God I Hate Having MADD So Much. I Can't Grieve People Normally Bc My Mind Just Keeps Giving Me Stupid

God i hate having MADD so much. I can't grieve people normally bc my mind just keeps giving me stupid daydreams abt me travelling back in time and saving them or them surviving or some stupid shit like that. I just want to grieve normally without having the wound constantly re-opened by my mind but i can't even fucking have that

i seriously hate when someone is like “well xyx could be related to this mental illness or neurodivergence” and someone feels the need to come in like “well *I* have depression/adhd/am autistic/etc. and i shower consistently, am not messy, understand social cues, am great in school and work, and am overall a functional and ‘normal’ person so it’s no excuse uwu” literally shut the fuck up lmao

like what do you get by shitting on other neurodivergent ppl who struggle more than you do? of course having something like autism isn’t an excuse to do whatever you want with no regards to others, but it can explain why you struggle with other things more so than neurotypicals do. give us a little patience and understanding. don’t act like just because YOU can “overcome” your conditions it means the rest of us are not trying hard enough or are being lazy or whatever.

say it with me. your trauma is valid even if:

the ones who hurt you were/are traumatized individuals.

you are/appear functional.

it was not caused by a romantic partner or family member.

“it could have been avoided”.

no one knows about it.

“it’s not that bad”

other people had it worse.

someone went through the same experience and does not feel debilitated by it.

it occurred a long time ago / you feel just fine now.

the ones who hurt you have apologized.

be gentle with yourself today, folks. feel free to add.

me trying to use my daydreamed experience as a reference for how to navigate real life situations

You know, if I had to describe my experience as an aromantic in one word, I think I’d go with “alienating”. Let me explain:

Imagine you’re aro and watching TV. There some kind of SciFi show on and they are debating the personhood of an AI.

The AI shows curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. They have desires. They have strengths and weaknesses. None of this convinces the doubters.

The AI makes friends. They take up hobbies. They talk about their hopes and dreams for the future. Surely this is enough to relate to them as a person? It’s not.

The AI is shown to fall in love. This is framed as the ultimate proof, the one thing that must humanize them even to the staunchest denier of their personhood or else that person is irredeemable.

You change the channel.

There’s a children’s cartoon on. “What is this?!” the villain cries, pointing at a couple. Their inability to understand the romantic love between those two is framed as stemming from the fact that somebody so deeply evil simply cannot understand something as pure and good as romantic love.

You change the channel.

There’s a sitcom on. Two characters are discussing a third character. “He’s really not that weird,” says one character. “He hasn’t been in a relationship for [x] years!” the other refutes. Cue the laugh track. The implication is clear: If he’s not in a relationship, it must be because he’s too weird.

You change the channel.

There’s a Christmas movie on. The main character is a successful businesswoman. She’s shown talking to her friends and family regularly. “You need a man,” her mother says as they bake together. The daughter denies this. The rest of the movie is all about proving the mother right, as suddenly her career, her friends and her family are framed as not being enough for her to lead a fulfilling life.

You change the channel.

It’s some show aimed at young teens and tweens. “Ew,” one character comments as the idea of them having a significant other one day is brought up. This is treated as a sign of their immaturity.

You turn off the TV.

Your experiences aren’t enough to humanize a non-human character. You’re the villain. You’re a weirdo. Your life is incomplete. You’re immature.

You’re tired.

There’s a reason it was an aro who coined the term voidpunk.

my trauma didn’t make me stronger it made me addicted to escapism and terrified of facing reality