Xxv.g: Destroyer,haha, If That Crazy Nonsense Even Makes Sense ... Yeah I Understand, And You May Have

xxv.g: Destroyer, haha, if that crazy nonsense even makes sense ... “Yeah I understand, and you may have slipped … but you've regained or never really lost, that part of you I've always known, which was your honesty and ability to fess up your mistakes … but why so hell-bent though on acquiring those old memories and way of things, even in the name of rebuilding? Aren't they the reasons you kind of collapsed in the first place? Would it not be too dangerous trying to gather all of that, I mean you're basically risking everything every time you regain a shade, and the more you get the less … Good … shades that'll be available for you … your risk to reward ratio … well it'll become more and more unbalanced as you go on” Yeah in a way, they were responsible, they built a path that lead to the shatter, and yeah … it'll only become more and more of a shit show as I progress further. But, I have to do something, gotta keep moving forward, I have nothing else to do otherwise, except live in regret and rot … I feel like an outsider to my own life as it stands now, a mere guest in this house, and I remember looking back through memory, the power I held over my own life, that I seriously lack now … I just don't know how I acquired that presence I had when I walked around, and how that made people talk to me, when I try to go mimic what I did in the past now … it just … fails hard, I get weird looks or get called an asshole or insensitive, I just make things awkward, etc … it's all just … wrong. “You are different … I know and see it, but” *She turned towards me, put her right hand on top of my left, that was resting on the couch* “I'm very content with who I'm talking to … you don't have to become … yourself, again … for me or anyone else to love or respect you. I also would much rather you be who you are now … if that means you'll stay safe.” *I start to feel my heart rush a little* I can feel her hand in more detail … soft, warm, and so damn light, feels strange, and so different from the gut puncher from earlier … guess this was partially why I liked The Imp … [To Be Continued]

xxiv.b: Recompile, glowed even brighter it had seemed … I lay my back on the ground that was covered by an old puffer jacket and some old table sheets that I had found while searching for some fire supplies. I laid my head down on a bundle of old paper wrapped in a shopping bag for a pillow. I close my eyes and … Dream … I’m transported to the end of a long hallway … yellowish drab in color walls with a black eccentric print on the wall, the trim was white and was placed about halfway up the wall, below the trim was a plain gray paint that stretched to the floor with more white trim lining the floor, the carpet was of a similar drab color and print as the wall, there were doors on each side of the hall all the same, white in color, gold round ball-like door knobs … I started to walk down the hallway, I tried to open the two first doors on each side I came across … both were locked, so I went to the next, locked, and the next and the next and the … locked. They were all locked? Why? So I walk down to the end of the hallway where I open a door at the end … I step through the door and I walk onto a ship? a galleon? Mid Storm the weather was ferocious! the ship was rocking violently side to side back and forth, I was struggling to understand what was happening let alone keep balance and stand, there had to be over a hundred scrambling sailors all running around, tightening the sails down and moving injured down into the lower decks, they were all screaming at the top of their lungs, one of the sailors ran into me just trying to rush to help, sending me stumbling into the railing, almost over it … I stop and hold onto the railing, looking out past into The Sea … it was dark … we were in a giant whirlpool circling down into the darkness … but then … with a flash of lightning … I saw … a figure of giant proportions … a person, half submerged with just everything above the waste visible … then another flash, and the figure's large arm was raised high with a clenched fist … it let out a roar that was deep in pitch and wrang my ears near deaf and numb with pain, then another set of flashes showed as it slammed down with its fist into the ocean … the whole ship went quiet for a second … as we all looked in awe of the giant wave that came from the slam … that was now on a direct collision course with the ship … then out of the silence, a single sailor can be heard yelling from atop the crow's nest … “BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!!” Immediately! panic issued … we ran with little grace to the lower deck hatches … They were closed and locked shut! What!?!?! I and a bunch of the sailors start to look around for anywhere else to go … there was nowhere, then they all started to huddle together and lock arms, I hopped onto this bandwagon locking arms with them, we all joined and braced together… we all looked out towards the wave … Its size almost seems to double with every passing second as it gets closer … then we all tense up and gather as close as possible into one giant human-like rat king … then … BOOM! The wave hits and we are basically submerged in the ocean water about six feet above the deck, we all get swept up and I can't see, hear, or really feel anything other than the ice-cold pins and needle-like water … my feet get lifted off the deck and all I can feel is the locked arms of others connected to me. I get slammed against the other side of the ship, again against the railing. the wave and the water washed completely over the ship and back out to sea, I gasped for air, then looked around as only about half of our group was still here aboard the ship … the sailor that was locked to my left arm unlocks and runs for the captains quarters… I hear a screaming from my right arm “HELP HELP PULL ME UP PLEASE DON’T LET ME FALL” I look over to my right arm and it was hanging over the edge of a hole that had broken in the railing, still connected to me was a single sailor grasping onto my arm still, I go to pull him up from hanging completely over the edge, he was to heavy, I yell for him to climb up my arm … [To Be Continued]

xxiv.c: Recompile, I yell for him to climb up my arm … he tries and slips, I grab his forearm in panic and pure instinct … he starts to slowly slip more and more down to my hand … he says … “God PLEASE … PLEASE I DON'T WANNA …” He slipped out of my hand and disappeared into the depths below… I stare in disbelief and shock at what just happened … I then snap out of my quick little trance, then go to stand, I grab onto the railing and shuffle and struggle walk towards the stairs leading up to the helm with the captain. I make my way up the stairs… and look over to my left, where this Black Beard looking figure was pointing and yelling around and at sailors, as to direct them in what to be doing, I walk up towards him, and in his madness and chaos … his gaze crosses me for a mere glance … then his eyes dart right back to me and all the color and expression leaves his face … then a terrified shock pours over him … he raises his arm and says to me “n-no … it can't be you … y-you died years ago” I yelled HUH?? Then the storm picked up again, I start to stumble and then BOOM lighting hits the back of the ship … knocking loose the rope that tied down the main boom … it came swinging with great force straight for me at a slight downward angle … it SLAMS right into my abdomen carrying me straight to the edge of the ship … busting right through the railing launching me overboard, I watched as the top of the shit grew in distance and my arms flailed in the wind of the fall … then boom … my back slammed into the rocky cold seas and then … darkness … I thought, was I dead? THEN LIGHT … I awoke … springing straight up with great force and speed from a resting position to a sitting position … OHH … What the Fucking FUCK!! ... I look around … I'm … I'm in a bathtub? Filled with blood, I'm covered in … blood, head to toe. I look at my arms and hands as they are covered in blood, so much so … some starts to drip off onto my lap. I look to my right and notice the curtain is fully drawn, I grab the edge and pull it open … it's a bathroom from a previous house … I stand up and step out of the tub, open the cabinet as to grab a towel … it was completely empty … great. I went to open the door and walk out into the hall … but … it was … it wasn't my house hallway… it was the hallway with its drab walls and flooring, I walked out from one of the doors in the wall … I walk out into the center of the hall … look all the way right down the hall … then all the way left down the hall … both just lead on infinitely into a black void. Then I hear a loud bang from behind me? I turned around quickly, the door to the bathroom had slammed shut? I go to open the door again … it was … locked… … … I … was speechless … I walk backwards to the center of the hall … turn to my right and start to just … walk … I walked and walked and walked… until then, I came across an intersection in the hall, an opening to a slightly larger room on the left side of the hall … it had a desk and a few lounge chairs against the wall with a little table with magazines … I walk over and pick up a magazine … soaking it with blood … it said on the front cover “Family, Friends … Rehab … your journey starts with Ascension” I put the magazine down. I looked towards the desk and there someone was, a woman dressed in an old-timey nurse outfit with stains all over … I walked up to the desk and she just stared looking straight forward at the upper wall in the oak desk … she had this … fucking god-awful gleaming smile … and bulging eyes … Hello? ... can you help me please? I don't really know what's going on, haha. No response … uh hey! *I wave my hand in front of her face* still nothing … then I noticed a little sign in front of a bell that read “Ring for Service” … … … I think, it's worth a shot … so I ring the bell and INSTANTLY Her head twitches to face me and she says “The Dr will see you right away … Just go in through the doors on the right please!” I look to my right and there now are two double doors that look like hospital doors that were not there before … [To Be Continued]

xxv.f: Destroyer, then watched as he sneezed, burped, and hiccupped all at the same time ... I played with him and put the collar around him, which he seemed not to mind much … time passes and dinner had been made, The Imp brings me a plate, sits next to me and turns on some random internet video over her TV “SCP-096 Documentary” and we begin to eat the Thai scallop sauté mixed with soft white rice and steamed broccoli covered in light dabs of soy sauce. “So … are you … ok?” Loaded question really “It's not supposed to be … ” well, I mean … I'm alive and still kickin ain't I? I'd say that's pretty good, wouldn't you? “*sigh* Stop … dodging the question. Come on … please?” *sigh* yeah … I'm ok, for the most part … just adjusting to a lot, trying to figure out more or less where I stand. “Where you stand? I hope you know, we're good … I care for you and I know you care for me, so you don't have to think, at least for me … that you're on the rocks or not important … I think about you more or less every day, at least once … so you know.” I had no doubts on us, or about you … and … Thank you, you mean a lot to me as well … especially now more than ever, you're important in ways I'd never be able to express to you Imp, not easily at least, especially with … my past transgressions and idiotic mistakes towards you, sorry again for it all btw, never meant to hurt you, just wanted to protect myself and others. *a smile and eyes as big as an Olympic swimming pool grew on her face* “Heheee! … Well … I … I-i don't really know what to say. I never expected … didn't think it possible for you to apologize to me … at least not the Red I used to know … and I get it you know, I'm sure you'd understand more than anyone what it's like to be treated as a monster or a threat … especially when in reality … you're just trying to love. I understand why you did what you did, I'd probably do the same if I was in the same situation, and had similar fears. It's ok, I forgive you.” Thank you … truly. I still feel responsible, however, a debt that must be repaid. “You weren't at fault … do you remember what you told me years ago at the lake? When we all gathered around for The Jesters' birthday party?” Um … I don't, no, what was it? “Never save those truths from the heart for a rainy day, lest you'll drown in regret … speak to everyone worth a damn” “like they're You” … anything other than that … is a shitty mask, keeping you from seeing what's really going on in the moment. “Yep! You got it … I thought about that for years, especially during college, there were plenty of times I just … would put on a mask or persona, and just kind of pretend I was something or someone I wasn't … every time I recognized that, I remembered that. I tried to just, stop and switch back to what I wanted to say/do and just move on … it helped a lot … thank you.” Thank you for telling me, what was your greater point to all that though? I don't follow sorry. “It's not your fault what you did … I think you maybe put on a mask because you didn't honestly remember how to deal with inner group conflict … and in the end … it ended up hurting me yes, but not because you were purposely doing so, or at least, not in a way that I know you were trying to … you as you said, were just trying to protect. You just forgot/maybe got caught up in the whole situation and made a few rash decisions. I mean … am I right?” You're absolutely right … I hadn't even honestly thought of it like that before, partially because I feel more or less like I'm not immune, but more so … less prone to those types of situations, it's hard to accept honestly, the realization that I slipped … part of that “adjusting” I was talking about … need to learn how I ticked … need to reestablish the order of operations and become … Old … again … haha, if that crazy nonsense even makes sense ... [To Be Continued]

xxvi.d: Son of Salem, “Yeah but can't be too sure, also I'm terrible with names so, I gotta REALLY cram them in my head or I'll forget.” ... I see … you … strange aren't yah? “Understatement … bet you're no different.” I raised my glass to cheers. She picks her glass up, and we cheers in unison. I'd rather be weird than not honestly, used to think the opposite, wished I was normal so much that I would have rather died then be weird. “Yeah … I know what you mean, for a long time I kind of was just … me and grossly tall and slender. No one really wanted to hang out with me so I was kind of outcasted.” I understand … I have a friend who's freakishly tall, his words not mine, who lived kind of the same way all his life, but he managed to deal with that and now he's a successful guy, wife, kids … etc. “Sounds inspiring, bet he's awesome.” That and much more, you should meet him sometime! … that is … if I can find him. “If?” Yeah, he's kind of running around The City right now … doing his thing dealing with things kind of like me, so … yeah. “Well that sounds cool! I'd love to help you find him!” Really? I mean … yeah, we can do that I guess, Not now however, I gotta find this other guy named Vigor first but After! I promise. And in return, I'll help you find your Elaine. “Ahhhh HELL YEAH” She wrapped her muscled-up arm around me and raised her glass high. “I'm liking you already! Ok then deal. Here.” She slips me her number that was written on a recipe she got from her purse. “NOW … We drink.” And so we did, for God only knows how long. We parted ways and said goodbye. Then I continued my search down through The City streets and alleyways, asking up down left right … EVERYWHERE … for anything on Vigor. I wanted to see if I could find anything on him before venturing off to the abandoned district. I heard mostly nothing … some said they heard rumors he'd already joined Wrath and was absorbed by Body. Some said he died during the shatter. I couldn't imagine either was the truth … but possible. *Sigh* Fine … fuck it. I started to head towards the abandoned district. Fuck me … this better not be an ongoing theme for the rest of these shards. On another note, The Jester is also walking these streets … I should find him soon as well, maybe hash out some things that went left unsaid before, reassure the happy sad clown that he's wanted here. Reminds me of the time we went into our ROTC locker room and stole The Knights custom ordered-sized twenty-one shoes and were wearing them on our feet stomping around laughing. We got caught and our “Commanding Officer” fuckin blow hard. Chewed us out in front of everyone, telling The Jester he was a waste of air, that he'd amount to nothing … he didn't take it personally at first, least I thought he didn't, but then a few wee … *Crack* I start to fall and my vision goes black … something hit me in the back of the head. I black out … … … I start to come to … I can't see anything … I can feel vibrations in the floor? Loud trap music with a Spanish artist is blaring from a radio … my vision came in a little, but was blocked by … a plastic bag? It was translucent and had red lettering on the other side that read. “Better Fresh, Nowhere Else” I start to wiggle around, my hands and feet bound by some kind of tethering. Some man speaks in Spanish, another man replies, then a third speaks, and they have a mini conversation. Then, they must have seen me moving, they ripped the bag off my head. My eyes were then immediately blasted with a phone light. As my eyes adjusted, I started to see a man crouched down, in front of me, we're in the back of some kind of service van. He says to me. “Think you can fuck with business HUH?” He hits be so hard in the head I fall over on my side. My ear starts to ring like hell. AHhahHHahhaa, Fuck! “You run away! You think we didn't know what you did?” Agh … fucking shit my ears ringing you cuck. He stands slightly and kicks me in the gut. UGHT!!! *Cough* Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck are you talking about? He spits on my face ... [To Be Continued]

xxv.b: Destroyer, curiosity/admiration would go and as for why till later. But she and I were ... one and the same, we bonded over blood spilled often and easily, even if that bloodshed was of our own and inflicted damage from others or even each other towards one another, conversing over scars physical and mental like wartime soldiers. She to me … The Imp … the aggressive non-stop consistent barrage hate bearing, death-by-a-thousand-cuts warlord that always succeeded when given any task. For her I … The Destroyer … The control demanding, dominating force of destruction to any and all things, ready and capable of burning the world and its opposition to my rule, with a glance. However … it goes without saying, that when I shattered and fell, The Imp was not aware of such a change … in fact when she and I reunited … she analyzed me for a couple days without breaking the silence hidden in shadow, because she was understandably confused at the Red she was viewing, the Red that had become rather than what she had remembered … The Imp, hated, change … but in time she started to realize just how much I had altered and adapted, and as to why. She even applauded my efforts and called me a “Psychotic Gambler” that “Threw the god of all hail mary's and risked it all stupidly and only! by the worlds largest ever seen luck cash out for one person … did you succeed … never try that again because you'll certainly fail” or something like that … … … But, she was right … and in her analysis of me … She realized just how much she had changed, and how different life really was from the past to now, how many people had left us both and how memories had both turned more sour or sweet. It changed her and I both to rejoin and talk, especially about those fallen members of the past, and how The Cazbium itself was hijacked/eroded and decrepit, that our once grand empire … had fallen. Why I thought it so odd that she was located so close to The Over Garden, was because of how isolated she had been and why she chose the location she did, which realistically was an overpriced place that was far from everything, if not make things incredibly difficult to get to if she did wanna venture out to the places and experiences that were close by, it seemed like she wanted to change, in her coming back from her long isolation, but that she was in a way building walls or positioning herself downhill from her uphill goals, and for The Imp, like stated before, she was not restricted to this place to live, she could tomorrow up and move to anywhere she'd like, so it seemed uncharacteristic, it seemed off, because even if she were to change like I have, she would never purposely put herself in such a situation as she has, without very good reason. Why? I wondered … but it started to click to me her reasons, or more so, a reason, she liked to look down from the ivory tower that was her apartment, down into The Over Garden ... not in malice or to boost her ego of success and to belittle … no … because she liked to escape without actually leaving. The world had stabbed and tortured her every time she had left, every time she had made any venture out to change, probably why she hated the very thought of it … looking out that window and down on the real greenery that overcame the barriers of society, that gained control and power, that dominated … was something she sought after, that allowed her to escape her situation at least mentally, or at least, to find freedom even in a confined controlled space … life for The Imp however I believe, and I think she'd agree, is a lavish fully built world surrounded by nothing else but her devices/vices of enjoyment … which is great … however … a prison painted with rainbows ... is still a prison indeed. And sooner than later, we both knew it'd crush her to stay the way she was and has been living, so now as others do, I watch … but unlike others, I will not wait idol as vultures pick her life apart, to watch her diminish … [To Be Continued]