OCtober Day #6 - Past

OCtober Day #6 - Past

This weeks prompts are going to mostly be written prompts for me. I'm not particularly skilled with words but I still wanted to participate!

I took this prompt a bit differently and decided to talk more about where my OCs came from and why, rather than the OCs themselves. It was a good exercise in self reflection. I don't except anyone to read it, but its fairly short if you feel like it :)

Like a lot of undiagnosed autistic girls, I was a mimic. Everything about my personality, even the way I talked, was copied from somewhere else.

I liked pretending to be into fashion and boys and barbies, because thats what I saw other girls doing (and holy shit was I desperate to be friends with them). I liked 'writing stories' that were more or less recaps of books I'd already read with the serial numbers filed off. I used fancy words and metaphors I'd heard but didn't actually understand so that the adults would tell me I was 'smart'.

I was so good at mimicry that it prevented me from becoming my own person for a really long time.

My perchant for copying naturally extended to the 'art' I'd create. I mentioned Gummy in a previous post, and that in her first iteration, Gummy had panda ears. Well- fun fact- this is because when I was 12, my older cousin showed me a song some furry artist had made about a NSFW dating sim. That artist's OC was a busty panda, so I straight up copied her.

Also, Gummy was named after the vocaloid Gumi, but specifically the way I used to mispronounce her name as Gummy. I thought my OC being named Gummy like the Gummy bear song was funny, because I was 13 and that was a meme at the time. Also, Gummy was originally a god-like being, because I was reading Noragami at the time and I was obsessed with Yato and Hiyori's dynamic (with Gummy being Yato, and Kendall Hiyori). I didnt have anything original to say about it. I wasn't doing a take. I just gender swapped them, really.

I had these characters but was never able to come up with a story that 'stuck'. What ended up happening, usually, was that the genre they were in would change depending on what media I was into at the time. For eg, Gummy became a gang criminal with psychic powers when I was watching Mob Psycho and Banana Fish.

I'm sure my mimicry was obvious to others at the time, but it wasn't to me. I truly thought I was being original and cool.

I don't think its bad to copy things in art, especially when you're a kid who's still learning. But I also think that, if you want to make something really good, you should at least have an opinion on what you're copying.

I've realised recently that I haven't had my own opinions for most of my life- just copied thoughts and mimicry, like my OCs, like my personality, like my various attempts at identity. In terms of my work, I think this has long been one of the many things holding me back.

I'm grateful to be 25 now. I hope by reflecting on where my OCs came from, I can chart a path to a version where I finally have something of my own to say.

poll for people who are college or university students:

for eg, when people ask what my job is I say "Im an Illustrator/graphic designer" even though I'm not employed as one yet.

In case any of you here also use X/Twitter.

🧡🤍💖 Happy International Lesbian Day!!! 🧡🤍💖

You can support your local lesbian (me) on this most holy day by checking out my Etsy!

I have a variety of pride and non-pride related stickers for you to download, including a few different Zelda and Splatoon ones 🥰

I also have a tip jar where I'm currently taking $1 sketch requests!

my Etsy is offically open!!! Thank you again to everyone who donated to my ko-fi to make this possible :)

You'll still be able to get most of these designs for cheap or for free on my kofi 👍

Etsy

SquidbianInk - Etsy Australia

Shop https://ko-fi.com/squidbian by SquidbianInk located in Sydney, New South Wales.

hey, my inbox is completely bugged. It says theres like 12 messages in there but I see nothing.

If you've tried to send me something recently feel free to comment on this post instead. Apologies if I've missed anything from anyone.