26 posts
I'm Tired Of Toxic Men Being Romanticized.
I'm tired of toxic men being romanticized.
I'm not going to name characters because
A. This applies to all media (books, video games, movies, comics, TV shows, and music.) I'm calling out the toxic tropes/harmful messages portrayed as a whole. If the shoe fits, it probably does. I'm not writing this with one character in mind. Rather the constant characterization of toxic men bring redeemable and worthy of being romantizied.
B. I don't feel like getting harassed. Some people feel very strongly about their favorite character and that's ok. But it's not ok when people are attacked by fans for trying to look at the character through a media literacy lens. Also people are free to have opinions and hate/dislike a character. I have favorite characters that people hate, are evil, or just vibe with that others don't. As long as we can all be respectful towards the critics and fans, we should be able to create a healthy discussion.
With all that said, I hate the constant romantization of abusive, emotionally distant, dangerous, violent, and assaulting men. It's very common for heterosexual and sometimes gay relationships portrayed in media. It's more common in hetro relationships compared to gay but I rarely see the same kind of troped in media with lesbian relationships. I can think of hundreds problematic Hetero examples, about 10 gay couples, and only a few bad lesbian relationships.
This typically falls on the male love interest. There doesn't seem to be a equivalent rate of toxic portrays on the female love interest.
I'm not against showing toxic relationships as long as they are not romantized. But it seems almost all hot fictional male characters seem to be assholes who have a tragic backstory. From bad boys with daddy issues, to vilians of cosmic proportion, to Mafia bosses, princes, and heirs, everything is a trauma response. He's stalking you? Well he lost his first love so its just him being protective. He's yelling? He grew up in a home where he didn't feel heard. He's hitting you? He didn't mean too, you just annoyed him. He assults you? Oops, you were just so tempting. He couldn't help himself.
As a AFAB person, I find this to be completely horrifying. It's not just in dark romances, it's in all media. These toxic men are constantly being coddled, justified, and protected as "just a fantasy". Well, these fantasies contribute to rape culture, victim blaming, and the normalization of abuse.
When we criticize male authors writing women in a harmful few of the male gaze, it's because we recognize that when young men see women constantly portrayed as submissive, weak, sexual conquests, and in conforming to misogynistic ideals, we understand that this will influence how these young men will treat their future female peers, girlfriends, and wives.
We recognize the constant sexist and sexual objecification of women harms women because it reinforces harmful messages to men about how a woman should act and what to expect when a woman acts out of line.
So why as soon as someone points out how toxic a male character is, it's met with disgust, accusations of being a incell, and anti feminist? Especially when it's a booktok love interest, many object that it's sexist to critize women loved media.
Women deserve to have healthy relationships! Bob and Linda from Bob's Burgers. Philp and Claire from Modern Family. Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99. Why can't we push push these types of relationships more? Where we show how healthy people resolve conflict, how love is supposed to be supported, and especially let's show how men should respect women in relationships.
Young Women viewing these "dark romances" will internalize these harmful messages and this will affect their relationships. If it's normal for most romances to portray men as violent, aggressive, and disrespectful, then young women will accept this as a norm. It harms the plight of women as these stories continue to reinforce harmful misogynistic messages. Women deserve better.
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God will show you what to do next. Just keep praying.
God will show you what to do next. Just keep praying.
I hate Astarion, A Vent Post.
PLEASE SCROLL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FAVORITE CHARATER GET HATED ON.
IF YOU ARE A FAN, FINE. GOOD FOR YOU.
TW: Astarion, all of them.
I hate that this fictional character made big time news.
I hate how everyone just loves him, wants to do right by him, thinks he's such a sweetheart.
I especially hate how much praise his lack luster story gets. There is nothing nuanced about it.
He is a textbook narcissistic bastard. Alot of his bad actions get swept under the rug because of course he's acting like that, he's traumatized.
I'm not expecting the guy to be magically healed by the tadpole. I don't expect him to be all sunshine and rainbows.
He's angry, and he should be. His whole life was taken away from him. He faced so much abuse. And after all of that, of course you've not going to be ok just coming out of that. He's kill or be killed attitude, snarkyness, camp, and antisocial behavior is not the issue I have with this character.
Hell, because he garnered so much attention, I saw one tiktok and thought "understood".
I get why he's popular, he story hits home for alot of people. And a very loud portion finds him hot. I don't see him as all that hot as everyone else does though. Like, he's cute but Wyll, Dammon, and even Gortash are hotter in my opinion. But I also thought Miguel O'Hara was ugly too.
But after looking into the game, how is anyone ok with this character?
I can understand from what I've seen in acts 2 and 3 but act 1? Really?
Forget the whole "He pulled a knife on you" argument, valid due to circumstances for him to to that.
His bite scene is triggering in more ways than one. You wake up to him trying to hurt you and you either kill him, let him bite, or tell him to leave. And he does intend to hurt you. Per his origin story perspective, he wants to know if he could drink against his master's wishes. Playing as a Tav, he'll pull his wet cat eyes performance and say he's starving. But even when you let him bite, he still needs more. He even gets blood drunk after finding a bear. He didn't need you to trust him, he needed you to let him use you.
So you let him bite you as a Tav, you always have to push him off! As a origin Astarion, you roll to stop yourself from draining your companion if you choose so. As a Tav or other origin, you need to push him off. How was anyone able to keep him in their party long enough to see his story? That's a basic disrespect of your character's autonomy. A huge red flag. That's not what you consented too. You shouldn't have to push or fight someone you're supposed to trust off. He didn't care, he just wanted to use you.
Bad or good ending, it's all the same narcissistic tactics. His love is abusive, disingenuous, and parasitic.
What kills me the most is the fact that after going through all that hell, he doesn't just want to kill his master and gain power to feel safe again. He specifically wants to be in Cazador's shoes.
I'm not saying its wrong for him to want power to feel safe, or to be tempted into taking the ritual for himself, or even being bitter about not thinking of the other victims. I am saying it's wrong and gross to want to be your abuser.
It's completely normal and understandable for a survivor to want the false security wealth, power, and prestige can provide. But he wants so much more. He wants slaves, he wants to be a tyrant, and he wants a pretty pet he can use all he wants. He wants to be superior in every evil sense. And that is exactly what happens when he ascends.
Fine then, just don't ascend him.
Even then he has a high chance of leaving the party, cursing you, or fighting you after all you've been through. Even if you kill Cazador without Astarion there, he also has a high chance of leaving once you tell him what you did.
But if you manage to win him over, congrats you "fixed" him. Same reason I hate beauty and the beast, you cannot fix someone. His whole arc is fix him or make him worse. News flash, if a man treats everyone poorly, you will not be treated differently.
I'm sick of feeling like the only afab person who's grossed out by this character. When I say "Gale creeps me out because he's a egotistical frat boy role playing as a nerd.", I'm not alone.
But as soon as I say anything negative about this character, I'm met with petty side comments.
Look, loving problematic characters is fine and all but so should hating them.
If Neil wasn't such a good actor, you'd probably wouldn't love astarion as much. Neil is too good in all of his roles.
I just hate how this clearly evil character gets all his horrible actions justified by truma. Specifically, wanting to be in Cazador's place. He has a superiority complex to a dangerous and scary level. The sense of entitlement is just off putting. To clarify, I find Astarion's entilement to be a tyrant like Cazador disgusting.
My evidence,
Astarion> to place him in a position in such esteem the world will need and offer their necks
Tav> it's sounds like you envy him
Astarion> of course I envy him. Why wouldn't I? The problem with what Cazador has done is that he did it to me. If the time comes and I'm one move ahead of him, I'll take his place before his blood can hit the floor.
....................
Astarion>it seems now I do.
Tav> you should free them. You owe them that.
Astarion> and what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered. Am I not entitled to anything?
So.....
For a guy who's whole story is about losing and finding bodily autonomy after abuse, that's quite disheartening that hear. It's obvious that Sébastien is that darling boy he's was distraught about.
But after seeing all your haunting conquests staring at you, even talking to them right before using them for your own personal gain, you can just kill them? Not feeling bad about sacrificing his "family" is one thing. From what we see of his "siblings", their quite mean to him. I don't blame him for not feeling anything about that. But Sébastien? They locked eyes with the eyes only past lovers hold. Heartless.
Also, while this is arguable about the gur children, he doesn't seem all too upset about them. He treats it like it was his middle school emo phase.
Again, ew. This whole character is ew. What's the nuance? The abused wants to be the abuser?
I get that because there's so much content and so many routes, not everyone will see every option. And to be fair, he does have lovely moments. Especially in act 3 and the whole drow issue. It can really make you feel seen.
It's just shameful that they could have made him power hungry who got more corrupt over time. Instead, they paired all those lovely heart meaning scenes with a monster.
I get he's traumatized, but he is also traumatizing.
Trauma explains but it does not justify.
Astarion had every right to kill Cazador, it would be a sin to let Cazador live. What Astarion does not have the right to do is feel entitled to other people.
He's not entitled to bite whoever he pleases, kill whoever he wants, or sacrifice 7007 souls who he says are innocent.
And please don't get me started on all the many different ways he says, "I know murder is wrong and all but you want what's best for me don't you? Love you. Now if you love me too, let me do the ritual? Babe? Please? Think of all my- our power!"
Look, I have my fair share of fictional men I've fawned over who were evil. I understand the appeal of murder hobos, and how in a controlled environment like fiction, you could love someone like this. We love a good goofball evil villain.
....*ahem*.....(skeletor)....
But to me, there is a line. Astarion crosses the line for me because he's a hypocrite. Yes Tav can make him good. But be honest. You know that is basically cannon that he would have done the ritual a good 80% of the time.
Again, it hurts how a character who's story is meant to sympazie with abuse victims is also a character that doesn't seem to care about those who lost like he did. He's uncaring. Beyond selfish.
His face was plaster everywhere earlier this year, and I fail to see how he's the beloved elf he his. Yes, he has his moments. Perhaps if they had better writers, I would have liked the character. Like show him struggle, to second guess sacrificing those souls. Have him show he has a soul. Give him more time to truly process his emotions.
Great Morning! 🌞 #GodIsGood 🥰
