Something I've Come Across Often In Reading Fanfiction Is This... Pervasive Idea That People Cannot Love

Something I've come across often in reading fanfiction is this... pervasive idea that people cannot love wholly twice, and that if they've chosen one person, it's because that love is greater than the other.

It's not expressly said that way. It's couched in gentler, loving phrases like "he's never felt this way before" and "it wasn't like this with anyone else." It's especially prevalent when there is a canon love interest to be denied, or a mutually exclusive ship to push back against, and it feels like trying to quietly dismiss a contrived love triangle instead of recognizing that different loves can share intensity and one might still not work out.

And I'm not saying it's bad, I'm not saying it's problematic or amoral or something that needs to stop, that people shouldn't be doing this. I'm not saying that one true love is a bad trope. I guess I'm just asking, what are we afraid of?

Why can't the character have felt that way before? Why can't they have loved someone with their whole heart before? It's the tragedy of love isn't it- that sometimes it doesn't work. Not that the love was missing or less, but that it was there, that it was whole and full and real, that it mattered... but that it didn't change anything, couldn't work out. The circumstances were wrong, the people were wrong despite their love, it was everything and that wasn't enough. Love doesn't have to be less or gone to recognize that maintaining a relationship for it is unsustainable. A character can leave behind a great love and find a new great love, and while love is never quite The Same between people, it can be As Much.

And I guess I'm wondering, you know, how it is better, to love wholly only once? "It was never like this with the other person" is surely meant to be a soft sentiment declaring how much greater this love is, but, all it does is make me wonder what is so weak about it that if there was an equal love, this love wouldn't survive it, wouldn't be chosen.

"I have loved like this before, and I'm choosing to fight for it this time" is surely not a lost cause to explore.

Jealous Mess

{ Alice in Borderland Master List }

Summary: You and Chishiya are dating and most of the people at The Beach know about it. The people who don’t, are the new comers. One new comer in particular, doesn’t seem to get the hint that your taken. Since your so blind to the new guys advances, you just think he’s being friendly and you become friends with him. Chishiya on the other hand, looks at this situation as one that could take you away from him.

Warnings: established relationships!au, emotional Smut, vaginal sex, nipple play, unwanted flirting, reader is too nice for her own good, past neglectful parents, insecurities, jealousy, and Spoilers For The Manga. 

Inspired By: THIS POST of mine.

Rating: 18+

。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

Chishiya can’t believe what he’s witnessing right now.

He’s sitting at a table, hands flat on top of it, and staring at you wide eyed.

Your across the table from him, but not facing him. You’re laughing up a storm, and lean forward inch by inch each time the new comer in front of you says something remotely funny.

Aguni recently brought back a few new people from a game they last went to. He said they had potential on being a good group of militants. Chishiya thought, on the other hand, that they were all just extra dumb asses that didn’t need to be at The Beach.

One new comer in particular, he disliked more then all of them. This guy, out of all the new comers, was the only one not getting the hint.

That hint being… you were taken.

Keep reading

pretty girl ! eren jaeger

summary: [high school au] the school's biggest troublemaker has got his eye on the miss perfect of trost high school

➭ troublemaker! eren jaeger x fem! reader

➭ fluff, modern/high school au, kinda enemies to lovers? but bc i'm not much of a fan of that trope so it's more lovers than enemies if it's even enemies at all, also there's a little bit of angst and hurt/comfort

➭ warnings: foul language

( masterlist | requests )

There was this utterly riddiculous thing that teachers did. To seat the trouble making kids next to the calm ones. Up to this, your last year at trost high school, you had naively believed that this habit had ended in, like, middle school, and you had been really relieved back then to sit next to your friends in class for once. But your math teacher Mr. Ackerman had had other plans for you: in the beginning of the year, he had made you sit next to notorious class clown Eren Jaeger in math class, and now you had to deal with that- or, more correctly, with Eren.

And Eren- was a nightmare. He was always late and always loud. It amazed you how he was still able to pull through with fairly good grades, since he appereantly thought that building towers out of his pens, exchanging notes with his friends, playing table tennis against his books and covering the table with pencil drawings was more suited for him than following the teacher or the class. But what entertained Eren Jaeger the most, was to annoy you. And he couldn't get enough of it.

For example, he always tried to distract you from working. During class, he always leaned close to your ear and whispered an endless waterfall of words. You desperately tried to tune it out, something that was clearly amusing to Eren, but it was impossible. Also, he was always asking you questions. Not about the subject of the class, of course, but about you. It was extremely irritating when your more than six foot tall table neighbor was asking about your favorite icecream, season, baseball team, movies and shows, color, band and just about anything that came to his mind, out of pure devilish delight to see your face scrunch up, trying to solve a math problem with his annoying voice rambling next to you.

And when Mr. Ackerman called him out on it, he began asking you questions about the class, which was somehow even worse. You didn't have a reason not to answer them, and after all, maybe he really wanted to know, but he was asking them without a pause, amd they were always about stuff you'd done months ago.

When he was particularly bored, Eren began to play with your hair that you kept in a messy bun most of the time, though you liked to have some loose strands that he snatched, twirled around his fingers and sometimes tugged at when he wanted your attention. Sometimes he even took several at a time and braided them into mini braids some of your friends had already unknowingly complimented after class.

All of his incredibly annoying and absolutely not endearing antics had earned Eren a special place on your heart- on your black list. Someone simply bringing up his name made you internally roll your eyes. And maybe you were childish, but he was more childish! Unfortunately, not everyone shared your opinion on Eren. In fact, he was quite popular, celebrated by many of your class mates for being so 'cool' and 'hot'. They encouraged his demeanor and you were sure that they contributed a lot to his massive ego.

You could see why people, especially girls, liked him, you weren't blind. Eren was incredibly handsome, as not to say really hot with his shoulder length dark hair that seemed right out of a shampoo commercial. He kept it in a loose man bun most of the time and, with all your critique you had for him, you had to admit that the guy knew what was good for himself- at least look-wise. His height and muscular built only added to the image of a greek god, and Eren sure had style with his rings and earrings that complimented his skin tone, and undoubtedly the most green eyes in the whole wide world.

Aside from that, Eren also had his fair share of charisma, and the much hated goofy grins and flirtatious smirks did something to anyone he encountered.

Yes, Eren was hot, but no pretty face or well placed smile could make up for the annoying little monster lurking beneath the surface. It seemed to be his sole purpose in math class to- well, you didn't really know. Was it to annoy you because he despised you? Or was it only to distract himself because you were just another person he could use for his entertainment? No clue. But you hated to think too much about him.

➭

07:53 am. You mentally cursed yourself and lifted your head from your watch, otherwise you would've collided with the wall. Damn it! You were more than twenty minutes late! Out of breath, you sprinted down the corridor as you mentally panicked. You were never late. In fact, you hadn't been late since middle school when you had a rather formative experience with Mr. Shadis because of it, and now your blood ran cold at the memory. This was bad. A worst case scenario. Shit! The class had started twenty-five minutes ago and you almost stumbled over your own feet, trying to increase your pace.

With a little too much momentum, you ran around the corner and straight into an obstacle. You bounced off of it painfully and landed butt first on the ground. Even worse, you lost hold of your bagpack, and now books and pens were sprawled out on the floor. When you saw the shoes in front of you, you suddenly realized that you had run into a person. Jeez, how much bad luck could one have on just one morning?

"I'm so sorry," you apologised profusely and crawled around on the floor to collect your stuff, but your fingers trembled with stress. Oh god, now you would be even later to class! This couldn't be! And Mr. Ackerman surely wouldn't take it lightly, he was known to be strict, and what if this meant a repetition? What if he'd do what Mr. Shadis had done years ago? Shit, shit shit!

"Y/n?"

Your head shot up as you were met with the sight of those gorgerous annoying green eyes and raised eyebrows. It was Eren. Eren fucking Jaeger was the one you had run into, him of all people. You probably shouldn't be surprised, Eren was notorious at being late- other than you. Normally, you would've given him the cold shoulder or snapped at him for some dumb reason, but you were far too stressed to feel anything put panic and worry right now. Not sparing him another glance, you hurriedly proceeded to pack your things.

Eren was confused. On the one hand, you were late. You were never late, always already there when he arrived, so he didn't quite believe his eyes. But there was no doubt to it, there you were, crawling around on the floor and looking for books and pens as if your life depended on it, as if the devil was after you. And the most curious thing of all was: you weren't angry, you hadn't scolded him for standing in the way. You hadn't even acknowlegde his presence properly, or so it seemed. He didn't like it. And what were you so distressed about anyway? Your fucking fingers were trembling! Not only your fingers, but your bottom lip, too. Were you about to cry? Why, for fucks sake? Were you hurt?

This was one of the rare time you didn't act annoyed or resentful towards him, even though that was probably his fault. But why were you in such a state? Worried, he watched you grip tightly onto your backpack, your pretty little face filled with fear. "What's wrong, pretty girl?" he asked, sounding as casual and teasing as possible, even though the question was genuine.

Instantly, he knew something was very wrong, you didn't even react to the much hated nick name, and you didn't huff in annoyance or tell him to mind his own business, but actually answered his question. "I'm late!" you shrieked out of breath and you sounded as if you were announcing the end of the world. You were completely broken. So devastated, in fact, that you seemed to just forget the grudge you held against him.

"Ah," Eren said confused and continued to watch you as you were on the verge of tears. "So, you're just late"

"I've never been late!" you answered, causing Eren's eyes to widen and a chuckle to leave his lips. God, you were cute. What now, tease you or comfort you? Both choices were tempting. You were just so helpless right now. His year long crush on you told him to calm you down and help you, but the meaner part of him wanted to see you squirm a bit, just a little.

"Never? Like, never ever?" he asked, still teasing but you almost heard some genuine interest. You nodded and he laughed. "I knew you were a good girl but I didn't know you took it this far, jeez"

"Yeah, whatever," you sniffed, in fact at the verge of tears. But then, Eren did something you hadn't expected of him at all. Actually, you thought that he would just stand there, watch and enjoy your misery, all while making fun of you, but Eren actually crouched down in front of you, took your books out of your trembling hands and stuffed them into your backpack. Then, he helped you collect your pens. His hands were steady and calm and actually reliable, and even though he had teased you before, he seemed to genuinely intend to help you.

"What are you doing?" you asked, which was a really dumb question, but you weren't thinking very clearly right now.

"Being your knight in shining armor, pretty girl," Eren smirked, closed the zipper of your bagpack, threw it over his shoulder and pecked your cheek as he pulled you up. With his sleeve, he gently wiped away any signs of the tears you'd almost spilled, took your hand and then pulled you with him. When he suddenly began to run, you, still a bit dumbfounded from the kiss, stumbled a bit before adapting to his pace and let him pull you with him as he sprinted through the corridors. With an almost boyish smile, Eren turned his head at full speed to look at you. "It's time to make some memories!"

God, he really was fast! No wonder he was the star of the football team. With your shorter legs, it was quite difficult to keep up with him, but Eren happily dragged you along, still carrying your bag which didn't seem to bother him at all. Loose strands of his bun flew around his head and his eyes held a weird sort of determination. Still too shaken to complain, you watched him, because when you watched him, you didn't have to think about what might happen as soon as you set foot into the classroom.

All the snarky remarks and you couldn't help to be so thankful. If it hadn't been for him, you'd probably be crying in some corridor now. As you knew yourself, you would've probably just decided not to face the emberassement and quit on school altogether today, which would've been very bad since the next math exam was only a week away. If you looked at it that way, Eren really had been your knight in shining armor- not the one you would've hoped for, but he had seemed surprisingly genuine in his attempts to help you. Actually, he had been very kind. But why all of the sudden?

In no time, you reached the door to the class room and the anxiety kicked in again. Involuntarily, you clutched Eren's hand harder as you stared at the door in fear. What would Mr. Ackerman say? Would he reprimand you, expose you in front of your whole class? Eren looked down at you. Panic was written all over your features as you tightened your grip on his hand. But Eren left you no time to think about all the possible bad outcomes of this situation, he winked at you as if you were old friends and then knocked. The door opened.

When the two of you stepped in, you were met with Mr Ackermans sinister gaze. Clearly, he wasn't happy that you disturbed the class and you felt yourself shrink next to Eren under the glare he sent your way. "Morning," Eren said unbothered, not even explaining himself at this point.

Mr Ackerman glared at him angrily. "Is there a single cell in your body that gives a shit about anything at all, Jaeger? Or are you just a petty, attention hungry little child?"

Next to Eren, you panicked even further as you watched and listened Mr Ackerman scold him. Though Eren didn't seem particularly bothered. Contrary, he seemed to be pretty relaxed about the whole situation, in a strangely good mood actually. He was more of a grumpy guy mostly, but right now, he looked as if he was having fun. Not you though. The more you heard of Mr Ackerman's lecture, the more you wanted to turn around run out of the class room. Or jump out of the window. What would he say to you? How would he punish you? At this point, you'd be relieved if he'd just give you detention, as Eren was getting right now for not being on time for the whole month, and not say anything else. You'd take everything but public humiliation.

You felt sweat on your temple as the class looked at you- specifically your hand in Eren's, who let go of it quickly but waited for you, not yet taking his seat, even though the teacher had told him to. Maybe he could sense that you'd crack under pressure If he left you alone here.

"I'm sorry, sir," you heard yourself say and saw your middle schooler self before your eyes, saying the same thing. "My alarm didn't ring"

"Tch," said your teacher and you panicked internally, trying to appear composed. "It's fine, go to your seat"

A big, big, weight was lifted up from your chest at those words and you almost felt like laughing. Had he just let you off the hook? Really? Relief, sweet, sweet relief flooded through you and you felt like flying. All this worry... He hadn't said a single mean thing to you! You couldn't believe it! You were so happy, in fact, that you showed no reaction at all when Eren patted your back and you followed him to your seat where you quickly sat down to escape the stares of the bored students. Only then you remembered that Eren still had your bagpack, and you were already prepared for him making it a game for you to try and get it, but when you turned around, he simply handed it to you with the proud smile of someone who'd just won a competition.

That was, in fact, how Eren felt right now as you took your bagpack and even gave him a little smile. And there was his prize. A smile. You'd never smiled at him! But he loved it. It was like standing in the spotlight on a stage, and it made butterflies dance around in his stomach. Eren smiled back instantly, still enjoying the high he got from your smile, placed his head on the table to look up a you as loose strands of hair fell into his face and remarked jokingly: "What, you aren't angry at me? Guess you really were serious back there, huh?"

Something was different. The way he looked at you. First, you couldn't quite understand what it was, but then it struck you. Eren was smiling. Not smirking, not sarcastic, not scowling, he was smiling. A real, genuine smile that made his green eyes shine, that made your stomach twist and turn and heart skip a beat.

You noticed you were staring at him when he winked at you and you spun your head around so fast that your hair flew around your head and into your eyes. Emberrassed, you looked away from him as your cheeks grew hot. What had just happened? God, you bet you'd never hear the end of this!

Eren watched you curiously, your reddened cheeks that he could only make out when he leaned over the table. As he remembered the look in your eyes when he'd winked at you, he had to chuckle quietly.

"Watch out, I might still snap," you warned him without properly looking at him yet, trying to overplay your emberassement. It was the first time you'd joked around him and he wanted to cradle you up in his arms and tell you how great you were as he watched you from the table with a lovesick smile. In truth, Eren had had a crush on you for months, hence the reason he enjoyed bothering you so much, because he was, in fact, attention starved. He wanted your attention and your praise for carrying your books - he'd tried before, but you'd snapped at him - but he didn't know how to tell you, how to let you know he was serious, how to push his teasing troublemaker persona aside, so he just kinda did crap, just to get a little huff, a little scrunch of the eyebrow, a little side glance out of you. He wanted to prove to you that you couldn't just ignore him.

In his eyes, you were magnificent. Your intelligence, the fact that you were able to read people, that you weren't shallow at all and not afraid to show it, your kindness to others and the fact that you always hold your head high. He loved every single one of your mannerisms and it also helped that, to him, you were the prettiest girl at trost high school.

You sighed, knowing nothing of his train of thought that was all about you. "Thank you for carrying my books, and your help, I-" you stopped yourself, cleared your throat and got out your stuff for the lesson. Curious, Eren eyed you from the side, but he didn't ask further questions.

Something was different today. Eren was. You would've thought that he'd return to his old ways as soon as Mr Ackerman began to speak again, to annoy you, keep you from listening or doing the tasks the teacher gave you. But, surprisingly enough, he didn't. He was quiet. The whole time. Maybe he was dead. You glanced to the side, but there he was, alive and breathing. Still not paying attention to the class, but also not annoying you. What was going on? Was he sick? Was he okay? What was wrong with him? Why didn't he act like usual? Like he always did, every time you two had math together. But no.

When he realized you were looking at him, he glanced at you shortly and sent you a quick little smile before he focused back on fiddling with his jeans. Confused, you shook your head and turned your attention back to the teacher.

Halfway through the lesson, Eren took your left arm, and soon after, you felt the brush of a pen. He was drawing or writing on it. But he didn't say a thing, just quietly drawing on your left forearm. Out of fear he'd begin to talk again if you asked him about it, you stayed silent. It wasn't so bad. The pen tickled you lightly. Eren's warm hands sent tingles through your whole body and goosebumps appeared all over that arm. He had to have noticed it, but he didn't say anything. In your reflection in the glass of the window, you could see that he was bend over your arm, tongue sticking out of his lips in concentration. You tried not to get too caught up in the sight.

➭

"Now ... tell me," Ymir grinned and shoved an elbow into your side rather roughly. "What were you doing with Eren Jaeger, holding hands and missing out on class?" The two of you were walking down the hallway to get to the cafeteria after English class. The last time you'd seen Eren today was back in math class.

At the implication, your cheeks burned and you hit her back. "Oh shut up! It's not- it's wasn't like that"

"What's not like what?"

Both you and Ymir spun around to be met with the sight of Eren right behind you. You would've almost stumbled due to the shock and your clumsy turn, for the second time that day, if Ymir hadn't catched you. The tall girl glared at Eren who seemed a little nervous under her hostile stare. It was only then that you noticed the change in his expression. His dorky smirk had been replaced by a nervous grin- not much of a difference, one would say, but as someone who knew these smirks better than most, it catched your eye. Eren seemed more genuine as his eyes found your's helplessly.

"What do you want, Jaeger?" Ymir growled, making no effort to hide her hostility. You almost pitied Eren. Almost. The amusement overpowered it. Undoubtedly, you liked seeing Eren squirm a little.

"Uhm," Eren said, "Historia wants to see you. At the basketball field"

Ymir and you shared skeptical glances. True, Historia and Eren were loose friends, but why would she sent him and not just a message? "Are you sure Historia knows that she wants to see her?" you asked with a raised brow and a little grin on your lips.

You could see in Eren's face that you'd caught him, nontheless he feigned innocence and showed Ymir away from you gently and draping a hand around your waist. Ahh. Then, he even had the audacity to pat Ymir's shoulder. "Doesn't matter, she told me, you need to go now, love is great, get your girl"

Both Ymir and you were staring at him aghast. You were so perplexed about his weird behaviour that you didn't even think about getting out of his rather tight grasp, but you couldn't ignore the feeling of his waist rubbing yours and the warmth radiating from his body. Actually, his hoodie was pretty soft and cozy. No wonder he wore it so often, you just hoped he cleaned it regularly. Though he probably did since he smelled pretty good- well, normal. Very normal. God, what were you thinking about again?

"Also," Eren added when Ymir didn't walk away, "Reiner and his team are on the way to the field. If I were you, I'd go and mark my terretory, you know how he is."

Ymir scoffed at him, but she did turn around with one last look at you and left with a frown plastered all over her features. When she was out of earshot, you snorted amused. "'Mark my terretory?' You dog."

Jokingly, Eren bowed a little and lead you down the hallway. It was only then that you realized he still had his arm around your waist, so you tried to wiggle out of his grasp but to no avail, he was just too strong.

"Eren," you said annoyed.

"Hm?"

"Let me go, please"

Sighing, as if it caused him a lot of pain, he let go of you but didn't create any distance. Since you couldn't really think of a reason to push him away, you continued to walk by his side. At first, the silence was quite nice and you wondered if he'd gotten so little sleep last night that he just didn't have the energy to talk, but, after a few minutes, you felt the urge to start a conversation. Shyly, you glanced his way, unsure how to start one. Eren was looking straight ahead and you quickly did the same before you would begin to stare again. It was quite easy to get caught up in the sight.

"Historia didn't ask for Ymir," you said, more as a statement than a question, but, nontheless, he answered.

"No"

Biting down on your bottom lip, you studied his features. He seemed relaxed, cool, as always, but his left hand was fidgeting with his hoodie. This was one of the little things he did when he was nervous, and suddenly you wondered why you even knew that. Sure, you'd seen it somewhere, but why had you remembered it? Why had your mind decided that this was important information? And why on earth was Eren nervous? Since you didn't have an answer to these questions, you asked another one.

"Why did you lie to Ymir? Why do you want me alone?"

"Because I didn't take you as someone who'd like a threesome," Eren joked. You hit him with your bag and he raised his hands in surrender and defense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry y/n! I was only joking. It was a - ow! - very, very dumb joke, I'm sorry!" Maybe his apology would've sounded a little more genuine if he hadn't been laughing, and even though you wanted to push him into the school pond, a little smile tugged at your lips, too.

Mercifully, you lowered your bag and glared at him, but when he smiled at you, it was hard not to smile back. Huffing, you surpressed it, but you couldn't do anything against the fact that your expression softened a little. What was wrong with you? What was wrong with him? Why were you both like this?

Eren's shoulder bumped into your's as you continued walking, causing you to look at him. He had his hand stretched out to you and, for a confused moment, you wondered if he wanted you to take it before he asked: "As an apology... do you want me to carry your bagpack for you?"

"Nah," you said and rolled your eyes at his disappointed expression.

"Come on, please," he begged and tugged at the strap over your shoulder and at the heartwrenching look in his eyes, you almost gave in.

"Why?" you asked as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Do you want to drown it in the school pond? Do you want to hide it somewhere? Do you want to set it on fire?"

"What're you thinking of me?" Eren exclaimed- he seemed surprisingly genuine. "I just wanna carry it for you"

Well, you may just test him now. For safety reasons, you took your phone, keys, wallet and earphones out of your bagpack and handed it to Eren skeptically. Delighted, Eren threw it over his shoulder and grinned at you. Other than you, he was very aware of the eyes following you two, the students sharing glances when the unlikely pair walked by, and this display - you letting him carry your bagpack, none of the other boys, only him - satisfied him greatly. This was his way of marking his terretory.

When he looked back at you, you looked more serious, in thought. Then, you stopped walking in the middle of the hallway but didn't look at him. He noticed you were chewing on your bottom lip- you didn't know the words to say what you wanted to say. Finally, it broke out of you. "You must think I'm so riddiculous now"

Eren, who was sure that you didn't want the whole hallway to heat this kind of conversation and you surely had everyone's attention, urged you to continue walking gently. "Only a bit riddiculous," he said with a soft little smile and led you outside where you had more privacy. Since you were standing right next to him, he noticed the deep breath you were taking and suddenly remembered the look in your eyes when he'd found you before math class. At the memory, he felt the frustration wash over him for not knowing why you had gotten so panicked and how to make it go away.

When he was just about to ask you about it, you broke the silence, still not looking at him but a little smile tugging at the corner of your lips. "You were awfully quiet this morning"

"You didn't like it?" he replied, only half joking, as he eyed you from the side.

Immediately, you burst out in panic: "No, no, I did! I was just ... surprised, I guess" The shy look in your eyes when you shared a glance plastered a wide grin upon his face and made his heart flutter. Weirdly enough, his grin made you blush and you cursed yourself for getting flustered this easily.

"Well," he said and you looked back at him, or better, up at him. "I figured you'd already missed out on the first half of class so you shouldn't miss the second half, too. After all, we have a class test next week."

Your eyes widened, surprised how considerate he had been- and by the fact that he knew you were writing a class test next week. When you voiced that last thought, he laughed whole-heartedly and you even joined in a little. "You're not going to actually learn for it, I'm sure."

"No," he said. "I know most of the stuff, but if you need help learning..." He had lowered his face so it was only a few inches from yours and wiggled his eyebrows. You pushed him away with a smile, but Eren suddenly stopped and leaned down to your height. You hoped that he just assumed this was your natural skin color by now. "Now, I get to ask a question," he said. "Why the rush?"

A deep sigh left your lips and you hugged your body with your arms without looking at Eren. You felt the urge to tell him, insufferable Eren Jaeger who wasn't as insufferable as you'd thought, about it, but now you felt riddiculous. Finally, you explained: "When I was in middle school - i was new to the class - I was late once to Mr Shadis class. He- I don't know, it's just so dumb, but he kind of scolded me and slandered me in front of the whole class." As you spoke, your voice got higher and rushed. "And, you know, I was kind of sensitive, still am, and I had a bad day and that was just all coming back so I panicked you know? And-"

You fell silent and stared at the ground. You sounded like a total dumbass. What did he think of you now? You felt the tears in your eyes. This was so emberrassing! Humiliated, you avoided his eyes.

"Mr Shadis?" Eren asked, sounding unbothered. "Man, I remember him! That guy really was a pest"

"Yeah?" you asked and looked up at him with wide, glossy eyes.

He smiled back reassuringly. "I still now how he always bullied me in gym class"

"Poor you," you smiled and swallowed the tears as Eren rubbed your back gently.

"You know," he said, "I met him in town recently and he was actually pretty nice- he was propably just not good with kids"

You nodded and sighed a little. Never ever would you have guessed that Eren was this good at comforting, and the arm wrapped around your shoulder made you want to cuddle into this hoodie of his "You're probably right- let's talk about something else before I begin to cry on your hoodie"

"Never thought I'd hear you say that to me," Eren grinned. "It's nice though. By the way, have you looked at your arm yet?"

There it was again; the slight nervousness in his eyes, the fiddling with his hoodie. You shook your head truthfully. "No"

"Well, then do that," Eren said, and before you knew it, he had pressed a kiss on your cheek and had slipped back into the school building. Dumbfounded and blushing again, you looked at the door students walked out of now. They walked past you as you just stood there, not knowing what to do with this. You felt so- good. So weirdly happy that you wanted to hug every single one of them and then Eren. Whatever this weird new thing was- you liked it.

Surpressing a smile, you looked at your arm and your eyes widened. It was full of little drawings, quite simple but really good. You saw a dog, a pen, a braid, a coffe cup and a piece of cake and much more. Amazed by how good he was at this, you ran your fingers over your arm that Eren had turned into a work of art and then noticed the only letters on your arm, in a comic-like font and surrounded by little symbols.

Wanna go out with me?

video girl | hayakawa aki

PAIRING.  aki x fem!reader (established relationship)

LENGTH.  2.5k

NOTES.  mappa aki has me acting unwise……

SYNOPSIS.  aki misses you so much when he’s away for missions, especially when you start sending him suggestive texts on your lunch break. good thing he has a folder full of videos of you stashed away, right?

CONTENT.  18+, pwp, sexting, nudes, filming, exhibitionism (ish), pet names (baby, princess, sweetheart), solo (m) (he watches a vid the two of you made together): creampie, cumshot, ass play, daddy kink, breeding kink (light), multiple orgasms (m + f), begging; flashbacks/references to: oral (m rec), oral (f rec), facial, anal, solo (f), toys; reader wearing a skirt; a touch of codependent aki because i simply luv that for him <3

A/N.  all my love always to my akiwife mystic @uppermocns for a few of the ideas that went into this and for thirsting for this man 24/7 with me!!!!

DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK IF YOU ARE A MINOR. BY CLICKING THE READMORE, YOU CONSENT TO VIEWING THE CONTENT STATED IN THE WARNINGS.

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unwanted lovers

the lovers of the sinner, the thieves of the nation. Caught in despair after hiding their motives behind the ruins of aristocrats , they were now together behind the cells of execution, loving each other in no bounds of life nor death.

diluc x gn!reader

contains (proceed with caution) : major character death, gruesome death, execution. (Heavy angst, comfort/hurt, bad ending)

a/n ; I’m very sleepy these days so enjoy reading this

“diluc..are you sure we’re going to be alright?” , standing behind the cliff, both hands and leg chained up in a huge rocks; standing beyond the other side of the sinners-walls. The cliff was a sharp one, designed to be a punishment for fugitive to regret. But you in the other hand..looked like you didn’t regret anything. Seems like you gone numb and missing, probably dying out of beneficial, but for what exact reason..? Aren’t you going to die? Aren’t you?

The air was in a perfect shape, blowing through the ears of whisper into corruptors mind. It was breezing and perfect, a match for a dead end. The flowers were all a bare minimum, seems as if it was never supposed to grow; Same as how the contradictions between you and diluc relationship.

“we sure are going to be alright…haha”

a simple small affairs of thieves, relationship grew beneath titles. scrawling through the nights of the nations, searching for victims to be devour. Fortune, foods, informations and many more. Dangerous or so, we could talk about it later; after all, privileges of the poor are none to another. Dirts fill the clothes of people with nothing, looking like a lost dog from the leach of their master; it’s how you both look. generally speaking, maybe you both are really perfect from one another. Poor and worthless, messing up the people whom privileges drowns them to exploitation. beneficial for business and public figure, making the knives on both of your throat approach the second you both slaughtered another man.

diluc look so much more than perfect, he is astonishing. Fit more to be a corrupted man instead of a filth whom licks someone toes to be payed. And to live to the fullest, he repayed those who are involved with the corrupted government, by either slaughtering them or just..stealing their granted fortune. It is a job, and to be specific it is a living hell to be in love with your own partner. Loving seems so mature, yet you both found it to be quite bothersome. or maybe that’s just how nature works for someone who grew in an abandoned wilderness. Like how diluc live after his family died, like how you live after you lost everything to the ego’s of the rich.

you both were empty, like you predicted it to be. Diluc was a scum, same as his only eye which felt like a sharpened death. kissing his dry lips as you cried in his chest, embracing the figure of a red-hair thief who ones told you an eternal peace, for the poor we live and for the rich we died, that’s how our life’s work sweetheart. Even if death embarrassed your cheeks, all you wished is for you both to be alive as soon as the worlds ends to be a better place. The smoke of his cigarettes surrounded your cries, it stings the pain of abandonment, like the cries of lovers who only lives to die in the age of glory. although you wouldn’t assume the fact he was a worth of a thousand years of reincarnation, he sure is enough for puppet like you to be pleased.

“still wearing your brother’s eyepatch i see? What’s up with you always wearing it around? You look better without it anyways.”

“he lives in the other ground of the walls, possibly already meeting my father right now. He was beneath 6 feet under the ground anyways, would you like to mourn him?”

“you could just told me he’s dead, Diluc”

“i can’t he’s supposed to be alive after all.”

that’s how you know Diluc’s past, how’d you believe his slaughter and warm to be an abominable crime. As much as you loath those who stick with their family principles, you expect nothing more than Diluc’s ability to keep you both balance from the assumptions of the rich. He is a tool and a lover, even if you fall out of love with him, you could still rely within his power..or so you thought. Fate was cruel, they decided to lend a hand for the inability to be punished by the divine.

You found a comfort at his kisses, it was beautiful. A single line of poet to an old paper, perfection. Never have you though to be deeply in love. dancing like nobody but yourself and diluc himself. Skipping through the laces of fingertips as the mansion burns to the ground, how beautiful the sunset is at the evening; the dust of the corpses which were buried trying it’s best to find the wind, but they were corrupted and only both of you were worth to be despaired. The soul of the worthless, the soul who craves justice for the none; oh god, you both really are in love.

Embracing nothing but him, loving the movement like no one but him, only him, my beloved diluc. The flowers petals which was turned into a thousand of flames are now flying and surrounding the neighborhood. Burning the whole corrupted society was unexpectedly mesmerizing. It seems like it covered the injustice of your action. Burying people underneath their grasp, leaving terrors to the innocent, maybe fairness are really that blind.

The mansion was burned to dust, leaving nothing but bones in the investigation. The fortune you took was nothing, the burns of the screaming neighbors are your daily teases. Diluc found it pleasing that you both are in love once again. Dancing once again. But this time, both of you were chained up in a chamber. Legs full of bruises, cheekbones gone frail, and lips were all drying in horrors. you both are dying in tremors.

Dancing in each other arms, suffering in worth, it’s the last night they thought. The swaying burns of guilt, the loving kisses of embrace, it’s so addicting. Although diluc was hesitant to let go, maybe it’s time to grew on the fact by loving was a cursed from the start. For both of you and diluc. The chains in your legs were rotten, making a deep infection on your ankles. A fatal sources of death and unbalance.

“can we promise something diluc?” , your voice gone hoarse. Trembling and terrified, dying wasn’t so ruthless but seeing diluc suffer was something you wish you could unchange. It’s exhausting to live like no one, maybe diluc felt so too. You were too scared to shed another tears to his chest, anxiety was planting it’s ideology beyond the walls of your mind.

The night was peaceful, maybe the starry sky doesn’t deserve it’s view. Humans are frail, fragile, and too much of a pain to begin with. If you were a god, maybe diluc could be your lover for the rest of your eternal realm. The next life would be fine, just make diluc safe from the grudge of death.

“let us marry each other in the next life, even if it meant for one of us to die again..”

“your wishes is my command, love” , an agreement. He agrees to be in love, whenever the situation is those words would always be kept near. Marriage aren’t that simple to be idealized, but knowing this is your last wish, why not accept the terms? He asked himself.

“you don’t need to be formal like that y’know Diluc, we’re in the same bounds, a fugitive in a prison..”

“well that doesn’t change the fact you’re my lover?” , he replied again. The same silence scowl your emotions to a mess. You really wished you did more than just this, everything. Kissing his lips wasn’t enough, tearing up in his chest wasn’t enough, loving him wasn’t enough and lastly, maybe in the next life your time was too short. can i sacrifice the whole world for you then? So anything that could happened in this state, all of it was for us to met again. I’m too selfish to let go, you are the best thing that universe have fortune to be.

I accept each granted the world has gave, even if it meant for me to die again. Let go of diluc’s hand, let me be the crystalflies Diluc envied; An eternal peace for lovers to reincarnated as. If anything has happened to both of us, let share the burden towards the undeserved. Because in our next life, maybe there wouldn’t be us, just you and another person in chains of eternal love-life.

so whenever i’m lost diluc, intertwined my hands again. And you, whenever you’re lost diluc, love me all over again. Because if this time wasn’t enough, then let us die in each other embrace. Loving you was an intention i never have despises, and as those ancient story told. ‘The once fallen first are the once who fell in love harder.’ I though it was a wise poet, but maybe know i understand, Diluc.

I lost you after you fell to the cliff, i have no regret on loving you. But if time was partial enough for both of us, i rather fall for you without any requited relations with you anymore. Diluc, you’re free. As free as the ocean waves, as free as the guides of the wind, you’re free. I’m sorry for letting you fall away from the range of my life, i’m sorry..

so please Diluc, meet me again sooner or after, i love you.

the pleas for the corpse to hear, here you standing in the cliff alone, waiting for someone to push you apart; to follows Diluc’s path. oh diluc..he look so lonely down’s there..blood all over his head and torso; as he saw you fallen down to his side. Eyes opened in shock, as the knife inside of his stomache rumbles to death. Stings. It stings. He watches the world shutter in his eyes, the eyepatch he use was no longer his brother remnants, it was just a decoration for another corpse to be buried in burden of love. He seems so pathetic in this state, seeing you fallen to his side and couldn’t do nothing but smile.

diluc why am i the only one talking here?

The bloody place you both fallen through was a perfect place for continuation. Trying to slip your head to diluc’s unwary neck, the warm part of his body you couldn’t let go. You heard the whispers of the wind once again, it seems it pitied the living and the dead. Diluc heartbeat was long gone, possibly gone when he smiles at you; for the last time. Diluc was just a body now, your lover have returned to another universe. To another universe you promises him before.

‘in heaven we’ll be free..in heaven we’ll get married diluc.”

the thought of you slowly losing consciousness was better than before. the warm of Diluc’s corpse was starting to fade, same as how your instinct shatter to pieces. The only thing you could see beside the sky was the knife inside his stomach, waiting for it to be freed from the blood of the filth. But your strength was long gone, death already ruins your eyes in despised of being in love. As the ancient tales says in the end of the page, they told the audience a never-ending happy tales, a hope for the lovers to heard at the end. you both are free now..

TAGLIST : @mikachuchu , @zierx @childeluv @urujiako , @chichikoi , @noirkkat , @aphrodicts-imagination , @icecappa

proofread; @mikachuchu (thank you so much wtf mika ily for this /p)

LEON’S ARMS are so muscular and veiny you’re forced to develop an arm kink because just look at them ! during sex, his meaty biceps are your favourite thing to grip on because they’re just so hard to the touch. you figure that leon also enjoys when you stroke your fingernails up and down his arm or dig into his skin as you notice a sexy smirk plaster on his lips. he’d have to be completely brainless not to catch onto your eyes linger at the size of his arms, so he does his part and flexes whenever you grab onto them. sometimes - when leon’s feeling extra and hitting it from behind - he’ll have you rest your back against his chest with a bicep wrapped around your neck. then ever so nicely, he applies pressure; choking you till you’re left breathless and begging for more…