How Would The Mercs React If They Got Sick? Nothing Serious, Just, Like, A Cold Or Something.

How would the mercs react if they got sick? Nothing serious, just, like, a cold or something.

Demoman:

Likely pretty honest about it. Medic spooks him at times, but he trusts the doctor to at least give him some semblance of a “good” idea on what to do if he gets sick.

Though before he does anything, he likely tries to work through it himself. His ma taught him how to care for himself, so he mostly just needs help setting it all up.

If he gets cold medicine, you have to have a guard on him at all times, because he can and will try to drink, even if he knows they absolutely do not mix.

Engineer:

Assures everyone he’s doing fine. Being the voice of reason and the team mom, he’s sure he’ll work it out on his own and mostly just self-isolate until it’s over.

It’s only until he’s hollering encouragement to Scout on the battlefield that he breaks into a coughing fit, and things go south.

Surprisingly, Scout is the one who ends up volunteering to take care of Engineer. The whiplash it gives the rest of the team is palpable. 

He tries his best to make the soup that Engie always brings the others, not very well, but he makes a genuine attempt.

Eventually he has to ask for help from spy, this dude sacrifices his own ego to help someone and Medic is about ready to check if scout himself is feverish-

Each member of the team eventually gets involved to chip in and help out, and Engie gets better quicker than any of the others. Scout denies that he did anything, but the sentiment stays.

Heavy:

Like Engineer, Heavy assumes he can get away with just shrugging it off and braving through it. He has bigger worries.

Unfortunately, with Medic’s constant doting, it catches on pretty quick that he’s sick, and he gets the angry talk about how he’s contagious and should have told the doctor.

Heavy disappears for a day to Medic’s office, nobody is entirely sure what happened, but he comes back smiling and feeling better, so they don’t question it.

(Medic may or may not have just replaced his lungs entirely)

Medic:

Ludwig here knows full well that he’s sick. He’s the “Do as I say, not as I do” kind of guy that advises the others to come to him when they’re feeling unwell, and then proceeds to cough on others.

Who’s to say he doesn’t do it on purpose? He uses it to his advantage. Someone ticks him off? Cough on them, deal with the consequences later. 

Colds make him sleepier than usual, he’ll be slumped over the main room table with a coffee and looking like death itself, then come back the next day looking spry as ever.

(He may or may not have also just replaced his lungs entirely)

Pyro:

Pyro is a drama queen when they’re sick, because it means they get to cuddle up with their toys and the other mercs and have attention. You’d think that Scout would be the one to do this, but nope, it’s Pyro.

Engie is in their room 24/7 making sure they have hot soup, plenty of things to do, puzzles to solve, the others are almost envious.

Pyro is sad when the extra attention ends, but Engineer assures them that they can visit his workshop whenever.

Scout:

Scout, on the other hand, will come to the respawn room, eyes streaming, nose stuffy, and say to your face “I’m fine, shut up.”

He doesn’t want the others to think he’s weak or think less of him because he managed to get sick, so he tries to hide it from the others until it ends up worse thanks to his attempts to push it away.

Sniper is tasked with bringing him soup and medicine, and Scout refuses to take any of it unless the door is closed and nobody can see him do it. The only reason Sniper gets to even do it is because he doesn’t talk all too much and keeps secrets to himself.

Stubborn.

Sniper:

Nobody really notices he’s sick since his eyes are covered in aviators and his hat shadows his face. Not to mention Snipes tends to blend in with the background, something that can be to his advantage.

Not now, because he’s too shy to really ask anyone for help.

Ends up having a coughing fit and completely missing his targets one day on the field. BLU spy, who was just getting ready to backstab him is just watching like “yo wtf”

He uh, doesn’t want to get sick either, so he just creeps away and alerts the medic before he backstabs them.

Soldier:

Nobody knows how he manages it, but any time he catches a cold, he’ll disappear for a day, and come back good as new.

In reality, he goes and screams at the sickness until it cowers in fear and runs away, then walks back.

Seriously, how does he do it?

Spy:

Not one to really ask for help, Spy mostly takes care of himself. Having been with Scout’s ma meant he has decent experience with caring for the sick, not to mention his constant ventures to other countries. 

Begrudgingly visits Medic to get some cold medicine, and ends up having to knock him out so that he wouldn’t get his lungs replaced.

Never again. He’ll just stick to laying in bed and drinking water.

👀

Hey everybody! As decided in the dontneedadiscord server back at the beginning of December, I’m hosing a TF2 Valentines Week event. This Valentines Week will run from February 8th-14th, 2021 using the hashtag #dontneedavalentine2021. This is a celebration of love: Romantic, familial, and platonic! All ships* are welcome and OCs/Self Inserts are encouraged! 

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @fuckyeahscienceparty​, @squipdop​, @queen-anarchy-666​, and @allthepandasintheworld​ for their collective help with advice and spot art respectively. Thanks to the dontneedadiscord server as well for helping brainstorm prompt ideas!

More info below the cut!

Keep reading

Click the link. This is a threat.

You guys just have to trust me on this one and click here okay?

The mercs going on a road trip? 👀

Arguing over who gets the front seat: Heavy and scout. Heavy needs his space, Scout is childish and wants to be in the front, and Sniper is just standing there like “I’d also like the front seat please my legs dont fit” but nobody listens because he’s Sniper. Eventually the two compromise and Scout ends up in Heavy’s lap. 

Keep Scout occupied, otherwise he’ll start screaming wheels on the bus to annoy the others for the entire. ride. (Or at least until someone tapes his mouth shut, a common occurrence.)

Alternates include: Beer on the wall, tongue twisters, what’s new pussycat...

Crammed into the middle: Demoman, Pyro, Soldier. Pyro is in the very middle and is restless, eventually they fill up the other’s laps with toys and crayon drawings. Soldier is just happy his hand isn’t being cut off at the moment, and Demoman doesn’t mind as long as he has a bottle of scrumpy for the long ride ahead. 

Designated driver: Also Sniper, or Engineer (and on rare occasions miss Pauling herself). Engie can stand being in the back seat for long enough to brave the ride, but he’s still backseat driving from there, calling out directions and making sure nobody does anything dumb to get them pulled over.

Crammed into the back: Medic and Spy. Spy would rather not disclose what he saw during the road trip, but it’s safe to say there was a lot of suspicious, muffled yelling from the body bags he just had to bring along.

I was reading through your work and its great!!! I can't wait to read more! Also while i was reading it i had a thought. Please imagine: spy trying to be a good teammate and carry one of his teammates to bed but he has the muscles of a stickbug and he's struggling so hard

Thank you so much!! That means the world to me haha.

ALSO YES I AGREE. Y’know how Engineer calls Scout “Stringbean”? Spy is a walking beanpole, its genetic.

Despite this, I’d say he’s perfectly capable of hauling around the unconscious or dead. After all, he’s a silent killer and a master of espionage. He uses his appearance to his advantage if he is found out since they’ll underestimate just how dangerous the Spy can be. 

HOWEVER!

Just because Spy can haul things around doesn’t mean he can do it in a manner that is comfortable to the person he’s holding. He just need to be quick to get away. So uh, sleepy merc on the couch, someone like Engie?

Spy is gonna need some help, but from who? Maybe Demo, but he called the lad a drunken wretch earlier that day during battle, so that was a no go. Soldier? Too loud. Scout? Absolutely not. Heavy? No, no. Heavy might wake them up. Certainly not Pyro, and Sniper is out in his van.

Through process of elimination, he begrudgingly has to ask Medic for assistance. Safe to say he’s not happy to have been brought out of an important experiment for something of such unimportance, but he certainly finds it amusing. He agrees to move the sleeping mercenary and in return Spy finally agrees to an annual “checkup” (aka having all of your organs rifled through).

He can be charitable.

Sometimes.

Someone give this man a hug (you’ll get backstabbed, make sure you’re hooked up to respawn first)

Edit: I SWEAR IT BEING ENGIE WAS NOT ON PURPOSE DIRECTLY BEING POSTED RIGHT AFTER YOU AND @pocketsniper IM SORRY

I may or may not have had a bit too much fun with the fake twitter post generators

edit: removed the fake news one bc its an overused joke

Bonus spy: