Talanki - Oops! All Fanfic Recs - Tumblr Blog

Greek and Latin? In my physiology studies?

Every time I see the prefix hemi-, which should stand for half like in hemiparesis, my mind registers the hemi part first like in anemia and thinks ooohhhh blood. This is the mistake that will get me killed one day

Emoting

My favorite thing about consuming fiction is when something happens and it elicits a physical response from me. Sometimes, seeing how others can react so intensely to their media makes me wonder if I'm just detached - But when a scene can make my stomach drop, give me a pang to the chest or actually make me grin, I'm reassured that I'm still human. It's wonderful to know that I care, and not in a passive way. It's wonderful to feel alive.

I love mushroom picking cuz it makes me feel like a hunter. I am like a human radar, and nothing will escape my sights!! After a while tho the scanning gets so strong my mind starts playing tricks on me and I see mushrooms that aren't there

Sincerity

Time and time again over the years, I've contemplated shutting the rest of the world out. Bury my feelings so deeply, I wouldn't even be able to tell they're there. Put on a charade of personality to prevent people from noticing, keep them happy, compliant and uncritical. It'd be safer there. Never again would I have to feel pain.

The resolve never lasts. I can't stop feeling things, and while I may try to express them less, I'm also honest to a fault. When I'm riled up by something, the genius manipulator I dreamt of being shatters in an instant and I either go quiet or wretchedly express myself. I can't lie to people. I can't be something I'm not.

Despite being so expressive, it doesn't apply the same on social media. I didn't care that much what my classmates were up to, and I didn't get much joy out of publishing myself. To this day, the same old song and dance gives me nothing... So I thought this blog would go unused. Clearly, time is proving me wrong - Because recently, I tried shutting myself down again, and I finally realized that no matter how much I wanted to be more on guard from now on, nearly everything I say is still sincere. I'm just sharing less, and the feelings need to come out in some other place. Even now, I can't help but think about if it's unfair of me, to hold on to my bad experience, and it's breaking my resolve further. I'm so guilty that I can't even trust the love of my life to treat me kindly. But I don't want to be dismissed anymore, so I guess venting on Tumblr it is!

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Amendment: As I'm writing this, I've found out I'm not in trouble for missing a couple exercises in college, hit it off a bit with a work mate on a group project, and recieved their contact. I'm... In a lovely mood!! I suppose even if it isn't perfect, this must be one of the benefits of living in sincerity :)

Thoughts about Hanahaki

I don't read much of it, but as a concept, I find Hanahaki beyond fascinating. Emotional pain made physical, the need for love given form.

There's no relief to be found here - it doesn't make the feelings go away, it just makes the body start breaking down too. But oh how appealing is the prospect of being *seen*.

To be made undeniable, and a time limit if nothing changes. You can survive a broken heart, but you may not really live. How liberating is that? Knowing that there's an end?

I think I'd be alright with rejection, so long as I won't be dismissed anymore.