This.

This.

I have a theory (head cannon?) that the only vampire that died in lost boys was Max and that the deaths we saw of the other vampires was a trick performed by David to protect his companions. I went perhaps a little too far in depth with this, but it has been bothering me for years that 4 very powerful vampires were killed within minutes of engaging with young teens. After reading the book, prequel script, and watching the movie too many times, I actually think David and his boys threw the fights to get out of the situation all together, and got the added benefit of Max being killed. Warning, spoilers from the book and prequel script because I'm considering both of them somewhat cannon:

To start, I have to bring up the fact that in the book, David's challenges against Michael to join the gang were considered harmless tricks. The stunts David pulls are things that he can get away with as a vampire that wouldn't actually kill them. Quote from the book: "This was another one of [David's] tricks... something that looked deadly but was nothing more than a simple stunt." David has full control over all the stunts and knows that no harm will come to any of them. Star also calls David a 'magician' with his tricks seeming to be real. And of course, as we saw in the movie David can alter the perception of what someone sees

With that in mind, we start with Marko's death. I don't even want to talk about how Edgar would have to be pretty freaking strong to shove a stake completely through the diaphragm of a humanoid being (including through the front and back layer of his jacket, spine, etc. but whatever). However, Marko's hands appear to be covering his heart. Edgar puts the stake under Marko's hands, below where his heart should be. (heart is marked with the x, yellow is where Edgar shoves the stake)

so while Marko certainly had a pretty bad day, with the lore mentioning it has to go through the heart, he should still be alive, albeit, in a lot of pain

It would be after the boys run from the cave that the vampires are obviously aware that hunters have found their nest. At this point, they would only have two choices: either try and kill the hunters, Michael, Sam, Star, and Laddie, whomst they have close affection with, OR they would have to fake their own deaths. Otherwise there's no way that they can continue living without the hunters and Emersens returning to kill them again.

David likes to plan shit

When they go to the Emersen house, they would have to leave Marko behind at the cave. Since everyone thinks he's dead, they wouldn't have to worry about him being hurt. Then the fights begin, and this is when it starts to get out of character. David is vibing up in the rafters, alone. Dwayne takes on Sam, alone. And Paul takes on the Frogs, alone. But in every other scene that they kill, they are always together. Their deaths are not simultaneous, meaning that they could have taken on everyone together.

Starting with Paul, I mean let's be real. He could have killed those two Frogs at any point in time when he was chasing them. He literally even shoves them. But the plan isn't to kill the Frogs, it's to fake his death. After getting splashed with the holy water, he has a solid few moments to actually do something. And instead, he stands and waits for the dog to tackle him. Seeing that these vampires can literally fly/float there is no reason for him to actually fall into the bathtub. David is still vibing in the rafters and did nothing to stop the dog or to rescue Paul meaning that this was a part of the plan. He would use his ability to create illusions to convince the Frogs Paul fell into the tub and burned alive. It would also be a perfect way to make his body 'disappear'. The explosion of the septic system is extremely unrealistic, and literally I cannot begin to explain how the heck that would work besides someone manually doing it behind the scenes...

Then to Dwayne. Dwayne literally could have easily killed Sam twenty times over. But again, if killing was the plan, it would have been done in seconds. We saw how violent these boys are with their victims. And speaking of Sam, how about that bow, eh? The force behind the bow to literally yeet Dwayne backwards would not have been something Sam could do. It would take a lot of poundage(45ibs I've been told at the bare minimum to kill a deer with a bow at 25 yards, but should really be 60ibs) to physically drive the arrow clear through his body and throw him back into the stereo. And remember, David is in the rafters watching. He's not jumping in to kill Sam. He didn't try and grab Dwayne out of the air. And yet, when on the boardwalk if someone trips his boys on a carousel David loses his mind. Another explosive death, leaving little to no body for clean up...

And then there's David. Now for David, he'd have to take one for the team. And as we learned in the prequel, it has to be wood to kill a vampire through the heart. David tried to kill Vlad with a metal pipe and Vlad literally just pulled himself off it. Spoiler alert, antlers are not made of wood. So Paul and Dwayne are 'dead' and can leave the scene. That means that David needs to finish up. He fights with Michael, Michael clearly being a baby vampire and David having so many years under his belt. But the plan must go on. David sees Michael's plan is to impale him on antlers, and he makes it happen. David plays dead meaning that the three of his companions are safe and he just needs to finish the part before he can return to them.

As a bonus, Max comes by. The man walks straight up to his 'son' (whether he regards David with parental love or as just a lackey is up to you, but regardless he doesn't seem phased at David being dead) and is like oh damn not my boys being stupid again. Max doesn't look sad or anything when he finds David playing dead.

Max being impaled on the fence post would have been his own fault and David wouldn't have been a part of it. And Max would have to die to release the half vampires from their vampirism meaning that he really did explode.

What happens after that is up to you to decide. Besides David appearing in the comics (which if I recall correctly Edgar says that half the stuff in the comics was fake anyway? My copies are in storage so I cannot cross reference that), the boys disappear and no longer have to deal with Max.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

The Lost Boys: What would they impulse buy at the grocery store?

Marko

- those little capsules that you place in water and they turn into sponge animals

- Don’t ask me why, but I could totally see him with a small hoard of them

- He would have them all organized by animal, all in there separate little tins and jars he’s collected from the beach

- I definitely think he’s the type of person that would wait for the capsule to dissolve in the water fully, before looking to see what he got!

- Paul HATES waiting, and wants to break the capsules when Marko’s not looking to see what he got

- At this point Marko has a LOT

- BUT he is still looking for that elusive purple monkey

- Paul joked that he is going to take them all and make one, giant, mega sponge to wipe his butt with

- Marko says he will cut all of Paul’s fingers off while he sleeps and hide them around the cave for him to find if he does this

- Paul doesn’t suggest that idea ever again

Paul

- cans of frosting

- This BOY HAS AN ADDICTION

- I definitely have this headcannon that Paul ran with a bad crowd when he was human and was deep into some hardcore drugs

- When he was turned, he lost the desire for that hard stuff (accept for his lettuce hehe)

- And that addiction some how translated into his new Vampire DNA as an almost uncontrollable desire for all things sugar

- He definitely goes through different craving waves for sugary items

- In the past its been sugar packets

- Honey sticks

- And even sugar cubes

- But now he is on a frosting kick

- So when David the boys decide they are having a night in due to bad weather or just pure laziness

- Paul’s favorite thing to do is to grab a tub of frosting and a spoon, and go to town while watching cartoons on the semi-broken tv they have in the cave

Dwayne

- Coffee

- He LOVES a fresh cup of coffee

- And he is realllllllll fancy about it too

- I’m talking Like French press fancy

- He absolutely, does not keep his supplies in one of the living spaces in the cave though. He doesn’t like to share

- Which is completely understandable, given the fact that he is constantly around his brothers 24/7 .

- And typically what his , is theirs; and what’s theirs is his

- He is allowed to have AT LEAST ONE THING to himself

- This man will LITERALLY lose his mind and take ALL OF THE BOYS out with him if they even THINK of messing with his coffee stash

- All this man needs is a one cup of his nice French press coffee at LEAST ONCE a week and he can confidently and calmly deal with the terror twins and dictator David

David

- Black licorice

- What can I say? he’s an old man at heart (literally)

- I think he would have a little jar he keeps it in

- And he keeps an even littler jar of his licorice in his inside jacket pocket

- Whenever marko or Paul see him take out his jar YOU BET they have a string of nick names they berate him with for the rest of the night

- Pa is there FAVORITE (think little house on the prairie)

- But they also enjoy calling him

- Granddaddy or G-Daddy

- Senile Susan

- Old Bones

- And Dwayne’s personal favorite

- pop-pop

😭🥺 poor little man

Big man to little man. Over.

The Lost Boys + Laddie

TW: Language, violence, misuse of walkie talkies, might make you cry

I wrote this because I was talking to @endless-nyx and @6lostgirl6 and we came up with these ideas and I wanted to make it into a fic. SO HERE IT IS!! ENJOY!

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Paul and Marko decided that it was a great idea to buy some walkie talkies for the group. And in theory it was….. but the terror twins always seem to find a way to turn something that was supposed to be fun, into a goddamn war. They were all sitting in the main part of the cave, like most nights when they are in the cave. Only this time, they had their new little toys. Paul and Marko were sitting next to each other, David in his ‘throne’ (tears in his eyes), and Laddie and Dwayne were on another couch.

It started out fine. Fun even. But Paul kept getting upset because “TWISTED SISTER TO BILLY IDOL! YOU HAVE TO SAY OVER!! OVER!” He yelled into the walkie in his hand. “SHUT UP PAUL! OVER” David yelled back, into his own walkie. “EAT SHIT AND DIE PAUL!! OVER!” He continued. Paul looked at David, offended. “Well damn. Over” he said into his walkie. And because the terror twins tend to stick together, Marko jumped in. “Pigeon boy to Billy idol. Damn dude. You didn’t have to be so harsh. Over.” Marko said into his own walkie.

Dwayne and Laddie would tend to have their own little conversations on the walkies together. Theirs being much more calm and fun conversations. But with all the yelling going on at the moment, it was a bit more difficult. But they still tried. Laddie also refuses to respond to anyone over the walkies unless they use his codename. His codename being little man. He chose it because Dwayne’s codename is big man. Dwayne thought it was adorable. After a few moments, Marko and Paul started up again. “Billy idol…. Pigeon boy to Billy idol. Over.” He spoke into the walkie. David tried to calm himself down and took a deep breath, which didn’t help at all, before responding. “Loud and clear. Over.” He said in a low and annoyed tone. “Pigeon boy to Billy idol.  Be more enthusiastic! Over!!” Marko teased. If David was still human, his blood pressure would be through the roof right now. “LOUD AND FUCKING CLEAR!! OVER!!” He yelled into the walkie that he was now squeezing in his gloved hand. “Twisted sister to Billy idol. He said ENTHUSIASTIC!! NOT pissed off. Over.” Paul jeered into his walkie, trying to hold back a grin.

David bawled up his free fist. He was now shaking with anger. It almost sounded as if he were hissing. Face turning red and twisting with anger. “Pigeon boy to twisted sister. Damn. I didn’t think vampires could get so red. Over.” Marko said to Paul. Both trying to stifle their laughter. Through gritted teeth, David managed to strangle out a reply. “LOUD AND CLEAR PIGEON BOY, LOUD AND CLEAR. OVER.” Dwayne and Laddie were both sitting on their own couch, just watching the scene unfold. “Little man to big man. Is David dying? Over” Laddie asked Dwayne. David whipped his head around in their direction and gave Laddie a death glare. Dwayne just raised his walkie to his mouth. “Big man to little man. That’s a strong possibility. Over.” Dwayne and Laddie shared a short glance at each other before returning their attention back to the still seething vampire.

“Big man to pigeon boy. Standby for assistance. Over.” Dwayne spoke into the walkie. He might need some help if the shit hits the fan. More than it already has. Marko, looking at David’s seething figure. “Pigeon boy to big man…. Uhhhhh, that’s a negatory on the assistance. I’m getting out of the line of fire. Over and out.” Marko replied, before promptly standing up and heading for the cave entrance. Angry tears are streaming down David’s face. His nails digging into the arms of his chair. “Twisted sister to big man. I’m with pigeon boy on this one. Over and out.” Paul said as he hurriedly followed Marko out of the cave. They’d leave even if the sun was out. Anywhere was safer than in there right now. Even though they were the ones that started it.

Once Paul and Marko had gotten up the old wooden stairs, leading them back up to the top where they kept their bikes, they turned to each other. Grinning. “Twisted sister to pigeon boy. Operation ‘give Billy idol an aneurysm’ successful.” “Pigeon boy to twisted sister. Copy that. Over.” Then both Marko and Paul burst out laughing. Cackling. (Meanwhile, Dwayne is sitting in the cave like….. “yes. This is fine” while everything around him is burning) “I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU TWO ASSHOLES!!” David yells into his walkie. Causing the terror twins to freeze momentarily, before ultimately cracking up even harder than before.

David started to disassociate. “Little man to big man. I’m scared. Over.” Laddie whispers into his walkie. Dwayne throws an arm over Laddie’s shoulder. “Big man to little man. Let’s get you some ice cream. Over.” He says. Earning a smile from Laddie. “WHY ARE YOU STILL USING YOUR WALKIES!!?? YOURE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER!!” David yells. Not even bothering with his stupid walkie anymore. Dwayne just raises his walkie to his mouth and stares David dead in the eyes. “Big man to Billy idol. BECAUSE WE FUCKING CAN. OVER!”

Marko and Paul come back down into the cave. Fist fight ensues. David finally gets up out of his chair and squares up to the terror twins, who have each other’s backs, and they start fighting. David accidentally hits Paul way too hard and he drops to the ground in the fetal position and starts crying. “Aww! My poor baby!!” Marko coos at Paul as he kneels down next to him. “FUCK YOUR BABY!” David yells. Marko looks up at David. “I WILL WHEN HE STOPS CRYING!” He yells back. Paul immediately stops crying. He lifts his head up, smirks and winks at Marko. Dwayne just sighs and rolls his eyes. “Big man to little man. How about that ice cream now? Over.” Laddie grinned. “Little man to big man. Affirmative on the ice cream. Over.”

All this happened about a month ago. A lot has happened since then. A girl named Star was brought into the group only days after the whole ‘walkie talkie fiasco’. And about a week ago, this new guy Michael, joined the group for a hot second. But him, along with Star kinda really thoroughly betrayed the boys. Marko was killed in his sleep, and to get revenge, the boys went to Michaels house to kill everyone in sight. Except for Laddie of course. Unfortunately, the boys were unsuccessful and died. Laddie ended up staying with the Emersons. Michael’s mothers idea.

Laddie was laying in his bed, fresh tears on his face. He picked up his walkie that he still carried with him, even if there was never going to be anyone on the other end. He lifted it to his mouth. “Little man to big man. Come in big man. Over.” He croaked out through tears. “Little man to big man. I miss you. Over.” He finished. Bringing the walkie back down to his chest. A few moments passed before he heard it. The walkie crackled for a moment before he heard a faint voice come over it. “Big man to little man. I miss you too. It’s okay little man. Don’t cry. Over.”

A beauty of a man for sure

For me it is and always will be Paul Brook McCarter has a choke hold on me.

I definitely don't blame you. Brooke is on a whole different level

I wish I could blaze a post telling people to test their smoke alarms but I have literally no money so if y’all could help me spread this the old fashioned way

Test your smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors

Max and his unruly boys