Ugh My Heart

Ugh my heart

When you're unaware (Dwayne x Fem!Reader)

So this is based off of a dream I had, because last night was the second night that Dwayne made his way into my dreams, even if I go to sleep thinking of one of the others lol.

Word count: 1,128

Pairing: Dwayne x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Pure freaking fluff (especially between reader and Laddie)

Hanging out with the boys had become a normal thing at this point, even if you yourself were still human, they welcomed you easily since you were their newest member's little sister. 

"Ok I think that's it" your brother called from under the hood of the classic Ford truck he had recently acquired. 

"Try it now" he told you as you turned the key, listening as the engine roared to life, a wide grin spreading on his face. He quickly slammed the hood and you cut the engine.

"Knew you could get it running" you told him, sliding out of the seat and handing him a rag to wipe the grease off of his hands.

"Of course I could, I'm awesome" he grinned, and you could only roll your eyes, yup being a vamp hadn't changed him.

"That was really loud!" You both heard from beside the truck, rounding the corner you spotted Laddie and Dwayne.

"That's what old vehicles are supposed to sound like" your brother stated while patting the metal bed.

"They're supposed to sound like they're on their last leg" you joked, reaching down to pick Laddie up when he tried to jump into your hug. 

"Hey!" You brother stated, jokingly offended by your remark, but the joke had made Laddie laugh nonetheless.

"It sounds like it could use a tune up, but it's good to see it running" Dwayne nodded as he looked over the truck.

"Thank you! At least someone appreciates the classics"

"I appreciate it, I'm just also noting that it sounds like a bunch of nails in a blender" you joked with a smile, this time earning a laugh from Dwayne.

"Like I said, still needs a tune up" he whispered to you.

"Hey! I heard that!"

"Vampire hearing" you rolled your eyes at your brother.

"Anyways! Who wants to help me take it for its first test drive?" 

"Me!" Laddie cheered, already trying to lean out of your arms for the door. Your brother had become like an uncle to Laddie, a role your brother easily took on with how many actual nieces and nephews the two of you had. You helped Laddie climb into the back before climbing in yourself, sitting slightly in the middle and slightly behind Dwayne as he climbed into the passenger seat. 

"Ready?" Your brother asked as he climbed into the driver seat, you watched as Laddie covered his ears before your brother started the truck. Luckily it wasn't as loud inside as it was outside the rattling tin can, and soon you were taking off. Your brother knew enough of the back roads around town to not draw too much attention as he took you all on a scenic drive. Honestly seeing him so relaxed reminded you of when you were younger and he got his driver's license, he would often take you on scenic drives like this just cause he wanted to get out. You turned to look out the window when you caught sight of something that honestly made you just stop, you had always thought Dwayne was handsome, but right now you couldn't help but stare. For one he was without his signature jacket, wearing just a sleeveless undershirt, a sight that was rare in itself since he preferred to be shirtless even with the jacket. Second he too seemed so relaxed, one arm on the open window, the other on the arm rest, hair slightly blowing from the breeze and a small smile on his face. The moonlight gave his tan skin an unearthly glow, and honestly in that moment you were reminded of how vampires in books and movies always just had this ethereal beauty about them that drew their victims in…You suddenly understood how those victims felt. You weren't sure how long you were staring, but when your eyes finally traveled above his muscled arms that you had been wondering how they would feel wrapped around you, you were met with chocolate eyes that were giving you a teasing look. Realizing you had been caught you quickly looked away, your heartbeat picking up and a blush spreading across your cheeks. You heard his soft chuckle rather than see it, and you looked over at Laddie, who was currently looking between you and Dwayne, an excited smile on his lips. The ride was quiet after that, except for the sounds of the country station your brother insisted on listening to, though you did notice Laddie bopping along to a few songs. Braving another glance at Dwayne you couldn't stop the feelings you had been getting as of late, you weren't sure when they actually started, you had met the group through your brother and everyone seemed to welcome you almost like a little sister of their own, but lately you had been feeling this pull towards the dark haired vampire. An almost yearning, but you had been quick to push those feelings down, this was your brother's best friend after all, but they still lingered no matter what. You were a bit sad when the ride ended, as it didn't take long for you all to end up back at the cave, your brother parking the truck before letting Laddie out on his side. Dwayne offered you a hand as you climbed out from behind the passenger seat, and you tried not to let how the simple contact affect you. Once out you were quickly tackled by Laddie, who proceeded to grab your hand and drag you away, only stopping once he felt you were far enough from the others. He gestured for you to come down to his level, and when you did he quickly whispered in your ear.

"He likes you too" 

"W-What?" You asked, blush returning as you looked at the boy, the boy that was far too observant.

"I saw you two in the truck, he looks at you that way too when you don't know" he replied, a confession you were shocked about, Dwayne looked at you when you weren't aware? 

"I think you two would be good" he smiled before leaning up to give you a hug while also whispering to you.

"Plus I wouldn't mind having you as a mom" and with that he ran off into the cave, leaving you completely shocked and unable to speak.

"Are you ok?" You heard behind you, and when you were able to shake yourself from your shock you turned to see Dwayne.

"Y-Yeah…Yeah I'm great" you smiled, and honestly, you were.

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go for a walk" he asked, looking down at you, and waiting for your answer.

"he looks at you that way too when you don't know"

"I'd love to" you smiled, taking his outstretched hand. 

Don't mind me, just sat here..sobbing 😭

It's so sad how many people will be able to relate to this, maybe to both sides.

Without you

Fem!Oc x Marko

18+ NO MINORS

TW: Suislidal OC, blood, mental illness, NSFW, 18+

I’m sorry…. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have been in a relationship with Marko for almost two years now and it’s not like your relationship isn’t good. It is, it’s great. You just have some problems. You have been suffering with pretty severe depression since you were 13 years old, you are 19 now. Along with your depression, you were also very suicidal, though you did your best to hide that from Marko. You didn’t want him to know about it and have to constantly worry about you. You didn’t want to feel like you were a burden to him. You loved Marko with all of your heart, he was the only thing that kept you from going through with any suicide plan that you thought up in your head whenever you were at a very low point… Which was quite often. You put on a pretty convincing happy  and carefree facade. You joked around with the other boys and did your best to never let your true feelings show through. Especially not around Marko. Lately though, things had been getting worse for you. It’s not like you were abused at home or anything like that. You honestly had no “real” reason to be depressed. Your brain just didn’t function right. You hated feeling like this. For a while, after you first met Marko and the others, the depression had lifted a little bit and the closer you and Marko got, the more the darkness that clouded your mind brightened. While Marko was a vampire, a creature of the night, he was your sun. He brought a light into your life that you had never believed that you would ever get to see. Whenever you were with him, you could, for a while, forget the world around you. But as always, good things never do last. The dark thoughts started to slink back into your mind, where they once again nested. Before you even realized what had happened, you were blinded by the inky blackness that you had previously come so accustom to. The light that Marko had shined on you dimed until it completely went out. 

You were one again back to your old ways of pretending to be okay. Pretending that everything was fine and that you weren’t on the verge of ending it all. As those thoughts began to swirl around in your head, you heard a tap at your window. It was light at first but quickly became louder. Marko. You knew that it was him, it always was. You didn’t bother to acknowledge the sound, let alone get up and open the window. You knew that it was already cracked open and that Marko would just end up opening it and let himself in. Sure enough, you heard your window slide open and the sound of shuffling behind you, signaling that he had done just as you expected. “Babe?” You heard Marko softly call out to you as he moved towards the bed that you were laying on. “Sweets, are you okay?” He asked, climbing onto the bed behind you. Marko moved to look over you so he could see your face. Seeing that your hair had fallen and was covering it, he reached a hand over and brushed it out of the way. You had a vacant look on your face. One that immediately told Marko that something was very wrong. “Lil. Did something happen?” No answer. “Did someone do something?” Still, no answer. Frustrated at not getting a reply, Marko pulled off his gloves, boots and jacket before climbing over you and laying down in front of you. He wrapped his arms around you as he pulled you into him. He had been through this with you once before and it had terrified him. It was the first time he had seen anything like this. While he knew that mental illness was a thing, he had never really witnessed it in person and definitely not from someone he loved. So he just held you. He held onto you for hours until you finally broke out of whatever catatonic state you were in and was able to finally talk to him and tell him what was wrong. 

Marko just did the same thing again. While you laid there, looking like you were frozen, your brain was still going haywire. On the outside, you looked like you weren’t all there but on the inside, you were screaming. You were screaming for your body to cooperate with you and move. To let you talk, make any kind of noise, but all you could do was lay there. Luckily it didn’t take as long for you to break out of it this time. You moved slightly at first, but then you wrapped your arms around Marko and buried your face into the crook of his neck. “Can you talk now?” He carefully asked you. You nodded your head. “Yes.” You croaked out. Marko pulled back slightly, just enough that he could look at you. He brought his hand up to your face and started to gently brush his fingers along your skin. “What happened? Was it like last time?” He asked, his voice soft and gentle. “Yeah. It was.” You told him. You wanted to tell him everything that was going on in your mind, but you just couldn’t. You wanted someone to talk to and you wanted that someone to be Marko, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t be any more of a burden to him than you already were. You laid there with Marko for the rest of the night. You had told him not to worry and that it would pass, humans just get like this sometimes. You weren’t sure if he had believed you or not, but he eventually dropped the subject. You and Marko laid there and talked for a while. You were laying partially on top of him, as he had his arms wrapped around you. You leaned up and connected your lips with his. You wanted to be with him one last time. You wanted to feel him and maybe, you may change your mind. Though, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t. Marko didn’t protest as he deepened the kiss. 

You and Marko now laid naked, tangled in each other and the sheets. You stared at Marko, engraining every little detail of his face into your memory. You wanted you soak in as much of him as you possibly could. I guess Marko had the same idea, because he spent that time, of you staring at him, staring at you. He was the most beautiful man that you had ever seen in your life. It was like he was made by the gods. Every single one of his features left you in a daze. “You’re so beautiful, Marko.” You whispered to him. This caused a wide grin to take over his face. “You’re beautiful too, sweets. You’re like a breathtaking renaissance painting of the most angelic goddess known to man.” Marko always knew how to make you flustered. He pulled you into a kiss. He could hear your heart skip a beat at his words. As it got closer and closer to sunrise, you knew that he needed to get back to the cave. You didn’t want anything to happen to him because of you. “You should get back, the sun will be up soon.” You told him. Marko pulled you closer to him. “Yeah. I guess I should. I wish I could stay here with you forever, sweets.” He said to you as he buried his face into your neck, inhaling your scent one last time before he pulled away and sat up, grabbing his things and putting them back on. As Marko got up and walked over to the window, he paused. “You’ll be okay, right?” He asked. You nodded to him, wanting to reassure him that everything would be fine, you put on your best fake smile and softly laughed. “I’ll be okay. I think I was just being a bit dramatic.” You told him. “You gonna come to the boardwalk tonight? I can pick you up.” He asked as he slid your window back open. “Yeah, I’ll be there, but don’t worry, I’ll just drive.” You knew you shouldn’t lie to him, but you didn’t want him to worry. Nodding at you, Marko moved to climb out of the window. Suddenly, you got up off of your bed and stopped him. 

“Wait.” You told him as you grabbed his jacket and pulled him back to you and kissed him. You put all the love you had left in you into that kiss. Marko responded immediately, sliding his hands down to your waist then running one of his hands up and down your bare back, the other making it’s way to your butt. You wrapped your arms around his neck and threaded your fingers through his hair, playing with those curls that you always loved. Pulling away, you looked into those big doe eyes. “I love you, with all of my heart.” You told him. Marko smiled at you, squeezing your hip with his hand. “I love you too, Lil. Forever.” He told you. You felt your heart flutter at his words. It was bittersweet. You hated that he thought that he would be getting an eternity with you and all the while, you were planning on ending it. Marko finally left to go back to the cave before the sun came up and you had since walked back over to your bed. The last thing you wanted was to hurt Marko. You would never want to cause him any pain, but you yourself were in so much pain. You had tried so hard to fight off the darkness that had surrounded you for so long, but it had finally won. It had worn you down. You pulled the bottle of pills out of your bedside table and stared down at them. You took a deep breath and dug around your bedside table for something else. A blade. You made your way to your bathroom that was connected to your bedroom and over to the bath where you filled the tub. Getting inside of it, the water hot and making you sweat, you opened the bottle and started to swallow the pills. One at a time at first, but you soon were swallowing 4-5 at once. After they were all gone, you held the blade. You put the cold metal to your arm and held it there for a few moments, building up the courage that you would need. You then applied pressure and dragged it along your skin. Mirroring your actions on the other arm as well. You closed your eyes and filled your mind with images of Marko. Wanting him to be the last thing your mind saw.

It was now 10pm and Marko still couldn’t find you at the boardwalk. He had a sinking feeling that he had told the others about, but they just told him to be patient and said that you would probably be there soon. Marko did try to wait, but he just knew that something was wrong. Getting onto his bike, Marko quickly made his way to your house. The second he got there, he could smell it. The air was filled with the sweet and metallic smell of blood. But not just any blood, it was your blood. Marko raced inside to make sure that you were okay, but what he saw when he got to your bathroom was a sight that he wished he could wipe from his memory forever. There, in the tub, the water dyed red with your blood, there you were. His mate. The love of his life. Lying dead in a pool of her own blood. It was clear as day what had happened, but Marko didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that you had done something like that to yourself. As he pulled your body from the bloody water, he let out a strangled sob. “No, no, no. Please no.” He cried. “Babe? Babe please, wake up.” Marko pleaded with your dead body, slightly shaking you as if that would wake you up. You were already cold and partially stiff, meaning that you had been dead for hours. Marko sat there on the cold tile of your bathroom floor, holding and crying onto your body. Eventually, after hours of sobbing, Marko had grown quiet. He was still sat in the same spot, but had gone into a catatonic like state. Much like you had last night. Hours passed and the sun started to rise, beams of light coming in through the window, but Marko didn’t move. Even as he started to feel his flesh begin to burn, he stayed in place. He didn’t want to live in a world without his mate in it. He just prayed that in whatever afterlife there was, he would be given the chance to spend it with you.

in case you’re feeling as shitty as i am right now; here’s your dose of the lost boys

my Pinterest stash🌌🦇

Amazing talent

Just a little drawing I did to make a new desktop background for my computer. Marko's jacket makes me mad every time I have to color it so I'm sorry it will never look the same in anything I draw

Count me in

Reblog if you'd hang with some 80s punk biker vamps. — even if that means under a trestle or upside down in a cave.

2022 SpotifyWrapped

Spotify

Your 2022 Wrapped

This is what my 2022 sounded like on @Spotify. Get your #SpotifyWrapped now!

#Spotify #musicismysafespace