The Fact That Daedra Had To Stop Opening Gates In Black Marsh Because The Argonians Kept Reverse-invading

the fact that daedra had to stop opening gates in black marsh because the argonians kept reverse-invading them is so funny to me it was just like

daedra: we’re invading

argonians: no, we’re invading

When a friend sends this to you, you know youve done something right

Salty Sole Survivor (no context)

A list of some things the SS will say with the sarcastic option, with no context. These double as some pretty wild dialogue prompts.

Just looking for love, sweetheart.

You’re a Synth? I’ve never seen you at the meetings…

Yeah, sure. I’m just rolling in cash.

Well, the mafia wasn’t accepting applications. But I do my best.

Yeah, and I’m the Governor of Massachusetts, too.

Has the, uh, reverse transcriptase survived the nucleotide synthesis?

Yep, all patched up with duct tape and bubblegum.

Yeah, it was a total trash pile. 

The only cat in me is the one I cooked up for dinner last night.

Cool name. Intimidating. 

I’d rather a ticket to anywhere but here.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what language you’re speaking.

Great, now I’m covered in crab guts.

Just two of you? Have you considered a membership drive?

You two have got your work cut out for you.

Oh, were those your guys? I thought they were just trying to throw me a barbeque.

Who are you supposed to be?

To think, the ironworks used to be such a nice place.

You want me to take a knife FROM a gunfight? Oh this is a whole new level of stupid. Even for me.

‘The Wall seems happy with it?’ Oh god.

I woke up, and the world still sucks. Today’s been great. 

I’ve been having too much fun blowing things up to think about it.

Behold! I am immortal!

Neon sign with a heart? You sure he’s not running a brothel?

My favorite ballpark’s become a shantytown. Today’s been great.

Here’s your headline: “Local woman says no.”

It was just me and a thousand guinea pigs. They turned… carnivorous.

Trial by combat. I racked up 30 kills in my day.

Drink. Some. Water. 

Hell, I’d vote for him again.

Why the glum face? I thought random murder was routine around here.

Hey, who hasn’t engaged in a little friendly attempted fratricide in their life

Does it involve a backroom and a handful of singles?

I will NOT be recommending this place to my friends… 

Let’s just say those mutants have a new appreciation for the Dewey Decimal System.

I think I’ve found a drug that even you’d think twice about huffing. 

You wasted good bullets.

Maniacs wielding guns. I feel safer already.

So his addiction is your fault. Nice.

I didn’t want you to have all the fun. 

Just don’t turn into some damn Nuka-Cola hoarder.

Just make sure it goes better than your last job.

Please. You’re not worth my time.

I like these people already. 

Wow. There are no words.

And miss basking in your delightful personality?

Oh no. Gossip. My only weakness.

People are stealing these clothes? Seriously?

Who-Gives-A-Crap Rays.

Picture on milk carton time?

Ah yes. Gossip. My one weakness.

The teams would also beat the spectators to death. That’s how the term “spectator sport” got started.

Ah, yes. Gossip. The noisy killer.

One statue of Diana impression, coming up.

No. I’m Jangles. The Moon Monkey!

A free paper? Sounds like quality. 

If his business card isn’t shaped like a heart, I’m going to be disappointed.

Screaming paper girl says otherwise.

Trouble sticks to me, too. I blame industrial strength epoxy.

Tell me a joke.

This just keeps getting weirder.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, escape death by teabagging the floor! Oh man, I’m dead.

Just showing off the tea bag trick in Outlast. It’s a bit cheap, but it helps. It works in both Outlast, and Whistleblower. It isn’t as effective when it comes to Chris Walker since he typically force grabs you

PSA

theres a new product by verzion called “hum” that allows your parents to track your car and places you go, if your parents are controlling like mine please check under your steering wheel to make sure that they havent installed this

OH SHIT I NEVER EVEN COMPLETE MY WORKS

FYI WE’RE ALL HUGO AWARD NOMINEES NOW, ACT ACCORDINGLY