically

"Don't worry, Reggie. Big brother is here. Come on, lie down soon, otherwise it's cold." A gentle whisper. Sirius holds the blanket up in an inviting gesture. The storm is raging outside the window again.

"Can I really stay with you until morning, Sirius? Promise me you won't tell Mom!" A confidential whisper in response. Oh, Regulus. How you will treasure these minutes in the future.

"This witch doesn't need to know. Sleep, little star. A big dog will guard your dreams." Jokingly. With the same tenderness. And hugs that can close from all the malice of the world.

im sobbing

Prompt - Struggle

Cw - mentions of disability and walking aids - may not need a warning but in case it is hard for anyone

Remus groans and drops back into the bed, bringing his hands up to his hair and burying his fingers inside.

He thought he wouldn't get any worse after a few good weeks, but really, this should have been expected. His joints are aching, his knees are cracking, his ankles are turning, and he doesn't know how much longer he can go on for. He just wants to be able to walk into the living room, join Sirius on the sofa, and curl up under a blanket, but he can't even get out of bed.

“Moons,” Sirius whispers as he sits down on the side of the bed, gently lowering Remus’ hands with his own. “I got your stick if you want to try getting up?” he says softly.

“No,” Remus breathes out, sinking further into his blanket.

Sirius sighs. “You know it will help you, and it doesn’t have to be for long.”

He knows that Sirius is right, it will help him, but he can't. He doesn't want to be relying on a walking stick when he isn't yet even thirty years old. He doesn't want to go for a short walk to prevent his muscles from deteriorating faster when he knows it will only leave him in pain later.

“I’m not using that stick,” he whispers, avoiding Sirius’ eye.

“Remus, sweetheart, you know it helps you.”

“Everyone stares at me.”

Sirius carefully climbs over him and settles himself behind Remus, placing his arm around his waist and pressing a kiss into his temple. “Nobody stares at you, but even if they did, it doesn’t matter. It helps you, and you should never be ashamed of using something that enables you to live your life.”

Remus knows he is right, of course he does, but it isn't that easy. “I'm tired,” he whispers instead of answering, turning enough to press a kiss to Sirius’ nose and then rolling back and closing his eyes.

It doesn't take long for Sirius to sigh and stand from the bed, and Remus vaguely hears him pick up the walking stick before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him. Remus keeps his eyes closed, wishing more than anything that he could take a walk outside with Sirius.

He has always had these struggles, but as he gets older, it only gets worse. He can remember telling Sirius to walk away a few years ago, when he finally accepted he will be reliant on walking aids or likely a wheelchair one day, but Sirius didn't.

He told Remus that he loved him no matter what, and he would simply hitch a ride on Remus’ lap on his bad days; the perfect place to sit and wrap his arms around him.

Some time later, the door opens, and Remus keeps his eyes closed as Sirius once again perches on the side of the bed, running his fingers through Remus’ hair.

“I've got a surprise for you,” he whispers, leaning forward and trailing kisses along his jaw. Remus opens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. “You'll have to come with me,” Sirius smiles.

“Pads–”

“No stick,” Sirius promises in a whisper. “just me. Hold on to me, just to go to the kitchen.”

Remus lets out a breath of air and nods slowly, pulling himself up to sitting before putting on some trousers and grabbing his shoes, complete with his newest AFO’s, the ones he is still trying to get used to.

Sirius holds his arm out, and Remus takes it gently, stepping around the bed and letting out a sigh of relief as his back stretches for the first time since the previous evening. They walk slowly, and Remus is smiling at the bright look in Sirius’ eyes.

“So, what do you think?” Sirius whispers when they get into the kitchen.

Remus frowns until he looks at the table, finding his waking sick lying across the middle of it. It looks different, though, now covered in a range of stickers as opposed to the previous pain black. He can see stars, a moon, a stag, some flowers. There is a book sticker, a coffee cup, a cat, and a quote saying – I rock my disability.

“What...” he whispers, his words drifting off as he lets go of Sirius, taking a step closer until he can pick up the stick.

“I borrowed Lily’s machine thing to make you some stickers for it,” Sirius says softly, closing the space between them and resting his chin on Remus’ shoulder. “I did some of your favourite things, and I thought we could add one each time we make a special memory or you think of something you like? That way, your stick is more like you, and I was hoping that would make you feel more comfortable.”

Remus feels tears in his eyes as he turns the waking stick over in his hands, rubbing his thumb over the stickers. He grips it in his hand and slowly lowers it to the floor, allowing his weight to shift and takes the pressure off his legs, instantly feeling the relief, just like when he holds onto Sirius. He lets out a choked sob and drops his head to Sirius’.

“Oh Moons, I'm so sorry.” He whispers, wrapping his arms around him. “I didn't mean to upset you,”

Remus shakes his head. “You didn't,” he whispers, raising his head to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “I love it, thank you.”

“You do?”

“I really do,” Remus nods, taking a step backwards with his stick and looking down at it with a smile. “You've made it something to love, rather than be self-conscious of. I don't have to struggle anymore.”

Sirius smiles and lets out a breath of air “I thought we could walk down to the lake to try it out?” he asks hesitantly.

Remus wants to day no, but he can see how happy this has made Sirius, and he wants nothing more than to go for a walk with him. He nods and makes his way into the bedroom, pulling on a jumper whilst Sirius gets his shoes and some painkillers for Remus, already thinking ahead.

He looks up at the sky when they get outside, feeling the sun and warm air on his skin. Reaching out, he pushes his fingers through Sirius’, linking their hands together as his stick is secure in his other one. The birds are circling the air, and Sirius laughs as he pulls out a sun sticker from his pocket, declaring he has a small stash ready for when Remus wants to add any more.

The stop by a bus stop around halfway to the lake, and Remus smiles as Sirius crouches down, adding the sticker before pressing a kiss to Remus’ knuckles, and then they continue their walk. He finds that nobody looks at him. Nobody frowns at his waking stick or offers him an expression that is nothing but pity. Nobody pays him any attention, and he relaxes considerably.

They sit down on the bench under the tree when they get to the lake, and Remus stifles a laugh when Sirius pulls a little duck sticker out of his pocket, raising an eyebrow in question. Remus smiles and nods, watching as Sirius once again crouches to the floor to add the sticker.

“Look mummy,” a child shouts suddenly. “that man has a stick like me!”

Remus turns quickly, finding a little girl around seven years old, waking towards them. She has a small stick in her hand, bright pink, and some little AFO’s strapped to her lower legs, much like Remus’.

“He does, darling, that's right.” Her mother replies, smiling at Remus before turning back to her daughter.

“Can I talk to him?” he hears her whisper, and he turns to see Sirius smiling as he reconnects their hands.

The mother turns to him, and he smiles in confirmation, hoping it is less shaky than it feels. “Go on then,” she smiles, keeping close behind her as she makes her way over to Remus.

“Hello,” the girl says, keeping her eyes on Remus stick. “my name is Amelia. I like your stick.”

Remus laughs. “It’s nice to meet you Amelia, I’m Remus.” He says with a smile. “I like your stick, too. It's very pink,”

The girl looks up and screws her nose up. “Pink is nice, but you've got stickers.” She says before turning to her mother. “Why doesn't mine have stickers?” she asks, and her mother laughs, stepping closer.

“We can get you some stickers, if you like?”

“Can we get a duck? Like that one, please?” she asks, pointing to the duck sticker Sirius had just added as her mother nods, laughing again.

“I actually have some stickers in my pocket that we brought with us, if it's alright with your mum?” Sirius says, pulling a pile of stickers from his pocket.

Amelia’s eyes go wide as she looks between them all, nodding rapidly. “Can I have that one, please?” she asks, pointing to the rainbow.

“You can have as many as you like,” Remus smiles.

“But don't you want them?”

Remus meets Sirius eyes and smiles. “Sirius got me these because I was worried people would look at me for having a waking stick, but you have both shown me that I don't need to be scared anymore.” He says softly, moving up to let Amelia sit in between them on the bench.

He watches as Sirius lines the stickers up, allowing her to choose as many as she likes, and her mother allows. He feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and looks up to see her mother looking at him with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” she whispers, tears in her eyes. “she hasn't had it long, and she was scared people would laugh at her. I never thought of stickers.”

Remus smiles. “Neither did I,” he whispers, glancing back to see Sirius and Amelia laughing together as they cover her walking stick with stickers.

@wolfstarmicrofic

The ‘there’s only one bed’ trope but instead of waking up in each other’s arms the ship wakes up and one of them is spread out across the entire bed and the other one is falling on the ground.

and if you love both, you're a depressed fucker just like me

jegulus is for people who love teenage love of people loving who know that it won't last. wolfstar is for people who love the idea of growing old together when love doesn't look as pretty but it's softer than it had ever been before

james: did it hurt?

regulus: did what hurt?

james: when you fell from heaven

regulus: bold of you to assume i didn't crawl straight out of hell

imagine: sirius drawing on remus' arms during class cause he can't stay still and focus and remus slowly dozing off cause he finds it relaxing despite acting annoyed that he can't take notes at first