Got Called A Piece Of Shit This Mornin' Because Of The Coin Shortage. There Are So Many Times That I

Got called a piece of shit this mornin' because of the coin shortage. There are so many times that I get mad at myself for not bein' a more peaceful person. I WANT to love people and be kind and all that other crap but nearly everyday I'm reminded that the majority of people are just selfish, rude, and vile.

I'm doin' that procrastination thing. I know I need a shower and I know I'll love it once I'm in there but my phone's at 23% so I'll stand here naked in the bathroom watchin' youtube til my legs fall asleep.

It's funny how I can be suicidal one night and discussin' the hilariousness of Gravity Falls with a fellow grown up the next.

Had a fabulous convo with my cousin earlier. Music, books, movies, our shared love tchotchkes... At one point he nearly killed me. I was askin' him if he liked gospel music. We were raised similarly, even tho he's got a good 10 years on me and he said "not really". I told him that despite my general lack of faith, I still seek out gospel music from time to time. He said I was gettin' in touch with my whiteness and I nearly spit out my beer. I found it hilarious because I hadn't noticed it myself but he was so goddamn right. Why, just recently I texted Mama amd asked her if Ricky Van Shelton had done a version of Old Rugged Cross and my cousin helped me realize that, without question, that is the whitest conversation I've ever had. And I've met the lead singer of Pantera so...

Splurged on my favorite beer. Sometimes that's all it takes to improve one's mood.

Yesterday was rough. I used to work 10 hour days all the time but it's different now.

I've been awake since...early? I don't fuckin' know, man. Time is a man-made construct anyway. Who cares? Point is: I had a sexy gay dream that was realistic and awesome. Some hunky borderline goth dude wanted to do stuff with me and I hate that I had to wake up and end the fun.

It's just after 10 and I'm already 5 beers in.

I'm a poet and I...didn't even realize it.

I finally watched that big brother documentary on hulu. I've been a Jackass fan since day one but seein' that shit made me nostalgic for somethin' that was before my time. Also, docs like that remind me that I gave up on my dream of goin' to film school. I talked about it before on my old blog before I deleted so there's no point in goin' down that road again. I just bum myself out from time to time. I'd love to make movies or docs but I just don't have the drive anymore.

Christ, if we ever perfect time travel...

I get myself so worked up over things. I was talkin' with Broke about this the other night. Like, I'll read an "article" with some click baity title like "EVERYONE FURIOUS AT ADELE FOR BRAIDING HER HAIR!" but then I'll do some quick investigatin' on my own and discover that what "they" call outrage is actually a dozen or twelve people commentin' about people gettin' mad about somethin' that only three or four people are actually mad about. Manufactured rage. This mornin' it was this bullshit about how Ellen made fun of Sofia Vergara's accent. Sofia finally spoke up and was like "it's not a big deal, I was in on the joke" but, of course, that's not good enough for everyone. Funniest part to me is Chelsea Handler did a bit on her show about Sofia's accent too but no one seems to give a shit about that.

This Britney Spears thing is gettin' scary, man.

Brb gettin' fitted for my tin foil hat and grabbin' another beer 'cause it's my fuckin' day off and I need to blow off some steam.

Broke as fuck. Think I shoulda gone with green beans instead of peas but it's still pretty damn good.

No money means no beer for the next couplea days. That'll be interestin'.