If You Bring Us Food, You Can Get Away With Just About Anything At The Pool, But You Aint Hear It From

If you bring us food, you can get away with just about anything at the pool, but you ain’t hear it from me.

Trick jump? I mean, it looked like a fancy cannon ball to me.

Unscheduled birthday party? Nah, y’all just came in and happened to bring birthday food.

Murder? I ain’t see it.

I was to focused on the pizza y’all brought me on that pool break.

Me to a group of teenage boys: Guys, I ain’t gonna tell you again to stop running.

Teenage boy 1: Uh, I’m a lifeguard too, I know what I’m doing

Me: Okay so when you crack your head open on the edge of the pool from slipping, you gon clean it all up then?

Teenage boy 1: *rolls eyes but remains silent*

Me (inwardly): *that’s what I fuckin thought b*

Anyone can help!

(Real pen the last picture)

It is important for EVERYONE to know how to help ANYONE. Not everyone can give them selves their medicine under every circumstance. Be educated, help out.

In the last year, i have gotten about five new violent allergies from foods i used to be able to eat. Next time i eat a fruit, my throat could close. I may not be able to inject myself. My boyfriend and i played with my trainer pen for like 30 minutes. He knows how to inject it. I know how. This is important.

It is our duty as feminists to protect and respect women in Hijabs

No I will not ‘watch your kids for just a minute while you run off and go somewhere else’. Y’all ain’t paying me extra for babysitting while I’m working.

‘But you’d be watching them anyway! It’s just for 5 minutes!’ I’m watching everyone. And let’s say your kid, in the ‘5 minutes’ you’re gone has a seizure/heat stroke/faints/has any medical emergency. We need you there to supply us with information. Is your child allergic to any thing? Do they have medication to take? Is there an epipen to use? Where do they live? How old are they? Who’s going with them to the E.R (if something really bad happened)?

And let’s not forget that if I take my attention off of any of the patrons at my pool for even 2 minutes someone will break a rule. That’s not me being dramatic. It’s a fact. If I don’t call someone out for running/doing a trick jump/shooting someone in the face with a water gun, they’re gonna keep doing it until someone gets hurt.

So, no. I’m not watching your kid and your kid alone, for ‘just 5 minutes’. This hat says ‘lifeguard’ not ‘baby sitter’.

Parent: How many lives have you saved?

Me: Human or Bee?