For That Merc Roadtrip Post, I See Scoatcand Demo As The Ones Asking To Stop Every 20 Min. Granted Demo

For that merc roadtrip post, I see Scoatcand Demo as the ones asking to stop every 20 min. Granted Demo almost has an excuse

Hah, certainly agree with that headcanon! Engineer ends up screaming out of frustration half way through because multiple times they both stopped them just to say they were kidding. 

Starter headcanons!

We’re beginning with some Engie headcanons!

ENGINEER

Despite his profession, Engie is probably the sweetest team member.

Basically the team mom. Everyone loves when he and Pyro are on cooking duty for the week, because you’re guaranteed to have the best barbecued, baked, fried, or buttered foods in your life.

Dell knew from the beginning that Scout and Spy were related. He was shocked when few other members had noticed the fact, and kept it to himself.

Because of this, fatherly instinct kicked in and he treats Scout like he would a son. Scout may not respect his inventions, but Dell knows he won’t hesitate to come talk to him if he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Tell an incorrect fact anywhere in the base, and Engie will BOLT to correct you. This man has what can only be described as a spidey sense. He could be in his workshop with the door closed, you could whisper, on the other side of the base on another floor, and he would just... know.

The best way to get Engineer to sleep is to use this fact to your advantage. Utter a clearly untrue fact in his room, and watch him come running.

As amiable as Engie is, he’s still a mercenary, and a cold blooded killer at that. He’s painfully aware that he appears a friendly face to all, and is basically a child magnet when disguised as a civilian, since he’s required to ditch the glove and hat, but refuses to take off the goggles.

He’s not opposed to telling stories to the brave little ankle biters, or showing off his robotic arm (albeit shyly). But he tries to throw in a good lesson or two, or spook ‘em off after a while with his whole cyborg shtick.

In the end, Engineer just wants to make sure those kids are inspired to get an education, then take a path that ain’t his own.

Imagining the future; a public statement (or rather questioning) about why 39,000 students across the entirety of the United States, all majoring in some form of engineering, cited their inspiration as varying descriptions of a cyborg man who wanted them to share their knowledge to make the world a better place. Occasionally, Dell is approached at bars or random locations by adults and children alike, sheepishly asking if they’re the cyborg man they met when they were little, or that their big brothers and sisters told stories of. All he gives is a knowing smile and a handshake.

Engineer can’t sit still for very long. He’s always tinkering with something or fidgeting with anything that could be used for scrap or built into something else.

An insomniac, Dell has trouble falling asleep at night thanks to his constant urge to work. He won’t rest until he’s finished with his latest idea, or until he passes out from exhaustion.

The other mercs usually have to carry him to his room after a few nights in a row of this behavior, especially if he had an off day on the field because of it. Even then, there’s no guarantee you won’t find him sitting up in his bed, scribbling down his dream inventions before they fade from memory, muttering equations under his breath.

Sews stuffed animals for pyro and any other merc who wants one. Each mercenary has at least one, even spy and scout, since they were given as gifts a long time ago. Scout would never admit it, but he keeps it under his bed and cuddles it when he has a particularly bad nightmare. Spy has it on display on his shelf, perfectly polished. If he gets drunk and emotional, you’ll probably find a sobbing Frenchman wrapped around a big soft plushie on the floor.

The stuffed animals:

Scout: a little white rabbit with black buttons for eyes, and a tiny fitted headset with a mini hat perched on top. It’s velcro.

Spy: a black cat plushie with blue buttoned eyes and checkered overalls. It has a blue bow tie.

Sniper: A green felt and fabric chameleon. Has a lime -> blue -> red satin texture gradient on its tail and large black beads for eyes.

Soldier: Just. An eagle. Photorealistic eagle texture filled with stuffing. He knows.

Engie: Teddy! Cuddles teddy bear. Big bear. Very soft, very good.

Medic: a recreation of Archimedes with large cotton wings. Has a patch of red on its chest and the buttons used for its eyes are a very subtle cherry color, almost unnoticeable unless you see it in good lighting. When not being held at night, you can occasionally catch a glimpse of the birds cuddled up to it in the day, save for Archimedes himself, who keeps trying to fight it.

Heavy: Were you expecting a bear? Nope! It’s a salmon. Being filled with stuffing of course, but has a soft wooden spine linked together by string. Clatters together softly like chimes sometimes when shaken, but if you do you’re getting socked in the face by heavy. The little wooden framework allows it mobility, so that heavy can comfortably hold it during his nightmares without waking up with stiff shoulders.

Demo: a penguin with an eyepatch. About the height of his forearm with a mix of a sort of softer denim texture for the body and polyester for the spots and patterns. Has a red chiffon bow tie attached to it, and the one eye it has is a big white bead to match the accents. Definitely has a tiny scrumpy bottle. Also definitely not haunted. Certainly, without a doubt.

Pyro: The very first was a balloonicorn! A few others were based off of pyros crayon sketches of pyroland, but there’s just too many to describe! Engie can’t get enough of making the little firebug clap their hands in excitement and endearment after a bad day or stormy weather, having gifted them another soft toy for their collection.

But to pyro, Engie is the best stuffed animal of them all. Passing on the battlefield? Hug. Working in the garage? Hug. Underneath a vehicle performing maintenance? Damn right they’re getting under there somehow! Because Engie is the only one who seems to understand what they see, what they say, how they act.

Hey look buddy,

He’s an engineer.

He solves problems.

I may or may not have had a bit too much fun with the fake twitter post generators

edit: removed the fake news one bc its an overused joke

Bonus spy:

Chapter 9 is out!

I misquoted in my heavy x medic post, it was chapter 9 that quoted not 8!! Either way, Ten’s a crowd has been updated!

Read it here!

👀

Hey everybody! As decided in the dontneedadiscord server back at the beginning of December, I’m hosing a TF2 Valentines Week event. This Valentines Week will run from February 8th-14th, 2021 using the hashtag #dontneedavalentine2021. This is a celebration of love: Romantic, familial, and platonic! All ships* are welcome and OCs/Self Inserts are encouraged! 

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @fuckyeahscienceparty​, @squipdop​, @queen-anarchy-666​, and @allthepandasintheworld​ for their collective help with advice and spot art respectively. Thanks to the dontneedadiscord server as well for helping brainstorm prompt ideas!

More info below the cut!

Keep reading

I was reading through your work and its great!!! I can't wait to read more! Also while i was reading it i had a thought. Please imagine: spy trying to be a good teammate and carry one of his teammates to bed but he has the muscles of a stickbug and he's struggling so hard

Thank you so much!! That means the world to me haha.

ALSO YES I AGREE. Y’know how Engineer calls Scout “Stringbean”? Spy is a walking beanpole, its genetic.

Despite this, I’d say he’s perfectly capable of hauling around the unconscious or dead. After all, he’s a silent killer and a master of espionage. He uses his appearance to his advantage if he is found out since they’ll underestimate just how dangerous the Spy can be. 

HOWEVER!

Just because Spy can haul things around doesn’t mean he can do it in a manner that is comfortable to the person he’s holding. He just need to be quick to get away. So uh, sleepy merc on the couch, someone like Engie?

Spy is gonna need some help, but from who? Maybe Demo, but he called the lad a drunken wretch earlier that day during battle, so that was a no go. Soldier? Too loud. Scout? Absolutely not. Heavy? No, no. Heavy might wake them up. Certainly not Pyro, and Sniper is out in his van.

Through process of elimination, he begrudgingly has to ask Medic for assistance. Safe to say he’s not happy to have been brought out of an important experiment for something of such unimportance, but he certainly finds it amusing. He agrees to move the sleeping mercenary and in return Spy finally agrees to an annual “checkup” (aka having all of your organs rifled through).

He can be charitable.

Sometimes.

Someone give this man a hug (you’ll get backstabbed, make sure you’re hooked up to respawn first)

Edit: I SWEAR IT BEING ENGIE WAS NOT ON PURPOSE DIRECTLY BEING POSTED RIGHT AFTER YOU AND @pocketsniper IM SORRY