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Speak No Evil † See No Evil

© Molly Has a Chainsaw

love as devotion. love as worship. love as sunlight slanting into a place of worship. love as bowed head. love as standing still. love as where bhagirathi meets alaknanda. love as confluence. love as influence. love as the mountains you love so much. love as hands. love as kashi at twilight. love as removing shoes before entering the mandir. love as whatever makes you, you. love as look into me. tell me what you find there. tell me, tell me, tell me. love as I want to know everything. love as tell me everything mundane about you. which shoe do you wear first. how does the universe reveal itself to you. what do your eyes look like when you are in love. when you are angry. what does the inside of your body feel like. is there enough space for your heart. for your lungs. love as river. love as the fire offered to the river. love as river water, sky and flowers all at once. love as mantra. love as diyas. love as payals, jhumkas, mehendi and chaat. love as old building. love as crumbling but not disappearing. love as prayer. come home to me. come home to me. come home to me. love as eternal. love as the thing that outlasts us. love as the thing that outcasts us. love as the sky bruising purple and pink in yearning. love as feverish yearning. love as chaos. love as failed attempts. love as you have invariably changed me. love as avoiding cameras but not eyes. love as the outcome of a maths problem. love as desperation. love as weakness. love as I wish you had met past versions of me. love as in I have almost nothing to offer you. love as in I am terrified you will see my emptiness. love as trust. love as nothing has ever come close to the moon for me, except you. love as thrill. love as drama. love as epics. love as conviction. conviction. conviction. love as the opposite of shifting sands. love as solid ground. love as the thing you cannot fall beyond. love as the sky. the sky is light. light is time. love as time. love as finality. love love as my laughter means nothing if you are not here to see it. love as everyone I have loved has not loved me back. love as sleeping on a stiff hospital bench at night because my grandfather was sick. love as I would rather exist as the ashes of something than a whole where you did not touch me. love as feeding stray animals. love as climbing mountains to see God. love as climbing mountains to die. love as dying. love as having been held. having been loved. love as if I stop writing I will recede. love as peeled orange. love as sustenance. love as comfort food. love as I will come back. love as endings. love as nothing ends. love as everything ends. love as I am tired of impossibilities. I just want to go home.

devotion /dɪˈvəʊ.ʃən/ noun

love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause. religious worship or observance. the act of dedicating something to a cause, enterprise, or activity : the act of devoting.

bakwaaas, tumblr // and then we’ll be okay by exurb1a, youtube // a journal of love: the unexpurgated diary of anaïs nin (1934-1937) by anaïs nin // dead poets society (1989), dir. by peter weir // the thing is by ellen bass // soracities, tumblr // life is beautiful (1997), dir. by roberto benigni // vigilantelawdotgov, tumblr

A fragile ballet on the edge of disorder.

now that it is officially too late for my birthday to still be relevant, I'm kinda upset that I didn't do anything.

I had 3 family members die the day before and didn't hear about it until the day of my birthday, so I just got a lot of apologies and the remaining family members just... forgot. but also, I have friends that have sent me a happy birthday message for the past 5 years or so and it was radio silence this year.

I can't help but feel selfish that I wanted to be thought of on my birthday, but is it so wrong to want what other people don't have to work for?

I make an effort to at least tell people happy birthday on their birthday or let them know I'm thinking about them, but I am not awarded that luxury.

I truly believe that I am meant to be forgotten.

My contribution.

I think my favourite greek tragedies are the ones that. Sum up human nature in all its beauty and grit and ugliness and love and idk if what I'm saying makes sense but. Orpheus turning back to look at Eurydice. Icarus flying too close to the sun. Achilles sending Patroclus to his death in his own armour.

You get it you get the themes you get the poetry tattooed on the skin of all these stories. Humans at their best. at their worst. Humans existing and feeling and tragedy arising from the desperation that is so inherent to human emotion.

okay but being called "love" is possibly one of the biggest heart-melting things ever, it's like you, yes you, you are the purest motif of love, fucking hell that endearment breaks me into a thousand pieces

Humanity looks up at hidden heavens in the sky, watching, waiting, calling out to something, to someone.

We seem to have this disposition for belief in a higher figure, wether it be a ruler of the sun or the diety of liquor. Such a human thing, to seek a larger figure. I suppose we hope our purpose is something bigger.

alone with you in the ether by olivie blake

I think my favourite greek tragedies are the ones that. Sum up human nature in all its beauty and grit and ugliness and love and idk if what I'm saying makes sense but. Orpheus turning back to look at Eurydice. Icarus flying too close to the sun. Achilles sending Patroclus to his death in his own armour.

You get it you get the themes you get the poetry tattooed on the skin of all these stories. Humans at their best. at their worst. Humans existing and feeling and tragedy arising from the desperation that is so inherent to human emotion.

you live in a house of god; praying on your knees; and wonder why he never saves you.

on being unloved by god

people tend to worship the stars, gods, idols, taking their word as truth, each action as sacred. i envy their commitment to powers that love them and have told them so. their faith has not been misplaced.

i’m cursed with devotion to you. you give me less answers than any deity. maybe i find solace in the way i’ll never know for certain what is true. i’ll follow my belief to the ends of the earth, and the end of my life, and find out then.

my devotion shows in the way i trail you. i crawl on hands and knees. watch me prostrate, praise my unwavering attention. revel in my compulsion to answer to you, even when nothing has been asked of me.

you move with grace, away from me, forwards, upwards. you levitate and my ego lets me believe i can catch you. you elevate and i’m left to grasp at the dust you kicked up around my face. i inhale the particles you chose to touch instead of me. i let it burn my lungs to match the lingering embers in my scorched chest. i gasp in as much as i can so that the walls inside me are evenly charred, so a part within me can be as perfect and uniform as the whole of you.

i crave the damage that accompanies this obsession. i write to sharpen the dagger you slice me with and marvel at the jagged wounds you leave behind. i write about those too. i scribe ode after ode, the testaments of the danger you pose to me are also prayers to summon you.

your name is a desperate chant ever trapped behind my grinding teeth. i crush the memory of your flesh between my fingertips and my pen while i write about the way my blood yearns to be heated by it once more.

via radiantsomatics

Scala regia del Palazzo Farnese di Caprarola, Lazio, Italia.

“the ending is always the same”

war of the foxes - richard silken / waterloo - ABBA / euripides’ medea - the little theatre / anne carson / the three fates - luca cambiaso / the oresteia - aeschylus / road to hell II - hadestown / when i met you - mira lightner / andersen’s fairy tale anthology

What is the difference between a cathedral and a physics lab? Are they not both saying: Hello?

Paolo Giordano, “The Solitude of Prime Numbers” / Antonio Tonelli / Laura Giplin, “A Toast to the Alchemists” / Dennis Overbye, “Music of the Heavens Turns Out to Sound a Lot Like a B Flat” / Carina Nebula / Marie Howe, “Singularity” / Alan Bean, “Is Anyone Out There?” / Bill Bryson, “A Short History of Nearly Everything” / Garrett Lee, “Canyon” / Whit Bronaugh, “The Trees That Miss The Mammoths”

labs that are also churches. to me

(1. annie dillard, teaching a stone to talk 2. the deep underground neutrino experiment, a.k.a. DUNE 3. the large hadron collider 4. the sudbury neutrino observatory)

posts that make me want to rip my heart out part 5