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I didn’t know that Coups actually worked in a cafe before. Aww he’s so young and cute here 😍 Look at his hair 💙💋 ___________ © bento19

this is so beautifully written I CRIED-

(please don't leave me) | choi seungcheol

⇢ Seungcheol x Reader

⇢ word count: 4k

⇢ angst / hurt comfort

⇢ A/N: for any of you who might need it. I know it's hard, but please hang in there.

⇢ warning: reader is having symptoms of anxiety.

未来なんて来なけりゃ皆とのこの差も

If the future never came, I wouldn’t have to worry,

これ以上は開くことは無いのにさ

About being left behind by everyone else

Sekai no Owari - Ginga gai no akumu

You don’t realize what it was when it first happened, but you remember the feeling so clearly even now, at least a month later. Because how can you not when you had sat up on your bed in panic, thinking there's an earthquake because it felt like your body was shaking and so was the table clock beside you, only to check the news and find nothing?

You even tried looking up earthquakes across all social media only to conclude that you’re probably more tired than you thought you were because nobody around you even mentioned about an earthquake.

But then it happens again, so strongly that you feel your bed shaking and your heart beating so loud in your ears. You try to look around and see if everything else is shaking, but, then again, your sight might be playing a joke on you because everything seems shaky. The only thing that convinces you that everything is still… is Seungcheol.

He’s still sleeping soundly beside you, not the least bit bothered by whatever phenomenon you’re experiencing. And you know Seungcheol is sensitive to things like this, he would’ve woken up first and taken you with him if an earthquake was really happening.

You try to feel your heartbeat, but it’s hard to make sense of it when your head is spinning and your mind is all over the place. You try to take a deep breath too, but it’s truly Seungcheol’s soft, sleepy voice calling your name that gets the erratic rhythm of your heartbeat to calm down even a little.

“You okay?” he asks in worry, his barely conscious mind trying to register why you’re sitting up with your hand on your heart. “Nightmare?”

You’re not sure how to tell him it’s not, but you nod because it’s easier and you don’t want to worry him when it’s 2 in the morning and you know Seungcheol has practice in a few hours.

“Come here,” he whispers, signaling you to lay in his embrace. You exhale a deep breath as you do so, hoping that Seungcheol is too sleepy to notice how out of it you are. “Do you want to talk about it?”

At the shake of your head, Seungcheol hums and gently rubs your back to help you relax. It’s concerning how tense you are, but he knows not to push it when you say you don’t want to talk about it, let alone when he’s barely awake at 2 in the morning. So he plants his lips on your forehead to let you know he’s there, holds you a little tighter to remind you that it’s okay to lean on him.

“I’m here, okay?” he whispers against your hair. “It’s just a nightmare. You won’t have to see it again tomorrow.”

You try your best to hold back your tears, wondering why it’s suddenly hard to believe his words with dread filling your heart.

You wake up to your bed empty, and, as usual, you find Seungcheol’s texts the moment you check your phone.

[07:01] Seungcheol🌙: Sorry, Jihoon called and said I’m needed at the office earlier than scheduled

[07:01] Seungcheol🌙: Take it easy today. You’re working from home, right?

[07:02] Seungcheol🌙: Don’t forget to eat!

[08:11] Seungcheol🌙: I think I might need to stay in the dorm for the next few days, I’m sorry :(

[08:11] Seungcheol🌙: Call me if the nightmare comes again, ok? I know it bothers you a lot when it happens

[08:12] Seungcheol🌙: I love you

[08:17] Seungcheol🌙: Oh! Or you can just stay at the dorm if you want, you know the kids don’t mind

You don’t even know why you’re crying, but you are and it’s only when you’ve read all of his texts that you even realize there are tears falling down your face. You try your best to make sense of it; of why you’re crying and why you’re trying to hold back your tears, but it’s hard and you come up with nothing as you listen to your cries echoing in your silent apartment.

[10:10] Sorry, I woke up late and got caught up with meeting immediately after

[10:10] Its ok I understand, dont worry about me, ok?

[10:11] Love you too, Cheol

Seungcheol frowns when he reads your texts. It’s not weird for you to text this way, but there’s just something off that he’s not sure how to put his fingers in it yet.

Perhaps it’s the worry from last night that still refuses to leave his mind, because it’s been some time since he’s felt you that tense and you’d usually almost immediately melt into his embrace when you are.

But you didn’t. He’s pretty sure you were crying too at some point, but he can tell that asking you why would do no good so he let you be as he pretended to be asleep and blissfully unaware of the whole thing, though his arms tightened around you in the subtlest way possible.

He tried to rack his brain and see if there’s any sign that you might be having a hard time with something, if you’ve told him about anything that bothered you enough to react that way. But you’re fine even the day before that, though it’s true that you’re a little overworked and you’ve told him that your workload is a little too much these days.

Nothing I can’t handle though, you had told him. And he believes you’re not downplaying it, because you are capable of it and he knows you’ll tell him honestly if you think it’s too much, whining that your boss is an ass and that you need a break.

“Seungcheol, the meeting’s about to start,” Jeonghan calls for him, a little confused that the leader who usually reminds them of it is staring blankly into his phone. “You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he sighs as he pushes his phone to his pocket and follows him out of the room. “Just worried about Y/N, I think she's a little burnout.”

Jeonghan frowns, asking if you’re okay, which Seungcheol can only press his lips together at, unsure if he can actually tell him how you’re doing. He wants to say you’re okay, but you also told him a few days ago that you haven’t been able to sleep well.

There’s an assumption in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t think he has the right to assume with so little knowledge and a few things he’s witnessed.

For once in his life, Seungcheol desperately hopes he’s wrong.

Unfortunately for him, the meeting lasts longer than it was intended to be, and he doesn’t have enough time to text you because he’s already dragged to another one the moment he steps out of the prior meeting room. He bites his lip when he realizes there’s no further text from you after the ones you sent in the morning though. It’s past lunch now.

Are you that busy? But you’re working from home and he knows you usually get clingy when you’re alone, so you bombard him with your uneventful day that he finds interesting nevertheless.

Before the meeting begins, he excuses himself to the restroom so he can check up on you even for a moment. He fidgets in front of the sink, but his phone keeps on beeping with no sign of you taking his call.

Seungcheol sighs when it eventually beeps a long line, and decides to text you instead, pretending to whine about his busy day to ask if you’ve eaten lunch because he hasn’t.

He waits for a minute or two, just to see if you’ll reply immediately despite his call being unanswered. He reminds himself not to worry too much when you don’t, maybe you are busy. Or maybe you’ve fallen asleep because, obviously, you didn’t sleep well last night.

Once he’s back in the meeting room, he can’t help but be conscious of his phone, praying it would vibrate from your notification because he’s gone as far as silencing every other notification just so yours would be the only one that goes through.

Yet, it stays still, not moving even once for the next two hours Seungcheol is in the meeting, his mind elsewhere. Inevitably, that means he’s out of it for the whole day; he keeps on getting some of his moves wrong, and he answers a second too late when someone calls for him.

No one blames him though, knowing full well that’s how he gets when he’s worried.

It’s somewhere during dinner that you finally answer, yet another text that got his stomach twisting in worry.

[19:22] Sorry, fell asleep and didnt check my phone til now

[19:23] And i did, i hope you didnt miss lunch?

He bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to sound obsessive, but you’re gone for hours and… that’s it? He’s not sure why he’s more worried than he usually would’ve been. Perhaps it’s because you were crying last night, doing it when you thought he’s asleep when you’d usually take his comfort with open arms instead of going through it by yourself.

He immediately calls you after that, excusing himself from the studio to check up on you. A frown is etched on his face when the phone beeps once, and then twice until you eventually pick up even though he calls almost as soon as he’s read your texts.

“Hey,” he greets you, and you hum in return, clearing your throat before you say hi. “Did you eat dinner? How was your nap?”

“I think I’ll just eat some bun,” you answer honestly, aware that Seungcheol understands that you find heavy meals burdensome for dinner at times. “And it was okay. How was your day?”

It’s a poor attempt to change the topic, he knows that, even you know that, but he decides following your pace would be best for now because it’s not the best set up to pry when he doesn’t have the luxury of time nor is he physically there with you. So he tries. He tries his best to act normal and tell you about his day, whines about the endless meetings, about how his moves during practice were a bit off; just about everything he’d tell you like usual.

He hopes it will help you get a sense of normalcy, something to hold on to and to remind yourself that this is just another day.

Seungcheol bites back a worried sigh at how much you’re trying to sound okay, wondering why you would pretend to be fine with him, of all people. But, again, he doesn’t think this would be the best set up to push so he swallows his worry and reminds you to rest well.

“Call me if the nightmare comes again, okay?” he tells you, even though he has a hunch that it wasn't a nightmare that was bothering you after all.

Your answer comes after a beat, another hum of affirmation that sounds a lot like an answer you give because you don’t know how else to answer him.

“It’s been a long day, hm?” he decides to say, figuring that should be subtle enough. “You sound very tired today, angel.”

“My period is coming, I think,” you say, admitting that today hasn’t been that great. “But I’ll manage. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

“It’s my job to worry about you,” he jokes, his heart eases a little at the sound of your tiny chuckle. “Anyhow, I think I might need to sleep in the dorm for a few days. But I’ll drop by, alright? Or we can eat out, it’s been some time since we went out to a restaurant, hm?”

There’s a sound of what he assumes to be sniffles from your part, soft enough for anyone else to mistake it as an upcoming cold if they don’t know you well enough. But he does, and he wonders if he said something wrong that might bring tears out of you. Before he can ask though, one of the staff calls for him so he has to hastily hang up and reminds you once again to take care and call him if the nightmare comes back even if it’s three in the morning.

You don’t trust yourself enough to speak, so you hum and clear your throat, telling Seungcheol to take care also.

The tears fall almost immediately after that, his warmth reaching out to you in ways that you don’t understand possible as you cry for reasons that you can’t seem to figure out.

It’s exhausting.

You can’t even tell how many times you’ve cried that day; when your boss raises his voice slightly during one of the meetings and not even at you, when you see the amount of deadlines lining up on your memo, when you think of Seungcheol and his smile… and right now, after taking his phone call and hearing the sweetest things you can ever ask someone to tell you.

He’s so ready to care for you–to let you know that he’ll be there for you whenever you ask him to.

So what is this feeling in your chest, telling you you’re not worthy of his love and attention? That you’d just be bothering him if you tell him about what’s been happening the whole day? Is something even happening? Or are you making things up in your mind?

You know–you know he’d happily comfort you everytime you need it. That he would never consider you a burden and he’d lay everything down for you if he could.

But still, how can you ask him of that?

How can you dare ask him to spare his time and do all that just because you’re a little upset?

It’s been one day, and yet the emptiness within you hollows you out like never before.

Seungcheol gulps hardly as he grips his phone, unsure what to make of the conversation he has just had with one of your close coworkers that knows of your relationship with him.

“Thank God you called,” Hanna sighs the moment she picks up the phone. “I had been contemplating on calling you but I was afraid I’d bother you… but anyway, I know you’re probably calling because of Y/N and… I must say I’m worried, Seungcheol.”

The phone call doesn’t get better, obviously, and he has to take a deep breath quite a few times the more Hanna talks.

“She doesn’t really talk unless someone asks her about the assignments,” she says, making his heart clench uncomfortably. “And… I hope you don’t think I’m being dramatic, but I think she’s a little empty. She does eat her lunch, thankfully, though she nibbles on them and she just stares at her screen during so. I… you didn’t fight, right? I’m not sure how to talk to her when she’s like this.”

It’s taking him everything not to just leave the building and go to your office right there and then, but he knows you wouldn’t like that–and he’s more responsible than that too as much as he wishes he can just leave that very second.

Unfortunately, the news isn’t as surprising as he thought it would be. Because he does have his guesses that it’s more than bad days the moment your text continues to feel off even the day after. You barely even answer his call, and it’s always the same excuse: that you’re not checking your phone.

He’s not annoyed, just very frustrated that he can’t find a way to see what’s happening because you’re closing up. He wants to comfort you, but how is he supposed to do it if you don’t even want to acknowledge to him that something’s going on?

He tries to ask if you’re feeling better after that day, and you always say your day is just okay–that nothing worth mentioning happened. It doesn’t help that his schedule doesn’t allow him to drop by your place too, but it’s been three days and he should be able to go to your shared place tonight albeit a bit late.

He doesn’t tell you that though, because he still doesn’t know if he can really go home or not, and even if he can, it might even be somewhere around one in the morning. You’d force yourself to stay up and wait for him if you know, so he’d rather not when he knows you haven’t been in your condition despite your lack of confirmation.

It shows though. It shows in your strained voice and your short texts. It shows in how careful you choose your words and how you always make excuses not to answer his video calls.

It shows in how late your reply comes as time goes by. And how you always tell him he’s just too worried everytime he asks if you’re okay.

You don’t brush off his worries. That’s not something you do. You’d usually tell him you’re okay and that it’s him who should take care. Or you’d tell him you’re simply in a bad mood and you don’t want to talk to him for a bit just in case you’ll get annoyed at him too.

But not this. You don’t tell him he’s too worried. Perhaps you think it’ll ease his worry when it only does the exact opposite.

“Just go back home, Cheol,” Jihoon says from the other side of the recording room the moment Seungcheol snaps his face to him. He doesn’t sound annoyed, just very concerned that his leader has only turned to him now even though he’s called him for at least five times before. “I know you’re worried about Y/N. Go check up on her and stay the night? We have a late start tomorrow anyway.”

Seungcheol looks at his manager sitting behind Jihoon, signaling him to go out because it’ll do no one any good if his head isn’t even here no matter how long he’s been standing on the recording booth.

“You want me to drive you home?” his manager offers, and Seungcheol is about to refuse until he realizes he’d be too distracted to drive properly anyway. So he nods and apologizes to Jihoon for not being able to focus.

The younger guy shakes his head, as he could understand it could happen and tells him that he’s worried too from what Seungcheol has told him about you.

The drive to your place is silent, and it’s somewhere after midnight when he arrives. Seungcheol thanks his manager once again, then tells him there’s no need to pick him up tomorrow or that he will call if he needs to be picked up.

If he’s being completely honest, he doesn’t know what exactly he’s expecting from being home. But it’s definitely not the whole place dark with no single lamp turned on even though you always make sure to turn on one of the floor lamps in the living room and the other near the kitchen.

You don’t like complete darkness.

His stomach churns in worry at what this might imply, and it’s when he nears your shared bedroom that his heart drops because you’re awake and you’re crying–bawling, if he’s to be frank. And it takes everything in him not to just throw the door open and ask what happens.

Instead, Seungcheol exhales a deep breath and calmly opens the door only to find you turned the other way around, a bunch of used tissues lay on the your bedside table.

His eyes water almost immediately, but he softly clears his throat and takes the place next to you on the bed. You don’t realize he’s home, it appears, as you jump in shock when you feel the bed dip behind you and tense the moment he turns you around and pulls you into his embrace.

The shock doesn’t last long though, and the tears well up once again when your brain finally registers that Seungcheol is here and you’re in his arms. He doesn’t even have to ask what’s wrong, he just holds you and shushes you softly. He doesn’t tell you to stop crying either, simply caresses your hair and holds you tighter when he feels your fingers balling the front of his shirt.

When your sob finally dies down, you’re not sure how to look at him and what to say. Seungcheol doesn’t seem to care though, because he kisses your forehead and tells you to wait as he goes to the kitchen and get you water.

He still doesn’t ask later on after you’ve calmed down and sit quietly in his lap, doesn’t ask when he feels your hands trembling even though you didn’t have any hand tremor before this, his back against the headrest of your bed as he hums a familiar tone that you don’t remember what song of.

It’s calming though; the sound of his heartbeat against your ear and the feeling of his hand gently rubbing your back.

“Should we lay down?” he whispers against the top of your head, his arm that’s holding your figure tighten the slightest bit. “You should get some sleep, angel.”

You shake your head though, and then bury yourself further into his embrace. “I want to stay like this for a little while.”

His heart hurts at how small you sound, and he blinks back his tears once again before they can fall and worry you instead. “Okay. Tell me if you’re sleepy, alright?”

It’s silent again for a moment, and it’s when his arm tenses a little that you know it’s coming. Whatever it is he’s been wanting to say and been holding to himself–it’s coming.

“You know you don’t need to go through this alone, right?”

Your vision gets blurry again at his words, wondering once again how on earth did you luck out and get yourself a Choi Seungcheol.

“I’m here for a reason and I hope that means something to you,” he speaks softly, and if you’re not already sobbing now, you would’ve heard how shaky he sounds too, seconds away from crying himself. “I know it’s hard. And I hope you know I’m not mad, but… tell me if you need me to be with you, okay? I want to be with you. But I can’t do it if you’re not letting me. Please let me be with you.”

You didn’t think it was possible for you to cry harder than you already are, but it is, and Seungcheol is making it harder to stop crying because he’s really here and he’s whispering you every single thing you’ve been doubting yourself of; telling you that no matter how hard you’re telling yourself you have to go through it alone, you really don’t have to because he wants to be there for you.

Even if he can’t do anything but hold your hand, he wants to be there.

That he’s not going to leave and he doesn’t have any intention to do that ever.

You want to apologize to him, for thinking all those things against your relationship and how little faith you have in him even though you know it’s your head messing things up. That you don’t really think he’d see you as a burden, that it’s you who think you are a burden to him.

Seungcheol shakes his head though, tells you he understands and that he takes no offense in them even though your words barely even make any sense. You open your mouth again to explain, but he closes his lips on yours for a feather-like kiss that gets you feeling the calmest you’ve felt in a week.

“You don’t need to tell me anything now, okay? Just rest well and we’ll face tomorrow together, alright?”

You nod, eyes teary but heart much less heavy than it was before. You barely manage to smile at him, but it’s enough for him and he shifts you both down inside your blanket so you can finally sleep.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” he whispers. “You’re not going to do this alone.”

It’s your turn to believe his voice instead of the voice inside your head.

明日を夢見るから今日が変わらないんだ

It’s because we dream of tomorrow that nothing changes today.

僕らを動かせるのは自分だけだろう

We’re the only ones who can make ourselves take action.

そんなことわかってるんだろう

But you know that already;

強くなれ僕の同志よ

Be stronger, my comrades.

A/N: and for me, who needed it. It's okay to seek for help. Don't go through it alone. Be stronger, my comrades.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.