15x20 Carry On Coda.

15x20 Carry On Coda.

The Impala races on, the road endless in front of him.

Dean feels at peace. Sort of.

There’s a certain acceptance, knowing that this time Sam will listen. Because he will. Dean knows it to his core. Knows it from the way Sam let him go. There’s no coming back this time. Heaven is his highway, ready to roam.

But something is missing.

Cas helped. Bobby’s words ring in his ear, and he hadn’t let himself think about what that meant at the time, but now it’s just him and the road and it’s all he can think about.

He closes his eyes, just for a moment. It’s not like he can die. He’s in Heaven after all.

He opens his eyes, and the surroundings have changed. The highway becomes a dirt road, to a familiar looking barn.

Dean knows Castiel will be waiting for him inside, and he’s surprised that he doesn’t feel the urge to stumble over his own feet in his haste to get there. He and Cas, they’ve got all the time in the world.

He pushes the barn door open, and green meets blue.

And the thing is, Dean knew he’d let Castiel down. He should have said something, anything, instead of letting him die in silence. Die without knowing what he meant, to both of them, but also to just Dean.

“I love you,” he says, and it’s somehow the easiest thing in the world.

And Castiel’s eyes crinkle, and his smile is all gummy, and Dean just reaches for him, falling into a kiss that has been overdue for so long.

*

They grow old together.

Not that either of them age, but here Dean’s life is as endless as Castiel’s is.

They never leave each other’s side, but they visit everyone together. Mary, John, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Kevin. Charlie arrives later, and so does Jody and Donna. Dean spends a moment of regret for the friends he’ll never get to see again, like Benny.

But Cas takes his hand, and he thinks Benny would be proud of where he ended up.

One morning, he heads downstairs from the semi-detached house they’ve made their home, and Castiel is smiling at him.

“What’s up?” He asks, but somehow he already knows.

“Sam,” Castiel states simply, and holds out the keys to the Impala. “He’ll be here soon.”

Dean steps forward, momentarily ignoring the keys so he can run his fingers over Castiel’s stubbled cheek. “You’re not coming?”

Castiel smiles and shakes his head, and Dean knows that he’s giving him this moment alone with his brother.

He takes the keys, and drives.

Alright fellas, how we feeling?

People are applauding the finale for having Sam and Dean finally break their codependency and live their own lives (in Sam’s case, at least). But it happened because Dean died. The show shunned all the personal growth Sam and Dean have experienced and instead said the only way to break that codependency is  through death.

Same as how 15x18 reinforced that the only way for Cas to have value was by continuing to sacrifice himself for the Winchesters. Both of these endings played into horribly warped perceptions that these characters had, which felt hugely regressive.

Here’s the thing—

If I hadn’t gotten 15.18, then this wouldn’t hurt so much. I would have said “lmao, spn has always been trash” and I would have been pissed but unsurprised.

But for two beautiful weeks I really dreamed that this show could be MORE. That it really could deliver something beautiful, like a canon reciprocated love story, like seeing people get to enjoy their lives, like seeing pain and suffering rewarded.

And then tonight spat on all of that.

I’m not sad. I’m furious.

Misha just said that he teared up watching 15.18

I think it’s funny that if Jack really did resurrect Cas around the same time he brought everyone else back and he is just a normal angel who can come and go from heaven as he pleases that means Cas was resurrected and was like “huh. Did not plan on dealing with the consequences of my actions.” And has been nervously avoiding Dean and trying to hype himself up to see him again. And then he died and Cas is like fuck fuck fuck he’s here FUCK.