The Buried Feeling Reminded Her Of Jean. How Much She Loved Her, But Always Keeping That Hidden, Even

The buried feeling reminded her of Jean. How much she loved her, but always keeping that hidden, even to a point of disguising those feelings in the form of providing the support to not only her squadron, but to others that weren’t even related to her missions. All for her, never for herself. She’ll never see her smile, or her vibrant red hair. Never telling her how strong she was, or how kind she was.

All that time she never told her how she felt. And now she’s dead and now Shima’s forever burdened with them. 

“Even though it may seem easier, it’s not. Take it from someone who constantly helped someone so different from her, that it was only because she had feelings for them. But she never told them because not only was she scared, that person ended up dying without ever knowing. It eats you up and kills you slowly until there’s nothing left.”

“Do you ever think that what happened at the Hammer of Dawn was a culmination of that?”

She’s told him about Jean but never to an extent like this, and this whole venture as the Magpie is part-culmination, part-determination to never let this happen to anyone else

“But I think instead of letting it eat you up, you decided that was enough, and you told someone like me. Doing this now and telling me, is a  good step if anything. To have had enough of hiding it.”

“With my experiences, I don’t know how to fix anything. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. At least not by yourself,” She offers, reaching out to place a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

I got a new laptop today and holy hell it makes a big difference in lag. So I spent the day drawing!! These two became the result! The first one is of Dana with her wings reference and with her scars. Her tattoos are included as well (Her tattoos seem to change every time. The main ones are her eye and arm. She lost the two in an incident and as a result of being bonded to her father’s shadow. She’s got shadow prosthetics for her eye and her arm now. The scars are healed as a result of the shadow’s presence in her body but the eye and arm remains. 

The second one is of Dana’s emotional support dog/ hellhound Lucie (short for Lucifer) in an imagined human form. Also imagined as a Prince(ss) of Hell. Not sure what domain she’d rule but I think she’d be badass ruling it. Look at her dress that’s a queen right there.

Tagging @multitudescontained because of our developed concept about Hell and our chats eventually led to the creation of Lucie. Turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me.

 Also tagging @warrioroflondonbelow cause not only did I want to show your her tattoos and eye scarring but also her wings. Cause even though Richard doesn’t know she has wings doesn’t mean you should. (and BOI am I looking forward to seeing his face when he finds out, among other things XD)

“I used to be scared. But then I realized ghosts used to be people that died, so I started feeling sad for them,” She answered.

“I did have one follow me for a while though, so it was hard not to believe in them.”

She listens to his story. As she does, her expression changed from solemnness to that of subtle shock and horror. 

“That terrible thing Fahz mentioned. This was it, wasn’t it?” She softly asked. The cup she held in her left hand started crack as she held onto it tighter. There was anger, knowing all of this now. So many questions swirl around her mind, most of them equating to ‘why’.

At the end of it all, it always equated to human error and emotion. Something no one has no control over.

She remembered what she said at Fahz, that whatever terrible thing, she would make sure he earned her trust all over it and that he would have to tell her on his own time. And this was the time. Setting the cup aside, her expressions softened as she asked him.

“How long... would you have kept this buried deep down? How long would have allowed this to eat you up knowing this.”

“I have to tell you what happened at Settlement 2. I kept it secret from Del and Kait and… look where that got me.”

“I was running a squad of Deebees, trying to keep the peace. There was a protest. It started out peaceful, but then they started throwing firebombs. I panicked, and… ordered my Deebees to open fire. By the time I reined them back in, Fahz’s squad had opened fire, too.”

“People died. Because of me. That’s what happened, why Del and Kait hate me now. Not to mention the Hammer incident at the evacuation before my coma…”