In Case Anyone Wants Some Perspective On How Utterly Random Triggers Can Be. I Havent Lived In A House

In case anyone wants some perspective on how utterly random triggers can be. I haven’t lived in a house with a garage door in four-ish years. Right now at this moment, I honestly can’t recall what they sound like, except something metallic moving and rather clanky.

There was one on tv. I wasn’t even paying attention to it, I had my headphones on and was actively trying to tune the show out. My ears picked up on the sound of the garage door, and a jolt of adrenaline shot through my body as I grabbed my laptop and moved to get out of my seat and run to my room.

I realized what happened after about two seconds.

The sound is gone from my ears, but my heart is still racing and I’m waiting for the door to the house to open, to hear the jingling of my mother’s keys and her footsteps moving through the house. My muscles are still tense and I’m fighting the urge to run to my room and stick a board in front of the door.

For years, the sound of a garage door was my warning to pack up what I was doing quickly and retreat to my room if I was out of it.

I can’t remember the sound of the garage door right now, but I can’t tell my brain to stop trying to react to it.

We have come full circle

--

Hah.

I mean, if people want to go back to oldschool zines instead of glossy artbooks that are dickwaving contests, I'm cool with that.

do folks genuinely not understand the appeal of the "enemies to lovers" trope, as it shows up over and over in fantasy & adventure fiction? really?

obviously it's cool if you don't personally like the trope. we're all different. but i'm seeing an increase in posts asking "what is wrong with people who ship this dynamic??" like it's so far out and strange, we can't possibly conceive of why people would like this. like... really?? enemies to lovers??? literally one of the oldest tropes in existence?? in the poppin-fresh year of our lord 2020, fandom is genuinely confused about this?

(disclaimer: i am, very specifically, talking about enemies to lovers, as it presents in fantasy and adventure fiction. when people use the word "abuse" to describe the dynamic between characters from opposing armies who like... fight each other on horseback with magical swords, i question their grasp of narrative, not to mention their motives.)

like, picture it: someone who opposed you, coming to your side. someone who clashed against you, becoming someone who never would again. someone who is in the end overcome by your power, your character, your strength, your wit, whatever: overcome by the very force of you. someone who chooses to fall at your feet and take up your cause as their own, to wield their own significant power against your enemies.

and... someone you don't have to always be so fucking good for. someone who has heard you scream unprintable curses on the battlefield. someone who has undoubtedly seen rage and fear and desperation in your eyes. someone you've probably also hurt. someone who wouldn't blink if you put an arrow in a real enemy's back and might in fact hide the body for you. someone you know will be as strong at your back in a fight as you'll be at theirs; partly because, well, you've both lived through each other.

and as a woman, boy do i personally get the appeal of this trope (as a general concept, even when specific ships don't resonate w/ me). like we live in a world where men think it's "weird" that their girlfriend swears or farts; not shaving is a cardinal sin. women's humanity is disgusting to so many men and even to so many fellow women. women's righteous anger is laughed at, our legitimate fears are routinely dismissed and belittled. if we're not nice, if we're not sweet, if we're not doormats, we're discarded; if we are any of those things, we're looked down on, we're targeted, we're blamed.

and people can't understand at all why we might be drawn to stories where the very forces that oppose us, are so transformed by us, so drawn to us for everything that we are, that they literally leave their old selves behind in the dust to join us and devote themselves entirely to our victory?

inconceivable, i guess.

(second disclaimer: no, this trope is obviously not appealing to all women, what the fuck is appealing to all women, besides pizza?)

and furthermore, since nobody asked me.... the idea that we have to "protect" women from enemies-to-lovers stories, when those exact stories can offer some of us a cathartic brand of fantasy.... whew, fandom. stay infantalizing us i guess.

Every time I like or reblog a post, I leave a little bit of man residue on it

Every time I reply or add commentary to a reblog, that’s five times as much man residue

Me following your blog means your whole blog has man residue

I’m spreading it everywhere

when your art program’s closing message hits you straight in the heart and makes you stop and contemplate the state of it all

canon: they died

fanfic: fUCK YOU