I Would Like To Say

i would like to say

that i've forgiven you,

that i've moved on and

i don't even think about you,

but i try not to lie in my poems,

so i will be as honest as i can.

the truth is i am still

mad at you for leaving.

the truth is i don't even care

because i miss you so much,

it still feels like

a piece of me is missing.

yes, even after all these years.

please come back.

how is that for grief?

i am here, begging as usual.

i never really move on from here.

please come back.

i still remember your favorite color

and your favorite bands

and what your hugs feel like.

i remember how you used to

hide bouncy balls for me to find

with little clues,

like a treasure hunt,

because you knew i collected them

and they made me happy.

i remember when we used to

make each other happy.

please come back.

i miss you more than

i am angry with you.

i still listen to

your favorite songs.

i kept all of the bouncy balls.

-mars

figuring out some warriors ocs, putting some ideas under the cut

note for this clan, they follow a very strict interpretation of starclan's will. the clan is basically one giant family, but the smaller bloodlines are always fighting for power. warriors are expected to reproduce with outsiders and claim the kits for the clan.

outsiders are barred from joining the clan, and the kits of a warrior and an outsider are only allowed to join when they are young; a kit who is not brought into the clan in time is considered tainted.

in this family tree, from top row to bottom row, left to right, we have lizard's father, lizard's mother, lizard's mate, lizard, nightstar, brackenleaf, and oakfeather.

lizard's father (name undecided): lizard and nightstar's clan father, brackenleaf and oakfeather's grandfather.

could not care less about lizard's mother, he got with her only to preserve his bloodline.

hugely disappointed by and very controlling of lizard.

thrilled by nightstar's accomplishments (becoming clan leader), his son can do little wrong in his eys.

absolutely hates brackenleaf and pretends he doesn't exist.

annoyed by oakfeather, thinks he isn't living up to his potential.

lizard's mother (name undecided): lizard and nightstar's outsider mother, brackenleaf and oakfeather's grandmother.

was fascinated by lizard's father when she met him, but as she got to know him, she grew repulsed by his personality. unfortunately, she was already expecting his kits. she was more than happy to give him the kits and get him out of her life.

has no relationship with lizard and nightstar, as is typical of outsider parents (outsider parents are typically no more than donors for a clan parent).

lizard's mate (name undecided): lizard's outsider mate, brackenleaf and oakfeather's outsider father.

completely enamored with lizard. he enjoys her company and wishes to see her again.

he hopes to meet his and lizard's kits some day, which is atypical for an outsider parent.

lizard___ (suffix undecided): nightstar's sister, brackenleaf and oakfeather's clan mother.

resents her father, and yet obeys him unquestioningly, still hoping she can earn his love.

really liked her mate. he was sweet and caring, and she saw him often, and both of her litters were sired by him. (the clan demands warriors to reproduce with outsiders without forming attachments to them, so having kits with the same outsider more than once is very unusual). but bending the rules makes her uncomfortable, and she quit meeting him. he still waits for her.

she and nightstar care for each other, but their relationship is strained by her conflict with their father.

lizard is fairly quiet and distant from both brackenleaf and oakfeather.

nightstar (warrior name undecided): lizard's brother.

nightstar truly loves his father and basks in his attention.

he cares about lizard, but he hates getting caught between her and their father.

he likes both of lizard's sons, but dotes on brackenleaf, his obvious favorite.

brackenleaf: lizard's older son, the clan's healer with an "exceptional" connection to starclan.

he and his grandfather hate each other. they avoid one another at all costs.

lizard is fairly distant from him. he is not really affected by this.

he thinks nightstar is a little annoying and overbearing, but cares about his uncle more than he says or shows.

same with oakfeather- brackenleaf thinks his younger brother is annoying and embarrassing, but does really care about him.

oakfeather: lizard's younger son.

annoyed by his grandfather, wishes he would stop ordering him around. he is responsible for taking care of his grandfather though, and he carries out this duty.

wishes he was closer to lizard and struggles to understand her.

he and nightstar are friendly enough, but oakfeather is well aware that brackenleaf is their uncle's favorite.

when he was younger, he idolized his older brother. constantly getting put down and pushed away has strained the way he sees brackenleaf, but he still wishes he could be as cool and confident as brackenleaf seems.

open.substack.com

Thinking of Us

Crestfallen at the news, Is that whom you’ve chosen?

"Thinking of Us," by Leshay Holmes

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Spiraling

The seasons are changing, My mind is simply racing, Winter’s frost has melted, My heart is pacing, April showers have flooded, My sense of s

"Spiraling," by Leshay Holmes.

Sisterhood.

inspired by this scene

Sheep-chan in "Human" and Demon mode.