I Know I've Been Avoiding Looking At The Dates,

I know I've been avoiding looking at the dates,

Throughout the windows,

At the sky,

But the sun shone so hard this morning that it was impossible to not remember the time. It was here. Years ago at this time, i lost everything.

I'm still truly convinced that you are some bright star above this little head of mine.

Maybe i know the worst has happened. But maybe this means that all has already happened too.

I found out about this star days ago, it was selfish to not post it sooner, but i wanted to admire you for a little while longer.

In some way i miss my old life

No, no I don't miss my old life. I miss the feeling of being in hell with others who actually knew how perfectly horrible everything was.

I miss my sisters, i miss my cousins, i know you know me, what has happened to me?

It seems that now i am condemned to miss my wife too. Then what's the point of my life if every crystal glass i have broken was for nothing at all?

Why do the remains of crystalline glass have to cut my feet in the present if I ran on them before?

W͟h͟a͟t͟ h͟a͟s͟ h͟a͟p͟p͟e͟n͟e͟d͟ t͟o͟ m͟e͟?

And in the night

i slowly become what mostly you love,

secretly;

we don't want anyone to know,

silently;

This is just ours,

Delicately;

dedicatedly;

anxiously;

perfectly.

After all,

a swan does not scream during it's transformation,

it speaks with no words, no rules,

it changes into something beautiful.

I have dedicated this to you without words, you know, here:

Della,

Still waiting for you.

Why does this just fit incredibly well with me?

Scared

I feel scared about that burning inside of me that comes with the summer.

It feels like my body is longing for something I can't give it.

I guess I'll start to turn off the lights.

I've heard sometimes It's okay to turn off the light in summer.

The brightness of the sun warms and illuminates enough for now.

It's not enough for me. (Never will be.)

Was it ever even enough?

Was i ever even enough?

I hope the warmth of the sun burns shines enough for both of us.