I Think That My Mother Believes

I think that my mother believes

That the threat of forcing me from home

Will encourage me to engage

Instead it fosters resentment

Why must it still be about you

Do you not realise that children

Are like water ?

Try and push them down into shape

And all you’ll have is a more forceful

Rebellion against your threats

Force me from my nest

Watch as I take flight (or plummet)

Either way I’ll take my leave

Without argument

Pack my bags

Start to travel

I hear the churches in Croyden

Are particularly nice this time of year.

Ticking time

2 hours before I’m no longer alone

So maybe I should act now

You said I shouldn’t be alone

(You’re right) 

Will it come to pass:

My last meal a bowl of plain rice

Our last hug shared at the crossing,

At the tree stump,

At the swing ? 

Ideal hands and heavy minds

I wish I could hold you one last time

(I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you)

But this distance will make it easier

Not deliberately putting space

Just drifting with the currents in my mind

[placeholder for if the person receiving the poem is ok with it being posted]

Unhealthy Isolation/Cutting out the Rotten apple

I need to be Dead or I need to be happy. I will accept no substitutes (except maybe cake) and no inbetweens.

not dying btw, just… disappearing

no more

no more talking

no more texting

no more late night calls

no more six hour conversations

it’s been a fun time

but I love you all too much

to weigh you down