I Need Help Explaining What A FP Is/how It Feels To Have A FP To My FP... Can You Maybe Explain It? You

I need help explaining what a FP is/how it feels to have a FP to my FP... can you maybe explain it? You probably have before so I'm sorry for asking.

I haven’t explained it yet, and I don’t mind at all!! This will just be an in-depth description of what I have written on my term page!

Favorite Person (often shortened to FP) is a term used within the BPD community to describe someone who is usually being idealized and/or imprinted on. Often, someone with BPD feels incredibly dependent on this person and will put their needs before their own. They will frequently seek validation from their FP. Personally, my FPs are the people I base my opinions off of. Since BPD causes such an unstable sense of self, I feel like I can kind of anchor myself in these people.

It is also important to remember that while it is common for someone’s FP to be a close friend, date mate, or possibly a family member, it is not impossible for it to be someone you don’t know that well. A favorite person is most likely someone being idealized and/or imprinted on, which is not always someone close to you. In my experience, a FP is someone you feel like is one of the most important people in your life. You’re dependent on and attached to them and can’t imagine what life would be like without them. 

BPD also causes “black-and-white thinking,” which essentially means something/someone is either good or bad with no gray in between. FPs are often seen as basically pure good wholesome people (even though this is not always true). This has always caused me to feel like I needed to do whatever is possible to give them everything good because they deserve only the best. A lot of people feel like they must do anything for their favorite person, even if it is detrimental to their own mental and/or physical health.

I hope this was somewhat helpful? I’m not very good at explaining things! I’m sorry!

This is one of the most interesting conditions I’ve ever seen in a will…

“To my oldest Son who shall survive me I give my broad Sword & Fusee [musket], the Companions of my revolutionary Toils, which I bequeathe as a precious Deposit, never to be used against a fellow Being except in self defense or to defend the liberties of the Country when invaded by foreign or domestic foes.”

(source: The will of Benjamin Tallmadge, dated August 24, 1831.)

Managing Extreme Emotions

The Skills Breakdown Point occurs when your emotional distress is so intense that it is overwhelming. Your mind may stop processing information, and you may be unable to think about anything except for the emotion you are experiencing. In such situations, it is difficult to use complicated skills or to problem solve.

STEP ONE: Observe and describe, using Mindfulness of Current Emotion.

Is your level of distress extreme?

Do you feel out of control?

Can you not focus your attention elsewhere?

Are you unable to process information?

Are you unable to utilize certain skills?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may be at your skills breakdown point. If so, follow the steps below. If not, it’s suggested that you use other emotion regulation skills to combat your distress. 

STEP TWO: Bring down emotional arousal by using these crisis survival skills: 

TIP – use Temperature change, Intense exercise, or Progressive muscle relaxation to calm your mind by adjusting your body chemistry.

Distract – engage in an enjoyable activity to take your mind off of whatever is causing the distress.

Self-Soothe – do something that brings you pleasure and comfort. Try to soothe all five senses.

IMPROVE the moment – Use strategies such as Imagery or Relaxation to help carry you through the emotion.

STEP THREE: Go back to step one and observe and describe your emotions once again. Go down the list under step one and decide if you’re still at an unmanageable level of distress. If you are, repeat step two. If not, continue to step four.

STEP FOUR: If you’re still experiencing uncomfortable emotions, but they aren’t too extreme, try other emotion regulation skills at this time. 

NOTE: These skills are not intended to rid yourself of the emotion or to help you ignore a troubling situation. The emotion and situation still exist and need to be addressed. These skills are intended to help painful emotions be more tolerable, and to aid in finding a more balanced state of mind for dealing with the situation.

Sources: (X) paraphrased by Jill and Julia for Borderline Bravery | Image: (x)

                                                                                        I’ll kill you, Pitou!

When Emotions Fit the Facts

Anger:

A significant goal is blocked or an activity you desire is prevented.

You or a loved one is attacked or harmed by others.

You or a loved one is bullied or threatened by others.

The integrity or status of your social group is offended or threatened.

Love:

Loving a person, place, or animal enhances your quality of life.

Loving a person, place, or animal enhances the life of a loved one.

Loving a person, place, or animal supports the achievement of a goal.

Sadness:

You’ve lost someone or something permanently.

A situation doesn’t meet your expectation or desire.

Fear:

Your life or the life of a loved one is threatened.

Your health or the health of a loved one is threatened.

Your well-being or the well-being of a loved one is threatened.

Disgust:

Something you’re touching could poison or contaminate you.

Someone you strongly dislike is touching you or a loved one.

You’re near someone who could harm you or a loved one.

Jealousy:

An important or desired relationship/object is in danger of being damaged or lost.

Someone is threatening to take away a valued object or relationship from your life.

Envy:

Someone else gets or has things you don’t have but want or need.

Shame:

You will be rejected by a person or group you care about it something about yourself or your behavior is made known.

Guilt:

Your behavior violates your own values or moral code.

Source: (x)