[2:16 PM] (TW: Panic Attack)

[2:16 PM] (TW: panic attack)

it happened completely unexpectedly.

the weather is lovely, and you managed to buy everything you wanted today. you weren’t bothered by the crowd of people who are also enjoying the warmth of summer, and you’d been laughing about something with jongho just moments before everything happened.

suddenly, someone had shouted. it was probably a petty argument, just two people bickering over trivial things, but the cause of it doesn’t matter because the sound alone made your anxiety spike and suddenly you’re spiraling.

jongho continues talking about whatever you had been discussing, but he stops when he realises something is wrong.

you look around at the people walking past, and you’re hyperaware of every little noise and movement. everything is so loud and you feel like you can’t even hear your own thoughts, but the pounding of your heart is somehow drowning it all out anyway.

you don’t hear jongho calling your name, but when he moves next to you and waves a hand in front of your face, still confused by what’s happening, you suddenly reach for it.

“jongho,” you mumble, trying your keep your voice from cracking, “I just- I can’t do this right now. I can’t do anything right now, I can’t-”

“woah, hey, it’s okay,” he cuts you off, gently placing his other hand on your shoulder.

holding one of his hands tight with both of yours, you stare at him with wide, scared eyes, and a concerned frown finds its way to his face. looking around at your surroundings, he bites his lip as he tries to think of what to do.

“let’s go somewhere else, okay?” he suggests, and when you nod, he takes your hand and leads you away from the crowded area.

once you’re somewhere much quieter, he finds a spot for you to sit. taking a seat, you wring your shaky hands as if trying to physically rid your body of the anxiety. you stare at the ground, trying to regulate your breathing and count down from 10 slowly, but it feels like you have no control over your lungs.

choked sobs escape you as tears stream down your face, and you feel guilty and regretful despite it being out of your control. jongho kneels in front of you and asks you to look at him, so you do. he holds out a hand and you place your hand in his.

“you’re alright, okay? you’re safe, and you’re going to be absolutely fine. I promise.”

you nod, and though you’re still anxious and shaky, his words do help you calm down. he repeats affirmations over and over, looking right at you and watching your expression for any sign of discomfort because he really wants to help but if you need space, he’s going to give you that.

“is it okay if I sit down next to you?” he asks after a few minutes pass, and you nod with a weak smile.

the warmth of his body beside you helps keep you grounded, and you rest your head against his shoulder. your heart is still racing and your cheeks burn from crying, but you feel like you can finally breathe.

he doesn’t speak, he just wraps an arm around you and lets you calm down. more time passes, and you finally decide to say something.

“jongho, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the day or anything, I’m really so sorry,” you apologise, unable to look him in the eye.

he turns to you and places both his hands on your shoulders, expression both serious and kind. shaking his head, he says, “don’t ever apologize for something like this, Y/N. you’ve done nothing wrong, there’s no reason to be sorry and you didn’t ruin the day. okay?”

you just nod because you’re sure you’ll start crying again if you try to speak. he pulls you into a hug and you let yourself relax into the comfort of his embrace.

at the end of the day, even if things don't always go well, at least you know that jongho will always be by your side to help you up when you fall down.

hongjoong 〜 celebrate 210304

seonghwa — fireworks (210304)

[5:48 AM]

"mink," you groan, rolling over and stretching your arms above your head as you feel the night's sleepy haze already beginning to wear off.

curse your responsible brain for consistently waking you up at the crack of dawn, even on weekends. you want nothing more than to experience a single night of deep sleep that carries through until late morning, or even early afternoon, but alas, you lay awake in bed.

not only are you upset about the time, you're also practically cooking beneath the sheets from the heat of a random unnecessarily hot day. isn't summer technically over now?

mingi doesn't respond verbally, still fast asleep like a normal person, but he does try to turn you back to face him and you have to pull out the expert dodging moves to prevent it. you fear his cuddles will be far too warm.

you stare up at the ceiling, totally not vibing right now. it feels much too early to be fully conscious again, and you'd be quite happy to knock out right this second, but the situation is Not Ideal™.

the light that peaks through the blinds is pale blue and slowly growing brighter, signifying that it's probably only around 6am. you sigh quietly and rub your eyes.

as a desperate attempt to return to your peaceful dream world, you roll back over and snuggle up against mingi's chest, opting to yeet the blankets off your legs to balance the temperature. he seems content now that you're close to him again, and you press a kiss to his cheek as you close your eyes.

you're not sure if he's half asleep or actually awake now, but he reaches a hand up to pet your head comfortingly and whispers unintelligible words in his deep, gravelly morning voice.

the warmth of his body against yours is admittedly not as enjoyable as it would usually be, but you find yourself curling further into his embrace anyway.

somehow, almost magically, the sound of mingi's heartbeat and gentle whispers is soothing enough to lull you back to a deep sleep full of sweet dreams again.

you suppose a soulmate can help you with anything.

[5am adventures - choi san drabble]

"god, my parents are literally going to murder me if they realise I snuck out, san," you whine, rubbing your face as the reality of your little crime begins to hit you.

granted, it's not actually a crime, but it might as well be because if your parents catch you missing from your bed then you're done for.

"they won't find out, angel, and even if they do," he says as he drops an arm around your shoulder, "I promise to visit you in hell when I get there, 'kay?"

you scoff and shake his arm off, giving him a Look™. he just smiles lazily and shrugs, skipping ahead a few steps and stretching his arms above his head.

"wait, why do you think I'm going to hell, huh? you literally call me angel!" you point out, catching up to him just so you can give him the side-eye.

he sticks his tongue out at you rebelliously, but you know that means he's got no smart retorts left, so a victorious smile finds its way to your tired face.

the sun hasn't started rising just yet, but the sky is a faint blue-grey colour as night becomes early morning. streetlights still light up your path as you walk side by side, and at this time of day, it almost feels like you're two movie protagonists exploring an abandoned neighbourhood in the middle of an apocalypse.

"doesn't it kinda feel like a zombie movie or something?" san comments, reading your mind.

"in that case, I'm happy you're my companion," you say, and just before he can coo at you, you add, "'cause at least I won't feel guilty when I use you as bait, y'know?"

"those are bold words from someone who can only run half as fast as me," he responds with an eyebrow raised.

for a moment, it looks like he’s getting ready to prove his point, but then he realises he’s too tired to put in that kind of effort and instead you both break out into laughter. he turns away from you and you loop your arm through his as you continue your walk.

leaning your head against his shoulder, you say, "I know you'd never leave me behind like that. I'm such good company, it'd be a shame to lose me."

he just scoffs and tells you you're on thin ice, but you can hear the smile in his voice.

reaching the end of the street, you realise he’s leading you to the unfinished part of the estate, decorated with random sand dunes and areas marked out for houses yet to be built. as a kid, you lived in a neighbourhood with a similar layout, and you remember the adventures you’d go on with the kids who lived next door.

you’d pretend to be vampires on a hunt for blood, or mischievous princes and princesses running through your kingdom’s village. sometimes, the adults would even join in and play a game of fantasy-themed tag with you guys, but secretly, you always preferred the thrill of sneaking away without them realising.

funnily enough, even now, it seems like you have that internal feeling of longing for fun, risks and adventures. that’s why san knew you’d sneak out with him, even if you complained about it.

“I really like this time of day,” san comments as he kicks away the fragments of brick on the path. “like, I feel like my thoughts are so much clearer, and I don’t have to think about what’s next on my to-do list, you know?”

he walks ahead to a sandstone wall surrounding a plot and takes a seat, crossing his legs. you sit beside him with your legs hanging over the edge, and he tilts his head as he thinks to himself.

you find yourself admiring his profile absentmindedly, and you can’t help but feel it’s a little unfair how lovely he looks in the pale light. when his gaze finds yours again, you immediately look away in embarrassment, but he doesn’t comment on it.

he hesitates for a moment before he finally says, “I think it’s kinda special when it’s just us two out here.”

at that, you look up again to find him watching your expression carefully, nervously. this time, it’s him who looks away first.

he picks at the jagged rocks poking out of the sandstone, and you find it cute because you know he only fidgets with things when he’s nervous about something.

“god, it’s so cliche, but you really feel like home to me. I feel like I can say anything that’s on my mind and you’ll just listen and care and, I don’t know, I can just trust you wholeheartedly and I know you won’t hurt me, and I’ve never felt that way about anyone before, and it’s so...” he trails off, sighing when he realises he’s rambling.

flicking a rock from the wall, he grows quiet again. he won’t look up at you, but you can tell he’s waiting for a response.

“I get it. it’s the same for me. you know me the most,” you tell him, and even though he’s still staring down at the wall, you see his eyes widen, so you continue, “literally, there’s no one else who I would be able to tell the things I tell you, and maybe it kind of seems like I take that for granted ‘cause I don’t thank you nearly enough, but I’m so grateful, san. seriously.”

there’s a moment of silence after that, but it isn’t awkward and you don’t feel the need to fill it. it’s like you’re both sitting there and processing the real meaning behind what you said. you have so much more to add but right now, no words come to mind, so you can only hope that he understands what you’re feeling.

you’re pretty sure he does when he stands up and reaches for your hand, intertwining your fingers casually as he gets ready to walk around together again. feeling a little braver now, you decide to speak up.

“so, I know we should probably sleep when we get back, but would you be down to go out like this again tomorrow?”

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