Hanukkah PSA For Reptile Owners!

Hanukkah PSA for reptile owners!

Hanukkah is almost upon us (woohoo!), so I wanted to give a quick reminder to all my fellow Jewish reptile keepers to avoid lighting candles in the same room as a reptile!

Even the smoke from small Hanukkah candles can be very dangerous for reptiles, especially hatchlings and juveniles. Reptiles can't cough, so any smoke they breathe in stays in their lungs and can cause respiratory illness very quickly. It's less dangerous on the first night when you've only got two candles going, but by night eight, it can be a recipe for disaster! This is true if you have an oil-based chanukkiah, too!

To keep your pet reptiles safe and healthy, make sure you always light your chanukkiah in another part of the house, and keep your reptiles out of the room while your Hanukkah candles are burning.

!חג אורים שמח

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

i grew up with a chronic illness and parents who believed i was ‘milking’ my pain. they said things like ‘it’s not that bad’ and ‘you have to get through it and do what everyone else does’. i never got the chance to know what my limits were because i wasn’t allowed to have any. because of that, i underreported symptoms until my disease became severe. scariest part is that i didn’t even realize i was underreporting. i had just been doubting my own body for years.

i still struggle to accept and seek support for pain. recently, i developed a large kidney stone. as i’m laying in the emergency room, crying from pain, i have a thought like ‘this really isn’t that bad’. and i’m like, ‘oh my god, i’m gaslighting my own pain’. meanwhile, i’m being given morphine and bumped up in triage. these should validate my experience, but suddenly i’m thinking ‘i don’t need this, i’m probably milking it’ because that’s what i’ve been told my entire life.

parents and guardians, take any pain your child reports seriously, especially if they are chronically ill. otherwise, you’re teaching them to ignore their own needs and limits, leading to the worsening of conditions and appearance of easily preventable problems. they’ll be much worse off then they’d be if they missed a day of school for supposedly faking a tummy ache.

the stars won't warm you, so what do you chase after?

You are a Very Small Mouse on a Great Grand Adventure…

The winter wind howls outside, rattling the shutters and knocking on your door. Someone has stolen its eyes and it has come to ask humbly for your help. Answer this call to adventure. Your knitting can wait.

The way will be long and treacherous. The garden grass towers high above your head and the air is bitingly cold. There is an Abbey in the branches of the oak trees not far from your burrow. There you will find a cloak and sword. The prioress is a good friend of winter, as all bats are.

Once you are ready, seek out The Toad. You will need to wake him from his slumber but he is well versed in Magicks and his advice will prove to be invaluable. The toads are wise but can be cantankerous so be sure to bring a gift. Silver coins, fresh peaches, or steam trapped in the glass of a lantern will do nicely.

Do not be too quick in acquiring foes. Predators are natural for one as small as you but remember, a rational word or an advantageous trade can easily turn one's mind to pleasanter forms of communication. Many of your enemies are very wise indeed and their knowledge would be of no small help to you.

There is a troll tending a garden untouched by winter. The grass is green and lush, bees at work happily tending newly blooming blossoms and in the center, a cherry blossom tree surrounded by its court, is Spring. Now here, you see it, beware. It is a scheming, vain thing beneath its rosy canopy crown and its blushing youth. Keep on your way and decline its offer of rest and warmth. It has a quest for you itself and as you listen to it snarl at the winter wind outside its garden wall, you're not sure it's one you'd like to take on.

Unlike summer, when the night is full of the sound of crickets and lit up by fireflies, nighttime in winter is quiet and eerie. The frozen lake creaks and cracks, beckoning you to come and skate on its too thin ice. Old hags and faerie kin wear feathers and wool and howl ghastly things at the moon. A little boat sails the night sky and offers to give you a lift. A king lumbers through the wood, his skin tough and his horns gleaming in the moonlight. He has not eaten for months but that is about to change.

Be sure to rest. There are many kindly creatures you will meet along your journey who will offer you safe haven and a warm fire. A badger's den where you sit amongst her five children, a small tavern whose windows glow orange with firelight, the nest of a grieving widower bird where your company is much appreciated. Trust your judgement, not all are here to set you off your path. Accept their warm bread and freshly baked cakes. No quest was ever accomplished by weary.

Though the way is difficult and may seem, at times, to be endless, have faith in yourself. You have your bearings, you are on the right path. The ones you meet certainly know more than they let on, do not be afraid to push them. You took on this quest and you are responsible for seeing it to its end. Be brave. Find who stole Winter's eyes.

...it's all coming together.