296 posts
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How do I explain
That I have a desperate need
To be held tight and safe
But that I am exhausted
To the point of rotting
And can’t reach out to you
Any more than a twitching finger
On a half extended arm
So if you find
You have a day or two free
Please come, slowly, into my life
And offer whatever life you can spare
Or even just some contact
I would happily spend months
Safely wrapped in your arms
Sacred Trinkets
I meant it when I said:
I carry this with my whenever
I’m facing something difficult
Or even just need a helping hand
This small trinket
Slips into my hand almost on its own
Providing comfort in the memory of you
So if you can’t be there in person
I still have a small shard
Given by the angel of the forest
This little frog
Brings more than I could ever articulate
But I hope this poem
Goes some way to explaining why
I have a little less fear.
I think that my mother believes
That the threat of forcing me from home
Will encourage me to engage
Instead it fosters resentment
Why must it still be about you
Do you not realise that children
Are like water ?
Try and push them down into shape
And all you’ll have is a more forceful
Rebellion against your threats
Force me from my nest
Watch as I take flight (or plummet)
Either way I’ll take my leave
Without argument
Pack my bags
Start to travel
I hear the churches in Croyden
Are particularly nice this time of year.
I think I’m some ways I was born to fight
I know that sounds dramatic so let me explain:
I can't sit still for long
My fists are nearly always clenched
I’m so hard headed
It puts mules to shame
I’m mostly made of thin sticks
Draped in paper
With a wiry strength
Born, apparently, from malnourished muscles
I was born to fight
And I will
But sometimes I just want to cry
In person
Seems the safest way to interact
Texting means a degree of separation
That’s felt all the more keenly now
The miles stretch out like patchwork nerves
Raw distance bloody with words unsaid
I long for the day
That I can call you all home
Either as one house or separate ones
Scared I’ll never see that day
Longing to never see the sunrise
Tonight I’ll hold on
Held safe by promises of another
Another hug
Another joke
Another reason
worth noting my budget is basically nothing.
I figure the “queerest platform on the internet” might have some tips so…
what are some femme clothing basics/essentials for a confused trans woman ?
I figure the “queerest platform on the internet” might have some tips so…
what are some femme clothing basics/essentials for a confused trans woman ?
[placeholder for if the person receiving the poem is ok with it being posted]
Straightjacket safe
In the second place
That doesn’t feel like home
reaching hands/empty palms
Left alone with thoughts
Spiralling down through the mind
I’m so glad/proud you’re taking care of yourself
It still feels like you’re going to leave
I yearned for this solitude
I got what I wanted
I’m not reaching out
I don’t want to be a burden
Or be told to wait till it’s convenient again
You’re all so busy
I’m too impatient to wait for a free moment
So I’ll sit here silence
Screaming into the void
Knowing you’ll hear it
Hoping you’ll ignore it
Everyone leaves eventually
Amontillado.
I just to burn it all down
Set fire to the dresses
Damn the skirts to hell
Wipe off all the makeup
Bury the clanging bell
You told me it was worth it
It all works out in the end
But the only end I see
Is the one where I am dead.
She fought so hard you see
To be who she is
In an uncaring family
That didn’t believe her
I don’t want her struggle
To be in vain
But I can’t see her living like this
Crushed under the pain
So put on those trousers
And the green flannel shirt
You had some fun as her
But maybe now it’s time to
Stop
Go back
And bury her.
Unhealthy Isolation/Cutting out the Rotten apple
not dying btw, just… disappearing
no more
no more talking
no more texting
no more late night calls
no more six hour conversations
it’s been a fun time
but I love you all too much
to weigh you down
no more
no more talking
no more texting
no more late night calls
no more six hour conversations
it’s been a fun time
but I love you all too much
to weigh you down
I need to be Dead or I need to be happy. I will accept no substitutes (except maybe cake) and no inbetweens.
More battle jacket concept art (first time drawing tentacles be nice pls), this would properly go along a hem.
Some sketches of concept art for my battle jacket.
perfect descriptions
Apathetic is such a poignant word
It rolls lazily off the tongue
The “ah” is forced out
Followed reluctantly
By the other syllables
Perfectly encompassing
The weight such an emotion brings
The desire to reach out to heal
Is crushed by the weight of uncaring
So much easier to step off
Than to pick up the phone
So much easier to use the knife
Than to send a message
Wholly apathetic
why do I try so hard to stay in the dark
when they try so hard to bring me to the light
It’s truly a miracle
How good company
Makes the worst day bright with joy
Time flies without pausing
But every second stretches to accommodate
Every smile and joke
That’s the difference between
Solitude and loneliness
How the time passes
Days stretch for years
Lonely homes echo no love
untrue.
somethimes I think damn I really am just a fucking idiot
You will be too raw for some. You will be too loud, too big, too fierce, too quiet, too deep. These are not your people.
S.C. Lourie
Ticking time
2 hours before I’m no longer alone
So maybe I should act now
You said I shouldn’t be alone
(You’re right)
Will it come to pass:
My last meal a bowl of plain rice
Our last hug shared at the crossing,
At the tree stump,
At the swing ?
Ideal hands and heavy minds
I wish I could hold you one last time
(I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you)
But this distance will make it easier
Not deliberately putting space
Just drifting with the currents in my mind