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Smooth Criminal - Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Spencer has been extremely secretive about his girlfriend of the past year, so much so that even Garcia can't find information on her. Till today, and her.... interesting ...past leaves everyone flabbergasted.

Warnings: light swearing

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Spencer’s had a girlfriend.

In fact, he’s had a girlfriend for almost a year at this point and she has not met his friends even once. He was so secretive with this girlfriend that the rest of the BAU couldn’t get any information about her. Not even a name, leaving Garcia in anguish. 

Everyone was dying to know about this mystery girl that has taken up most of the boy genius’ free time. 

And finally, Garcia cracked the code. 

As the team walked down the halls of work towards the exit, all exhausted and ready to go home, Morgan asked if Spencer had needed a ride.

“It’s pretty late to take a taxi,” Morgan had said. Everyone knows Reid barely drives for whatever reason. He frequently took taxis or carpooled.

Reid just shook his head, “It’s fine, thank you.” 

And that was that.

However, Garcia didn’t remember seeing him flag down a taxi. She didn’t remember seeing him walk off into the night.

And so she found herself in front of her computer typing away, already having a feeling as to how Reid left the office. She could get in trouble for this…

If she got caught.

But she won’t, because she’s Penelope Garcia,the most amazing tech analyst to grace the Earth. 

And there it was. 

She watched the camera footage of the parking garage, following Spencer’s movements of the night before, camera to camera. She followed him, until he stopped next to a car, opening the passenger side and getting in.

Then the car drove off.

Someone drove into the parking lot with the intention of picking up Spencer. And she was pretty sure she knew who. Especially because this didn’t seem like a random occurrence. Going back a few weeks (she really needed a hobby it seemed), she found this car would pick Spencer up quite frequently. 

So she tracked the license plate, finally finding the name of this mystery woman. Y/N L/N. And that’s when Garcia fell down the rabbit hole…

That same day, Morgan stood in front of Spencer’s desk, arms crossed with an annoying smirk on his face. He obviously had something to say. 

“Morgan, I feel you hovering,” Spencer muttered, closing the manila folder on his desk and looking up at his colleague. “What is it?”

“So… what are you doing after work? Wanna get some beers?”

“No thanks, I have plans already.”

“Oh, yeah? With who?” 

“With-” Spencer’s eyes narrowed at Morgan in suspicion, “Why are you asking?”

“Answering a question with a question, huh?” Morgan chuckled, “C’mon, Reid, are you going to be with your little girlfriend?” 

“She’s quite tall actually,” 

“You know what I mean,” he turned to walk away, “Have fun with Y/N, pretty boy,” 

“What the f-” Reid gasped as Morgan stalked off, “How do you know her name?!” 

Morgan ignored his question, Rossi coming at him next to bother him. 

Straight from Garcia’s computer-adorned office. 

“A criminal, Reid?” Rossi exclaimed, slapping a file down onto his desk.

“Garcia told you?!” Spencer groaned, head going into his hands. “I can’t have any privacy?”

“Hey, look at me!” Rossi was completely appalled by the information he had found, “You’re an FBI agent! Dating a criminal!”

“Weren’t you a mobster or are we just going to forget that…?” JJ grumbled from her own desk, averting her gaze when Rossi shot her a look. 

Spencer dropped his hands from his face, “Rossi, look-”

“I bet that’s why you’ve been so secretive,” Dave concluded, “Because you knew Garcia would find out about your felon girlfriend. Look, she even gave me printouts,” He gestured to the file he threw onto Spencer’s desk. 

“She did petty crimes,” Spencer scoffed in defense of his girlfriend. 

“She robbed people for sport. Her mother was wealthy. Her father was a cop.” 

“Daughter of a cop, girlfriend of an FBI agent, and a robber? Interesting,” Prentiss joined the interrogation. 

“Where did you come from…” Spencer sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “She didn’t do it for sport. She just… well…”

“She’s a diagnosed kleptomaniac,” Rossi opened the file and pulled out a document of proof, “Now how the hell did you manage to date a kleptomaniac?”

Spencer opened his mouth to answer, but Prentiss answered for him, “They knew each other in high school back in Vegas,” she said, looking through the folder for the information Garcia told her. 

“Yes,” Spencer grumbled, “She was a freshman when I was a senior.”

“When you were twelve?” Rossi deadpanned. 

“Yes,” he repeated, “She actually helped me a lot with bullies.” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “She stole a lot of their things…” 

“And you find that attractive?” Rossi asked. 

“No, I didn’t find anything attractive when I was twelve,” Spencer shot back, “I only knew her for that one year before I graduated and left. We reconnected last year and-”

“Ah, yes, two years after she had to be bailed out of jail for stealing from a gas station.” said Rossi, “Not even a good crime,”

“What would constitute for a good crime?” Prentiss wondered out loud.

“A bank or something.” Rossi replied, “Anyway-”

“I mean she did rob a bank before-” Spencer paused, then clamped his mouth shut. 

Rossi and Prentiss exchanged glances, before making eye contact with JJ as well, who was now interested in the conversation. 

“She what” it didn’t even sound like a question coming out of Rossi’s mouth. 

Spencer quickly went to his girlfriend’s defense, “Not at gunpoint or anything! She just, uh, worked at the bank.”

“Jesus Christ,” Prentiss whistled, “Now this is intriguing,”

“I do not wish to speak about my girlfriend’s crimes anymore,” 

“Well we do,” Rossi grumbled, “So I’m assuming she hasn’t committed any more crimes?”

Spencer’s silence made Dave and Emily’s eyes widen. 

“You’re dating a current criminal-?” Emily began.

“Okay, look,” At this point, Spencer just wanted to leave and see his girlfriend, “Due to suffering from her kleptomania, her desire to steal is uncontrollable. Even when we met, she would constantly steal but return the object without the person knowing. I’ll admit, some of the robberies I’ve been… informed about, seem like they were more for fun, but that’s in the past, yeah?” 

“Yeah…” Emily wasn’t sure she should be convinced. 

“Yeah. Okay, I’m leaving now.” Spencer stood up, eyeing the file in Rossi’s hand, “And can you please get rid of that?”

“Well, can we meet her?” JJ asked from her desk, standing as well, “I didn’t stalk her like everyone else, but I’m still intrigued.”

“Thank you for being normal, JJ,” Spencer sighed, grabbing his bag.

Garcia burst out of her office, a devious look on her face, “Just looked at the cameras… A certain car is here waiting for Reid.” 

Spencer muttered under his breath as he sped off, already hearing footsteps following. He could hear Garcia tell Y/N’s whole life story to the group of Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, and Morgan who rejoined the group. 

“She’s a dancer in a big theatre a few cities over,” Garcia babbled, “They just finished Swan Lake. She Odette and everything! Oh and…”

Jesus Christ. 

“...and the last thing I found was that she used to run a Girls’ Generation blog,” Garcia finished.

“What’s that?” Morgan asked. 

“Girl group. She really likes Jessica, but she left or got kicked out or something. I learned so much girl group lore today.” 

“I also like Jessica’s sister, Krystal. She’s in a different group though,”

The team all froze, heads snapping comically at the same time to the owner of the voice. Y/N, the kleptomaniac that has somehow stolen Spencer Reid’s heart. She was leaning against her fancy car (Rossi pondered if it were stolen). 

“I had a blog for that group too,” she added, grinning at Garcia. She held out her arms, Reid shyly shuffling into her embrace. “But, well, I’d like to not remember either blog,” she whispered a ‘hey baby’ to Spencer, who mumbled something back, clearly embarrassed. 

“Um,” he cleared his throat, “Y/N, this is my team. Well, most of the team. Hotch isn’t here, thank God,” 

Y/N laughed, “They’ve been bothering you, baby? I’m guessing Penelope was the one who found out about me…” she scanned the small group and gestured towards Garcia, “You,” faced the others, “You’re Derek Morgan… Jennifer J… I’m not gonna lie, I can’t pronounce your last name-” JJ raised a brow. “-Emily Prentiss, and David Rossi.” she pointed out each agent before eyeing Garcia again, “You’re not the only stalker.” 

“Can we go now?” Spencer muttered, face already red, “I’m tired,” 

“Yeah, of course,” Y/N nodded. She looked at the team again, “It seems I’ve become a chauffeur, as this princess does not like to drive.” 

“Yeah, I’m gone,” Spencer grumbled, getting into the passenger seat.

“Oh, he so hates us now,” Morgan chuckled. 

Y/N shook her head, “Nah, he loves you guys. Well, as you all know, I’m Y/N,” She held out a hand to shake, politely shaking each member’s hand. “Should get going before said princess gets cranky,” She turned, heading back to the driver’s seat. “Oh yeah, Dave?” she looked over her shoulder and tossed a pair of keys at Rossi, who caught them.

His keys.

“Sorry,” she got into the car and drove off. 

“Kleptomaniac,” he said in awe, “She’s fast.”

“Didn’t even notice,” Emily agreed, watching the car as it created distance. 

“I don’t know how I feel about her,” JJ muttered, biting her lip, “I mean, is my name really that hard to pronounce?”

“Not at all,” said Garcia, “Spell, maybe,” 

_________________________

Once Y/N got back into the car, she noticed Spencer had turned off the music she had playing. “Um, Jessica was speaking,” she said jokingly.

He glanced at her, “Tell Jessica I apologize,” he said dryly. She was sure his team thought he was such a sweetheart, but damn, he gets cranky. Perhaps he saves that specially for her. 

“I’m guessing they saw my… record?”

“Mhm, Garcia made printouts,” 

“Ah, so they know about the bank incident…”

“One of them.”

“It won’t take long for them to find out about the other incidents,” she laughed. 

Spencer groaned, “I’m never going to hear the end of it… Now why did I decide dating a kleptomaniac was okay?”

Y/N just grinned, “Cuz I’m a smooth criminal, huh?” 

“Corny,” he grumbled, but the corners of his lips curled up. 

“Annie are you okay… are you okay…” Y/N trailed off, not knowing the lyrics. 

Spencer giggled like a kid; only she made him feel that way, “I don’t think Michael Jackson would appreciate that cover,”

“I don’t think Jessica would appreciate being silenced,” Y/N reached out, raising the volume of the music a tiny bit.

“Must we always speak of this woman as if we know her personally?” 

“Yes,”

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check out my pinned post for requests :)

240731 JOY

Felix♡ [One Kid's Room 2024] Ep.06 

TAEMIN - ELLE KOREA (2024) [X]

I hate Florida where are all the subby boys why are they hiding

Me: *sees a fic*

the fic: "Dom Felix-"

me: BLURHGHHHHHGHGHHGHG 🤮🤮🤮🤮 

you know who’s amazing? jonghyun. you know who else is amazing? kim jonghyun. you know who else is amazing? jonghyun from shinee. you know who else is amazing? bling bling jonghyun. you know who else is amazing? jjong. you know wh

heavy on sub!taemin

I need more sub!taemin, sub!ten, sub!kai stories so I can sleep better. I'm just telling y'all what my therapist said. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Felix♡ One Kid's Room 2024 Ep.04

Ok but bratty sub male idols...

I'm imagining specifically either Lee Know or Taemin, right. Hear me out...

he's actually really shy during sex, despite how he acts around others. With you, he's a total baby. A bratty baby

degrade him all you want, call him a slut, a whore, he loves that, but call him by his actual name and he'll pout cutely, crossing his arms over his chest and grumbling out "no, I'm Baby,"

He is your baby

Whenever he's feeling needy and you're not saying attention to him he'll he SO BRATTY, doing everything he can do upset you

I mean anything, from touching you while you're trying to focus on work to breaking things, stomping, yelling at you with that little pout on his face, till you've had enough and slap the shit out of him (that's ok tho, that's what he wanted all a long)

But if he's having a bad day and mommy isn't paying attention to him, he'll be all stomping and being snippy with you. If you continue to ignore him he might just tear up, but if you acknowledge him and tell him to knock it off, he'll immediately stop and be all cuddly with you, just wanting some love to make him feel better :(((

So fuck him stupid after so he can't even remember what he's sad about :)

And I know I said there are times where you have to slap the shit out of him, but no, you're still a soft dom, wiping at his tears after each hit, because that's your baby :((

And when it's all said and done, you bring your crying baby into your arms, kissing the remaining tears from his face, reminding him that you love him so much and he'll always be your baby :((

Idk anything about exo but you're telling me this precious baby is the one singing BAMBI?!?!?! Hubba hubba...

✷ lonsdaleite in kobe ♡

taemin during kcon 2024 ♡

gdragon is going down

So everyone is making these quizzes, so,, what kpop boy should you beat up 

*Also, for those who may have difficulty telling: This is satire, and not at all serious. 

chaeyoung ♡ supersonic (240820)

sub!Taemin vs Pet Play

will say he's not interested at first

you'll be confused bc he was he one who brought it up in the first place

so yeah, he was definitely interested

especially bc every time yous get intimate, you call him "kitten" and he LOVES it

so he definitely wanted to try more than that

so one day you come home with a gift and he's all excited bc hey its a gift

he opens it up, gasping when he sees a dark blue collar

he's slow, bless his heart. "are we getting another pet?!"

no

"Wait... it's for me?"

yes

He then notices that his name is on the collar, and he blushes red. "...why?"

you tell him you think he'd look cute with it on, and so he curiously asks you to put it on him

fuck he really likes it

he can't even see what it looks like on him, but just the feeling of it is making him go wild

you even tug at it a bit with a smirk, making him whine

"How about you look at it in the mirror?"

he's running

yeah, he likes it

he stares at his reflection for a bit, gulping deeply. Fuck. He likes it a lot

"how does that make you feel, kitten?"

yeah he's hard as a rock

after that, it escalates

cat ears. he'll wear those if you buy him a pair. And don't get me started on a tail butt plug

A tail attached by the waist is a no, but shove it up his ass and he's happy

breeding kink

big breeding kink

sometimes he wants to fuck you, breed you, like a good kitty

other times he wants to be bred by your dick/ejaculating dildo

he doesn't really care, as long as he gets one or the other

he's a brat too, so put him in a cage when he won't shut the fuck up

make it nice and pretty though

humiliate him too

"wow, you're rubbing against my foot like a little bitch in heat"

yes do that

and when you're all done and satisfied, make sure to give him good aftercare

he loves a bath and a snack after. And ofc cuddles too

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check my pinned post to see what kind of content you might want to request :)

What Has Become of This Platform?

no but tell me why Tumblr lowkey scares me now

Like, I used to have tumblr in middle school and it was ALWAYS mad freaky but coming in now as an adult... I'm FLABBERGASTED by some of the content on here and the fact people ENJOY it

Read smut? okay, cool. Read INCEST smut? EXCUSE ME? Why are we acting like this is NORMAL? Why have I seen SO MUCH of that on my feed?

And why did I stumble across a whole account dedicated to AI nudes of kpop idols? Get help.

Is this insane and disgusting? Yes.

Am I deleting Tumblr and never looking back? No.

I just like to complain.

TAEMIN - Sexy in the Air (Inkigayo, 240825)

The Ephemeral Gaze

Taemin for ELLE Korea (September 2024 Issue)

SEXY IN THE AIR (2024). TAEMIN.

TAEMIN | 'Elle Korea'

Intro/Requests

Masterlist here

Hello, Tumblr, I'm an aspiring writer who needs ✨practice✨ so please feel free to request one shots. I'll write platonic, romantic, and sexual fics (within reason) about members of specific kpop groups, Resident Evil, Criminal Minds, and Alice in Borderland. Here's what I'm willing to do:

KPOP

TWICE

-Nayeon

platonic, romantic (wlw)

-Jeongyeon

platonic, romantic (wlw)

-Momo

platonic, romantic (wlw), smut (dom!momo)(wlw)

-Sana

platonic, romantic (wlw), smut (dom!sana)(wlw)

-Jihyo

platonic, romantic (wlw), smut (dom!jihyo)(wlw)

-Mina

platonic, romantic(wlw)

-Dahyun

platonic, romantic(wlw)

-Tzuyu

platonic, romantic(wlw)

(G)I-DLE

-all members, anything (dom!members)(wlw)

Stray Kids

-Chan

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl)

-Minho

platonic, romantic (boyxgirl), smut (sub!minho)(either afab or gn reader)

-Changbin

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl)

-Hyunjin

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl), smut (sub!Hyunjin)(either afab or gn reader)

-Han

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl)

-Felix

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl), smut (sub!felix)(either afab or gn reader)

-Seungmin

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl)

-Jeongin

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl), smut (sub!jeongin)(either afab or gn reader)

KiOF

all of them, anything (dom!members)(wlw)

BLACKPINK

all of them, anything (dom!members)(wlw)

ITZY

-Yeji

platonic, romantic (wlw), smut (dom!yeji)(wlw)

-Lia

platonic, romantic(wlw)

-Ryujin

platonic, romantic (wlw), smut (dom!ryujin)(wlw)

-Chaeryeong

platonic, romantic(wlw)

-Yuna

platonic, romantic(wlw)

SHINee

-Jonghyun

platonic, romantic(boyxgirl)

-Taemin

platonic, romantic (boyxgirl), smut (sub!taemin)(either afab or gn reader)

Alice in Borderland

-Arisu Ryohei

platonic, romantic (boyxgirl), smut (sub!arisu)(either afab or gn reader)

-Mira Kano

smut (dom!mira)(wlw)

-Chishiya Shuntaro

platonic, romantic

Resident Evil

Leon Kennedy, Jill Valentine(wlw), Carlos Olivera, I'll do anything with them

Criminal Minds

-Spencer Reid

platonic, romantic, smut (sub!spencer)(either afab or gn reader)

Smut Disclaimer: 1, no potty stuff... 2. I find writing Jonghyun smut to be disrespectful, so I will not be doing it.