Your Worst Sin Is That You Have Destroyed And Betrayed Yourself For Nothing.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky

i love u characters who are victims who don't show things in a way that's appealing i love u characters whos trauma leaves them with anger issues, with violence issues, with issues with connection and trust and being truthful i love you characters who don't get "better" in a way that's palatable, who don't find growth and meaning in their trauma

you cannot love ash while hating yut lung i’m sorry but using the point that he tried to hurt ash and eiji will never get me……. this is a 16 year old boy who watched his brothers rape and kill his mother at 6 years old while he was being held in place to watch and was then trained for special assassination and used for his entire life with no free will by said brothers until he killed his brothers freeing himself and others from their control because he despised the lee bloodline and with the new freedom that came with the lack of control and the aspect of no guidance in life from any respectable adult he grew a deep hatred for ash and eiji because he sees ash as a reflection of himself so they should be the exact same except why does ash get to have someone that loves him and guides him out of the darkness of hatred and self loathing that comes with the life they were dealt when they are the same person and yut lung does not have anyone to love him. so as any teenager would do he has a breakdown about it and then uses control (the only thing he’s been taught) to try to take that away from ash because they’re supposed to be the same but when it’s addressed to him that what he’s doing is wrong and that taking eiji away from ash would just create another yut lung, an unlovable and unloving person (as told from the perspective of yut lung), he stops what he’s doing despite his own sorrow and breaks his contract with blanca so that blanca can go try to save them…………….. he was a 16 year old boy with absolutely no guidance in life and when hit with the voice of an adult who does not hate him nor hurt him he listened and stopped…………………..

i feel disconnected from literally everyone and everything.

i really have to do acid before i die but will i ever be mentally healthy enough to do it responsibly and have a positive experience ? honestly no

soulmates but not in a soft romantic way soulmates in a destined to change each other for better or for worse, cannot be who they are without each other, unstoppable together but they’re also the only ones who can defeat each other, equals, existences undeniably tied to each other way