This Is So Beautifully Written I CRIED-

this is so beautifully written I CRIED-

(please don't leave me) | choi seungcheol

⇢ Seungcheol x Reader

⇢ word count: 4k

⇢ angst / hurt comfort

⇢ A/N: for any of you who might need it. I know it's hard, but please hang in there.

⇢ warning: reader is having symptoms of anxiety.

未来なんて来なけりゃ皆とのこの差も

If the future never came, I wouldn’t have to worry,

これ以上は開くことは無いのにさ

About being left behind by everyone else

Sekai no Owari - Ginga gai no akumu

You don’t realize what it was when it first happened, but you remember the feeling so clearly even now, at least a month later. Because how can you not when you had sat up on your bed in panic, thinking there's an earthquake because it felt like your body was shaking and so was the table clock beside you, only to check the news and find nothing?

You even tried looking up earthquakes across all social media only to conclude that you’re probably more tired than you thought you were because nobody around you even mentioned about an earthquake.

But then it happens again, so strongly that you feel your bed shaking and your heart beating so loud in your ears. You try to look around and see if everything else is shaking, but, then again, your sight might be playing a joke on you because everything seems shaky. The only thing that convinces you that everything is still… is Seungcheol.

He’s still sleeping soundly beside you, not the least bit bothered by whatever phenomenon you’re experiencing. And you know Seungcheol is sensitive to things like this, he would’ve woken up first and taken you with him if an earthquake was really happening.

You try to feel your heartbeat, but it’s hard to make sense of it when your head is spinning and your mind is all over the place. You try to take a deep breath too, but it’s truly Seungcheol’s soft, sleepy voice calling your name that gets the erratic rhythm of your heartbeat to calm down even a little.

“You okay?” he asks in worry, his barely conscious mind trying to register why you’re sitting up with your hand on your heart. “Nightmare?”

You’re not sure how to tell him it’s not, but you nod because it’s easier and you don’t want to worry him when it’s 2 in the morning and you know Seungcheol has practice in a few hours.

“Come here,” he whispers, signaling you to lay in his embrace. You exhale a deep breath as you do so, hoping that Seungcheol is too sleepy to notice how out of it you are. “Do you want to talk about it?”

At the shake of your head, Seungcheol hums and gently rubs your back to help you relax. It’s concerning how tense you are, but he knows not to push it when you say you don’t want to talk about it, let alone when he’s barely awake at 2 in the morning. So he plants his lips on your forehead to let you know he’s there, holds you a little tighter to remind you that it’s okay to lean on him.

“I’m here, okay?” he whispers against your hair. “It’s just a nightmare. You won’t have to see it again tomorrow.”

You try your best to hold back your tears, wondering why it’s suddenly hard to believe his words with dread filling your heart.

You wake up to your bed empty, and, as usual, you find Seungcheol’s texts the moment you check your phone.

[07:01] Seungcheol🌙: Sorry, Jihoon called and said I’m needed at the office earlier than scheduled

[07:01] Seungcheol🌙: Take it easy today. You’re working from home, right?

[07:02] Seungcheol🌙: Don’t forget to eat!

[08:11] Seungcheol🌙: I think I might need to stay in the dorm for the next few days, I’m sorry :(

[08:11] Seungcheol🌙: Call me if the nightmare comes again, ok? I know it bothers you a lot when it happens

[08:12] Seungcheol🌙: I love you

[08:17] Seungcheol🌙: Oh! Or you can just stay at the dorm if you want, you know the kids don’t mind

You don’t even know why you’re crying, but you are and it’s only when you’ve read all of his texts that you even realize there are tears falling down your face. You try your best to make sense of it; of why you’re crying and why you’re trying to hold back your tears, but it’s hard and you come up with nothing as you listen to your cries echoing in your silent apartment.

[10:10] Sorry, I woke up late and got caught up with meeting immediately after

[10:10] Its ok I understand, dont worry about me, ok?

[10:11] Love you too, Cheol

Seungcheol frowns when he reads your texts. It’s not weird for you to text this way, but there’s just something off that he’s not sure how to put his fingers in it yet.

Perhaps it’s the worry from last night that still refuses to leave his mind, because it’s been some time since he’s felt you that tense and you’d usually almost immediately melt into his embrace when you are.

But you didn’t. He’s pretty sure you were crying too at some point, but he can tell that asking you why would do no good so he let you be as he pretended to be asleep and blissfully unaware of the whole thing, though his arms tightened around you in the subtlest way possible.

He tried to rack his brain and see if there’s any sign that you might be having a hard time with something, if you’ve told him about anything that bothered you enough to react that way. But you’re fine even the day before that, though it’s true that you’re a little overworked and you’ve told him that your workload is a little too much these days.

Nothing I can’t handle though, you had told him. And he believes you’re not downplaying it, because you are capable of it and he knows you’ll tell him honestly if you think it’s too much, whining that your boss is an ass and that you need a break.

“Seungcheol, the meeting’s about to start,” Jeonghan calls for him, a little confused that the leader who usually reminds them of it is staring blankly into his phone. “You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he sighs as he pushes his phone to his pocket and follows him out of the room. “Just worried about Y/N, I think she's a little burnout.”

Jeonghan frowns, asking if you’re okay, which Seungcheol can only press his lips together at, unsure if he can actually tell him how you’re doing. He wants to say you’re okay, but you also told him a few days ago that you haven’t been able to sleep well.

There’s an assumption in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t think he has the right to assume with so little knowledge and a few things he’s witnessed.

For once in his life, Seungcheol desperately hopes he’s wrong.

Unfortunately for him, the meeting lasts longer than it was intended to be, and he doesn’t have enough time to text you because he’s already dragged to another one the moment he steps out of the prior meeting room. He bites his lip when he realizes there’s no further text from you after the ones you sent in the morning though. It’s past lunch now.

Are you that busy? But you’re working from home and he knows you usually get clingy when you’re alone, so you bombard him with your uneventful day that he finds interesting nevertheless.

Before the meeting begins, he excuses himself to the restroom so he can check up on you even for a moment. He fidgets in front of the sink, but his phone keeps on beeping with no sign of you taking his call.

Seungcheol sighs when it eventually beeps a long line, and decides to text you instead, pretending to whine about his busy day to ask if you’ve eaten lunch because he hasn’t.

He waits for a minute or two, just to see if you’ll reply immediately despite his call being unanswered. He reminds himself not to worry too much when you don’t, maybe you are busy. Or maybe you’ve fallen asleep because, obviously, you didn’t sleep well last night.

Once he’s back in the meeting room, he can’t help but be conscious of his phone, praying it would vibrate from your notification because he’s gone as far as silencing every other notification just so yours would be the only one that goes through.

Yet, it stays still, not moving even once for the next two hours Seungcheol is in the meeting, his mind elsewhere. Inevitably, that means he’s out of it for the whole day; he keeps on getting some of his moves wrong, and he answers a second too late when someone calls for him.

No one blames him though, knowing full well that’s how he gets when he’s worried.

It’s somewhere during dinner that you finally answer, yet another text that got his stomach twisting in worry.

[19:22] Sorry, fell asleep and didnt check my phone til now

[19:23] And i did, i hope you didnt miss lunch?

He bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to sound obsessive, but you’re gone for hours and… that’s it? He’s not sure why he’s more worried than he usually would’ve been. Perhaps it’s because you were crying last night, doing it when you thought he’s asleep when you’d usually take his comfort with open arms instead of going through it by yourself.

He immediately calls you after that, excusing himself from the studio to check up on you. A frown is etched on his face when the phone beeps once, and then twice until you eventually pick up even though he calls almost as soon as he’s read your texts.

“Hey,” he greets you, and you hum in return, clearing your throat before you say hi. “Did you eat dinner? How was your nap?”

“I think I’ll just eat some bun,” you answer honestly, aware that Seungcheol understands that you find heavy meals burdensome for dinner at times. “And it was okay. How was your day?”

It’s a poor attempt to change the topic, he knows that, even you know that, but he decides following your pace would be best for now because it’s not the best set up to pry when he doesn’t have the luxury of time nor is he physically there with you. So he tries. He tries his best to act normal and tell you about his day, whines about the endless meetings, about how his moves during practice were a bit off; just about everything he’d tell you like usual.

He hopes it will help you get a sense of normalcy, something to hold on to and to remind yourself that this is just another day.

Seungcheol bites back a worried sigh at how much you’re trying to sound okay, wondering why you would pretend to be fine with him, of all people. But, again, he doesn’t think this would be the best set up to push so he swallows his worry and reminds you to rest well.

“Call me if the nightmare comes again, okay?” he tells you, even though he has a hunch that it wasn't a nightmare that was bothering you after all.

Your answer comes after a beat, another hum of affirmation that sounds a lot like an answer you give because you don’t know how else to answer him.

“It’s been a long day, hm?” he decides to say, figuring that should be subtle enough. “You sound very tired today, angel.”

“My period is coming, I think,” you say, admitting that today hasn’t been that great. “But I’ll manage. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

“It’s my job to worry about you,” he jokes, his heart eases a little at the sound of your tiny chuckle. “Anyhow, I think I might need to sleep in the dorm for a few days. But I’ll drop by, alright? Or we can eat out, it’s been some time since we went out to a restaurant, hm?”

There’s a sound of what he assumes to be sniffles from your part, soft enough for anyone else to mistake it as an upcoming cold if they don’t know you well enough. But he does, and he wonders if he said something wrong that might bring tears out of you. Before he can ask though, one of the staff calls for him so he has to hastily hang up and reminds you once again to take care and call him if the nightmare comes back even if it’s three in the morning.

You don’t trust yourself enough to speak, so you hum and clear your throat, telling Seungcheol to take care also.

The tears fall almost immediately after that, his warmth reaching out to you in ways that you don’t understand possible as you cry for reasons that you can’t seem to figure out.

It’s exhausting.

You can’t even tell how many times you’ve cried that day; when your boss raises his voice slightly during one of the meetings and not even at you, when you see the amount of deadlines lining up on your memo, when you think of Seungcheol and his smile… and right now, after taking his phone call and hearing the sweetest things you can ever ask someone to tell you.

He’s so ready to care for you–to let you know that he’ll be there for you whenever you ask him to.

So what is this feeling in your chest, telling you you’re not worthy of his love and attention? That you’d just be bothering him if you tell him about what’s been happening the whole day? Is something even happening? Or are you making things up in your mind?

You know–you know he’d happily comfort you everytime you need it. That he would never consider you a burden and he’d lay everything down for you if he could.

But still, how can you ask him of that?

How can you dare ask him to spare his time and do all that just because you’re a little upset?

It’s been one day, and yet the emptiness within you hollows you out like never before.

Seungcheol gulps hardly as he grips his phone, unsure what to make of the conversation he has just had with one of your close coworkers that knows of your relationship with him.

“Thank God you called,” Hanna sighs the moment she picks up the phone. “I had been contemplating on calling you but I was afraid I’d bother you… but anyway, I know you’re probably calling because of Y/N and… I must say I’m worried, Seungcheol.”

The phone call doesn’t get better, obviously, and he has to take a deep breath quite a few times the more Hanna talks.

“She doesn’t really talk unless someone asks her about the assignments,” she says, making his heart clench uncomfortably. “And… I hope you don’t think I’m being dramatic, but I think she’s a little empty. She does eat her lunch, thankfully, though she nibbles on them and she just stares at her screen during so. I… you didn’t fight, right? I’m not sure how to talk to her when she’s like this.”

It’s taking him everything not to just leave the building and go to your office right there and then, but he knows you wouldn’t like that–and he’s more responsible than that too as much as he wishes he can just leave that very second.

Unfortunately, the news isn’t as surprising as he thought it would be. Because he does have his guesses that it’s more than bad days the moment your text continues to feel off even the day after. You barely even answer his call, and it’s always the same excuse: that you’re not checking your phone.

He’s not annoyed, just very frustrated that he can’t find a way to see what’s happening because you’re closing up. He wants to comfort you, but how is he supposed to do it if you don’t even want to acknowledge to him that something’s going on?

He tries to ask if you’re feeling better after that day, and you always say your day is just okay–that nothing worth mentioning happened. It doesn’t help that his schedule doesn’t allow him to drop by your place too, but it’s been three days and he should be able to go to your shared place tonight albeit a bit late.

He doesn’t tell you that though, because he still doesn’t know if he can really go home or not, and even if he can, it might even be somewhere around one in the morning. You’d force yourself to stay up and wait for him if you know, so he’d rather not when he knows you haven’t been in your condition despite your lack of confirmation.

It shows though. It shows in your strained voice and your short texts. It shows in how careful you choose your words and how you always make excuses not to answer his video calls.

It shows in how late your reply comes as time goes by. And how you always tell him he’s just too worried everytime he asks if you’re okay.

You don’t brush off his worries. That’s not something you do. You’d usually tell him you’re okay and that it’s him who should take care. Or you’d tell him you’re simply in a bad mood and you don’t want to talk to him for a bit just in case you’ll get annoyed at him too.

But not this. You don’t tell him he’s too worried. Perhaps you think it’ll ease his worry when it only does the exact opposite.

“Just go back home, Cheol,” Jihoon says from the other side of the recording room the moment Seungcheol snaps his face to him. He doesn’t sound annoyed, just very concerned that his leader has only turned to him now even though he’s called him for at least five times before. “I know you’re worried about Y/N. Go check up on her and stay the night? We have a late start tomorrow anyway.”

Seungcheol looks at his manager sitting behind Jihoon, signaling him to go out because it’ll do no one any good if his head isn’t even here no matter how long he’s been standing on the recording booth.

“You want me to drive you home?” his manager offers, and Seungcheol is about to refuse until he realizes he’d be too distracted to drive properly anyway. So he nods and apologizes to Jihoon for not being able to focus.

The younger guy shakes his head, as he could understand it could happen and tells him that he’s worried too from what Seungcheol has told him about you.

The drive to your place is silent, and it’s somewhere after midnight when he arrives. Seungcheol thanks his manager once again, then tells him there’s no need to pick him up tomorrow or that he will call if he needs to be picked up.

If he’s being completely honest, he doesn’t know what exactly he’s expecting from being home. But it’s definitely not the whole place dark with no single lamp turned on even though you always make sure to turn on one of the floor lamps in the living room and the other near the kitchen.

You don’t like complete darkness.

His stomach churns in worry at what this might imply, and it’s when he nears your shared bedroom that his heart drops because you’re awake and you’re crying–bawling, if he’s to be frank. And it takes everything in him not to just throw the door open and ask what happens.

Instead, Seungcheol exhales a deep breath and calmly opens the door only to find you turned the other way around, a bunch of used tissues lay on the your bedside table.

His eyes water almost immediately, but he softly clears his throat and takes the place next to you on the bed. You don’t realize he’s home, it appears, as you jump in shock when you feel the bed dip behind you and tense the moment he turns you around and pulls you into his embrace.

The shock doesn’t last long though, and the tears well up once again when your brain finally registers that Seungcheol is here and you’re in his arms. He doesn’t even have to ask what’s wrong, he just holds you and shushes you softly. He doesn’t tell you to stop crying either, simply caresses your hair and holds you tighter when he feels your fingers balling the front of his shirt.

When your sob finally dies down, you’re not sure how to look at him and what to say. Seungcheol doesn’t seem to care though, because he kisses your forehead and tells you to wait as he goes to the kitchen and get you water.

He still doesn’t ask later on after you’ve calmed down and sit quietly in his lap, doesn’t ask when he feels your hands trembling even though you didn’t have any hand tremor before this, his back against the headrest of your bed as he hums a familiar tone that you don’t remember what song of.

It’s calming though; the sound of his heartbeat against your ear and the feeling of his hand gently rubbing your back.

“Should we lay down?” he whispers against the top of your head, his arm that’s holding your figure tighten the slightest bit. “You should get some sleep, angel.”

You shake your head though, and then bury yourself further into his embrace. “I want to stay like this for a little while.”

His heart hurts at how small you sound, and he blinks back his tears once again before they can fall and worry you instead. “Okay. Tell me if you’re sleepy, alright?”

It’s silent again for a moment, and it’s when his arm tenses a little that you know it’s coming. Whatever it is he’s been wanting to say and been holding to himself–it’s coming.

“You know you don’t need to go through this alone, right?”

Your vision gets blurry again at his words, wondering once again how on earth did you luck out and get yourself a Choi Seungcheol.

“I’m here for a reason and I hope that means something to you,” he speaks softly, and if you’re not already sobbing now, you would’ve heard how shaky he sounds too, seconds away from crying himself. “I know it’s hard. And I hope you know I’m not mad, but… tell me if you need me to be with you, okay? I want to be with you. But I can’t do it if you’re not letting me. Please let me be with you.”

You didn’t think it was possible for you to cry harder than you already are, but it is, and Seungcheol is making it harder to stop crying because he’s really here and he’s whispering you every single thing you’ve been doubting yourself of; telling you that no matter how hard you’re telling yourself you have to go through it alone, you really don’t have to because he wants to be there for you.

Even if he can’t do anything but hold your hand, he wants to be there.

That he’s not going to leave and he doesn’t have any intention to do that ever.

You want to apologize to him, for thinking all those things against your relationship and how little faith you have in him even though you know it’s your head messing things up. That you don’t really think he’d see you as a burden, that it’s you who think you are a burden to him.

Seungcheol shakes his head though, tells you he understands and that he takes no offense in them even though your words barely even make any sense. You open your mouth again to explain, but he closes his lips on yours for a feather-like kiss that gets you feeling the calmest you’ve felt in a week.

“You don’t need to tell me anything now, okay? Just rest well and we’ll face tomorrow together, alright?”

You nod, eyes teary but heart much less heavy than it was before. You barely manage to smile at him, but it’s enough for him and he shifts you both down inside your blanket so you can finally sleep.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” he whispers. “You’re not going to do this alone.”

It’s your turn to believe his voice instead of the voice inside your head.

明日を夢見るから今日が変わらないんだ

It’s because we dream of tomorrow that nothing changes today.

僕らを動かせるのは自分だけだろう

We’re the only ones who can make ourselves take action.

そんなことわかってるんだろう

But you know that already;

強くなれ僕の同志よ

Be stronger, my comrades.

A/N: and for me, who needed it. It's okay to seek for help. Don't go through it alone. Be stronger, my comrades.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

WAYS WE CAN HELP PALESTINE:

as of 9am today, 8131 palestinians were killed, 20438 are injured and 1.4 million have been displaced. it’s important for all of us to help palestine in as many ways as we can.

i also cannot stress how much just spreading awareness in general can help. staying silent because of your discomfort is not an excuse to sit by while a genocide takes place. when we learn about these events in history we often think “how was this allowed to happen?” but that’s exactly what’s happening now and it’s our responsibility to not sit by and let an entire country be wiped out. i will continue adding more ways to help to this post and i’d really appreciate it if anyone can spread this as much as possible.

it’s important to get educated on everything going on in palestine right now, here are some sources that could help!

decolonize palestine - made by two palestinians, answers a lot of questions regarding everything right now (including debunking a lot of myths from biased news stations) and provides a lot of historical context.

list of documentaries to watch if you want to gain further knowledge

list of accounts to follow on twitter that can also provide information

linktree with information

you can also donate to organisations! even if you can’t donate tons of money, you can help by spreading these links so others can also try to donate!

red crescent

PCRF

MAP

doctors w/o borders

palestinian social fund

palestinian in pain launch good

this website is free and uses ad revenue for donations, all you need to do is click it once daily!

some more places you can donate to and some more

boycotting will also help!! also some of the kpop idols we stan have brand deals with ones that support 🇮🇱 so please let’s not interact with their posts with those brands

list from BDS of companies to boycott

signing petitions!

write to representatives and demand they retract their support of 🇮🇱

ways to contact local governments about helping palestine

if you’re in the uk here’s a link to contact your local MP

change org ceasefire petition

Text "CEASEFIRE" to 51905 if you live in America. The link provided leads you to a page to sign and call for a ceasefire once the goal is met. They are so close to meeting its goal!!

here's a link that lets you send a letter directly to your state representatives

here are some threads that will also give you ways to help.

thread of things we can do to help palestine

HOW TO HELP PALESTINE!! resources and links to other threads on how to donate and spread awareness of what's happening in palestine currently!!! a thread 🧵

here’s what we know, and links to donate to help aid palestinians, a thread:

Here is a list of list of resources and people you can follow to educate yourself on what’s going on in Palestine RIGHT NOW🇵🇸

Ways US, Canada, and UK residents can reach out to their state representatives and MPs to call for ceasefire in Gaza:

if there are any more sources that you would like me to add pls send me an ask or dm me !!

achilles’ heel — choi seungcheol

pairing — choi seungcheol x fem!reader

summary — after a knee surgery, your boyfriend feels off about his body. you’re determined to show him just how much you love it.

wc — 3.1k

warnings — nsfw content. minors dni. smut, established relationship, light angst, fluff, body insecurity, body worship, petnames (baby, pretty girl), oral sex (m receiving), creampie

author’s note — hi i still think about when cheol said in a live that he wears big hoodies bc he’s insecure of his body and im still upset because i need him to know that he makes couprangs (ME) feel insane over his body that’s sooo big and strong ok enjoy

Something is bothering Seungcheol.

You’ve been with your boyfriend long enough to reasonably suspect when there’s something on his mind, and while he’s gotten relatively good at putting on a front to his members, it’s a little harder for him to conceal his thoughts from you. You, who’s ever observant and aware of his habits. You, who, when Seungcheol is sick with something even if non-contagious, somehow coincidentally feel the same symptoms. You, who is practically empathetically connected with him.

It’s not hard to notice that he’s been distant, though. Ever since he’d been able to walk again after his surgery, he’s had a weird edge to him that was never there before, like a rescue dog with trust issues. 

By no means had he become neglectful to you. Not once had he stopped treating you like you were his entire world, but it was all in the way his hugs weren’t as tight as usual. He insisted he didn’t need help with things like showering or dressing anymore—which was fair since he could walk now, but when you’d asked if he wanted to join you in the shower, suddenly he was too tired. Once upon a time you couldn’t even finish the question before he was stripped naked and next to you. 

You don’t remember the last time you’d been intimate with him. The moment your lips would make their way to his neck after a soft makeout, he’d ease you away from him, gently confessing that he just wasn’t in the mood, that he was just too tired again. 

And that’s fine with you—you’d die before disrespecting the boundaries which are so crucial to your relationship. You did miss him though, and deep down, something in your heart had told you that, along with everything else, something was not right.

You’re curled into his side one night when you find the courage to confront him.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Your suspicions are confirmed the moment his chest stiffens under your cheek. 

“I know… Why?” he asks, hesitant, as though he’s walking on eggshells.

“I feel like you’ve been acting, I don’t know, off. I’m worried about you, Cheollie,” you admit, poking your finger into his torso. 

Three of his breaths, full of contemplation, fill the air before he speaks again. 

“It’s my body,” he says. “I don’t like how much bigger I’ve gotten.”

You bolt upright, staring dead into his eyes with daggers in yours.

“That’s why you’ve been so squirmish?”

He nods his head, pouting absentmindedly, then continues. “I’ve just felt… gross.”

It takes everything in you not to smack him across the face. Your hands ball into fists, your face growing hot as rage bubbles and stirs beneath your skin. You climb on top of him, trapping his waist between your thighs as you sit upon him.

“Choi Seungcheol, you’re so stupid.” There’s an air of affection in your words, but you hope they’re stern enough to get through to him.

He groans as he hides his face in the fabric of his hoodie. “This is why I didn’t tell you.”

“Because you knew it was stupid? Cheol, you were in rehab recovering from surgery. You literally couldn’t walk for weeks. Besides, you’re acting like it’s a bad thing that you’ve gotten ‘bigger’,” you say, fingers wrapping around his wrists so you can pull his hands away from his face. “Do you know how feral you’ve been making me feel recently?”

“Feral?!” he says, eyes widening as he fails to stifle an adorable giggle.

“Your shoulders are so broad now and it drives me fucking crazy,” you say, falling into a fit of your own laughter because the sound of your boyfriend’s laugh is more contagious than any sickness. 

Lacing your fingers with his, your expression hardens. In the rich brown of his eyes, his insecurity finally rears itself to you—and you’re determined to destroy every last shred of it.

“Love everything about your body, Cheol. Love when you cuddle me and hug me with your big arms, makes me feel so safe,” you confess, your smile radiating warmth. Your fingers squeeze his ones.

“Love how you can carry me around, on your back, in your arms…” You let go of his hands to flatten your palms against his stomach, smoothing up his torso slowly. His own hands, eager to never be empty, find your hips, his fingers pinching softly at you through your leggings.

“Love your thick thighs, love sitting in your lap…” You’ve reached his chest now and Seungcheol is smirking — he’s well aware of your obsession with this part of him. 

“Love when you throw me around, manhandle me like a ragdoll, pin me down…” You’re grasping at his shoulders now, leaning forward until there’s hardly an inch between your faces.

“Love when you spank me…” 

It’s then that something in Seungcheol shifts. His pants grow tighter, his hips shifting underneath you as you straddle him. He likes to think he’s a man of self-control, even when it comes to your antics. But there are times where he abandons all discipline — right now, his head is cloudy because he hasn’t let you touch him in weeks.

“You’ve been depriving me of cock all this time because you’ve been eating too good?” you say, scoffing as you reach for the hem of Seungcheol’s hoodie to tug at it. You pause, glancing at him for approval. Still with a dash of hesitation he sits up, helping you shrug it over his head, exposing himself to you.

“Don’t get too bratty, I can keep depriving you,” he retorts, but it’s playful. 

It’s like your first time with him all over again. All you’d gotten over the past few weeks were glimpses of his bare skin, a peek as he came out of the shower or changed or when his shirt lifted up as he stretched. He’s always been a little modest, but never to this extent. 

The sight of his bare form knocks every last breath from your lungs. He’s always been beautiful—strong and dependable, now even more so. His body has always given you the urge to get on your knees and worship and pray to him like the Greeks did, now it feels as though you were born to do just that. 

Then there’s a pang of violence, too, because he hasn’t even changed that drastically. He’s a little softer in his tummy, his arms a little thicker, but that’s all, really. It’s definitely not something for him to have been hiding out of disgust. Of course, it’s not all too difficult to deduce why he felt it necessary to do it—he’s an idol. It’s his job to look picturesque and perfect and flawless. His mind is bound to become mean, to turn to cruel lies of not being good enough.

Your lips leave a trail along his skin, from his collarbones, to his chest, and down his abdomen. Your hope is that each kiss will help chase away Seungcheol’s every last insecurity. It’s naive of you, perhaps, because it will take a lot more than just this to unravel what he has convinced himself of. At the very least, it’s a start.

You paw at the band of his sweats, lips hovering below his belly button as you glance up at him.

“Can I take them off?”

A nervous pause. Then, “do it,” he says, sighing softly. 

And then you’re pulling them down his legs, down his thick, hard thighs—the ones made for you to sit on. 

His boxers come next, but not before you ask for his explicit permission again. More than ever, you’re utterly dedicated to his comfort. 

It’s instinct how your hand reaches for his cock, heavy as your fingers wrap around it and so thick that your fingertips don’t even touch. The sight of it which you’ve missed so much, pretty, pink, and veiny, has you drooling already, your teeth baring down on your bottom lip. You’re aching between your legs. 

You need him inside you or you might die.

Seungcheol’s eyes sparkle as he watches your lips leave wet kisses along his length, pecking along the veins as you make your way up, then spoiling his tip with sweet smooches and kitten licks in between.

“Missed you, Cheol,” you tell him, breathy and tender.

“I know,” he says, then you take his cock past your lips and he hisses as the warmth of your mouth greets him. 

He doesn’t realise how much he’s missed this, missed you, until his tip bumps the back of your throat and you’re choking around him despite not even having half of him in your mouth yet. His hand flies to grab a fistful of your hair, still managing to treat you gently as he pulls you back.

“Easy, pretty girl,” he pleads, the rasp in his voice instilling within you an urge to listen. His effect on you is trance-like, his honeyed voice irresistible. 

You blink up at him, batting your tear-brimmed lashes at him, knowing how it makes his heart swell. You take him slowly this time, one hand stroking at his base so that no inch of him is left untouched, and you swallow him little by little. 

Seungcheol lets out a low groan, a gorgeous sound that makes the world spin around you. It rushes straight to your core, burning through you, turning you hungrier, greedier.

You can’t help but slip one of your hands down between your thighs, sliding your fingers between your folds which you find practically dripping. Your fingertips dance over your clit, circling it softly before you dip two of your digits inside to feed the insatiable flame that burns in your core. 

“Fuck, baby,” Seungcheol groans, catching sight of the way your fingers pump in and out of your dripping hole. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

He doesn’t need to tell you—his cock twitches in your mouth as he speaks. 

The sheer size and thickness of your boyfriend’s length always proves challenging for you, but the heat emanating from deep within your core begs for you to spoil him—because his pleasure is equally yours—and has you burying him all the way down your throat in spite of the tears that spring to your eyes and the clench of your oesophagus around him. 

And the thing about Seungcheol is that his mere existence is enough to toss you out of your mind, to make you throw all morals out the window until you’re no better than a cat in heat.

He lets out a noise that’s part-laugh and part-moan as your nose nuzzles against the wiry hairs of his happy trail, never failing to be caught off guard by your eagerness even after years of being your lover. His hand settles on your cheek, at the corner of your lips that are stretched around his girth, his thumb drawing soft strokes on your skin.

“I said go easy,” he says, voice strained, but he chuckles amusedly through his words.

You bob your head back up, popping off of him briefly. Webs of glimmering spit connect your lips with his cock, and Seungcheol thinks you’ve never looked prettier. He can’t help but brush his thumb over your swollen lips while his eyes drink you in with a tender gleam. 

“Can’t help myself,” you reply, smiling coyly, then the next moment you’re back on him again, swirling your tongue around his tip.

You pull your fingers from your pussy momentarily to drag your nails along his thighs, so thick and heavy with muscle that you’re certain when you sink them into his skin he feels no more than a soft scratch. It helps when you swallow him whole again, helps keep your tears at bay just a little, helps the muscles of your throat relax so that you can bob your head up and down his length the way both you and him like it.

You don’t go too fast lest he pulls you away for ignoring his pleas, but there’s also no need for you to go too fast. Yes, you’ve missed him, missed having him like this, missed touching him, but right now that’s not what you’re concerned about. All that spurs you on is the want —the need—to make Seungcheol feel as desirable as he is to you. 

So you take him steadily, at a pace that’s enough to get him worked up and simultaneously lets your affection drip from every drag of your mouth along his length, lets you taste every inch of him and every drop of his salty precum. Your soft moans muffled by his cock merge with his ones, breathy and whiny, broken up by praises and light mewls of your name. 

One of your hands moves between your legs again, squelching as your fingers enter your throbbing cunt once more.

You refuse to break your eyes away from his, as though averting your gaze from him even for a second would mean he would vanish before you. It’s also Seungcheol’s Achilles’ heel—look into his eyes and he doesn’t stand a chance against you. 

You could predict the way curses start spilling from his lips and the way his cock starts to throb lightly in your mouth and the way his hips start to buck every time his tip reaches the back of your throat. When it comes to you, he’s weak and he will never hide it.

“Baby, I’m close,” he says, a near whisper. 

His confession prompts you to pull your mouth off of him and he whimpers, pouting shamelessly like a kicked puppy. Some alpha leader. 

“You’re really teasing me right now?” 

“Cheollie… You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and you think I’d just let you cum like that?” you say, but your voice is full of playfulness. You want to make up for the affection you haven’t been able to give him for so long, yet a part of you wants to get back at him a little. 

“I’ll remember this,” he grins.

“I know you will,” you tell him as you clamber up his legs until you’re straddling his waist, bending forward to press a chaste kiss to his mouth and pouting at him. “What if I want you to finish inside me though?”

“Then let me prep you first,” he insists, giant hands finding your hips and drawing circles with his thumbs. He’s about to flip you over onto your back, but you shake your head and press a hand to his chest to keep him still. 

“I’ve already prepped myself, Cheollie, you wanna taste?” 

Before he can bicker back, you push your soaked fingers between his lips and into his mouth, and he sucks them subconsciously, lapping up every last drop of your arousal with a moan.

When his mouth is free of your fingers, he smiles.

“I still wanna touch you,” he rasps, resolute.

You lean over him until your mouth is on his again, but this time your lips slide sloppily against one anothers’ from the mess of saliva and cum that drips from them. Your hands travel up his torso, palms smoothing over his bare flesh, but touching him is not enough. 

“I wanna take care of you, Seungcheol, so please just let me,” you whisper against his lips, grinding your hips over his cock where it lays against his abdomen. 

“Okay, okay,” he surrenders, sighing as your lips drop down to his neck and nip at his tender skin there. “But I’m eating you out for at least two hours next time.”

You perk back up to shoot him an unamused look, in spite of the fact that it’s really a win-win situation for you. You just hate that there’s no budging your boyfriend’s stubbornness. 

“I love you,” he says, lips curling into a ghost of a smirk.

And here is your Achilles heel, because you’re just a girl, after all. A girl not immune to her breathtaking lover’s sweet words, whose heart sways at his whispers of affection to her—to only her. 

Warmth floods your veins. The need to be one with him becomes urgent. 

Grasping onto Seungcheol’s broad shoulders, you sink down upon him, inch by inch until he’s bottomed out inside you and your moans of relief are perfectly in sync. He grips your hips so hard they’ll probably bruise, no doubt having become unused to how sweetly your warm walls envelop his cock like a hug. Meanwhile you’ve forgotten how his dick, in all its thickness, is capable of punching the air from your lungs.

Still, there’s no hesitation in the way you start to bounce your hips on him and it’s not long before the burning stretch fizzles into a glowing pleasure in the pit of your stomach. 

When you’re above him like this, you’re able to take in the sight of all of him. His biceps, bulky and thick, his shoulders, sturdy and broad. Every inch of him is so perfect that you wonder how he’s all yours. You hate to think about how he could have possibly felt disgusted by himself. If he wasn’t already yours in real life, he would be in your dreams, exactly as he is as he lays beneath you. 

It’s overwhelming. Feeling him again after so many weeks, the way his cock drives into you so deliciously, his sculpture-like body—you’re not sure what does it, probably a mixture of everything, but before you know it your pussy is clamping down on him and your entire body quivers with a wave of

“Fuck, I’m cumming too, baby, I’m right with you,” he utters, staring at you as if you descended straight from Heaven.

“No,” you say, and your hips halt their bouncing, yet your fingers are still toying with your clit as you recover from your orgasm. 

Seungcheol whines at the cruelty of it.

“Not until you agree this body is sexy,” you say, teasing, grinding your hips painfully slowly along his cock—certainly not enough to keep up any kind of stimulation.

He gives a pained, exasperated laugh, and thinks fuck, he’s in love with you. He’s not sure what he’s done, maybe saved a life or two in a past life, but even that seems like it’s not enough for him to deserve you. 

The way your walls squeeze down on his cock makes his head spin. If he doesn’t cum soon he thinks he might die.

“It is, okay? I love this body. Now please, please, keep going,” he blurts out, stroking his hands up and down your thighs sweetly, pouting up at you so irresistibly.

“Say it’s sexy.”

He whines again, painfully desperate. His voice breaks when he repeats your words; “my body is sexy.”

You smile like a little minx when you start to bounce up and down him again, even harder this time. Seungcheol moans, such a gorgeous sound, and before long he’s grasping at your waist and pulling you flush against him as his cock throbs and he fills you up with spurts of his warm seed.

As he comes back down with heavy breaths, you pepper his neck and jawline with saccharine kisses. 

“I love you,” you say, relishing in the weight and warmth of his strong arms wrapped around your nude body, in the feeling of his soft yet firm torso that’s one with your own. “You’re perfect to me.”

I- am I being stalked?!?!?

seungcheol is for the girlies who never put themselves first, who always go for the smallest portions of foods just so others can have the bigger ones, who always listen to their mother even if it hurts, who don't have a good relationship with their father, who barely wants to open up, who are ambitious, who are hesitant of buying something for themselves, who have always been the therapist friend, who are fierce, who always blames themselves, who are afraid of no storms but seeing their family members struggling, who are overprotective about their siblings, who thinks there is no one in this world to save them, who never loved their hair, who is the eldest daughter of the family.

I don't have a back rub nor dumplings nor a won woo I just have intensified wonwoorot-

[08:41 pm]: jeon wonwoo

“did you know that snails can nap for up to three years?” you whisper, hopeful eyes staring up at your boyfriend’s face from your place on his chest, desperate for even just a crumb of his attention.

are you being a little dramatic? probably. but wonwoo should be used to your dramatics by now.

you can’t even blame him for being this engrossed in the book he’s reading — after all it’s the book you were supposed to read together, only for you to sheepishly admit to finishing it all by yourself in just two days. wonwoo just gave you a disapproving look and told you that he’d postpone all date activities until he finished the book as well in order to get you two to be even again.

this was your punishment, of sorts.

wonwoo just hums, one of his hands leaving the pages of the book to rub along your back in acknowledgment and before you can get the chance to bathe in the little attention he spared you, his hand is gone again.

you sigh dramatically, body going limp and letting your head fall down against his chest. “did you know that lack of attention will cause a broken heart?” you try again, not looking at him this time but rather choosing to nuzzle into his neck instead.

you seem to catch his attention this time, since his eyes leave the page for the first time in an hour, small smile playing on his lips and brows raised in question, “is that so, baby?”

you nod silently, sighing deeply for full dramatic effect. he hums as if in deep in thought, his hand finding the back of your head, pressing you a little closer to himself.

“and how do we prevent a broken heart?” he murmurs, letting the book fall shut and placing it on the bedside table. you can’t bite back the smile that breaks out on your face, because evidently, you won.

“well, first, a kiss,” wonwoo hums in response, urging you to keep going, “then a backrub and…maybe some takeout from the dumpling place we like?” you lift your head to finally look at him, hopeful spark in your eyes at the prospect of your favourite dumplings, only to be met with the goofiest, most smitten look you’ve ever seen on your boyfriend’s face.

“in that specific order?” wonwoo grins and you pretend to think about it for a second, even rubbing your chin for good measure. “no, as long as all three conditions are met, heartbreak is averted!” he snorts at you, suddenly reaching forward and pulling your face closer, peppering soft kisses all over.

wonwoo squishes your face, love downright pouring out of his eyes, “i love you,” he places a kiss on your forehead, almost as if to emphasise his point, “let’s get you your dumplings and that backrub, hm?”

I just woke up why am I being attacked like this T-T -

minghao is for the girlies who never forgive themselves, who were never cared enough, whose desires or dreams are always taken for granted, who always think of running somewhere far, who have nightmares often, who never feel safe around anyone with their secrets, whose father don't know their favourite colour, whose little habits were always made fun of, who doesn't love their nose, who never had anyone for suggestions, who hates themselves because of others.