You Rolled A 4.

You rolled a 4.

Your attempt to seduce the great elder god fails, and he pulls out his biggest tentacle, prepared to slam the ocean and create a huge tidal wave to make way for his entrance.

Cthulhu has risen and humanity is freaking out about it. It’s surprise to everyone when you walk up to the Elder God and say..

“If you kill me you will be just as bad as me” the dark lord said to the hero preparing to strike them down. The hero pauses, puts down their weapon and says “You’re right, I won’t kill you. But you are going to wish I did very soon.”

Imagine someone brings you a baby to heal and you have to explain to the parents why punching a baby in the face is gonna fix them right up

You have healing powers, but the way they work is unconventional. You call it “percussive-maintenence healing,” because in order to heal someone, you have to punch them in the face. You have tried other methods in the past, and they simply don’t work.

are you home. do you want to play. have you eaten today. can i bring you a snack. can you hold my hand

Here, a cheater course on caring for natural fibers!

1. Wool. Treat it like it has the delicate constitution of a Victorian lady and the conviction that baths are evil of a 17th century noble. (If I get in WATER my PORES will OPEN and I will CATCH ILL AND DIE.)

2. Cotton; easygoing. Will shrink a bit if washed and dried hot.

3. Silk; people think it’s like wool and has the constitution of a fashionably dying of consumption Victorian lady, but actually it’s quite tough. Can be washed in an ordinary washer, and either tumbled dry without heat or hung to dry.

4. Linen; it doesn’t give a shit. Beat the hell out of it. Historically was laundered by dousing it in lye and beating the shit out of it with wooden paddles, which only makes it look better. The masochist of the natural fiber world. Beat the fuck out of it linen doesn’t care. Considerably stronger than cotton. Linen sheet sets can last literal decades in more or less pristine shape because of that strength.The most likely natural fiber to own a ball gag.

"I t-think he turned his head...?"

The CIA tries to kill Clark Kent, not because they know he’s Superman, but because he’s a really good journalist. They keep making it look like an accident, but every plan fails. It’s a comedy as the CIA can’t figure out why their attempts always go wrong.