I....... This Just Proves My Point Of Writers Are Fucking Magical Cause Why Did I Cry When My Hypothetical

I....... this just proves my point of writers are fucking magical cause why did I cry when my hypothetical relationship w/jeonghan was rocky what?-

EVERYTHING

PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x f!reader (ft. wonbin)

GENRE: angst, fluff toward the end

TROPES: established relationship, model!jeonghan, singer-songwriter!reader, jealousy, paparazzi interference and rumors, and so on.

NOTE: this was hard to write so bear with me and let me know if there's anything that absolutely sucks about this lol... i love jeonghan but he's so hard to write (maybe it's because i'm the most not normal about him)... anyway this plot is kinda inspired by a real life fight i had with a friend who i have ambiguous feelings so do with that what u will :) enjoy!!!!

"thanks, love," jeonghan mumbles into your cheek when you hand him the wallet he'd forgotten at home this morning. even in the dim moody lighting of the room, you can see he's genuinely happy to see you when he pecks your cheek. you smile and press your hand into his, "how bad was today?" 

he hums, "not too bad if i don't think about it too hard."

it's not out of the ordinary for a successful model like jeonghan to have the mind-numbing schedule he has but you can't help hurting for him anyway. "i'm sorry, babe," you squeeze his fingers and he nods in acknowledgement. he's too tired to say much most days so you've gotten accustomed to interpreting his silences. 

you were part of a band known for its jazzy music and you were its lead singer and song-writer, which meant it couldn't be helped that you had written more than a few love songs dedicated to yoon jeonghan, your lover of over two years now. in that time, you'd found a good beat with jeonghan, spending a good four months with both your heads' deep in work and only the nighttime spent in each other's arms. sometimes, jeonghan's international presence meant a few weeks of not even that. and as your band got bigger, you took on tours that only took you further from jeonghan. but after a rocky summer, came the breeze of fall. 

fall meant downtime for both your jobs, a time you could easily retreat and while the rest of the world turned vacation mode off, you would travel with jeonghan, whether it be across the world or just along his skin on a rainy weekend. it was easy with him, even when it wasn't. 

but recently, you'd found yourself wondering if it really was that easy still. tonight you're performing at this club, a local presence known for its hosting of musical influences, and jeonghan managed to escape his impossible day to watch you. you should feel loved, grateful for him, but when it's your turn to perform, you feel yourself drift away from him.

onstage, even as you introduce yourself and your band members, your eyes are on him. but he seems so far away. he watches you, not a smile on his face, just familiarity. as if he'd memorized all that you had to say, as if this was another box to tick on his long day. you clear your throat to steady your mind and open the first song, "this one's called heavy." it was an old song, perhaps one you'd only performed before you met jeonghan. which would explain how hopeless the melody was, how uncertain your voice got throughout, and scarily enough, how much you found yourself relating to it now, so many years later. 

after the song's over, you glance at jeonghan and he seems as stoic as ever, clapping in encouragement but without any mirth. you sigh, "woah, sorry to bring the mood down like that," you chuckle a little when the crowd laughs, "um, anyway, this next one's much happier, i promise. it's called loverboy… after my one and only, well, boy." you laugh again and spot jeonghan smile, too, all the way at the bar and your heart thaws a little, allowing you to get through the song without thinking again about how cold it felt in the room. 

you get through the next two songs without a hitch, perhaps because you let yourself go on autopilot mode and restrict yourself from even looking at jeonghan for your own sake, and come down with a heavy sigh. your bandmate, yves, touches you on the shoulder with a frown, "you good, y/n?" you nod, "yeah… i'm just tired. or something." she pats you on the head, "don't think too hard about things, dove. just let go. or something." you laugh at her witty piece of advice and thank her as you head for jeonghan, naturally. 

he wraps you in his arms when you find him, plenty kisses on your neck, "my girl did so well." 

you let out an uneasy groan, "i don't know, han, i feel like i was lame."

jeonghan pulls away with a frown, "no, you weren't. you were amazing. although that first song caught me off guard. it's been a while since you performed it."

"yeah… it was my decision but it felt right," you shrug. jeonghan's eyes take on a gravity you don't like when you say that so you avert your gaze, "but more importantly, when can we go home so i can get out of this dress and sleep?"

a year ago, jeonghan would've gone, "i'll help you take it off right now, love," but now he agrees solemnly, "i think we go as soon as everyone's focused on the next set." 

–

you know it's stupid, you do, to dwell over the details of your relationship this obsessively. but honestly, once you start there's just so much to pick at. to start, you felt more distant from jeonghan than ever, as if there was something unsaid in your way just keeping you from getting back close to him. and you hate it when things go unsaid. but you also knew jeonghan didn't care for spelling every little thing out, he could settle for a little discomfort till ignoring it was enough to make it go away. 

but that was just it, you couldn't take it anymore. you'd had a few fights with jeonghan in the past and they'd all come down to the fundamental differences in your natures. you liked for everything to be said and thought out, especially if either of you felt hurt or unheard. jeonghan liked silence, just simple gestures speaking a million words and routines in place to reaffirm your love. you knew it was better his way, simpler and easier, but you'd lived his way and now, you find yourself suffocating in the same bed as him. 

you stir away from him, rolling off the bed and onto your feet, and make your way to your makeshift studio, closing the door off incase jeonghan gets curious. you can just say you were working on a new song. once in, you throw yourself against a bean bag, head heavy in hands. 

"god, this is stupid," you mumble as the tears roll out. you spiral almost immediately, thinking back to everything that went wrong in the past few months. for one, jeonghan was away for your 25th birthday, for the whole week, and though you'd spent it surrounded by your friends and his apologetic gifts, you couldn't talk the bitterness away. then, he'd been mad at you when you told him your tour started during the week he had off, calling you a "workaholic" because you'd rather work than go with him on the beach trip he'd planned. it was unfair, he'd admitted later, but not after you'd spent the whole week of your tour crying yourself to sleep. 

to add to it all, were the recent rumors in the news about jeonghan's brand new 'mistress', a japanese model called nana. even before the first article came out, he'd called you outright, telling you his agency had caught a reporter in japan pestering nana if she was anything to jeonghan. that had only dullled the pain you felt when you read it, pictures of jeonghan and nana posing for a cover shoot. and it wasn't the first time jeonghan had looked absolutely stunning beside another person, far better than you'd looked with him in all the paparazzi snaps that circulated the net when questioning if you were still in the running for the attractive model. 

it wasn't the first time and yet, thanks to your already strained relationship, you felt more hurt than usual. this was also the longest scandal yet, ongoing past four weeks, perhaps because of jeonghan's frequent visits to japan. it really got you thinking how there were so many reasons for the two of them to be in the same room. 

– 

jeonghan, alone in your shared bed, inevitably wakes up, confused when he doesn't feel you. "y/n?" he calls out, hoping you might just be using the washroom, but the lights are off and there's no sound in the bedroom. "my love?" he calls out louder, propping himself up on his elbows. when he hears no response, he falls onto his back with a weary sigh.

there was something up with you. you'd been acting… distant since the past two weeks. you'd pull away from his kisses a few beats too soon and wake up long before you had to. he wondered if he should ask you because he knows that's what you'd want but whenever he got to sit down next to in full seriousness, he'd go weak, missing your presence when he was away. 

he pulls out his phone, skimming throught the texts that had accumulated over the few hours he was asleep. there's a few from nana, the model he was rumored to be having an affair with. 

nana: another stupid article :( 

jeonghan sighs at the link she'd forwarded him. in full honesty, he'd all but developed a good friendship with nana while in japan, where he'd been previously lost without a good guide telling him where to go. given all his staff was korean, they could only be as useful as a google search. nana, however, had taken up to herself to show him the local spots, the shopping district where he'd been able to secure gifts for you, anticipating your needs before you'd known them.

you know all this, of course. jeonghan had offered to break all ties with nana if it bothered you but you'd been insistent that he keep his relationship with her, especially when it kept him sane abroad. 

you'd said you were fine, so how come you weren't next to him, mumbling sweet nothings into his chest like you always loved to? when you couldn't sleep, you would wake him up with your persistent kisses, apologizing when he did finally come to, but then talking about everything in the world from your outfit tomorrow to your plans in the next five years. 

"are we…" you'd started one night but then stopped, going hot and hiding your face into the pillow.

"are we what, love?" jeonghan pried you off the pillow and onto his arm, pushing his face close to yours so you couldn't run. 

"are we serious, han?" you finally asked, quietly. "you know, like, long-term serious?"

"hmm, let me think… i don't know we've only been dating for 20 months so i wouldn't get your hopes–"

you hit his chest with a muffled giggle, "you know what i meant!"

"i don't, really?"

you avert your gaze, "are we ever gonna, you know, be married? have kids? that kind of thing…"

jeonghan's heartbeat had sped up despite all his nonchalant facades and his face disclosed his flustered state causing you to go redder. "it's- forget about it if it's not something you've thought about–"

"of course i've thought about marrying you, doll," jeonghan asserts, arm around your waist to stop you from flailing around, his fingers draw circles on your exposed stomach. "of course i want to be committed to you for life, y/n. and don't even get me started on kids. i know it doesn't seem like it because i'm such a cool guy but i'm crazy for kids–"

"no, it's pretty obvious, you basically lose your head everytime we see a couple with a newborn baby–"

"okay, well, there you have it. i want kids with you, y/n."

you mull over his words in silence for a moment and then, "not now though, right?" you say, "we're both too succesful in our careers to… start a home."

jeonghan palms your cheek lovingly, "i think what we have right now is already home. but you're right, i think we ought to wait some more time. till it feels right."

till it feels right, he'd told you and now he kind of regrets it. he should've asked you to marry you right there so you'd never have a reason to doubt your relationship ever again. but again, that too was just a dream. 

– 

jeonghan was off to japan for a week. yet again, you think, holding your tears back on a sunday afternoon when you wake up to a resounding silence in your home. you need to find a way to make things right, you know. you need to talk to jeonghan but honestly, your head hurts so much you'd rather just forget all about him.

that's why you find yourself crashing at yves' place for the next few days, her house known to be a hub for lost souls and good music. you spend your afternoons working on new music, inspired by your new surroundings, writing about everything but jeonghan and as soon as it hit seven, you'd be helping yourself to martinis, thanks to yves' well-equipped bar. 

you were amid making yourself a drink while yves went over some notes and recordings you'd made this afternoon when she sat up with a weird look in her eyes. "y/n?"

"what is it? is it horrible?"

"no, it's not that. it's just… this feels like a different person," she comments, finger scrolling through your lyrics. "like a younger version of you? it has the same lonely vibe to it. i'm a fan of it to be honest, but i'm just wondering… is everything good?"

you chuckle, "yves, you ought to have known that if i'm here for an extended period of time, nothing is good… but i appreciatey you asking. i'll be fine, eventually." 

your friend is lost in thought for a while and you sip your drink when her phone pings with a message. she reads it and turns to you with a glint in her eye. 

"so… does that mean you'll go clubbing with me tonight?" 

– 

if you were gonna embrace a younger self, you might as well do it all, you thought, putting on a dress you'd loaned from yves. it was shorter than anything you'd worn recently and a light pink you never naturally gravitated towards. but you had to admit, it did look quite good on your figure when you looked in the mirror. you embellished your eyes with glitter, lining your eyes with mascara and a thin wing at the ends. 

the club itself is nicer than you'd expected and you're glad you'd dressed up as much as you did, pursing your lips to make sure the lip gloss you'd applied was still intact. yves pulls you to a table with her friends, some of them mutual to you, others complete strangers to you. either way, they're all fun, welcoming you without a question. 

one of the familiar faces is wonbin from a contemporary band known for its unique take on house music. he immediately materializes by your side when you've downed your first shot of the night, large grin overtaking his face. "you're here?" 

you tilt your head at his question, "i am! it's weird, isn't it?"

"a little," he shrugs, "you stopped coming out with us after you got swept up with that pretty model boy of yours."

you grow a little uneasy at the mention of jeonghan's name, "yeah, well, i thought it would be good for my music if i reconnected to my past a little. let myself live a little."

wonbin smiles, "that's nice, i love that. and to that," he brings out two more shots, handing you one, "cheers!" you hesitate for a moment but then catch yves looking at you encouragingly, and clink glasses with him, downing the drink in a go. 

that's all it really takes for you to let go. your body finds the music's rhythm faster than anyone else in the group so you take to the dance floor, and wonbin follows you, telling yves he'd look out for you. not that you need it. 

it's been a few songs that you've been dancing around, with wonbin's body getting closer to you with each time. you blink when his hand is at your waist, and you clear your throat, "i'm gonna go get some water!" wonbin grabs a hold of your wrist, "i'll come with!" 

it's a little uncomfortable, the way he's following you around, but you reassure yourself it was only for good intentions. a few more songs you keep yourself close to yves and her friends, feeling wonbin's presence heavily on your shoulder, but then you're a few more shots in and it doesn't really matter. 

it's only when you return from the bathroom when things go awry. it starts with your phone blowing up with texts and a call from jeonghan. in the loud music of the club, you can barely think, let alone talk to your boyfriend who you'd been ignoring for a week so you decline. when you make back to your table, your phone goes off again. jeonghan again. 

before you can register how odd it is of him to double-call you without good reason, wonbin's pulling you over next to him. you sit with a groan, "wonbin, i need to take this call–"

"y/n, you need to look at this. it's about jeonghan and that japanese model–"

yves cuts wonbin, "wonbin, get the fuck off her!" she tries to pry his arm off you but you find yourself unmoving when you catch jeonghan's figure on screen. he's laughing next to someone, a girl– oh, it's nana. she leans in close, a little too close, and you're not sure if it's your spinning head, but she keeps on getting closer, close until her lips are on jeonghan's and–

"i feel sick," you exclaim suddenly, clutching your stomach. wonbin's strong arms are around you in a moment and yves can't fight him off when he leads you through to crowd, weaving through the impossibly long line to the bathrooms. despite everything, you're thankful for him when he holds your hair up when you throw your guts up, tears mixing with the alcohol in your system. 

when you're done, you ask yves if she can take you home and she's already ready with your bag over her shoulder. 

"y/n, wait!" wonbin stops you, hand on your elbow, "can i talk to you for a sec–"

"wonbin, please, you've done enough, she needs to go home–"

"go home to what exactly?" he questions and you have to physically restrain yourself from falling to your knees with the sobs that wreck your body, "i'm here for you, y/n, if you ever need–"

down in your bones you know jeonghan better than anyone, know he would never be the kind to cheat on you, to ever leave you for the wolves like this. but honestly, the news ring out louder than anything in your head. "yoon jeonghan with ito nana, confirmed? was his little singer-songwriter girlfriend just a joke?" 

that's how you feel right now. little. and like a joke. you simply nod at wonbin and turn around to leave the club before the music can suffocate you any more. 

"i'm sorry, y/n, i didn't think he'd act up like that–"

"it's okay, yves, you didn't do anything," you tell her and look down at your phone at the photo of jeonghan that shows up every time he calls you. it was one you'd taken on your very first dates, of him sitting prettily across the table with a chopstick in each hand. 

"you should talk to him, y/n," yves pats your back, "you don't have to go back to him but you have to hear him out, right?"

you sigh, "you're right." 

you accept the call as yves leads you to a silent corner and gives you some space as she goes off for a smoke. you hold your breath when you hear jeonghan's voice. he sounds distraught.

"y/n? love?" 

all you can do is sigh to delay your tears. "hey," you say coarsely and jeonghan's losing his mind. 

"baby, can you stay where you are? i'm on my way, okay? i… i don't know what you've seen but you know it's not the truth. okay? just," you hear him run into someone and apologize. was he running to you? that would be crazy. "just let me talk to you."

you take a deep breath, "i'm waiting here." 

you don't question how he found you, it's likely your location on life360, a feature you'd added a year into your relationship just to know where the other was. just in case. 

you hadn't opened the app in a while, there hadn't been a reason. even if you knew where he was, he'd be far enough that it didn't mean enough. 

it takes a few more minutes before you hear jeonghan's voice on the sidewalk outside the club. he's in a white shirt that's been untucked from his pants. he's disheveled, and you can only wonder why. 

"y/n," he says, out of breath, sweat beading his forehead. 

"did you run here?"

"the car was stuck in the traffic so i told my driver to catch up," he inhales deeply, "i had to see you." 

"and why is that exactly?"

jeonghan sighs, "love, i think we both know why. that clip of nana kissing me probably found you by now?"

you look at your feet, "i saw it. i thought you guys were just friends?" you pause and before jeonghan can speak, you continue, "or was that just a lie silly little me believed?" 

jeonghan's hands find your shoulders, "there is absolutely nothing between me and her. i thought my platonic feelings were reciprocated because we'd been normal for so long. but then today, she… she kissed me and i realized that was me being stupid." 

"of course she was into you," you mumble. 

"i'm sorry, i really am. not just for this but for the past few weeks. or more than at. i don't know how long it's been but i feel like i haven't been putting you first."

"jeonghan, you have to know that it just sounds like you're overcompensating so i forget about the nana stuff."

"there is no nana stuff," he tells you, "and if you must know, i was always planning to come home a few days earlier. you've been so cold lately and i thought i could surprise you. but then you stopped responding to my texts and i found out through your bandmates you hadn't been home in a week. i got worried and in my head."

"i admit, i let nana distract me, but as nothing more than a friend. because when you're gone, i also lose my closest friend. i have no one but you to talk to you, love, i can't trust anyone, not after today. and i'm so sorry that i don't talk to you more, that i don't address problems as they come up."

you feel weaker than ever, head still down as tears roll down. "y/n? are you crying? baby, look at me, please."

"han, i really don't know what to do anymore," you finally break out, letting him take you into his arms, "i've been so miserable without you. i… i can't do it anymore." you take a deep breath to gather your thoughts. 

"you're so good at accepting changes and moving on from little fights. but i'm crazy. i get stuck in a spiral for days over the little things and after your scandal started, i… i can't help but think they're right." 

you pull away to look jeonghan in the eyes, "maybe i'm not the right one–"

"no," jeonghan cuts you off with a hiss that surprises both of you, "i will not have you think the stupid crap they're writing in the news, okay? you're my love, y/n, you're my everything. seriously, did you not hear me? i don't care about anyone else like i care about you. god, i'm stupid for not having married you when i had the chance."

"han, i don't know, i'm so tired," you rest your head against his. "can we go home for now?" 

later that night, you sit side by side with jeonghan on your side of the bed. you've taken your shoes off but not your dress. "is that a new dress?" he asks lowly. 

"i borrowed it from yves," you reply, adjusting the straps to sit right, "does it look fine?"

you feel like you're in a liminal space with jeonghan right now. you haven't broken up but you're not sure if everything's back to normal just yet. funnily, it feels like the first few months of getting to know him. he has the same boyish nervousness about him as his hand reaches out to brush your hair out of your face. 

"you look so good i'm mad i didn't buy you this dress," he says, "or that i didn't get to dance with you in it." 

you sniff, "i wish you'd been there tonight." and after a moment, "i wish we weren't so different."

and then again, "i wish we were the same person so i could know your thoughts inside and out without having to bother you." 

"it's not a bother, i'm just bad at it," jeonghan says, "and i don't wish we were the same person. because i love how different we are. i have so much fun with you, learning your ways and fighting with you."

"fighting is fun?" you ridicule him.

"only in retrospect, of course. i never want to see you look as hurt as you did tonight." 

he reaches out for your hand and you let him, intertwining your fingers. he places your joined hands against his lips and then back into his lap. "i love you, y/n. i love you more than everything."

"i thought i was everything?" you ask through a half-concealed giggle.

"don't tease me when i'm being vulnerable, love," he whines, "i'm serious. i'm sorry for making you feel so ignored all this while. it was never my intention. everything i did, i did because i'm stupid and still learning. but i always want to be with you. i want to spend everyday with you." 

"i love you too, han," you kiss his shoulder, "i'm sorry, too, for being so closed off. you don't have to feel so bad, it was partially my fault too."

jeonghan stands up, pulling you up after him. before you can ask him what's wrong, he hugs you tight, breath soft on your exposed back. your arms find his waist, rubbing his back in a reminder of how much you love him. slowly, you're not sure who starts it, you both start swaying to no song in particular, just to the rhythm of your heartbeats. he twirls you around with a smile and kisses your forehead. 

"on that note, my love," jeonghan stills you, tiptoeing across the room to his bag, ruffling through before finding what he was looking for. it's only when he gets on a knee that you comprehend what's happening, "i know i haven't been the most promising husband material but i promise, it will only get better from here. i've made the mistake of not doing this earlier and i can't wait to make you mine forever. so, y/n, will you marry me?"

with that, he opens the black box in his hands, revealing the precious diamond ring inside.

you've never fallen to your knees faster, taking his hands in yours, "yes, of course, i'll marry you, han! i–" you fall short of words when you look at the ring in his hands, "i had no idea you were planning on– god, i'm– i love you, han."

"part of the reason i wanted to come back faster was to do this," he tells you softly, slipping the ring onto your finger, "to finally propose to you." 

"finally?" you question, sensing some hidden meaning behind his words. 

"well, i have had this ring for a year now. i considered getting a newer model but this one was just too gorgeous." he takes your left hand in his, "and it looks prettier on you than i could have ever imagined."

"a year?" you ask in disbelief, "han! you– why didn't you tell me?" you feel stupid really, knowing how long he'd planned on marrying you for real. his love for you looms over you and you can't help but feel lightheaded. 

"because i didn't think it was the right time yet. i was wrong about that, of course. any time is right with you. i just needed to make you mine." 

you throw your arms around him, tearing up again, "yoon jeonghan, god, you make me crazy."

"so is that a good crazy, as in you'll write happy love songs about me again or… as in i make you want to scream and shout?"

"honestly, a bit of both," you laugh against his shoulder, "and about the happy love songs… i think you should know but i wrote some really depressing songs while you were away. yves loves them so they'll end up on the next album but i know you don't necessarily like them so–"

"what are you talking about? i love all of your songs."

"han," you kiss his cheek with a smile, "you don't have to lie. i know you feel weird about them. and that's okay. but i hope you know, i'm in a different space when i write those, and i will continue to write those. but they don't reflect the truth in any way, okay?"

he narrows his eyes, his lips pouty, "you mean to say i'm not good enough for you to make you happy for the rest of you life?"

"that is not what i said, babe, and you know it," you laugh again, letting him pull you onto his lap. he kisses you once and then twice. "if you say so, love." 

you spend your first night engaged to jeonghan the best way possible: talking to him. you lay down next to him, in your pyjamas, feeling fuller than ever. he tells you everything he'd thought or done in the past few months, scrolling through his camera roll for reference and kissing you whenever you'd have a giggling reaction. when it was your turn, you pulled up your notes app with lyrics from the past few months and read some select ones out for him.

"oh, oh, and the way i was gonna introduce this one was like this," you clear your throat as if taking on your stage persona, "this one's called no one's prettier because no one's prettier than my boy." 

you fall into a laughing fit with jeonghan, a slight blush on his cheeks when he pulls you close, "someone's down bad for me, huh?"

"yes, sir, i am," you say back, smugly, "i love my boy, sorry, my fiancé so much and i just can't shut the fuck about him."

"god, say that again."

"what? that i can't shut the fuck up about my pretty fiancé? my adorable loverboy? my honest and reliable husband?" the last word feels so right on your tongue when uttered for jeonghan, even though you'd never said it before.

"you're my everything, love," mumbles jeonghan with a big smile, kissing you sqaure on the mouth. 

–

"...so the past few months have been a rough trek for the band," you speak into the microphone, looking onto the solemn crowd with a soft smile, "and when i say the band, i really just mean me. i think i aged by like ten years." the crowd laughs. 

"but i came out stronger, and more engaged than ever," you wiggle your left hand at the crowd, throwing a smile at jeonghan at the front, watching with a smitten grin. "so here's a new song i wrote. it's called everything because my love is everything to me." 

when your set ends, you rush to jeonghan's arms and before you can ask him he'd liked the new song, he kisses your hands. "that was perfect, love. i've never felt more seen by a song." 

you let him shower you with kisses as you walk him through the lyrics a little. you're in the middle of explaining the bridge when you're interrupted by a call of your name. 

"y/n?"

you turn around to find wonbin standing before with a rose in his hand. "oh, hi, wonbin!" 

jeonghan doesn't do anything to hide the dislike on his face for the man. after all, you'd told him about everything that happened that night at the club and had barely managed to calm him down after. "hey," he nods at jeonghan who simply raises his brows at him.

wonbin glances at jeonghan's arm around your waist and sighs. "congratulations on your engagement, y/n," he holds out the rose, "and i'm sorry about everything that happened with us. i hope you know it's only because i have nothing but admiration for you. and maybe one day–" 

"thank you for your kind words, wonbin," jeonghan cuts him off, taking the rose and handing it to you with a small smile. "but we need to be going somewhere. sorry. see you around. maybe at the wedding?" 

as you walk away from wonbin, you chuckle at jeonghan, "didn't know you were still worked up about that guy?"

"of course i am! he tried to take advantage of you in a hard time! i'm just too pretty to get into a fight or i would've thrown hands long ago."

you laugh as you kiss him on the cheek, "right, of course. my baby, let's go home." 

jun is for the girlies who grew up shutting down their hurts, who never had enough space to cry, who are scared of being themselves, who can't stop crying while eating alone, who force themselves to act tough, who have a soft corner for that one plushie, who gets a hard time when doing nothing, who have never been to amusement parks, who collapse every night in their head, who don't have anybody to count on.

Damn it!

Pairing: Seungcheol x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort, a little angsty

Synopsis: In which he cried in front of you for the first time.

"Cheol?"

Your boyfriend always yelled out "I'm home!" Whenever he was back from work, but today you just heard the sound of the door being slammed shut.

You go outside of your shared bedroom to check on him, only to find him sitting alone in the corner of the living room, crouched down and knees to his chest. His head rested on both of his knees and he didn't make a single sound which automatically sent a signal to your brain. Something is wrong.

"Cheol? Why are you there love?" He raised his head at the sound of your voice. You rushed to him and crouched down to meet his eye level.

He shook his head and exhaled sharply "jus' feeling under the weather." he murmured.

Now this was strange, no matter how upset he was he always came to you for cuddles and kisses to sooth his worries, but now he was all alone in a corner.

"What happened baby?" You carress his hair gently waiting for an answer.

"I had an argument with the members and I..." He sighed "Things got too heated and I said things I didn't mean." You could see the pain all over his face. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were poutier and strangely enough, his eyes were glossy.

"I screwed up and I-"

"I won't allow you to finish that sentence. Yes, you may have made a mistake, everyone makes them," you grabbed his face with both of your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes "But even if you've made a thousand, I'm sure they'd know you didn't mean it, okay?"

His eyes kept getting glossier and his vision was becoming more unclear. "You're not only a great leader Cheollie, you're a great friend and I'm sure they know that and— I know you're stressed and everything is too much at the moment but I'm here for you. Always."

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer to your chest. It was hard, really hard to try to hold it in especially when you warmly embraced him at a time he thought he was all alone.

"Don't you ever think of carrying your burdens alone again, hm?" Your eyes widenened as you felt hot tears staining your shirt.

It was the first time he has ever cried in front of you. Silence engulfed the room as you patted his back.

"Damn it!"

Hm? You didn't know why he was suddenly frustrated but all you wanted was to provide him the comfort you felt when you were with him every single moment.

"God this is so embarrassing." He sniffled "I didn't want to cry, especially in front of you."

"Let it all out love, it's never embarrassing to cry, hm?"

"God I love you too damn much." He hugged you even tighter, burying his head into the crook of your neck.

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

currently sobbing-

A LITTLE TOO MUCH, wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ Junhui doesn't know what he's expecting when he shows up at your place on a Friday at three in the afternoon. He doesn't know what he's expecting at all but god, it definitely isn't this.

.ᐟ Fwb! Junhui x reader. Unestablished relationship. Strangers to friends sort of. Mention of pregnancy. Mention of sexual content. Mention of abortion. Mention of blood and bleeding. Mention of pills. Medical inaccuracies. Reader is able to have kids. Reader goes through a home abortion. Seungkwan is the sweetheart we all need in our lives.

AN -This is a work that I've been nervous to share because not only is it out of my usual writing style, it also deals with a pretty heavy situation. I was heavily inspired by Amerie's unplanned pregnancy and how it was handled in the Heartbreak High Season 2 and this is a shameless result of that. First of all, I need to say that this is just a work of fiction and nothing is a portrayal of the characters in real life. I wouldn't know anything about how they would act in a situation like this so please keep in mind that this is just a figment of my imagination and how I picture this as a creative piece of work. Please read this at your own risk, this might be triggering for some people so I've been mindful to put enough warnings.

★ The end and the start of the abortion part will be marked if you wish to skip over

It's not unusual for Junhui to be in your apartment at odd hours of the day. The two of you had an agreement that quite literally required him to be there at odd hours of the day.

The unusual bit is that he's here on a Friday at three in the afternoon - way earlier than he has ever been.

Junhui tries to remember if he's ever been to your place during the day and he's only a little bit ashamed when he comes with nothing. Though it makes him feel a little bad, the two of you aren't the type of people to just hang out with each other. Hell, you were basically strangers aside from knowing each other's bodies like the back of your hands. He didn't know if he could even call the two of you friends. Junhui definitely would, he wasn't exactly sure what you would say.

Whatever proposition to fool around the two of you had been doing for the last two months has been strictly limited to nightly visits and Junhui leaving as soon as possible afterwards. So, it was more than a little out of character for him to be standing outside of your apartment when it wasn't anywhere near dark nor had you invited him solely for that purpose.

You did invite him though - just a little ominous and frantic enough to tell him that this was definitely not you wanting to hook up.

What makes it more unusual is the way you don't give him the coy smile you usually smile once you open the door. And instead of wrapping your arms around his neck, looking at him through hooded eyes and pulling him inside, you just stand.

An unsettling feeling brews in Junhui's heart as soon as he sees you dressed in what looks like a pair of pyjamas and far more disheveled than usual.

Junhui just stands mirroring you, owlishly blinking as he tries to take in your frame - clearly on the verge of tears.

You might not consider him a friend but - "Jun"

In the two months you and Junhui had been together - sort of - he has heard you say his name in different circumstances. A little laugh when you open the door to him, scolding when he brings mud tracks into the house, a gasp when he pushes you againt the wall, a long sigh of breath when he presses you into the mattress, and even laced with sleep when he finally gets up to leave. And in the two months, he has never once heard you say his name this way - raspy and wet, and so so broken like he's the only lifeline you're holding on to.

Junhui moves in an instant, stepping inside the familiar apartment and softly kicking the door shut behind him.

"Hey," He backs you up against a wall, holding you by the arms as he tries to ignore the way you're trembling under his touch. "I came as soon as I saw the text. What's wrong?"

Junhui can only worry as you wordlessly turn towards the living room without answering him. Trying not to let the lack of your usual chirp and hop in your step get into his head, he lets himself be pulled alone until you're pushing him to sit on the couch.

The restless feeling doesn't leave as he settles on the seat, watching you move to sit on the floor in front of him.

"Yn, what's wrong?" Junhui reaches forward to take one of your hands, letting his thumb circle soothingly against your skin. The touch is new, foreign almost. Despite being each other's for two months, it dawns on him that the two of you never initiate cuddling or holding hands and all the soft stuff. Well, there really wasn't a need to considering they were strictly just hookups so Junhui doesn't know why he's suddenly so bothered.

"You're scaring me, what's going on?" He tries again, a little lost as he takes your other hand and rests it on his knees.

"Um, I- well," You seem to be at a loss of words now, snapping out of whatever daze you'd been stuck in. "God, you're here. I- Fuck, didn't think this far. I just, I just wanted you here"

He watches as you sputter, shifting to sit on your knees, one hand slipping from his as you bring it up to run your fingers through your hair. The tug looks harsh, jerking your head in the process and Junhui is quick to catch your wrist again, bringing it back down with a pointed look.

"Don't do that" He quietly mutters, eyes trained on your rather crestfallen face. "Just- what's going on, yn? You were almost crying at the door"

You lean forward to rest your forehead against his knees before you take a deep breath and lean back, pretending to look like you're not about to choke as soon as you open your mouth. Junhui gives you what looks like an encouraging smile and yeah, you can do this. You just have to put it on the table and hope Junhui doesn't get up to slam the front door in your face.

"My period's late by about two week. It's never happened before" You explain quietly, looking at anything but Junhui's face. "Well, it's normal for it to be late a couple of days but, today's the fifteenth and yeah, I'm freaking out"

Junhui is silent and you hope he understands what you're trying to say because if you have to explain it to him in actual words, you might as well throw up.

"Are you saying you might be pregnant?"

Your fingers instinctively tighten around his and it's enough of an answer. But he deserves more than that so you muster up enough courage to look him in the eye without breaking into a sob.

"I'm saying I might be"

Junhui's breath hitches as you choke on your words. He shifts in his seat like he's going to lean back and for a second you're worried he's going to let go. He takes a deep breath as he leans backwards on the chair, fingers still laced with yours just as firm.

"Fuck- okay, okay" He throws his head back, resting on the back of the couch for a second. You can almost see the gears turn in his head. Figuring out when this might have happened, what led up to it, what got the two of you in this situation and god,

"I'm sorry" You know perfectly well you shouldn't apologize. Frankly, you don't have a reason to. Both of you are grown adults with consciousness enough to know what happens without protection. But you still can't help but quietly apologize for something you shouldn't be sorry for.

"What?" Jun sits up again, ears perked and eyes wide. "Did you ju- No, yn, no. Why are you saying sorry? No, that's not right"

"I know. I know" You let out frustratingly. "Fuck, I don't know why I did. I don't even know If I'm actually p-. Not yet. I'm just so- I'm scared, Jun. I'm so fucking scared"

You're surprised it took this long for the tears to fall. When it does, you try to quickly wipe them with your shoulder, ignoring the burning shame in your stomach and hiding your face from Junhui.

"Hey, yn, hey" Letting go of one of your hands, he brings them up to your cheek. Once you've turned to face him, Junhui gives you a small smile. "Before we panic, we still don't know for sure, yeah? What if it was a false alarm? What if your period is just fashionably late, hm? All these tears would have been for nothing"

You nod, biting down on your lip as you try to keep your composure.

"Don't cry, please. You're gonna make me cry too" Junhui gently wipes the skin under your eyes with his thumb and you let out a wet chuckle. "Let's take a test before we do anything else, okay? Do you want me to go and get one for you?"

When you nod, Junhui gives you another smile before he stands up, pulling you along. Expecting he's going to get to the door, you try to untangle your fingers. You're surprised when he does eventually, only to snake his arms around your shoulders and pull him to his chest.

The two of you had a strictly professional relationship, as professional as being each others ( stranger with benefits? ) might be. Holding hands was already more affectionate than anything you've done. So, hugging Junhui felt so foreign yet so comforting. It makes uou regret not hugging him before. Makes you miss a kind of warmth you've never even had. You feel his hands rubbing comforting circles on your back, his head nestled in your neck.

"I'm scared too" Junhui's voice is so quiet that you strain your ears to hear him. "Even though you can't see it, I'm properly shitting my pants right now"

Your laugh is muffled by his sweater and you're suddenly a little glad for Junhui's ever so cheery self. He's always been able to take the light of a heavy situation, you've thought.

"But, whatever happens, you have me, yn. I know we're not exactly, well, friends, per say but I'm not going to let you go through this alone"

"Because you might have knocked me up?" You ask when you're pulling away, giving him a little smile and Junhui laughs. It's a beautiful thing, head thrown back and all teeth as he does.

"Because I might have knocked you up, yes"

You're pacing in the kitchen when Junhui returns. He's been gone long enough to make you think he's run away and taken off after the whole i-know-we're-practically-strangers-but-i-might-be-pregnant-with-your-child ordeal. But before you could even get to the part of possibly carrying the child of your runaway hookup, going through this by yourself and holy fuck, there might be an child inside of me right now - there's a knock on your door again.

You open the door to Junhui standing there with not one, not two but three shopping bags. Certainly, it doesn't take up three full-sized shopping bags to put something as measly as a pregnancy test. The way you carefully eye his hands must be obviously because he's sputtering to explain himself as he steps inside.

"Sorry, I went to the pharmacy and then I saw that the grocery store was right across the street so I stopped by and got you some things"

Junhui puts down the bags on the counter before he digs into one and comes up with a much smaller bag. "I didn't know which one to get so..."

He lays three different boxes containing tests on the counter, looking at you with a sheepish smile. "The lady at the pharmacy said I should get all three. Just in case, you know?"

Since when did Junhui get so...cute.

"Thanks, Jun. What about the other stuff?"

"Oh, these" He turns towards the bags again. "I just got you some stuff, don't worry about it"

"I am worrying about it now," You say, circling the counter. "You didn't have to do all that"

"I got you some of those...sweets things that you keep in your pantry. The caramel ones? They had big packets so I got you two of those. And I also got some pasta and vegetables for dinner- which, speaking of" He stops his rambling to turn to you with an apologetic look. "I kind of invited myself to cook dinner for you, is that okay?"

The two of you are definitely crossing some lines you've never reached before today.

"You're more than welcome to, Jun" You can see his lips pull into a wider smile as he almost bounces in his place, giddy.

You carefully lean forward to grab the three boxes across the counter. You're suddenly hyper-aware of the way your stomach digs into the edge of the counter. It's probably stupid to freak out before even knowing the result like Junhui said. But you can't help the way your fingers shake as you pick up the boxes to read through the text on the back.

"Do you want to take it now?" Junhui asks softly, leaning on the counter himself.

"Yeah," You sigh, pushing yourself to your feet. "Let's get this done quickly. Come with me?"

Junhui is quick to take your outstretched hand with a firm, "Of course"

You feel your calm ( as calm as a potentially pregnant person who doesn't want to be pregnant can be ) demeanour faltering when you're inside your bathroom, taking out the tests one by one. Junhui is outside the door, pacing in the bedroom and his footsteps sound a little frantic as he waits for you.

Once you're done, you set the three sticks on the counter with your eyes squeezed shut. You try to keep yourself uptight with fingers gripping the counter. But like a ragdoll gone limp, you take a staggering step backwards and slide down the wall until you're sitting on the tile.

"Jun? Junhui?"

Your voice is weak and relatively on the edge of a sob. So it's fair that Jun immediately calls back, concern clear in every syllable. "Yn? you okay?"

"Can you come in here, please?"

The door opens very carefully and slowly, his head of blonde mess peeking around but as soon as he sees you on the floor, Junhui is quick to slip inside. "Oh, baby"

This time he doesn't hesitate to put his arms around your frame, moving to sit on the cold tile right next to you. You let yourself lean into his embrace until you're tucked into his side.

"Jun" You cry into his shoulder, clambering to lace your fingers with him. "What if it there's- there's a"

"There's a baby?" He finishes for you, quiet as if it would set off something in you as he holds you tightly. You nod into the junction of his neck and collarbone, hoping he'd be able to feel it. He does.

"Then there's a baby, sweetheart" Junhui says, gentle as he'd always been. You think you taste a little bile in your throat at what he says. "And we see what we do after that"

"I'm scared" You admit, the reality of everything finally setting in your gut in an unpleasant way. "I'm so so scared, Jun"

"Fuck, me too. Me too, yn. I'm so scared" You hear the thud when he throws his head back with a sigh, hitting it on the tile on the wall. "I'm sorry"

You smile against his neck. "You're sorry for knocking me up or being scared like a normal person would?"

Junhui heaves out something that sounds like a laugh as he looks down towards you. "Both. I'm sorry for knocking you up. Sorry for getting scared and being all over tha place. And I'm also sorry for getting you in this mess"

That's when you leave your hiding spot to look up at him, a frown etched into your eyebrows. "Jun, don't say that. You didn't get me- hey, look at me"

When he finally decides to stop staring a burning hall into the sink and catches your eyes, you can see how his eyes are mirroring yours - glazed over with tears that are yet to fall.

"First of all, don't say sorry for being scared. You're actually way calmer for a person who's about to find out if there's a baby. You're not all over the place, no you're not. You're only human, Jun"

"And, listen, we both got ourselves in this mess" You try to explain, one hand cradling his face as you peer into his eyes. "Both of us knew what we were getting ourselves into, Jun. Although we didn't exactly expect this to happen, the chances were never zero and we both knew. Nothing is your fault. It's not mine either. We were not being careful enough and that's on both of us, no?"

"You did some reflecting while I was gone, didn't you? Junhui laughs again, making you smile and tuck yourself back into his warmth. "You little ball of panic"

The laugh and the way Junhui sways you in his hold are cut off when his phone loudly rings, the three-minute timer going off outside the bathroom. he must have felt the way you go rigid in his arms.

"Do you want me to check it?"

"Yes. Yes, please" You swallow back the bile that rises up in your throat.

Before he lets go to stand up, Junhui pulls you into a hug again. You almost don't feel him press a kiss to the crown of your head, but the fleeting movement is still there.

You move to sit on your knees as he goes up to the counter. Not wanting to see him pick up the tests so carefully and let the tears that haven't dried roll down, you bring your hands up to your face. There's a beat of silence. The sound of Junhui picking one up, putting it down, picking one up, putting it down, picking one up. Silence. Putting it down.

"Positive" He's talking to the mirror. "All three of them"

Junhui holds your hair back as you heave into the toilet, throwing up what feels like your insides in whole.

Junhui is sitting next to you through the doctor's appointment on Saturday. His hand is laced with yours, his knee is pushed against yours and he's sitting next to you as the doctor comes back to the room with a small smile on her face.

"Congratulations yn, Junhui" She nods kindly to the both of you. "You're pregnant"

Junhui's hand suddenly feels a lot heavier in yours.

There really wasn't a piece of yours that was holding onto the false reality of the tests being wrong. But the sudden heaviness of the situation is loaded upon you as you hear the word from someone other than Junhui or your subconscious mind.

A nurse trails in to hand Junhui a bunch of pamphlets, everything from maternity clinics to home birth printed in tiny letters on colourful poster papers. You feel a new wave of nausea, or tears, or maybe both, hitting you at once. Oh yeah, definitely both.

"You guys can look through the options and talk about what's the next step you're taking" Your doctor speaks, words laced with a smile that makes you feel like she notices right through you. "Whatever decision you decide to take, reach out to us and we'll be there with you through the process"

She says something about giving the two of you a minute and gets up to leave the room once again, the nurse following behind closely. But before she slips out of the room, she turns back to you with such a tender look in her eyes. "Yn, Junhui, You're not alone in this"

It's like a bullet to your heart. A perfect echo of what Junhui had told you. You feel him shift in his seat as if it's just the thing he's been wanting to hear as well.

"So," He gives your hand a squeeze.

"So," You tilt your head, trying to relax yourself enough to give him a comforting smile. "You put a baby in me"

Junhui whines as he leans forward to rest his forehead on your shoulder. You laugh and try not to think about how the two of you must look like an ideal couple despite not knowing a thing about each other.

"It's not even a baby yet" Junhui keens. "It's a bunch of cells and whatnot. Like a blood clot, a blood bundle maybe"

"Don't say it like that, oh my god" You shove at him with a scowl. "That's kind of gross"

"You'd never be able to live with my roommate" Junhui says at that, shuddering for effect. "He's a nursing student and god, he has this need to describe every single detail of his internship to me like a bedtime story. Let's just say, I know some of the most grotesque things about his patients that I shouldn't be allowed to know"

"Oh god, Jun"

The room turns into a comfortable silence after that. The occasional buzz of people outside, the beep of a machine and Junhui's stool creaking bouncing off the insanely white walls.

"So, we're gonna do this, yeah?" You turn to see that Junhui is already looking at you, the soft look in his eyes and the upturned corners of his lips never disappearing from your sight.

Your hand goes to rest against his cheek before you realise what you're doing. You consider pulling it back but stops short when Junhui's smile widens ever so slightly as he leans into it. You try not to think about the boundaries that you're crossing as you swipe your thumb across the skin under his eyes.

"Yeah. We're doing this"

Junhui invites you to his place on Tuesday for dinner. You're supposed to be meeting his roommate, Seungkwan tonight. Given that he's a nursing student, much more professionally trained, he figured that Seungkwan would be able to help the two of you to some extent.

It's not the thought of meeting him that makes a shudder run through your spine. It's the first time you're going to break the news to someone. Someone other than Junhui, yourself, your doctor or the nurse at the clinic.

As much as you feel like laying down for the night, avoiding the meetup altogether, Junhui had been so excited when he brought up the idea, nearly vibrating out of his skin when you agreed to meet his best friend. You couldn't do that to him. How could you ever, ever say no to him.

"Yn, hi" Junhui quietly greets you as he opens the door. It's your first time in his place and somehow, there's something that makes it a little special. It's the first time you're getting so much as a glimpse into his life outside of you and your apartment.

"Seungkwan's in the kitchen. He wanted to cook tonight" He continues as you toe your shoes off at the entrance. Once you're done, he pulls you into a hug like second nature. "You okay? How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, Jun" You assure him with a soft pat on his back, pulling away and giving him a smile. "Still a blood bundle, remember?"

"Oh, Hello" You turn to face who you assume is Seunkwan. Dressed in a sweater too big for him and brown hair sitting on top of his hair in a messy mop, he smiles brightly. "I'm Seungkwan, nice to meet you"

"Hi, I'm yn" Seungkwan steps forward to shake your hand, gesturing you to come inside with a smile that's almost splitting his face in half. "Thank you for having me over, Seungkwan. I hope I'm not intruding"

"Oh, what nonsense" He animatedly flails his arms around as he leads you straight to the kitchen. You can already see that Seungkwan is a people person by heart. "Junhui here is nothing but yn this, yn that these days. It's a matter of fact I met you, don't you think?"

Next to you, Junhui sputters and coughs as Seungkwan blabbers. Not taking any attention from the other, you bring a hand up to rub his back. Interesting.

Your heart warms at how Seungkwan, ever so excited to meet you, welcomes you to help him cook dinner. He tells you about his time at nursing school and his work as an intern at a nearby medical centre. Junhui contributes to the conversation by throwing in bits and pieces here and there.

Just listening to the two boys banter, words flowing in naturally between them, you can see just how close they are. Seungkwan goes into a story about Junhui's college days, Junhui goes bright red and whines at him to stop, and Seungkwan coos and pinches his cheek as you watch.

"Seungkwan, I love you but I don't need to know how big Mr. Chen's ass wart is" Seungkwan almost hits the counter as he laughs at Junhui's face morphed into frustration.

"Junnie, spare me something, won't you, bub? I talk to no one except the coffee machine and poor Mrs. Sim for two days straight sometimes" Seungkwan waves him off before turning to you. "Yn, Mrs. Sim never remembers me twice. Do you know I have to introduce myself to her every single time I go to her room?"

"This is why you need some new friends, Kwan" Junhui shoots him a pointed look. "Or you need to get laid. Maybe you're retreating back to your virgin agenda because of how long you've gone without getting some"

You let out a scandalous gasp at this, exaggerating for entertainment. "Seungkwan, that's why you're so cranky"

"I'm cranky because I work twelve-hour shifts at a hospital wiping shit out of at least twenty different asses, people. I don't have the time" He whines as the two of you snicker. "I don't need to get laid, piss off. Work is fucking me in the ass enough for the whole year, get off my back"

Dinner goes like that. Junhui, you and Seungkwan sitting around the kitchen table as they share small talk over the food. Seungkwan is the one who actively keeps the conversation going since both you and Junhui are much on the quieter side. You feel thankful for the way he obviously tries his best to make you feel at home, filling the voids by being his happy self despite the worn out look and dark circles under his eyes. You can't imagine how tired Seungkwan actually is.

It's only once you're done with the food that Junhui sends you a look when his best friend turns to get the desserts. You manage to nod weakly just as he returns loudly.

"Seungkwan," You swallow as Junhui turns to him with a voice that's far more grounded than you've heard. Seungkwan must be used to it because he doesn't spare a glance before he nods. "We have something to tell you"

When Junhui looks at you again, you give him a tight-lipped smile and hope it's encouraging enough to keep him talking. You see the light frown that etches itself onto Seungkwan's eyebrows as he looks between the two of you with clear confusion.

"There's no reason to beat around the bush, so. You know that yn and I..." Junhui sighs heavily, looking at the younger, letting the words complete themselves. "We found out that she's pregnant"

There's a silence that takes over the room. It's not uncomfortable per se. Seungkwan looks like he's letting the words settle in his brain. It takes him more than five seconds to snap back into it before he immediately reaches towards you.

"Oh, yn" You try to stop yourself from trembling as Seungkwan lays a hand between the two of you. He leaves if wutg his palm up. An invitation of comfort. You take his hand and he's quick to lace his fingers with you. "How do you feel?"

"I'm alright. Yeah, I'm okay" You nod, rather to yourself. "It was so surprising but I've processed it all now. I'm okay"

"Good" Seungkwan acknowledges with a soft smile and his thumb swiping against your skin comfortingly. He's staring at you in a way that reminds you of the doctor back at the clinic. Like he sees right through you. But before you can dwell on it further, he's pulling away to grab a washcloth that hangs from the side of the pantry.

"And, you. You, child" Junhui shrieks as Seungkwan flings the cloth at him, repeatedly hitting him square in the face. "How many times have I told you to be careful? To use protection? Do you know how many times, Wen Junhui? All the condoms I stuck in your bag hoping you'd be responsible enough to use them"

Junhui manages to get away from him and runs straight to stand behind you, fingers gripping your shoulder as he uses you to shield himself from Seungkwan and his dirty washcloth attack.

"I swear, yn. This isn't how I raised him, I'm so sorry. I can't believe he'd be so reckless" Seungkwan speaks to you before he looks at Junhui with singlehandrdly yhe firties look you've ever seen. "Do you know how many condoms I stole from the condom vending machime at the clinic? For you, Wen Junhui. All this effort and you turn out to be an irresponsible adult"

"Stop" Junhui whines, holding to you. "Stop hitting me"

"You should scold me just as much, Seungkwan" You chuckle, hands coming up to rest on top of Junhui's. "We were both irresponsible adults"

"In that case" Seungkwan swats you with the cloth way lighter than he had to Junhui before he goes to sit down again, seemingly done with his stressed single mother tantrum.

You half expect Junhui to let go and move to his own seat after everything settles down. But a part of you, part you're wishing to not unpack right now, secretly hopes he would stay right there behind you. Solely because their apartment is cold and the body heat radiating off of Junhui is comforting. That's all. Nothing else.

As if he's read your words, Junhui shifts until his arms are thrown around your shoulders to pull you back against his front, hands clasping over your collar bones. You try not to do something like blush violently while Seungkwam is staring from the other side of the table like he's watching a drama.

"Well, as surprised and disappointed as I am, I'm glad you guys told me" Seungkwan's voice is relatively softer than it had been before. "Have you guys decided what you're going to do?"

Junhui shifts and you look up to see him already staring down at you with a tender smile. You mirror it and wrap your fingers around his arm as you face Seungkwan again.

"Yeah," You're not alone in this. "Yeah we have"

"Can I hug you?" Seungkwan asks when you're stepping out of their place that night, ready to go home.

Seungkwan's hugs feel like you're being smothered by a bear. A very soft and a very fluffy one. He's shorter than Junhui and he doesn't have to bend down to your height to hug you. You can see Junhui leaning against the doorway, watching the two of you with a glint in his eyes like he's close to tears.

"Yn," Seungkwan whispers in your ear, still holding you tight as if you're going to crumble if he doesn't. "Thank you for telling me, bub. I know we only just met and it means a lot to me that you trusted me with this. Junnie means the world to me and now you. I'm going to help you as much as I can, yn. You're not alone in this"

An exact mirror of something you've heard before.

Seungkwan holds you even tighter when you cry on his shoulder. It should be weird considering the two of you didn't know each other's last names till literal hours ago. But Junhui comes to stand behind you, rubs a comforting hand down your back and gives Seungkwan's arm a squeeze and everything is okay. For the first time, you're able to feel your heart settle into a kind of peace that makes you think,

Yeah, you can do this. You're not alone in any kind of way.

You take the first pill on Friday and Junhui holds your hand through it. You try not to choke around it as he brings you into a hug.

"You're okay" He whispers into your hair. "I'm right here"

★ warning

"I'm here, I'm here" Seungkwan chirps as he steps into the house. You can hear the sound of the door closing and then he's quickly shuffling to the living room where you're laying on Junhui's lap. Seungkwan is quick to drop his bags to crouch down in front of you. "Hi, honey. Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Like a fucking bomb exploded in my gut, Seungkwan, I can't do this" You cry through the cramps that are currently shooting through your body.

"That's exactly how it should feel, you're doing great, yn" Seungkwan assures. "Hi, Junnie, how are you feeling?"

"I'm going to cry" Junhui's fingers are trembling where he's running them through your hair. His other is laced with yours over your hip. You're pretty sure he's dislocated something by how hard you're gripping him but Junhui is yet to complain.

"Valid but I'm gonna hit you over the head if you cry right now" Seungkwan mutters but from the corner of your eye, you can see him squeezing Junhui's knee with enough comfort to keep his tears at bay. "Did you take the second pill, yn? Did you guys call the clinic?"

"We did, as soon as the cramps started. The nurse said she should take the second one" Junhui explains as you squirm in his lap. His hands threading through your hair offer a sense of comfort to some extent but right now it's nothing near enough as you feel like your entire body is about to explode into a mass of tissues and intestines. "She took painkillers thirty minutes before taking the misoprostol too"

"Good, great job yn. You too Jun" You're not exactly sure why he's cheering on you when all you've been doing for the past couple of hours is lying on Junhui's lap crying. It's still sweet that Seungkwan is human enough to validate not only yours but everything Junhui's been doing to be there for you "How long has it been?"

"A few hours. Three at tops"

"Okay then, she might start bleeding soon so let's move to the bathroom, yeah" Seungkwan peers into your eye with a soft smile. "Yn, ready to get this over with?"

"I am so fucking ready, god" You groan into Junhui's thigh as the two boys share a fond smile over you.

Junhui manages to get you settled in the bathtub carefully and you shiver at how cold the water is.

Seungkwan doesn't linger inside as much, quickly giving instructions to a Junhui who looks a little like he's going to collapse any second now. Though you trust Seungkwan, both as Junhui's friend and a professional, enough to let him be there through the process, you can't help but selfishly feel settled when you know Junhui is the only one who'd be able to see you at a moment like this. You fondly guess Junhui must be feeling the same if the way he subtly shields you from Seungkwan and doesn't let go of your hand says something. So the two of you settle in the confinement of the bathroom as Seungkwan slips outside with a promise to make some food while he keeps an ear out for you.

"I'm never having sex again" You whine, leaning against the tub.

"Without a condom you mean?" Junhui chuckles as he puts down the toilet seat to sit on top of it, hand still warm around yours from where it sits on the edge of the tub entangled.

"No, Jun. I said what I said"

"Oh no" Junhui throws his head back to exaggerate a whine at that, making you shake your head. "Suddenly my day is ruined. Why would you do this to me?"

The water sloshes around as you shift in your place, trying to get comfortable even as the edge digs into your back and the tile is cold against your skin. Junhui gives you a smile when you make eye contact.

Junhui's smile is so beautiful.

It's not like you're coming to the revelation now, you'd always had a soft spot for his smile. It was what you noticed first about him - a private thing where his whole face would light up and the corners of his mouth curl in an adorable way.

"You look pretty, Jun" You're saying before you can even stop what's coming out of your mouth. You have a front-row seat to see Junhui's face flush immediately as he tries not to sputter.

"I'm sitting on a toilet on the verge of a breakdown" He points out but there's a blush dusted on his ears.

"And you're pretty" It sounds more confident, way more concrete than the first one. "You always look pretty. Take the compliment"

Junhui smiles and takes the compliment with a flaring fluster.

As much as you would have liked to keep talking ( that was NOT flirting ) with him, a searing pain suddenly crashes through your body.

"O-oh my god" Your voice breaks on a gasp as you instinctively curl up on yourself. Your fingers tighten around Junhui's as you clamp down as hard as you can, trying not to scream at the pain that shoots through your body.

"Jun- Jun, oh my god" You can't help when the tears fall, more out of the sheer pain. From the corner of your eyes, you can see Junhui's face morphing into something of pure terror. He quickly moves to sit down on the tile next to the tub, holding onto your hand while he brings the other to lay flat against your back.

"I'm here, yn, I'm here" He's muttering like a mantra, hand running back and forth along your damp skin. "Breath through it, baby. Breath with me"

You let out a scream, not being able to handle the amount of pain coursing through your abdomen. Your hand is gripping Junhui's with such force that you can feel him stiffing up but he doesn't move away from his spot. Junhui sits on his knees to practically hug you while you're still in the water and you can blindly feel the way he's shaking as well.

"Jun," You sob, clinging to him a little tighter as if it's even possible. "It hurts. Hurts s-so much"

"I'm sorry, angel. I'm so sorry" He whispers into your skin. "You can do this, yeah? You have me, you can push through, baby. I'm sorry"

Junhui doesn't let go no matter how hard you scream, pressing his lips to your temple and muttering 'good job, yn' after each and every cramp that overtakes your body.

The sound of your sobs and the water echoes through the bathroom for what feels like an eternity. Seungkwan opens the door at some point, sitting by the entrance close enough to keep an eye out yet far enough to give you the privacy you need.

The water has gone cold when you slump against the edge of the tub at last, your body trembling with just how much energy it had taken out of you. Junhui still doesn't let you go, his arms around you and keeping you as close as possible. That's when you notice he's sobbing into your hair.

"Junnie" Your voice is weak but it's enough to make Junhui snap.

"Do you need something? Do you wanna get out right now?" He's immediately scrambling through his tears, alert. "Water, you need water right? Do you want me to get you a pad and clothes too?"

"Jun" You let him go on his ramble before bringing a hand up to his face. He should be grossed out by the way his skin gets damp by the water but instead, he leans into it like a cat. "Don't cry, I'll cry harder"

Junhui laughs and he's so beautiful. Even as he's crying through it.

You give him a frail smile as he leans forward to press his lips to your forehead before moving to your temple. You lean towards it when he keeps his lips there, skin against skin more intimate than anything the two of you had done before.

"You did it" He whispers into your skin. "Good job, my love. Good fucking job"

★ you made it

Seungkwan leaves with a good amount of advice and a kiss on your cheek. Junhui offers to show him to the door before he locks up, trudging back to the bedroom where you're now all clean and tucked under the covers.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower, is that okay?" He asks, coming to your side and crouching down. He softly runs his palm against your hair and you feel your eyes flutter, completely spent.

"Junnie, no. It's a mess-"

"I'll clean it up" He's quick. "Don't worry about it, okay? You need lots of rest. Seungkwan will kill me if he finds out I even let you speak more than three words"

"Jun-"

"Nope, I'm doing it"

Your protests follow as Junhui skips - yes, skips - the the bathroom. He sends you a wink as he closes the door and you wry out a laugh, shaking your head. You spend the next twenty minutes trying not to move in your place as you listen to the sound of Junhui singing to himself and scrubbing the bathroom floors.

A little smile makes its way to your lips as you let your mind wander over to him. The beautifully crafted creature that is Wen Junhui.

Even as he finally leaves the bathroom dressed in fresh clothes and tentatively joins you under the covers, you can't stop thinking about him. He's right there, threading his fingers through your hair as he tries to lull you into sleep.

Junhui has been nothing but supportive this entire time - from buying your favourite sweets to cleaning out blood clots from the tub - he's been everything. Since you found out about the pregnancy a week ago, Junhui has never once questioned your decisions, simply following your guide.

( "Aren't you upset at me?" You had asked on Wednesday, worn out and vulnerable.

"I would never be upset at you for choosing yourself" came his firm reply. )

"How do you feel?" Junhui's voice is soft as he fiddles with your hair.

"Not exactly better. But I feel lighter. You know what I mean"

"I do" Junhui's so close that you can feel his breath hitting your forehead. If you just turn and take him by the neck —

"You're so strong, you know?" He keeps talking quietly, putting a halt to your thoughts. "I can't imagine how that felt. I can't imagine how you're feeling now. I don't know how anyone goes through something like that without breaking. Everyone is so strong"

His words sound slurred like he's slipping into a sleep and fuck,

You and Junhui might be strangers with two months of history. But something has obviously changed the moment he walked up to your door last Friday at three in the afternoon. If the nicknames, the hand holding and the kisses were anything to go by - you would call it making progress.

And god forbid if you don't do anything about the way a fire burns in your heart, smoke rising in your inside until everything in your heart, and lungs is Junhui, Junhui, Junhui.

"I couldn't have done it without you" Taking the bullet, you turn to him. Junhui's eyes flutter when he realizes just how close you are. "Thank you for everything, Jun. If it wasn't for you- and Seungkwan. I don't think I would've been able to get through that alone. Thank you"

"You have nothing to thank me for" He's a little awake now, voice following with little puffs of air against your skin. "I'll never have let you do this by yourself"

"You like me that much?" You ask coyly, fingers reaching to play with his t-shirt.

"I do" Junhui goes a little silent before he speaks again, still quiet as if there's someone else in the room with you. "I like you a little too much actually"

"Yeah?" You try to pretend as if your heart isn't clawing at your chest but there's a shake to your voice that tells you it's not working. "Well, good. Cause I like you a little too much too"

Junhui keeps his eyes on your face as if he's searching for something. Maybe to see if he can decipher how much you mean the words. Luck for him, you mean it with every bone and muscle and cell in your body. He must have found what he's looking for because he brings his hand to cradle your face. Ever so softly, he traces his fingertips from your forehead to your cheek.

"We should sleep"

"We should"

When Junhui leans in to press his lips to yours, it's more intimate than any kiss you've ever shared before. He holds you by the neck as he deepens it, simple feeling the intensity of it running through both of you like electricity. Your hand twists the front of his t-shirt as he keeps his lips against yours. Not pushing, just resting in comforting silence.

When he finally pulls away, his lips are pulled up into a shy smile. You return your own just as he leans in to press another kiss to your forehead.

"It took me one week" He whispers and you give him a questioning look. "To like you a little too much"

You smile and pat his cheek before he pulls you into his side to drift off to sleep. Cradled against him, hand resting over his heart, you let yourself enjoy the comfort that Junhui never fails to give you.

I might have taken Junhui one week to like you a little too much. But that same week was enough for you to do much more than that.

To fall in love a little too much.

okay can you imagine flying to shenzhen with jun for the first time? he'd be so excited to show you his hometown that he wouldn't be able to sleep on the flight so he'd have his arms wrapped around you and be planting light kisses into your hair as you slept on his shoulder

i’m not gonna lie this made me cry,,he’d be literally bouncing all the way to the airport,,he’d be pulling up all the places he wanted to take you on his phone and he’d be scrolling through all the restaurants that he loved and wanted to show you,,he’d be so excited as you got on the plane,he’d be holding your bag for you as he lead you to your seats towards the back of the plane,,,you’d never seen him so excited,he’d have this permanent smile on his face as he told you about all the people he was going to introduce you too,,he’d notice you were sleepy and he’d throw his arm around you so that you could sleep on his chest,,he’d be watching you as you nuzzled into him and he’d be dipping down to press kisses to your hair,,he’d be smiling into your hair just so happy that he could take the love of his life back to his hometown,,

I don't have a back rub nor dumplings nor a won woo I just have intensified wonwoorot-

[08:41 pm]: jeon wonwoo

“did you know that snails can nap for up to three years?” you whisper, hopeful eyes staring up at your boyfriend’s face from your place on his chest, desperate for even just a crumb of his attention.

are you being a little dramatic? probably. but wonwoo should be used to your dramatics by now.

you can’t even blame him for being this engrossed in the book he’s reading — after all it’s the book you were supposed to read together, only for you to sheepishly admit to finishing it all by yourself in just two days. wonwoo just gave you a disapproving look and told you that he’d postpone all date activities until he finished the book as well in order to get you two to be even again.

this was your punishment, of sorts.

wonwoo just hums, one of his hands leaving the pages of the book to rub along your back in acknowledgment and before you can get the chance to bathe in the little attention he spared you, his hand is gone again.

you sigh dramatically, body going limp and letting your head fall down against his chest. “did you know that lack of attention will cause a broken heart?” you try again, not looking at him this time but rather choosing to nuzzle into his neck instead.

you seem to catch his attention this time, since his eyes leave the page for the first time in an hour, small smile playing on his lips and brows raised in question, “is that so, baby?”

you nod silently, sighing deeply for full dramatic effect. he hums as if in deep in thought, his hand finding the back of your head, pressing you a little closer to himself.

“and how do we prevent a broken heart?” he murmurs, letting the book fall shut and placing it on the bedside table. you can’t bite back the smile that breaks out on your face, because evidently, you won.

“well, first, a kiss,” wonwoo hums in response, urging you to keep going, “then a backrub and…maybe some takeout from the dumpling place we like?” you lift your head to finally look at him, hopeful spark in your eyes at the prospect of your favourite dumplings, only to be met with the goofiest, most smitten look you’ve ever seen on your boyfriend’s face.

“in that specific order?” wonwoo grins and you pretend to think about it for a second, even rubbing your chin for good measure. “no, as long as all three conditions are met, heartbreak is averted!” he snorts at you, suddenly reaching forward and pulling your face closer, peppering soft kisses all over.

wonwoo squishes your face, love downright pouring out of his eyes, “i love you,” he places a kiss on your forehead, almost as if to emphasise his point, “let’s get you your dumplings and that backrub, hm?”